Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do In An RPG: Difference between revisions
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1902. Playing a Gamorrian doesn't violate anybody's religion. }} |
1902. Playing a Gamorrian doesn't violate anybody's religion. }} |
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* [[Aint No Rule]]: Mr. Welch loves to try this. The DMs, however, are rarely cooperative. Note that there is no actual rule that Mr. Welch must follow these rules. <ref>Although it's covered under "Rule 0," the rule common to most RPGs that the GM's word supersedes any printed rules.</ref> |
* [[Aint No Rule]]: Mr. Welch loves to try this. The DMs, however, are rarely cooperative. Note that there is no actual rule that Mr. Welch must follow these rules. <ref>Although it's covered under "Rule 0," the rule common to most RPGs that the GM's word supersedes any printed rules.</ref> |
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{{quote| 24. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue Whales.<br /> |
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24. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue Whales.<br /> |
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311. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot start the game as pope.<br /> |
311. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot start the game as pope.<br /> |
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337. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot control 20,000 pigeons and use them as flying piranha.<br /> |
337. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot control 20,000 pigeons and use them as flying piranha.<br /> |
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1007. That whole Expedition to the Barrier Peaks? Dream Sequence. }} |
1007. That whole Expedition to the Barrier Peaks? Dream Sequence. }} |
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* [[Ambiguous Gender]] / [[Elfeminate]]: |
* [[Ambiguous Gender]] / [[Elfeminate]]: |
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{{quote| 550. Dwarves can indeed tell the difference between their genders.<br /> |
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550. Dwarves can indeed tell the difference between their genders.<br /> |
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1207. There is no such thing as "ambiguously elven".<br /> |
1207. There is no such thing as "ambiguously elven".<br /> |
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1218. Elves do not have to go to the bathroom in groups.<br /> |
1218. Elves do not have to go to the bathroom in groups.<br /> |
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{{quote| 1529. There is no such thing as a Thirty-Sevensexual.}} |
{{quote| 1529. There is no such thing as a Thirty-Sevensexual.}} |
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* [[Attack Its Weak Point]]: |
* [[Attack Its Weak Point]]: |
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{{quote| 176. I cannot make called shots to the plectrum, anvil, stirrup, hammer or Isle of Langerhans.<br /> |
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176. I cannot make called shots to the plectrum, anvil, stirrup, hammer or Isle of Langerhans.<br /> |
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388. Pursue means chase after, not just make called shots to the knees.<br /> |
388. Pursue means chase after, not just make called shots to the knees.<br /> |
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517. I cannot make called shots to their self esteem.<br /> |
517. I cannot make called shots to their self esteem.<br /> |
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1579. No one in the party gets to name their character Kurgen McAsskicker. }} |
1579. No one in the party gets to name their character Kurgen McAsskicker. }} |
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* [[Ax Crazy]]: On a number of occasions. |
* [[Ax Crazy]]: On a number of occasions. |
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{{quote| 11. Not allowed to berserk for the hell of it, especially during royal masquerades.<br /> |
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11. Not allowed to berserk for the hell of it, especially during royal masquerades.<br /> |
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240. Any character with more than three skills specializing in [[Chainsaw Good|chainsaw]] is vetoed.<br /> |
240. Any character with more than three skills specializing in [[Chainsaw Good|chainsaw]] is vetoed.<br /> |
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416. I will not substitute accuracy with enthusiasm.<br /> |
416. I will not substitute accuracy with enthusiasm.<br /> |
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{{quote| 1369. Elves do too have [[Nipple-and-Dimed|nipples]].}} |
{{quote| 1369. Elves do too have [[Nipple-and-Dimed|nipples]].}} |
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* [[Battle Cry]]: |
* [[Battle Cry]]: |
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{{quote| 64. My paladin's battle cry is not "[[Warhammer 40000|Good for the Good God]]".<br /> |
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64. My paladin's battle cry is not "[[Warhammer 40000|Good for the Good God]]".<br /> |
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74. My thief's battle cry is not "[[Dirty Coward|Run And Live]]".<br /> |
74. My thief's battle cry is not "[[Dirty Coward|Run And Live]]".<br /> |
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75. Nor is it "You take care of the orcs, I take care of the traps".<br /> |
75. Nor is it "You take care of the orcs, I take care of the traps".<br /> |
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* [[Beethoven Was an Alien Spy]] |
* [[Beethoven Was an Alien Spy]] |
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{{quote| 1918. No using the time machine to give Nostradamus a sneak peak at the future. [[Noodle Incident|Again.]]}} |
{{quote| 1918. No using the time machine to give Nostradamus a sneak peak at the future. [[Noodle Incident|Again.]]}} |
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* [[BFG]]: |
* [[BFG]]: |
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{{quote| 29. I cannot have any gun that requires me to continue the damage code on back.<br /> |
