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{{trope}}
[[File:
{{quote|''"When a man and a woman are in love, or very drunk, they..."''
|'''Stan Smith''', ''[[American Dad]]''}}
A conversation, usually between parent and child, about sex. May be occasioned by the question, "Where do babies come from?"
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Occurs in two types.
# '''A humorous conversation''' in which the child proves to be far more versed in the subject than his/her parent, having already learned the Facts of Life from school, friends, and media. May end with the fascinated parents taking notes or interjecting "You can ''do'' that?" This subversion is common enough that it has become [[From the Mouths of Babes|a trope in itself]] (which makes this a [[Dead Horse Trope]]).
Most often found in [[Teen Drama|teen dramas]] but also [[Played for Laughs]] in comedies.
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Compare [[This and That]].
{{noreallife|we'd be here all day.}}
{{examples}}
==
=== [[Advertising]] ===
* There was a Swedish ice cream manufacturer (whose trick was the fact that they drove up to your driveway, selling ice cream to the whole neighborhood) whose commercial showed a young boy a condom to his father and asking what it was and the father trying to figure out what to tell his son, only to be interrupted by the [[Ear Worm|insane, yet addictive jingle that tells us that the ice cream truck is about]], and then distracting the kid by offering him ice cream. Cut to the kid eating ice cream in front of the ice cream truck and showing the condom to another kid who ''also'' had a condom.
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* A PSA had a thirteen-year-old boy come home from school, only to find that his dad had set up a diagram to talk about sex. Dad gives the kid a choice: talk about drugs, or talk about sex. They decide to talk about drugs.
* There is a really funny car ad in New Zealand, where a boy asks his father where he came from. The father then proceeds to explain to the son (with music playing on top of his words) while driving, with the help of [[Freud Was Right|visual innuendo]] and gestures. At the end... well, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0YV_Y7zFSU see for yourself]. Completely safe for work, we promise!
=== [[Anime]] and [[Manga]] ===
* In the anime ''[[Azumanga Daioh]]'', Tomo asks a drunken Kurosawa-sensei to explain it, which she does. We don't hear any dialogue, but are treated to the girls' reactions as their faces steadily become redder (with the exception of little Chiyo, who is clueless) and some odd arm movements (Nothing explicit, just... odd).
** What makes it ''hilarious'' is the [[Relax-O-Vision]] (and music) accompanying the scene, and then, when Nyamo is sober again the next morning, [[Hilarity Ensues|Chiyo asks some questions.]] Watch the whole scene [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VY8L_apFieE#t=1m20s here].
* In ''[[Full Metal Panic!]]: Fumoffu'', Kaname gives a sort of similar talk to Sousuke (though it was more explaining what "flirting" and "picking up women" was). No dialogue is heard, and his reaction is to turn deathly pale and break out into cold sweat, stammering that he "can't do that." Lord knows what his reaction would be should anyone ever give him
** "Listen up! Flirting is... (fast forward mode)When a guy talks to a girl he doesn't know in the city or a store to invite them to hang around with them. The trick is to smile often, and show that you are a cheerful guy. If the girl agrees to come along, you can take her to a cafe or anywhere else you want. Entertain her plenty, smile constantly, and bring up conversations that modern girls would enjoy talking about. And be sure to include some moderate amount of compliments in between. And you have to pay the bill. In short, just act like Kurz-kun." At which point Sousuke realizes he's in waaay over his head... (The dialogue has been Transcribed by intensive use of freeze-frame on a subtitled version of that episode. I can only say that the beginning and the part about Kurz at the end are correct, since they are perfectly audible in the original Japanese as well...)
* Surprisingly enough, a similar phenomenon comes up in, of all things, ''[[Street Fighter]] Alpha''. Shun has spent the first parts of the movie talking about how his mother sent him to find Ryu, but Ken notices something.
{{quote|'''Ken''': Hey, yeah! What about daddy? You can't have a baby without daddy! It's easy! You just have to-- ''(Ryu covers his mouth.)''}}
=== [[Fan Works]] ===
* There's a ''[[Star Trek (film)|Star Trek XI]]'' fic [http://community.livejournal.com/st_xi_kink/8314.html?thread=23814266#t23814266 here,] written for that fandom's [[Kink Meme]] where for family reasons Chekov had never been given the Talk, and the bridge team decides to rectify this. Unfortunately, rather than selecting one person to do this, almost all of them decide to chime in on it independently. Spock uses diagrams. Bones uses the [[Scare'Em Straight]] method.
** There was a hilarious one in which Spock is mailed a pamphlet called "[[Mate or Die|Pon Farr]] and you."
* A particularly funny ''[[Naruto]]'' fanfic had Naruto going around and asking all the adults in the village what sex is and keeping a journal of the info he gets as they all either brush him off or give him lewd advice. "NEVER GO INTO ANKO'S HOUSE! She has a bunch of weird equipment and she's hard to get away from when she gets her clothes off."
** ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20200328061638/https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3313914/1/ Fetish? What's A Fetish?]'', a hilarious story about Naruto and Sasuke (Not like that, pervs) finding out all about sex and fetishes. And I do mean all, [[Sqee]] and [[Squick]] included. It's funny, but can also be serious when the author feels the need.
** ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3064884/1/The_Mating_Frenzy The Mating Frenzy]'' has Tsunade order Kakashi, Asuma, Gai and Kurenai to "go wherever and explain to [their respective teams] the facts of life". [[Hilarity Ensues]]:
*** Kakashi's way: Using Icha Icha Paradise.
*** Gai's way: Using "euphemism-filled poetry and interpretive dancing".
*** Asuma's way: "Here's a porno video. There's the TV. I'll be back in an hour¦"
*** Kurenai's way: Kiba using Akamaru's "special friend" to [[Brain Bleach|"demonstrate"]].
* There's a very funny fan fic called ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20120413235824/http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2759/1/The_Talk The Talk]''. Batman, Nightwing, and Superman joined together to give the talk to Robin (Tim). They gave a special type of superhero talk that involves body armor.
* A fanfic for ''[[Tales of Symphonia]]'' where the group is in Tethe'alla. [[The Messiah|Colette]] asks the OC about something that [[Handsome Lech|Zelos]] did that involved a girl. Said OC completely freaks out and tells Colette to ask Regal, who in turn gets flustered and doesn't say anything. The next day Colette says that she found the Wonder Chef, who, when asked about sex, proceeded to tell it all to Colette. In detail. Including information about fetishes and erectile dysfunction. She blushes in the presence of Zelos and can't even hear the word 'wood' without freaking out.
* ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20120414155627/http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5772667/1/Nuts_and_Bolts Nuts And Bolts]'' featured [[Iron Man|Tony Stark]] giving the talk to his son. He was reluctant at first since he really didn't see the reason why.
{{quote|Pepper: Now, are you going to talk to him?
Tony: Nope.
Pepper: To-ny! Why not? How did you find out about all this?
Tony: Experimentation, and [[Casanova|look how I turned out!]] }}
* Variations on Murdoc giving Noodle The Talk are almost a [[Running Gag]] in [[Gorillaz]] fandom. [http://chelonianmobile.deviantart.com/favourites/#/dotfwp An amusing example] (worksafe fanart).
* A few ''[[Tangled]]'' fanfics have sprung up which involve [[The Ingenue|Rapunzel]] learning the finer points of romance and sex, including [https://web.archive.org/web/20130605110307/http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6540988/1/What_You_Dont_Know What You Don't Know].
* ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3464211/1/Litany Litany]'' has two examples. First, there is Batman calling Robin once he hears he dates Star. At the end of the chapter (we never actually hear the dialogue):
{{quote|Robin buried his face in his hands, embarrassed beyond belief.
"I still do not understand, man of bats. Please, tell me once more about these 'birds' and 'bees,' and why they are of such vital importance to Robin and myself." Starfire somehow managed to procure a pen and pad of paper. "Perhaps I should take notes, this time." }}
** The end of the fic is Mento calling Beast Boy, seeing him and Raven kissing, and saying "You see, when a, um… half-demon… uh, tolerates a, uh… changeling… very much…"
* In ''[[The Legend of Spyro: A New Dawn|The Legend Of Spyro: A New Dawn]]'', Sparx reveals his dad had The Talk with him before he left home. He promptly changes the subject because he doesn't want to talk about it. Volteer and Cyril give a rather tame one to Cynder as well. Volteer was about to give a much more...detailed version by Cyril cut him off.
* In ''[[Kitsune on Campus]]'', {{spoiler|Naruto}} is forced to give one to class 3-A as a punishment for {{spoiler|painting entire campus orange}}. He is less than pleased.
* The ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic]]'' fanfic [http://www.fimfiction.net/story/1983/The-Birds-and-the-Bees The Birds and the Bees] has the Cutie Mark Crusaders getting into hilarious shenanigans as they try to figure out where foals come from, and repeatedly get the wrong idea from asking the Mane Six.
* For ''[[Axis Powers Hetalia]]'', Sealand gets an incredibly awkward and incomplete version of the talk from Sweden and Finland after accidentally walking in on them in [https://web.archive.org/web/20120422085947/http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7870821/1/Why_is_Mama_Moaning 'Why Is Mama Moaning?'].
* When Summer Rose misinterprets a comment by a fifteen-year-old Emerald Ashari (formerly Emerald Sustrai) in the ''[[RWBY]]'' [[Peggy Sue]] fic ''[[Relic of the Future]]'' by "Coeur Al'Aran", she takes it upon herself to give her The Talk that her father (the [[Time Travel]]led Jaune Arc, now Jaune Ashari) has ''obviously'' not given her. In the next scene a traumatized Summer acknowledges that Emerald knows more about the ''mechanics'' of sex than any fifteen-year-old ought to, and having learned it all as a street kid in the context of rape, abuse and abandonment has left her ignorant of the very existence of anything to do with love and other romantic feelings.
==== ''[[Harry Potter]]''
* An old (and much [[Better Than It Sounds]]) ''[[Harry Potter]]'' [[Fan Fiction]] entitled ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20040831143621/http://www.fanfiction.net/s/288735/1/ Plugs and Outlets]'' featured Arthur Weasley explaining the facts of life to Ron in terms of the titular [[Muggle]] technology. The mostly hilarious sequel ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20041020042548/http://www.fanfiction.net/s/340495/1/ Quills and Ink Bottles]'' is the same principle applied to Molly Weasley telling Ginny about the facts of life, and the trilogy is completed with ''[
** There is a [[Harry Potter]] [
** There are several good HP ones of Snape having to teach Sex Ed to Hogwarts students. [https://web.archive.org/web/20110809100223/http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1205523/1/ Example].
