Violent Glaswegian/Quotes

'Seefy tries enythin wi me, eez fuckin fucked. Av git steel toecaps and nay fuckin tolerance.

—Cameron Spector, The Filth

Ah it still makes me proud to be Scottish, a man on fire being kicked to death by the friendliest airport staff in the world.

—Jamsie Cotter, Rab C. Nesbitt - on the 2007 Glasgow airport terror attacks (see Real Life example in the main article)

I'm from Glasgow. If I had to explain Glasgow to you...I'd say that if I had to pick a city in the world...where I could depend on a member of the public...to punch a man who was on fire. To punch a flaming man! To the ground! We should get a photo of that blown up and use it as the welcome sign in Scottish airports. And underneath we should have the words "Scotland Welcomes Careful Drivers". I mean, the naiveté of Al-Qaeda trying to bring religious war to Glasgow. We're four hundred years ahead of you guys. You've not even got a football team.

—Frankie Boyle, also on the failed 2007 Glasgow airport attacks.

A car came into the airport, a guy fell out of it. He was rolling around, on fire. I turn to the police-officer next to me, I said "Should we help him?" He said "No, let the fucker burn!"

Lee Mack: What's on your rider list, Frankie? (mock Glaswegian accent) Six cans of bitter and a knife!
Frankie Boyle: Yeah, six cans of bitter for a teetotal alcoholic!

Lee Mack: Only Frankie Boyle could complain about the fact that I mentioned alcohol and not mention the knife! (puts on the Glaswegian accent again) "I'll take the knife, but don't accuse me of drinkin'!"

—Would I Lie to You?

What do you think of that, Mr. Pajama-Wearing, Basket-Face, Slipper-Wielding, Clype-Dreep-Bachle, Gether-Uping-Blate-Maw, Bleathering, Gomeril, Jessie, Oaf-Looking, Scooner, Nyaff, Plookie, Shan, Milk-Drinking, Soy-Faced Shilpit, Mim-Moothed, Sniveling, Worm-Eyed, Hotten-Blaugh, Vile-Stoochie, Cally-Breek-Tattie?

—Scotsman, Samurai Jack

So: T'all ye fine dandies so proud, so cock-sure, prancin' aboot wi yer heads full of eyeballs! Come an' get me I say! I'll be waitin' on ye with a whiff o' the 'ol brimstone! I'm a grim bloody fable... with an unhappy bloody end!

Ooh, they'll have ta glue you back together... IN HELL!

—The Demoman, Team Fortress 2

Don't feel bad for losing. I was wrestling wolves when you were back at your mother's teat!

—Groundskeeper Willie to the Alaskan timber wolf he just beat

Does your granny sew?

—Traditional Pre-Ass-Kicking One-Liner. Followed by an act of violence and "Well then tell her tae stitch that!"