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29. I cannot have any gun that requires me to continue the damage code on back.<br /> |
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112. If the gun can't fit through the x-ray machine, it doesn't go on the plane.<br /> |
112. If the gun can't fit through the x-ray machine, it doesn't go on the plane.<br /> |
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192. If the gun is best fired using the artillery skill, my character is not allowed to have it.<br /> |
192. If the gun is best fired using the artillery skill, my character is not allowed to have it.<br /> |
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{{quote| 1657. My halberdier is not guisarmed and dangerous.}} |
{{quote| 1657. My halberdier is not guisarmed and dangerous.}} |
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* [[Blatant Lies]]: |
* [[Blatant Lies]]: |
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{{quote| 1023. The bluff skill is no substitute for actually knowing the spell.<br /> |
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1023. The bluff skill is no substitute for actually knowing the spell.<br /> |
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1179. No matter how well I make my bluff check, the Star Destroyer crew isn't going to believe I'm the new captain.<br /> |
1179. No matter how well I make my bluff check, the Star Destroyer crew isn't going to believe I'm the new captain.<br /> |
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1818. Can't make a bluff check to convince the monster I actually hit him.<br /> |
1818. Can't make a bluff check to convince the monster I actually hit him.<br /> |
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{{quote| 616. Even if they are the same clichéd acid for blood aliens, can't load my shotgun with baking powder.}} |
{{quote| 616. Even if they are the same clichéd acid for blood aliens, can't load my shotgun with baking powder.}} |
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* [[Bondage Is Bad]]: |
* [[Bondage Is Bad]]: |
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{{quote| 28. The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is not the whip.<br /> |
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28. The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is not the whip.<br /> |
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302. A gimp suit does not count as leather armor.<br /> |
302. A gimp suit does not count as leather armor.<br /> |
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1904. Prepping for the adventure means memorizing spells and buying gear, not coming up with a [[Safe Word|safety word.]] }} |
1904. Prepping for the adventure means memorizing spells and buying gear, not coming up with a [[Safe Word|safety word.]] }} |
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{{quote| 1934. Breaking the fourth wall doesn't require a strength check.}} |
{{quote| 1934. Breaking the fourth wall doesn't require a strength check.}} |
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* [[Brick Joke]] |
* [[Brick Joke]] |
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{{quote| 502. If my name isn't [[Transformers|Grimlock]], can't start every sentence with "[[Hulk Speak|Me Grimlock]]".<br /> |
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502. If my name isn't [[Transformers|Grimlock]], can't start every sentence with "[[Hulk Speak|Me Grimlock]]".<br /> |
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516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.<br /> |
516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.<br /> |
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1112. I will stop referring to the Eladrin as just the Elf Mk II.<br /> |
1112. I will stop referring to the Eladrin as just the Elf Mk II.<br /> |
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618. No matter how much my humanity loss, a chainsaw is not [[Gears of War|a substitute for a bayonet]]. }} |
618. No matter how much my humanity loss, a chainsaw is not [[Gears of War|a substitute for a bayonet]]. }} |
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* [[Character Alignment]]: . |
* [[Character Alignment]]: . |
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{{quote| 122. The paladin's alignment is not [[Lawful Stupid|Lawful Anal]].<br /> |
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122. The paladin's alignment is not [[Lawful Stupid|Lawful Anal]].<br /> |
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218. No matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation.<br /> |
218. No matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation.<br /> |
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413. The [[Chaotic Neutral]] alignment [[Chaotic Stupid|is forever closed to me]].<br /> |
413. The [[Chaotic Neutral]] alignment [[Chaotic Stupid|is forever closed to me]].<br /> |
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{{quote| 61. Can only taunt the ranger about his lack of swimming after my USCG E8 saves him.}} |
{{quote| 61. Can only taunt the ranger about his lack of swimming after my USCG E8 saves him.}} |
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* [[Combat Medic]]: Plan A — don't get hurt. |
* [[Combat Medic]]: Plan A — don't get hurt. |
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{{quote| 233. If I am the medtech [[Not That Kind of Doctor|it is generally assumed I am going to have skill in medicine]].<br /> |
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233. If I am the medtech [[Not That Kind of Doctor|it is generally assumed I am going to have skill in medicine]].<br /> |
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271. [[Instant Drama Just Add Tracheotomy|Tracheotomies]] are best left to characters with skills in medicine.<br /> |
271. [[Instant Drama Just Add Tracheotomy|Tracheotomies]] are best left to characters with skills in medicine.<br /> |
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498. A firefight is not the best time to tell the party my Medtech has a fear of blood.<br /> |
498. A firefight is not the best time to tell the party my Medtech has a fear of blood.<br /> |
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1909. Combat boots don't give bonuses to CPR checks. }} |
1909. Combat boots don't give bonuses to CPR checks. }} |