** There's one where Ron and Hermione are caught snogging by Ron's entire family, and all of the older Weasley men attempt to have The Talk with Ron, most hilariously the twins, who are armed with Muggle porn.
* Quite possibly the best ''[[Harry Potter]]'' Talk is from ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20131013162626/http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5435295/1/The_Bonds_of_Blood The Bonds of Blood]''.
{{quote|'''Sirius:''' Know what sex is?
'''Harry:''' Er, mostly.
'''Sirius:''' Do it before you're sixteen and I'll kick your ass.
'''Harry:''' Oh, okay. }}
* There is a hilarious ''[[Harry Potter]]'' fanfic in which Sirius was asked to give Harry a talk (about a certain
* The [[Harry Potter]] fanfic ''[[The Shoebox Project]]'' had a chapter that touched on this in which each of the Marauders is given The Talk by each of their parents and, in Sirius' case, James' parents. While James' dad hems and haws his way through it all, James' mother plays it painfully straight:
{{quote|"I'm never going to have sex," James says. "Life no longer has any meaning. Neither do breasts. I'm becoming a nun. Do you want to help me research nunneries?"
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"She spoke about ''her'' and ''my dad'' and -- you know."
"Oh God." Sirius peeks out from behind the curtain. "You win." }}
* There's [http://musings-of-apathy.fanficauthors.net/Harry_Potter_and_the_Cracked_Reservoir/index/ a fic] where each Weasley brother plays a prank on Harry as initiation into the family (he started dating Ginny). One of the pranks was convincing McGonagall to give Harry
* There's a Harry/Luna fanfic ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20120418012809/http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1437039/6/Harry_Potter_and_the_Awkward_Date Harry Potter
* There's a hilarious one quite simply called ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20120421074640/http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5933215/1/The_Talk The Talk]'' where because of his orphan status, various parental figures in Harry's life decide to give him
=== [[Film]] ===
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'''Clark''': Oh... glad we talked, Russ. }}
* Averted in ''[[Critters]]'', when the father gets concerned about his daughter's dating, and asks the mother if she's "talked to her about the way things are". Mom's reply ("Years ago") stuns him, but also lets him off the hook for undertaking this trope.
* ''[[Now and Then]]'' Chrissy gets the talk from her mother (Bonnie Hunt), who is portrayed as either a sexophobe or just overly concerned about her daughter growing up. She starts by explaining that "every woman has a [[Unusual Euphemism|garden, and it needs a hose to water it]]." The narrator, Sam (Demi Moore) explains that as a result of this conversation, Chrissy will develop a lifetime
* ''[[Bicentennial Man]]'': Andrew is given one by his master, and expresses sorrow over the millions of deaths of unfertilized sperm.
* A Sundance short-film, ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3gNQ2KYCb4 Late Bloomer]'', has one of the most twisted and Lovecraftian takes on
=== [[Literature]] ===
* [[Terry Pratchett]]'s ''[[Discworld]]'' novels have played with this.
** There were two attempts by the older witches in the Lancre Coven to explain it to Magrat (who's almost a [[Chaste Hero
** In ''[[
** At another point in the book, when the wizards are facing down the notion that they are the only men and Mrs. Whitlow the only woman who are likely to come along for some time (like thousands of years), they speculate that there must have been a Mr. Whitlow at some point, because she's, well, ''Mrs.'' Whitlow. A different book references a "Hepzibah Whitlow" in passing, who may be related, and, if the actual wizard rules on marriage (frowned upon, but never actually forbidden, as such) are anything to go by, may even be the man we're looking for.
** Subverted in ''[[
*** [[Call Back]] in ''[[
** Whenever the subject comes up, Tiffany Aching comments that she knows about this already because of her numerous older sisters. She also witnessed her brother's birth, since nobody bothered to send her away.
*** Don't forget she was born on a sheep farm. She knows about the... red bags of chalk tied to the rams.
** In ''[[
** Averted in the case of Carrot Ironfounderson, whose adoptive dwarf parents had intended to give him
* The parody "To The Batpole!" in the anthology ''Batman Unauthorized'' imagines how this conversation might have gone between a teenaged [[Batman|Bruce Wayne]] and Alfred.
* In the novel ''[[The Duke And I]]'', Violet Bridgerton has had 8 children, and yet still can't get up the nerve to give the talk to her oldest daughter Daphne the night before her wedding. This leads to a reverse [[Miss Conception]] situation, where Daphne (who wants kids) has no idea that what her husband's doing with her will actively prevent them. The other Bridgerton sisters make sure to get The Talk from a maid instead after that.
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* In ''[[A Tree Grows in Brooklyn]]'', Francie, curious about sex but with no books to read about it, gets her mother to explain it to her. The narration glosses it over, but Katie tells what she knows as best she can, using blunt words where she didn't know other ones.
* ''[[The Monk]]'': Strangely enough for an 18th-century novel, and for a church scene, Antonia almost gets one of these in the first chapter from her busybody [[Maiden Aunt]]. Luckily for the reader and for Antonia, Ambrosio's entrance interrupts.
