Australian Wildlife/Quotes
Out of the intelligently-designed cruelty of some cock-sucking asshole of a God, or just dumb luck, Australia has the largest concentration of venomous, aggressive, and black-hearted creatures on Earth.
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"The second confusing thing about Australia are the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep. It is true that of the 10 most poisonous arachnids on the planet, Australia has 9 of them. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the 9 most poisonous arachnids, Australia has all of them. However, there are curiously few snakes, possibly because the spiders have killed them all. But even the spiders won't go near the sea."
—Jeremy Lee, View of Australia (frequently misattributed to Douglas Adams)
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"Ah, Australian animals. If it isn't venomous, carnivorous, or has foot-long claws, it's a tourist."
—RPG.net
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First there was Dial-A-Prayer, then Dial-A-Recipe, and even Dial-A-Footballer. But the south-east Victorian town of Sale has produced one to top them all. Dial-A-Wombat. —Newcastle Morning Herald, WSW Australia, August 1980
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Australia is not without its dangers and every animal in the country can be classified as belonging to one or more of the three categories: Dangerous, Poisonous, and Sheep.
—Make A Wish, chapter 33, by Rorschach's Blot
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Rare giant squid washes up on the beach in Australia. If you are missing a rare giant squid in Australia, please call the rare giant missing squid hotline, or just go get a new rare giant squid (with rare giant squid pic goodness).
—Fark.com, July 11, 2007
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"See, there's a reason Australia is a water-locked continent: Geography is trying to protect you."
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