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* [[Combat Pragmatist]]: |
* [[Combat Pragmatist]]: |
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{{quote| 80. When accepting a challenge for a duel, I must allow the other guy time to find a pistol.<br /> |
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80. When accepting a challenge for a duel, I must allow the other guy time to find a pistol.<br /> |
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194. When the other guy picks swords for the choice of weapons, that does not leave me pistols.<br /> |
194. When the other guy picks swords for the choice of weapons, that does not leave me pistols.<br /> |
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363. When challenged to a showdown, I'm meant to face him at 10 paces with pistols, not 10 blocks with a Sharpe's Big .50.<br /> |
363. When challenged to a showdown, I'm meant to face him at 10 paces with pistols, not 10 blocks with a Sharpe's Big .50.<br /> |
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{{quote| 940. I will not abuse the Exemplary virtue to set up highly choreographed dance routines with random crowds.}} |
{{quote| 940. I will not abuse the Exemplary virtue to set up highly choreographed dance routines with random crowds.}} |
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* [[Cutting the Knot]]: To think outside of the box, it seems he cuts his way out with a chainsaw. |
* [[Cutting the Knot]]: To think outside of the box, it seems he cuts his way out with a chainsaw. |
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{{quote| 367. No using excessive firepower to force the plot along.<br /> |
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367. No using excessive firepower to force the plot along.<br /> |
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400. Check the door means to listen at it, not put several rounds through it.<br /> |
400. Check the door means to listen at it, not put several rounds through it.<br /> |
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417. The solution to all my problems is not Crinos.<br /> |
417. The solution to all my problems is not Crinos.<br /> |
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* [[Hulk Speak]]: Banned |
* [[Hulk Speak]]: Banned |
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{{quote| 502. If my name isn't [[Transformers|Grimlock]], can't start every sentence with "Me Grimlock".<br /> |
{{quote| 502. If my name isn't [[Transformers|Grimlock]], can't start every sentence with "Me Grimlock".<br /> |
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516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock. |
516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock. }} |
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* [[Human Shield]]: |
* [[Human Shield]]: |
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{{quote| 376. The barbarian must remember that 'human shield' is a figure of speech.<br /> |
{{quote| 376. The barbarian must remember that 'human shield' is a figure of speech.<br /> |
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{{quote| 855. I will not keep reincarnating that bugbear until he comes back as something we can actually eat.}} |
{{quote| 855. I will not keep reincarnating that bugbear until he comes back as something we can actually eat.}} |
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* [[Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy]]: |
* [[Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy]]: |
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{{quote| 431. We will not implement any battle plan that includes the underlined words "And hope they miss a lot."}} |
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416. I will not substitute accuracy with enthusiasm.<br /> |
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431. We will not implement any battle plan that includes the underlined words "And hope they miss a lot."}} |
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* [[Impossibly Cool Weapon]]: |
* [[Impossibly Cool Weapon]]: |
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{{quote| 1058. When I get to the custom weapons creation section, I will keep turning those pages.}} |
{{quote| 1058. When I get to the custom weapons creation section, I will keep turning those pages.}} |
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* [[Improbable Weapon User]] / [[Improvised Weapon]]: |
* [[Improbable Weapon User]] / [[Improvised Weapon]]: |
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{{quote| 425. Chainsaws and butter churns filled with bees do not use the same weapon skill.<br /> |
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425. Chainsaws and butter churns filled with bees do not use the same weapon skill.<br /> |
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1680. The point of the Improvised Weapon Skill is not to see how many different things I can kill people with.<br /> |
1680. The point of the Improvised Weapon Skill is not to see how many different things I can kill people with.<br /> |
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1915. The following are not acceptable specialties for a weapon master: Mustard Gas, Cheese Grater, Sardonicism. }} |
1915. The following are not acceptable specialties for a weapon master: Mustard Gas, Cheese Grater, Sardonicism. }} |
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786. No I cannot keep the drow priestess we just found as a pet. }} |
786. No I cannot keep the drow priestess we just found as a pet. }} |
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* [[Incredibly Lame Pun]]: Guilty so many times. |
* [[Incredibly Lame Pun]]: Guilty so many times. |
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{{quote| 92. The name of the weapon shop is not "Bloodbath and Beyond".<br /> |
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92. The name of the weapon shop is not "Bloodbath and Beyond".<br /> |
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205. My 3rd ed. Red Wizard is not allowed to start a business named Thay Co.<br /> |
205. My 3rd ed. Red Wizard is not allowed to start a business named Thay Co.<br /> |
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751. If the party has to pose as classical German composers, I will not declare "I'll be Bach".<br /> |