* Once mentioned in a biography on [[Roald Dahl]]: the closest thing Dahl ever had to a "birds and bees" talk was given to him in his boarding school by a teacher, who compared male genitalia to a "torch",<ref>or "flashlight" in [[American English]]</ref> stating "when your torch lights up, your batteries run flat." The explanation [[Nightmare Fuel|disturbed Dahl so much]] that he developed a lifelong fear of touching his genitals.
=== [[Live-Action TV]] ===
* Sandy and Seth Cohen's exchange in episode 1.19 of ''[[The OC]]''.
* An odd example of this is in the live-action version of ''[[The Tick (animation)]]'', where Janet and Batmanuel try to explain sex to The Tick.
* Done on ''[[The Wonder Years]].'' Doug Porter goes into a catatonic state after receiving
* On ''[[Law and Order Special Victims Unit|Law And Order: Special Victims Unit]]'' in the episode "Hysteria," Elliot tries to give daughter Kathleen
** There's a similar scene in [[Life Goes On]]. After accidentally spending the night at her boyfriend's house (they fell asleep watching TV), Drew tries to give Becca the talk as she prepares for her driving test. "''You don't want to merge unless you're absolutely sure''". An irritated Becca snaps that cars have nothing to do with sex.
* Nicely subverted in ''[[Malcolm in the Middle]]'' "Cheerleader." Hal sits Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey down for "the talk" (because he doesn't want to have to have a separate talk for each one), complete with an action figure and something that resembles a Barbie. Beginning with "I wanna tell you about what happens when a boy really likes a girl," shortly into the talk he follows with "...and if they love each other, and take the proper precautions, they have sex. But I've told you about that already." ''This'' talk turns out to be about how the men in the family do everything possible to screw up relationships.
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{{quote|'''Teal'c''': Before your departure, there is a matter that bears discussion.
'''Rya'c''': Father, I am aware of the ways between a man and a woman.
'''Teal'c''': Good. Then you are prepared for the [[Sting (music)||Rite of Or'nok]].
'''Rya'c''': Surely it is not still expected?
'''Teal'c''': On the first eve of shim'owa. My advice is that the knife be as sharp as possible.
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* In ''[[Blackadder]]'', Edmund attempts to explain to Baldrick how chickens are made ("A mummy bird, and a daddy bird, who love each other very much, get certain urges...") before Baldrick interrupts with a cunning plan.
** In another episode, when Baldrick asks for permission to ask a question, Blackadder replies "Granted, as long as it's not the one about where babies come from."
* In ''[[Mortified]]'', Taylor spends an entire episode fleeing from her parents who she thinks are trying to give her
* An episode of ''[[Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman]]'' played the trope semi-straight for a different kind of comedy. After her son was spotted when he tried to spy on some skinny-dipping girls, his mother decides he's old enough for
** Ironically, Dr. Quinn ends up needing a version of
* A sketch from Peter Cook and Dudley Moore's show ''[[Not Only...
* Subverted by a ''[[A Bit of Fry and Laurie]]'' sketch in which Fry asks Laurie (playing his son) if he knows where babies come from. Laurie replies "I always sort of assumed that you put your penis into mummy's vagina and then intercourse occured". Fry responds that this is indeed what they told him but that it is a bit more complicated than that, going on to say that somehow carpets are involved in the process. (The whole sketch turns into a spoof plug for the show's supposed sponsor's "Tideyman's Carpets').
** Even better in another Fry and Laurie sketch when a father (Laurie) brings his son to the headmaster (Fry) complaining about the "vulgar lies" his son had been taught in his biology class. "Sexual intercourse sometimes leads to pregnancy in the adult female." Apparently the man believed that children came out of nowhere after a man and woman had gotten married and bought a house.
* Played with on ''[[Heroes (TV series)|Heroes]]''. Bennet brings up the subject of boyfriends, and Claire fears that they are going to have
* [[Buffy]] and her mom have a different kind of talk after Angelus tells Joyce that he and Buffy had sex. It is played not for laughs, but for angst, as it brings up the emotional agony Buffy is suffering as a result of Angel losing his soul.
* ''[[
* [[The Colbert Report|Stephen Colbert]] [http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/229656/june-04-2009/the-word---just-don-t-do-it once] did a "[[Scare'Em Straight|different]]" Talk.
* Was a [[Running Gag]] on ''[[Clarissa Explains It All]]''.
* Allison from ''[[Living With Fran]]'' receives two talks. One takes place before the series and is the "How and What", the later one is the "Who and When".
* Defied on ''[[iCarly]]''. Carly, visibly [[Squick
* Mentioned in ''[[The Adventures of Pete and Pete]]''. Dad wants to have a talk (not The Talk) with younger Pete but younger Pete thinks they're gonna have The Talk Cue [[Crowning Moment of Funny]]:
{{quote|'''Dad (to Little Pete):''' Pete, we need to have a talk, as father to son.
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{{quote|'''Coach''': Well... your, uh, man and your... your male and female... they have these certain parts that are, uh... how do you call, uh... complementary to each other. ''[awkward pause]'' These parts come into play. ''[awkward pause]'' And that's how we all were born.