751. If the party has to pose as classical German composers, I will not declare "I'll be Bach".<br /> |
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* [[It Makes Sense in Context]]: The alternate link in the main article that sorts the list by game makes certain jokes and certain prohibitions more obvious for example: |
* [[It Makes Sense in Context]]: The alternate link in the main article that sorts the list by game makes certain jokes and certain prohibitions more obvious for example: |
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{{quote| 346. I most certainly don't have weapon proficiency in a Phased-plasma rifle in the forty watt range.}} |
{{quote| 346. I most certainly don't have weapon proficiency in a Phased-plasma rifle in the forty watt range.}} |
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** Makes more sense when you know he tried it in a 3.5 Dungeons and Dragons game. In his defense, the Dungeon Master's Guide does contain rules for a limited selection of sci-fi weapons just in case the DM wants to humor this type of request or incorporate them as strange artifacts into a game. |
** Makes more sense when you know he tried it in a 3.5 Dungeons and Dragons game. In his defense, the Dungeon Master's Guide does contain rules for a limited selection of sci-fi weapons just in case the DM wants to humor this type of request or incorporate them as strange artifacts into a game. And theoretically compatible "d20 Future". |
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* [[Jackass Genie]]: |
* [[Jackass Genie]]: |
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{{quote| 568. My first wish cannot be 'I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish.'}} |
{{quote| 568. My first wish cannot be 'I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish.'}} |
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{{quote| 262. [[Railroading|When the GM forces the plot, I cannot make choo-choo noises.]]}} |
{{quote| 262. [[Railroading|When the GM forces the plot, I cannot make choo-choo noises.]]}} |
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* [[Lawful Stupid Chaotic Stupid]]: He tries to make up his own alignments, but gets turned down each time. Most of the time, though, [[Chaotic Stupid]] describes him ''far'' too well... |
* [[Lawful Stupid Chaotic Stupid]]: He tries to make up his own alignments, but gets turned down each time. Most of the time, though, [[Chaotic Stupid]] describes him ''far'' too well... |
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{{quote| 122. The paladin's alignment is not Lawful Anal.<br /> |
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122. The paladin's alignment is not Lawful Anal.<br /> |
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445. I will not admonish my fellow paladin with "a little less lawful, a little more good."<br /> |
445. I will not admonish my fellow paladin with "a little less lawful, a little more good."<br /> |
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651. My alignment is not Sarcastic Good.<br /> |
651. My alignment is not Sarcastic Good.<br /> |
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{{quote| 199. My third wish cannot be 'I wish you wouldn't grant this wish.'}} |
{{quote| 199. My third wish cannot be 'I wish you wouldn't grant this wish.'}} |
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* [[The Loonie]]: If only fictional examples of this kind of player could be quite so dedicated to it... but he doesn't seem to like competition. |
* [[The Loonie]]: If only fictional examples of this kind of player could be quite so dedicated to it... but he doesn't seem to like competition. |
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{{quote| 1088. I cannot try and throw large blunt objects at [[Vampire: The Masquerade|Malkavians]], [[Dungeons and Dragons|kobolds]] or [[Dragonlance|kender]]. [[In and Out of Character|Or their players.]]<br /> |
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1088. I cannot try and throw large blunt objects at [[Vampire: The Masquerade|Malkavians]], [[Dungeons and Dragons|kobolds]] or [[Dragonlance|kender]]. [[In and Out of Character|Or their players.]]<br /> |
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1385. Even if I couldn't attend the session when everything went to hell, it's still my fault.<br /> |
1385. Even if I couldn't attend the session when everything went to hell, it's still my fault.<br /> |
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1426. I am not "He who must not be named only in passing." }} |
1426. I am not "He who must not be named only in passing." }} |
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61. The Barbarian's name does not translate into "Screams like little sissy girl" in my language. }} |
61. The Barbarian's name does not translate into "Screams like little sissy girl" in my language. }} |
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* [[Loveable Sex Maniac]]: Quite possibly Welch himself, given the number of sex-related things. |
* [[Loveable Sex Maniac]]: Quite possibly Welch himself, given the number of sex-related things. |
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{{quote| 51. No longer allowed to use the time machine for booty calls.<br /> |
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51. No longer allowed to use the time machine for booty calls.<br /> |
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125. Lingerie can only snap coincidentally so many times per day.<br /> |
125. Lingerie can only snap coincidentally so many times per day.<br /> |
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661. The line on my character sheet for 'Sex' is not for keeping score.<br /> |
661. The line on my character sheet for 'Sex' is not for keeping score.<br /> |
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1240. No matter what the dice say, I didn’t just seduce [[Street Fighter II|Chun Li. And Cammy.]] }} |
1240. No matter what the dice say, I didn’t just seduce [[Street Fighter II|Chun Li. And Cammy.]] }} |
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* [[Ludicrous Gibs]]: |
* [[Ludicrous Gibs]]: |
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{{quote| 510. After a bloody battle, I will not celebrate by lying down and making carnage angels.<br /> |
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510. After a bloody battle, I will not celebrate by lying down and making carnage angels.<br /> |