'''Tommy''': I'm sorry, but can we get someone who's actually ''had'' sex to teach this class? }}
* Lampshaded in ''[[Lois and Clark]]'', where Superman comes to a scientist after he married Lois and stated that he needs to talk since he has a girl now. The scientist thinks at first Superman needs
* ''[[Glee]]'' managed a surprisingly touching and noteworthy scene between a father, Burt, and his gay son, Kurt. It was awkward, but not as much as it could have been - rather than getting into the mechanics of it, Burt (who's pretty clueless about gay sex anyway) gives Kurt pamphlets to read, and proceeds to talk to him about the ''emotional'' impact that sex can have on a man.
{{quote|Believe me, I want to do this even less than you do. This is gonna suck for both of us. But we will get through it together, and we will both be better men because of it.}}
** Made even better by the fact that Kurt's first reaction is to [[Crowning Moment of Funny|stick his fingers in his ears and start singing.]]
** Made even worse by the fact that Kurt had actually asked his dad to do some research so that they could ''have'' this kind of talk. In the episode right before this. [[Negative Continuity|Continuity? What continuity?]]
* One episode of ''[[Kate And Allie]]'' had Allie giving
* Subverted in the ''[[Married... with Children]]'' episode "Raingirl", where Peggy gives this speech to Kelly:
{{quote|Kelly, maybe it's time we had a little talk. You're getting to be a big girl now, and there's something I've been putting off telling you for a while. But time is slipping by quickly, and I don't want you to learn about it on the street. Honey, there is a thing out there that men will want you to do. In fact, they'll expect it. Now, no woman really enjoys it, but we do it, get them to marry us, and then never have to do it again. That horrible thing is called "work".}}
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** Another episode has Mr Pool announce he'll teach the Biology class about human reproduction. It then cuts to the end of the lesson with a class full of wide-eyed teenagers.
* ''[[Hope And Faith]]'' has Hope try to teach a class of teenagers about sex using sock puppets such as "Abby Abstinence", "Peter Peer-Pressure", "Polly Pregnant" and "Donny Dropout".
=== [[Newspaper Comics]] ===
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* Subverted in ''[[Calvin and Hobbes]]'' in which whenever Calvin asks his dad where babies come from, his dad always messes with him, [[Little-Known Facts|coming up with ridiculous answers]], such as him being dropped down the chimney by a pterodactyl (Calvin thinks that's cool), or a construction kit that was bought on sale. To be fair, Calvin is only six years old.
** Worse, his father says that said kits are purchased at Sears, but they got Calvin at a K-Mart, and only because he was "defective" and got a discount. Calvin was...[[Heroic BSOD|a little shaken up]].
=== [[Radio]] ===
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'''Father:''' Ah yes... Milton, I think it's time we had a talk about the birds and the bees... As you've probably noticed, they've almost completely surrounded the house now!
[Sound of curtain being drawn back, angry squawking and buzzing is heard] }}
* Subverted by the Belgian humorist Philippe Geluck.
{{quote|When a man is very in love with a woman, and the woman is also very in love [[Department of Redundancy Department|with the man who is in love with her]], they want to stay close to each other [...]the erection come from arterial blood kept under pressure within erectils organs while blocked by veins contraction.}}
=== [[Stand-Up Comedy]] ===
* [[Bill Cosby]] did a routine about the time he had to have The Talk with his daughters. They walk in on him while he's urinating, saying, "Ohhhhhh, daddy! Yooo, daddy! You've got a wallie wallie!! Are we gonna get a wallie wallie too??" He shouts back, "No, you're not gettin' nothin'! Now get outta here!" They leave, but he knows he's going to have to have The Talk with them now, "because little five-and-four-year-olds--and they go to school--love to make up songs about things. 'We saw daddy's wallie wallie...'" And before long the teacher would arrive at his doorstep with the police. "Mr. Cosby, would you come along with us, please?" "What for?" "For showing your kids your wallie wallie." So he finds his daughters in their own bathroom trying to make their own wallie wallies come out, urinating all over the floor. His wife comes in and asks what the hell he's teaching the kids.
* 19 year old comedian Daniel Sloss had a routine where he describes his father giving him
=== [[Theater]] ===
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* ''[[Theatre/Spring Awakening|Spring Awakening]]'' opens with Wendla's mother trying to give her the talk, but as a prudish 19th century woman she can't quite bring herself to fully explain it (saying only that when you love your husband a child is created). The effects of this later in the play are quite bad indeed.
* [[Tom Stoppard]]'s ''[[Arcadia (theatre)|Arcadia]]'' opens with the question " Septimus, what is carnal embrace?" Septimus, being unwilling to answer this truthfully, replies that "Carnal embrace is the practice of throwing one's arms around a side of beef." Of course, this comes back to his great discomfort later, when Thomasina informs her parents that "Septimus taught me all there is to know about Carnal Embrace."
=== [[Theme Parks]] ===
* Disney's [[Disney Theme Parks|EPCOT Center]] (you read that right) once had an attraction called ''The Making of Me'', which showed a short film about human reproduction starring [[Nightmare Fuel|Martin Short]].
** And while waiting in the lines at Autotopia, several looping short films play on the walls. One of them is a father car giving his daughter car a talk about literal birds and bees.
=== [[Video Games]] ===
* In ''[[Fallout]] 3'', when the game time-jumps from your 10th to your 16th birthday, you can hear your father telling you in a voiceover: "Boys and Girls have different... parts."