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1662. No starting a mosh pit in a leper colony.<br /> |
1662. No starting a mosh pit in a leper colony.<br /> |
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1690. I don't get double XP if I kill the monster with explosive decompression.<br /> |
1690. I don't get double XP if I kill the monster with explosive decompression.<br /> |
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{{quote| 1933. No part of the elven cloak is actually made out of elves.}} |
{{quote| 1933. No part of the elven cloak is actually made out of elves.}} |
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* [[Make a Wish]]: Not with this guy. |
* [[Make a Wish]]: Not with this guy. |
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{{quote| 97. My one wish cannot be 'I wish everything on this piece of paper was true'.<br /> |
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97. My one wish cannot be 'I wish everything on this piece of paper was true'.<br /> |
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227. My last wish cannot be "I wish we were playing another game."<br /> |
227. My last wish cannot be "I wish we were playing another game."<br /> |
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257. I cannot wish nobody else gets wishes.<br /> |
257. I cannot wish nobody else gets wishes.<br /> |
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1658. The words "Rock Opera" will not appear in any of my wishes. }} |
1658. The words "Rock Opera" will not appear in any of my wishes. }} |
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* [[Make Wrong What Once Went Right]]: |
* [[Make Wrong What Once Went Right]]: |
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{{quote| 145. I cannot go back in time to cut in line at the Declaration of Independence so everybody now is asked for their Terrence E. Woczinski when signing documents.<br /> |
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145. I cannot go back in time to cut in line at the Declaration of Independence so everybody now is asked for their Terrence E. Woczinski when signing documents.<br /> |
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1511. No using the time machine to set the "Star Spangled Banner" to anything by White Zombie.<br /> |
1511. No using the time machine to set the "Star Spangled Banner" to anything by White Zombie.<br /> |
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1634. If it's revealed Shakespeare was the author of Funky Cold Medina my time machine privileges are revoked.<br /> |
1634. If it's revealed Shakespeare was the author of Funky Cold Medina my time machine privileges are revoked.<br /> |
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{{quote| 1800. I will not point out any loophole that arouses the powergamer.}} |
{{quote| 1800. I will not point out any loophole that arouses the powergamer.}} |
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* [[The Minion Master]]: |
* [[The Minion Master]]: |
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{{quote| |
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{{quote| 24. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue Whales.<br /> |
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24. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue Whales.<br /> |
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299. I do not get any XP for anyone I kill by stampeding sheep.<br /> |
299. I do not get any XP for anyone I kill by stampeding sheep.<br /> |
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337. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot control 20,000 pigeons and use them as flying piranha.<br /> |
337. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot control 20,000 pigeons and use them as flying piranha.<br /> |
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{{quote| 932. Nowhere in the bible does it say ninjas have to line up in a straight line to fight me.}} |
{{quote| 932. Nowhere in the bible does it say ninjas have to line up in a straight line to fight me.}} |
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* [[More Dakka]]: |
* [[More Dakka]]: |
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{{quote| |
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{{quote| 15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.<br /> |
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15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.<br /> |
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440. I am forbidden from trying to merge the best features of automatic weapons and manual transmissions.<br /> |
440. I am forbidden from trying to merge the best features of automatic weapons and manual transmissions.<br /> |
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557. If they get a bonus to spot my gun with a geiger counter, I can't have it.<br /> |
557. If they get a bonus to spot my gun with a geiger counter, I can't have it.<br /> |
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{{quote| 1481. The Island of Small Breasted Fantasy Females does not exist.}} |
{{quote| 1481. The Island of Small Breasted Fantasy Females does not exist.}} |
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* [[Mundane Utility]]: |
* [[Mundane Utility]]: |
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{{quote| |
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{{quote| 7. Not allowed to use psychic powers to do the dishes.<br /> |
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7. Not allowed to use psychic powers to do the dishes.<br /> |
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183. There are no rules for cooking corn dogs in any d20 supplement.<br /> |
183. There are no rules for cooking corn dogs in any d20 supplement.<br /> |
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544. I will not cast Gate to bind an infernal creature of power to my bidding and make him mow the lawn.<br /> |
544. I will not cast Gate to bind an infernal creature of power to my bidding and make him mow the lawn.<br /> |
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{{quote| 141. My maid does not [[I Know Karate|know kung fu]].}} |
{{quote| 141. My maid does not [[I Know Karate|know kung fu]].}} |
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* [[Noodle Incident]] / [[Noodle Implements]]: ''All the time.'' |
* [[Noodle Incident]] / [[Noodle Implements]]: ''All the time.'' |
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{{quote| |
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{{quote| 63. No, I cannot buy [[Animal House|10,000 marbles even if I say please]].<br /> |
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63. No, I cannot buy [[Animal House|10,000 marbles even if I say please]].<br /> |
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93. I am to remind my DM that he must never, ever give my paladin a dire boar for a mount again.<br /> |
93. I am to remind my DM that he must never, ever give my paladin a dire boar for a mount again.<br /> |
||
101. I am not allowed to pave ''anything''.<br /> |
101. I am not allowed to pave ''anything''.<br /> |
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Line 688: | Line 715: | ||
1342. There is no god of Wombats, no matter how much I pray. }} |
1342. There is no god of Wombats, no matter how much I pray. }} |
||
* [[Off the Rails]]: He's tried. The DMs don't like it. |
* [[Off the Rails]]: He's tried. The DMs don't like it. |
||
{{quote| |
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{{quote| 38. When investigating evil [[Cult|cultists]] not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.<br /> |
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38. When investigating evil [[Cult|cultists]] not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.<br /> |
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182. No figuring out the plot and killing the actual villain five minutes into the adventure.<br /> |
182. No figuring out the plot and killing the actual villain five minutes into the adventure.<br /> |
||
270. I cannot derail the adventure for a two hour in character discussion on the qualities of rope.<br /> |
270. I cannot derail the adventure for a two hour in character discussion on the qualities of rope.<br /> |
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Line 707: | Line 735: | ||
1534. I will raise my hand if I've already heard the DM's riddle. }} |
1534. I will raise my hand if I've already heard the DM's riddle. }} |
||
* [[Our Gnomes Are Weirder]]: His are much, much weirder. |
* [[Our Gnomes Are Weirder]]: His are much, much weirder. |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 39. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'can lick their eyebrows'.<br /> |
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39. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'can lick their eyebrows'.<br /> |
|||
40. Gnomes do not have the racial ability to hold their breath for 10 minutes.<br /> |
40. Gnomes do not have the racial ability to hold their breath for 10 minutes.<br /> |
||
41. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'impromptu kickstand'.<br /> |
41. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'impromptu kickstand'.<br /> |
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Line 718: | Line 747: | ||
1367. Gnomes are not nature's tripods. }} |
1367. Gnomes are not nature's tripods. }} |
||
* [[Overused Copycat Character]]: Mr. Welch seems to have an extreme dislike of these. |
* [[Overused Copycat Character]]: Mr. Welch seems to have an extreme dislike of these. |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 13. Must not murder canon [[NPC|NPCs]] in their sleep, no matter how cliche they are.<br /> |
|||
13. Must not murder canon [[NPC|NPCs]] in their sleep, no matter how cliche they are.<br /> |
|||
214. There is no prestige class Drizzt Slayer.<br /> |
214. There is no prestige class Drizzt Slayer.<br /> |
||
405. I will not name my character for the power gaming campaign Generic Cleave Path Fighter #7. }} |
405. I will not name my character for the power gaming campaign Generic Cleave Path Fighter #7. }} |
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Line 744: | Line 774: | ||
{{quote| 1117. Can't strangle a werewolf with a roll of Kodak film, [[wikipedia:Silver halide|no matter what we all know it's made out of.]]}} |
{{quote| 1117. Can't strangle a werewolf with a roll of Kodak film, [[wikipedia:Silver halide|no matter what we all know it's made out of.]]}} |
||
* [[Power Perversion Potential]]: |
* [[Power Perversion Potential]]: |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 301. "Well Hung" is not a physical, social or mental trait.<br /> |
|||
301. "Well Hung" is not a physical, social or mental trait.<br /> |
|||
595. I cannot pick a race with a prehensile ANYTHING.<br /> |
595. I cannot pick a race with a prehensile ANYTHING.<br /> |
||
966. Using precog on the personals to find out who puts out on a first date is abusing the power.<br /> |
966. Using precog on the personals to find out who puts out on a first date is abusing the power.<br /> |
||
Line 786: | Line 817: | ||
{{quote| 526. If an [[NPC]] is known as the "One," I cannot volunteer to be the "Two."}} |
{{quote| 526. If an [[NPC]] is known as the "One," I cannot volunteer to be the "Two."}} |
||
* [[Sanity Meter]]: |
* [[Sanity Meter]]: |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 138. If the mere thought of it costs the others sanity, I'm forbidden from doing it.<br /> |
|||
138. If the mere thought of it costs the others sanity, I'm forbidden from doing it.<br /> |
|||
829. Despite the song's claim, [[Rocky Horror Picture Show|a pelvic thrust does not cause Sanity loss]].<br /> |
829. Despite the song's claim, [[Rocky Horror Picture Show|a pelvic thrust does not cause Sanity loss]].<br /> |
||
879. Buying a bigger gun does not restore sanity.<br /> |
879. Buying a bigger gun does not restore sanity.<br /> |
||
Line 798: | Line 830: | ||
{{quote| 339. Can't avoid going on an epic quest with the excuse "Can't find a sitter."}} |
{{quote| 339. Can't avoid going on an epic quest with the excuse "Can't find a sitter."}} |
||
* [[Screw You, Elves]]: Mr. Welch seems to relish in tormenting the pointy-eared folk and their players. |
* [[Screw You, Elves]]: Mr. Welch seems to relish in tormenting the pointy-eared folk and their players. |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.<br /> |
|||
55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.<br /> |
|||
89. The elf's name is not [[Bored of the Rings|Legolam]].<br /> |
89. The elf's name is not [[Bored of the Rings|Legolam]].<br /> |
||