* Mentioned briefly in ''[[Grand Theft Auto]]: Vice City'' in the advertisment for Blox. "Now Timmy is clean, safe from things like dyslexia and won't ask any difficult questions about reproduction."
* In ''[[Dragon Age]] Origins,'' [[Cool Old Lady|Wynne]] playfully delivers
* In ''[[Mass Effect]] 2'', [[The Smart Guy|Mordin]] gives Shepard a talk, which varies depending on who he/she is romancing. They're all mostly about how to do it safely with [[Power Perversion Potential|biotics]] or [[Interspecies Romance|other species]], which mixed with Mordin's [[Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness]] and [[Motor Mouth]] tendencies are all pretty funny to listen to.
** He actually gives useful info as well, not just comic relief. For example, romancing Garrus causes a warning that ingesting turian tissue will probably result in a fatal allergic reaction due to it being made of dextro-amino acids.
* Steve's dad gives a [[Crowning Moment of Funny|hilarious]]/[[
* In ''[[Knights of the Old Republic]] 2'', Mira will deliver a very silly bounty hunter's version of
{{quote|It's simple. When you want a man, you jab him with a Bothan stunner. Then while he's screaming in pain, slap some stun cuffs on him. Then starve him for two or three days until he becomes open to suggestion. Then double-check his bounty and see if he's worth anything.}}
* In ''[[Disgaea Infinite]],'' Jennifer offers to give this to Laharl, since he's "at such a complicated age." He freaks out and refuses, but the prinny can make mind-control him into accepting.
=== [[Web Comics]] ===
* In [http://www.egscomics.com/?date=2005-10-12 this] ''[[El Goonish Shive]]'' strip Susan, a teenage girl who's [[Gender Bender|currently a boy]] to make things even more awkward, has to give
* Spoofed in a ''[[Cyanide
* Cut short in ''[[Dan and Mab's Furry Adventures|DMFA]]'' after Dan makes the mistake of asking Fa'Lina, who has appeared uninvited in his house, "So where did you come from?"
** In fact, there is a [[Running Gag]] of someone starting a phrase by "Sometimes a male and female X love each other", to elicit a [[Too Much Information]] response.
* The webcomic ''[http://www.itswalky.com/ It's Walky!]'' plays this straught with the series of strips starting [https://web.archive.org/web/20090517041823/http://www.itswalky.com/d/20001109.html here.] The storyline is even called "The Talk", and has Sal and Jason (the figurative "parents") reluctant and Joyce disgusted. On the other hand, this is probably the first time "The Talk" has been given to a mind-wipe victim with a repression complex who was about the same age as said figurative parents. This is one is sort of hard to categorise.
** From [[Walkyverse|the same 'Verse]], the ''Shortpacked!'' storyline "Daddy Issues" has Ethan and Leslie trying to give
{{quote|'''Leslie''': C'mon, us ''gay kids'' should go teach a ''daddy'' how to procreate!
'''Ethan''': Well, when you put it ''that'' way, this sounds ridiculous. }}
* As ''[[Tales of the Questor]]'' demonstrated in one strip, do ''not'' attempt this with a magic mirror. The results may be [https://web.archive.org/web/20130227024843/http://www.rhjunior.com/totq/00529.html traumatizing] for a child.
* Tycho of ''[[Penny Arcade]]'' got a [http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2005/1/17/ particularly painful subversion] of
** Gabe's talk [http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2010/1/18/ was slightly less scarring].
* ''[[Backward Compatible]]'' has a [https://web.archive.org/web/20090504020733/http://www.crispygamer.com/comics/backward/backward-2009-04-29.aspx different kind of talk].
* ''[[Punintended]]'' has one of the best versions of the talk in their comic [http://punintended.thecomicseries.com/comics/9 Where Do Babies Come From]. In this comic a biologist, a chemist and an astronomer all use their scientific field of expertise to tell their kids about the birds and the bees. Quite cute and extremely fantastic.
* ''[[Girl Genius]]'' had [http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20080310 a moment] when Gil managed to impress [[Super Soldier|Jägers]] and they [[Shipper on Deck|discussed his relationship]] with Agatha:
Line 274 ⟶ 265:
'''[[Only Sane Man|Dimo]]''': (quietly) Und hy vill teach him how to ''avoid those two''.
'''Jenka''': (quietly) Ah. Den he may haff a ''chence''. }}
* ''Dangerously Chloe'' has [
*# "Dibs!" It's not like Chloe didn't know to whom she gives ideas, two chapter after [
*# It "helps" that both are more than a bit fuzzy on what are differences for humans - Pandora is devious enough to sneak into Heaven repeatedly,
*# Once the succubi issues are mentioned, the discussion derails toward more immediate concerns. Such as keeping Teddy un-[[Destructo-Nookie|shredded]].
* ''[[Bear Nuts]]'' had it defied... sort of. [http://www.bearnutscomic.com/2014/11/17/448-bear-nuts/ After] Lech got the cast [[The Internet Is for Porn|acquainted with the internet a little too closely]]:
{{quote|'''Prozac''': (covers Tanked's eyes)
'''Evil''': (happily) I think you should give him The Talk.
'''Prozac''': (closes the notebook) Go watch some nature shows.
'''Prozac''': Or go to the petting zoo. The rabbits are always busy. (leaves) }}
* Subverted (naturally) in ''[[Something
{{quote|'''Rory''': ''Davan put his penis in my mommy?!
* [[Subverted]] in ''[[Tales From the Pit]]''.
{{quote|'''Mark:''' You're eight, Adam. That means it's time for me to tell you about the birds and the bees. [[Comically Missing the Point|Birds are a good choice for small white and blue fliers. Bees, on the other hand, are used to falsely justify direct damage in green.]]
'''Adam:''' Why is Mommy sadly shaking her head? }}
* Hazel and Clairce from ''[[Girls with Slingshots]]'' give the talk not only to breast-obsessed child Tyler but also to his mother when they discover neither of them knows where babies come from.
* ''[[Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal]]'' has an unusual [http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/2009-02-18 case]. In that the explanations involve relativity and a time machine.
** Narrowly dodged [https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/wasps here].
* ''[[Wondermark]]'' has a version with [http://wondermark.com/426b/ trees] doing this.
=== [[Web Original]] ===
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'''Tea''': Joey no! We can't let Tristan breed! }}
* ''[[Equestria Chronicles]]'' has Wishing Star give Iron Hoof the talk. For context: Iron Hoof's mom was very strict and psychologically abusive, while Wishing Star is very casual talking about sex and has experimented quite a bit...
=== [[Western Animation]] ===
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** The rerun issue sounds like they used a "music and effects" soundtrack. A lot of shows have these, they're used to create foreign language versions, otherwise you'd have to rebuild the entire soundtrack. I'd guess it was a cockup rather than some kind of censorship.
* Subverted in ''[[South Park]]'', "The Return of the Fellowship of the Rings to the Two Towers", where the parents think the children have watched a wild porn film, and seemingly out of the blue explain groupsex, urine fetishism, etc. to the increasingly aghast children. This is because of an earlier scene where they tried to deliver a more traditional version of "the talk" to Token (who ''did'' see the film). When they're done talking about the things a man and a woman do when they're in love, he says, "And when the woman has four penises in her at once, then stands up and pees all over the men... is that love? Five midgets, spanking a man covered in Thousand Island dressing... is that love?"
* Occurred for full comedic effect between Bart and Homer later seasons of ''[[The Simpsons]]''.
{{quote|'''Bart:''' What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them - as is my understanding...}}
** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPNxZno3YaM&feature=related It's not like Bart didn't know already however.]
Line 310 ⟶ 302:
* ''[[Carl Squared]]'': Carl's parents decide to give him the talk at the end of "Carl's Techno-Jinx", complete with helpful educational video.
* ''[[The Venture Brothers]]'': Dr. Venture decides to give Dean "the talk" since he has a girlfriend (kinda). All we get is a muted section with some interesting gestures, a GI Joe humping a lamp, and various other things. Next thing we know the topic has somehow moved to White Snake. Dean ends up staging a small version of "Lady Windermere's Fan" for Triana (his female friend).
* On ''[[King of the Hill]]'', Bobby's biology class was going to do a sex-ed unit, which Hank and Peggy opposed. Hank said that if their son needed to know anything about sex he would learn it at home. Of course, it turned out that they were both intensely uncomfortable with the idea of talking about sex with their son, so they caved and signed the permission slip. Then Peggy, a substitute teacher, was asked to sub for the biology class, so she had to work to overcome her aversion to
** But then it turns out that {{spoiler|none of the other childrens' parents signed the permission slip, so they all leave the classroom and go to the library when it's time to start the lesson. By that time, the only two in the room are Peggy and Bobby.}}
* In one ''[[Pinky and The Brain]]'' episode, Pinky falls in love with a sea lion and the Brain (who doesn't seem to think much of [[Interspecies Romance|interspecies relationships]]) attempts to explain to him that "mice and sea lions don't mix":
Line 326 ⟶ 318:
* Occurs in ''[[Recess]]''. Miss Grotke gives everyone the talk after Gordy (one of the minor characters) asks her about it. Due to the show's TV-G rating, we only see the discussion ending.
== Humorous Examples ==
=== [[Comic Books]] ===
* A [[Running Gag]] in the earliest ''[[Runaways]]'' comics had [[Cute Bruiser]] Molly asking about "gross stuff" and "bleeding" happening to her and being constantly brushed off by everyone she asks ('''''Molly''': Can I ask you a question about girl stuff? '''Gertrude''': Under no circumstances.'') It turns out she was bleeding [[Psychic Nosebleed|from her nose]], a sign of her emerging [[Puberty Superpower]].
Line 339 ⟶ 326:
Close-up of Aunt May's face: "That."
Peter: "Oh god, stop talking!" }}
** Of course, Aunt May knows full well that Peter and Uncle Ben had
=== [[Fan Works]] ===
* The Talk is implied to take place offscreen during the ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' fic ''[[Isekai by Moonlight]]'', with Naru in the adult's role and Usagi in the child's.
{{quote|"Naru-chan," Bunny-chan asked, "what are they talking about?"
"Oh, Usagi... I'll tell you later, but not in front of Chibiusa."}}
=== [[Film]] ===
* In the original ''[[The Parent Trap (1961 film)|The Parent Trap]]'', the father decides to have the Talk with Sharon (disguised as Susan) on a golf course, assuming that's why she's wanting to know about her mother all of a sudden. After a few minutes of awkward explanation, Sharon tells him she's known about ''that'' for ages.