156. When one person forgets to buy rations eating the half-elf is not our first option.<br /> |
156. When one person forgets to buy rations eating the half-elf is not our first option.<br /> |
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Line 835: | Line 868: | ||
{{quote| 1785. I can't play an anthropomorphic homo sapiens.}} |
{{quote| 1785. I can't play an anthropomorphic homo sapiens.}} |
||
* [[Shotguns Are Just Better]]: |
* [[Shotguns Are Just Better]]: |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 99. Not allowed to see if Jedi can parry a shotgun blast with their lightsaber.<br /> |
|||
99. Not allowed to see if Jedi can parry a shotgun blast with their lightsaber.<br /> |
|||
619. No matter what the dice say, I can't kill a 4th gen vampire with a pump action loaded with buck in a single round.<br /> |
619. No matter what the dice say, I can't kill a 4th gen vampire with a pump action loaded with buck in a single round.<br /> |
||
958. No matter how practical, I can't have shotgunchucks.<br /> |
958. No matter how practical, I can't have shotgunchucks.<br /> |
||
Line 841: | Line 875: | ||
1916. Even if the rules allow it, sniper scopes don't give bonuses to shotguns. }} |
1916. Even if the rules allow it, sniper scopes don't give bonuses to shotguns. }} |
||
* [[Shout-Out]]: TONS of these. |
* [[Shout-Out]]: TONS of these. |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 25. The green elf [[Gauntlet (1985 video game)|does not need food badly]].<br /> |
|||
25. The green elf [[Gauntlet (1985 video game)|does not need food badly]].<br /> |
|||
36. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to [[Knights of the Dinner Table|sit on the same side of the table]].<br /> |
36. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to [[Knights of the Dinner Table|sit on the same side of the table]].<br /> |
||
64. My paladin's battle cry is not "[[Warhammer 40000|Good for the Good God]]".<br /> |
64. My paladin's battle cry is not "[[Warhammer 40000|Good for the Good God]]".<br /> |
||
Line 884: | Line 919: | ||
{{quote| 16. I will not beat [[Tomb of Horrors]] in less than 10 minutes from memory.<br /> |
{{quote| 16. I will not beat [[Tomb of Horrors]] in less than 10 minutes from memory.<br /> |
||
1213. No, we can't see if the party can beat Temple of Elemental Evil in under an hour. }} |
1213. No, we can't see if the party can beat Temple of Elemental Evil in under an hour. }} |
||
* Spare Body Parts: Denied. |
* [[Spare Body Parts]]: Denied. |
||
{{quote| 68. Bring him back intact includes redundant organs.}} |
{{quote| 68. Bring him back intact includes redundant organs.}} |
||
* [[STD Immunity]]: |
* [[STD Immunity]]: |
||
Line 893: | Line 928: | ||
{{quote| 15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.<br /> |
{{quote| 15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.<br /> |
||
1925. Can't disguise a nuclear bomb to look like me. }} |
1925. Can't disguise a nuclear bomb to look like me. }} |
||
* Subverted Rhyme Every Occasion |
* [[Subverted Rhyme Every Occasion]] |
||
{{quote| 46. Sliver rhymes with silver because the computer frelling says so.}} |
{{quote| 46. Sliver rhymes with silver because the computer frelling says so.}} |
||
* [[Summon Bigger Fish]]: |
* [[Summon Bigger Fish]]: |
||
Line 917: | Line 952: | ||
{{quote| 1986. When asked to be the party tank, they didn't mean an Abrams.}} |
{{quote| 1986. When asked to be the party tank, they didn't mean an Abrams.}} |
||
* [[There Is No Kill Like Overkill]]: |
* [[There Is No Kill Like Overkill]]: |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 383. It is not ok to use 10,000 rounds to kill two sentries.<br /> |
|||
383. It is not ok to use 10,000 rounds to kill two sentries.<br /> |
|||
589. If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale.<br /> |
589. If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale.<br /> |
||
808. Covering fire does not include nuclear weapons.<br /> |
808. Covering fire does not include nuclear weapons.<br /> |
||
Line 950: | Line 986: | ||
{{quote| 1192. My last wish cannot be for a cage match between Cthulhu, Godzilla, Galactus and the Tarrasque.}} |
{{quote| 1192. My last wish cannot be for a cage match between Cthulhu, Godzilla, Galactus and the Tarrasque.}} |
||
* [[Un Entendre]]: |
* [[Un Entendre]]: |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 472. When my cleric is told to "Buff the Elf", I know exactly what it means and may not miscontrue it in any way.<br /> |
|||
472. When my cleric is told to "Buff the Elf", I know exactly what it means and may not miscontrue it in any way.<br /> |
|||
555. I will stop snickering every time the monk announces he's touching someone with his quivering palm.<br /> |
555. I will stop snickering every time the monk announces he's touching someone with his quivering palm.<br /> |
||
1875. Before I make the seduction check, I will reread the description of the swinging knack. }} |
1875. Before I make the seduction check, I will reread the description of the swinging knack. }} |
||
* [[The Unpronouncable]] |
* [[The Unpronouncable]] |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 459. The [[Vampire: The Masquerade|vampire clan]] with vicissitude is not pronounced 'Karl'.<br /> |
|||
459. The [[Vampire: The Masquerade|vampire clan]] with vicissitude is not pronounced 'Karl'.<br /> |
|||
561. I can't play a deep gnome just to make the rest of the party have to pronounce Svirfneblin.<br /> |
561. I can't play a deep gnome just to make the rest of the party have to pronounce Svirfneblin.<br /> |
||
716. I cannot play a race the GM can't pronounce. }} |
716. I cannot play a race the GM can't pronounce. }} |
||
Line 964: | Line 1,002: | ||
{{quote| 26. Valley speak has no place in a fantasy setting. Especially if you're the paladin.}} |
{{quote| 26. Valley speak has no place in a fantasy setting. Especially if you're the paladin.}} |
||
* [[Vampire Hunter]]: He hunts bloodsuckers with extreme prejudice, it seems. |
* [[Vampire Hunter]]: He hunts bloodsuckers with extreme prejudice, it seems. |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 30. I am not to kill off all the vampires in the LARP, even if they are terminally stupid.<br /> |
|||
30. I am not to kill off all the vampires in the LARP, even if they are terminally stupid.<br /> |
|||
109. Not allowed to kill a vampire with any part from a DC-10 larger than my car.<br /> |