* The live-action ''[[Casper (film)|Casper]]'' movie included this brief exchange:
{{quote|'''Kat''': I want to look... nice, like... like date nice.
Line 351 ⟶ 342:
'''Kat''': Oh! Don't worry, not that late. }}
* ''[[Orphan]]'': Esthar, the titular orphan and [[Creepy Child]] walks in on her adoptive parents having sex in the kitchen. The mother confronts her later and attempts to explain that "When two people love each other very much-" The girl interrupts with "I know. They fuck." {{spoiler|Of course, it turns out the "child" has a bad attack of [[Older Than They Look]] ...}}
=== [[Literature]] ===
Line 357 ⟶ 347:
* Tony's dad tries to give him a talk in [[Judy Blume|''Then Again, Maybe I Won't'']], saying he doesn't really know how to go about it, as he never brought the matter up with his two older son. Tony assures him that he's learned all about it from school and friends, but his dad gives him a book later, just in case.
=== [[Live-Action TV]] ===
* Marion's talk with Joanie on ''[[Happy Days]]''
* ''[[Oliver Beene]]''
Line 364 ⟶ 353:
*** Played straight(er) later by Martin talking to Jeremy about a completely different and wrapping up by saying it was "as awkward as bad sex".
{{quote|'''Jeremy''': (looking stunned) Sex can be bad?!}}
* On ''[[Home Improvement (TV series)|Home Improvement]]'' Tim has already long given Brad
{{quote|Brad: "So, when will I know I'm a man?"
Tim: "Your Mom and I will tell you!" }}
Line 371 ⟶ 360:
{{quote|Kid: "Oh, I know all about sex. What I really want to know about is [[Crowning Moment of Heartwarming|love.]]"}}
* In one ''[[Wizards of Waverly Place]]'' episode, Alex is going on a date, and her father, Jerry, awkwardly begins the talk, but when Alex states that her friends, and their friends, will all be there, Jerry stops, relieved, and Alex remains oblivious to what he was talking about in the first place.
=== [[Music]] ===
Line 385 ⟶ 373:
''(I'm a-gonna tan his hide)'' }}
* "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2nwPv4IX_8 The Bees and the Birds]" sung by Yogi Yorgesson.
=== [[Newspaper Comics]] ===
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* ''[[Zits]]'' Being that the strip is about teenage life, it has this topic come up occasionally. In one story arc, Walt takes Jeremy fishing, and decides to have the talk with him while waiting for a catch. After some initial resistance, Jeremy replies, "Fine. What do you want to know?"
=== [[Stand-Up Comedy]] ===
* Bill Engvall talks to his son...
{{quote|So I sat him down and said, "Son, I know you already know a lot of things, so why don't you do this: why don't you tell me what you know, and I'll just fill in the blank spots." About 30 minutes later, I'm sitting there with a pen and a pad of paper, going, "You can DO that?!?"}}
=== [[Theatre]] ===
* In ''[[The Women]]'', Mary gives her daughter a somewhat different kind of talk, the one about what happens when a husband and a wife fall out of love. Little Mary, however, is somewhat familiar with the subject of divorce.
=== [[Web Comics]] ===
* See [https://web.archive.org/web/20101213221624/http://bukucomics.com/loserz/go/308 this] ''[[Loserz]]'' strip.
* In the webcomic ''[[Nip and Tuck]]'', Nip at the very least had a pretty clear idea of what sex was for from an extremely young age-after Tuck and Thelma walk in on Nip & Tuck's parents getting over "Empty Nest Syndrome", the parents reminisce about when the boys were five - cut to five-year-old Nip in a onesie, asking, "Are Tuck and me gonna have a widdle bwuvver?" "No, sweetie..." "Then what was all that for?!" His knowledge is possibly justified given that he's a farm kid and has probably seen the equivalent behaviour in [[Furry Confusion|the non-anthro animals]].
* Webcomic ''[[Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal]]'' [http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=311 is] [http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1251#comic a] ''[http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1502#comic really]'' [http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1195#comic huge] [http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=488#comic fan] [http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=943#comic of] [http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1142#comic this] [http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1240#comic trope.]
* ''[[Something
=== [[Western Animation]] ===
* ''[[Doug]]'', In the last episode, Doug's father Phil, after spending the entire season trying to give Doug
** Even after Doug was given
* Weird variant: Sari from ''[[Transformers Animated]]'' [http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Image:Sariprime.jpg explains it to Optimus Prime] (no, we don't hear it, but it became so iconic that traumatizing Optimus is considered [[Transformers Animated/Funny|one of the funniest things she's done]]).
* Send up in the ''[[Looney Tunes]]'' short "Walky Talky Hawky" (the first Foghorn Leghorn cartoon). Henery Hawk's father is ready to give him the talk, only it's not about sex but about [[Carnivore Confusion|wanting to eat chickens]]. Before dad begins, Henery asks him, "Okay, Pop. Whatcha wanna know?"
{{reflist}}
[[Category:{{PAGENAME}}]]
[[Category:Sex Tropes]]
[[Category:Comedy Tropes]]
[[Category:No Real Life Examples, Please]]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Talk, The}}
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