109. Not allowed to kill a vampire with any part from a DC-10 larger than my car.<br /> |
||
193. Not allowed to kill vampires with seismic charges.<br /> |
193. Not allowed to kill vampires with seismic charges.<br /> |
||
Line 979: | Line 1,018: | ||
1851. Can't use woodchippers as shotguns against vampires. }} |
1851. Can't use woodchippers as shotguns against vampires. }} |
||
* [[Verbal Tic]]: |
* [[Verbal Tic]]: |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 478. Castillians do not always end their sentences with the word "Ariba!"<br /> |
|||
478. Castillians do not always end their sentences with the word "Ariba!"<br /> |
|||
502. If my character is not named "[[Transformers|Grimlock]]," I cannot start every sentence with "[[Hulk Speak|Me Grimlock!]]"<br /> |
502. If my character is not named "[[Transformers|Grimlock]]," I cannot start every sentence with "[[Hulk Speak|Me Grimlock!]]"<br /> |
||
516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock. }} |
516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock. }} |
||
Line 989: | Line 1,029: | ||
{{quote| 313. My British Superspy does not get a reroll on his seduction check if his shirt gets ripped off.}} |
{{quote| 313. My British Superspy does not get a reroll on his seduction check if his shirt gets ripped off.}} |
||
* [[Wasteful Wishing]]: Over a dozen, including: |
* [[Wasteful Wishing]]: Over a dozen, including: |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 227. My last wish cannot be "I wish we were playing another game."<br /> |
|||
227. My last wish cannot be "I wish we were playing another game."<br /> |
|||
257. I cannot wish nobody else gets wishes.<br /> |
257. I cannot wish nobody else gets wishes.<br /> |
||
568. My first wish cannot be "I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish".<br /> |
568. My first wish cannot be "I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish".<br /> |
||
Line 1,001: | Line 1,042: | ||
{{quote| 206. I cannot forge a +1 sword of Brad's Min/Maxed Paladin/Monk Slaying.}} |
{{quote| 206. I cannot forge a +1 sword of Brad's Min/Maxed Paladin/Monk Slaying.}} |
||
* [[We Need a Distraction]]: Greatly limited. |
* [[We Need a Distraction]]: Greatly limited. |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 450. When told to distract the villainess, they didn't mean with a surprise marriage proposal.<br /> |
|||
450. When told to distract the villainess, they didn't mean with a surprise marriage proposal.<br /> |
|||
678. Distract the bad guy does not mean with a recreation of the Apollo landing.<br /> |
678. Distract the bad guy does not mean with a recreation of the Apollo landing.<br /> |
||
1667. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by playing Wham over their commlinks.<br /> |
1667. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by playing Wham over their commlinks.<br /> |
||
Line 1,012: | Line 1,054: | ||
654. If the party goes into my room and finds a Deva wearing only baby oil, oven mitts and spurs, they can start the module without me. }} |
654. If the party goes into my room and finds a Deva wearing only baby oil, oven mitts and spurs, they can start the module without me. }} |
||
* [[Whatevermancy]]: |
* [[Whatevermancy]]: |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 334. Pinball is not a specialization [[The Who|for wizards]].<br /> |
|||
334. Pinball is not a specialization [[The Who|for wizards]].<br /> |
|||
578. Rectomancy is not a school of magic.<br /> |
578. Rectomancy is not a school of magic.<br /> |
||
888. Breast enhancing spells gain no benefits from meta-magic feats. }} |
888. Breast enhancing spells gain no benefits from meta-magic feats. }} |
||
* [[What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?]]: |
* [[What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?]]: |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 250. Superfluous Man is not a viable superhero concept.<br /> |
|||
250. Superfluous Man is not a viable superhero concept.<br /> |
|||
1191. Super powers that are only useful to art majors are vetoed.<br /> |
1191. Super powers that are only useful to art majors are vetoed.<br /> |
||
1210. I will keep rolling until I get a superpower I can actually use.<br /> |
1210. I will keep rolling until I get a superpower I can actually use.<br /> |
||
Line 1,022: | Line 1,066: | ||
* [[Whip It Good]]: ''Not'' the [[Weapon of Choice]] of the Goddess of Marriage. |
* [[Whip It Good]]: ''Not'' the [[Weapon of Choice]] of the Goddess of Marriage. |
||
* [[Whoring]] / [[Crippling Overspecialization]]: |
* [[Whoring]] / [[Crippling Overspecialization]]: |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 69. There is more to wizardry than magic missile. Even if I can do 200 damage automatic with no save.<br /> |
|||
69. There is more to wizardry than magic missile. Even if I can do 200 damage automatic with no save.<br /> |
|||
381. Min/Max for combat{{=}}good. Min/Max for accounting{{=}}bad.<br /> |
381. Min/Max for combat{{=}}good. Min/Max for accounting{{=}}bad.<br /> |
||
1195. I will not min/max the appraise skill just to clean up on ''[[The Price Is Right]]''.<br /> |
1195. I will not min/max the appraise skill just to clean up on ''[[The Price Is Right]]''.<br /> |
||
Line 1,038: | Line 1,083: | ||
1688. Just because he starts every game in a tavern doesn't mean the Barbarian needs rehab. }} |
1688. Just because he starts every game in a tavern doesn't mean the Barbarian needs rehab. }} |
||
* [[You Can Leave Your Hat On]]: |
* [[You Can Leave Your Hat On]]: |
||
{{quote| |
|||
{{quote| 351. I cannot take skill Profession: Ecdysiast.<br /> |
|||
351. I cannot take skill Profession: Ecdysiast.<br /> |
|||
739. Can't make the Black Ops super easy by sending a couple of strippers to the guardroom first.<br /> |
739. Can't make the Black Ops super easy by sending a couple of strippers to the guardroom first.<br /> |
||
814. Sending the villain a Nymph stripper only works once.<br /> |
814. Sending the villain a [[Inhumanly Beautiful Race|Nymph]] stripper only [[Brown Note|works]] once.<br /> |
||
1244. I will not point out the Drow Matron would make more money as an exotic dancer. Even if it's true. }} |
1244. I will not point out the Drow Matron would make more money as an exotic dancer. Even if it's true. }} |
||
* [[You Can't Thwart Stage One]]: |
* [[You Can't Thwart Stage One]]: |