Bewitched/Quotes: Difference between revisions
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== Season 3 == |
== Season 3 == |
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=== ''Super Car'' === |
=== ''Super Car'' === |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': Mother, Darrin's off today. |
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'''Endora''': I think you're just noticing it for the first time. |
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:'''Samantha''': Mother, Darrin's off today. |
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|''Endora 'pops' in while Darrin has a day off from work.''}} |
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=== ''The Corn is as High as a Guernsey's Eye'' === |
=== ''The Corn is as High as a Guernsey's Eye'' === |
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{{quote|Just because you chose to be a cow doesn't mean you have to be a stupid one. |
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:''[Samantha is trying to convince a cow (who she believes to be Aunt Clara) to go to the kitchen. It won't budge.]'' |
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|Samantha ''is trying to convince a cow (who she believes to be Aunt Clara) to go to the kitchen. It won't budge.''}} |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:'''Samantha''': You see, everything turns out for the best. |
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:'''Darrin''': Yeah, when you're around to give everything a big assist, it does. |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': You see, everything turns out for the best. |
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'''Darrin''': Yeah, when you're around to give everything a big assist, it does.}} |
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=== ''The Trial and Error of Aunt Clara'' === |
=== ''The Trial and Error of Aunt Clara'' === |
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{{quote|'''Darrin''': I know why you don't want to let me in there. |
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:''[Samantha is trying to hide a witches court meeting (attended by Endora, Clara, Enchantra and Hagatha) from Darrin in the other room.]'' |
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'''Samantha''': You do? |
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:'''Darrin''': I know why you don't want to let me in there. |
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'''Darrin''': Mm-hm. I finally figured it out. Ladies club, right? |
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:'''Samantha''': You do? |
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'''Samantha''': Sort of. |
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:'''Darrin''': Mm-hm. I finally figured it out. Ladies club, right? |
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'''Darrin''': Is it the committee for the bazaar? |
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:'''Samantha''': Sort of. |
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'''Samantha''': Oh, I'd certainly call them a bizarre committee. |
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:'''Darrin''': Is it the committee for the bazaar? |
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|''Samantha is trying to hide a witches court meeting (attended by Endora, Clara, Enchantra and Hagatha) from Darrin in the other room.''}} |
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:'''Samantha''': Oh, I'd certainly call them a bizarre committee. |
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=== ''Three Wishes'' === |
=== ''Three Wishes'' === |
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{{quote|That was no lady, that was my mother-in-law! |
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|Darrin}} |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:'''Samantha''': Darrin, I'm leaving you. |
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:'''Darrin''': Sam! |
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:'''Samantha''': I'm going home to mother. |
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:'''Darrin''': What do you mean "going home to mother"? Your mother's always here. |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': Darrin, I'm leaving you. |
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'''Darrin''': Sam! |
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'''Samantha''': I'm going home to mother. |
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'''Darrin''': What do you mean "going home to mother"? Your mother's always here.}} |
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=== ''Cousin Serena Strikes Again'' === |
=== ''Cousin Serena Strikes Again'' === |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': Personally, I think she should see a plastic surgeon. |
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:''[Referring to Darrin's beautiful, but snobby, client.]'' |
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'''Darrin''': What for? |
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:'''Samantha''': Personally, I think she should see a plastic surgeon. |
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'''Samantha''': To have her nose lowered. |
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|''Referring to Darrin's beautiful, but snobby, client.''}} |
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:'''Samantha''': To have her nose lowered. |
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=== ''Charlie Harper, Winner'' === |
=== ''Charlie Harper, Winner'' === |
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{{quote|'''Darrin''': Believe me honey, I don't feel bad. As a matter of fact, I feel great. I finally beat Charlie at something. |
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:''[After losing to Charlie all day.]'' |
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'''Samantha''': You said you lost by 12 strokes. |
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:'''Darrin''': Believe me honey, I don't feel bad. As a matter of fact, I feel great. I finally beat Charlie at something. |
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'''Darrin''': 11. |
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:'''Samantha''': You said you lost by 12 strokes. |
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'''Samantha''': Oh, pardon me. |
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'''Darrin''': But we flipped a coin to see who'd tip the caddy and I won. It cost me ten bucks, but I won. |
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:'''Samantha''': Oh, pardon me. |
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|''After losing to Charlie all day.''}} |
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:'''Darrin''': But we flipped a coin to see who'd tip the caddy and I won. It cost me ten bucks, but I won. |
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=== ''The Crone of Cawdor'' === |
=== ''The Crone of Cawdor'' === |
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{{quote|When the earth turns once around the sun, let the crone go forth til the day is done. Another's form she'll take and her form leave, from 6 in the morn til 6 in the eve. And in this guise if she can secure, a willing kiss from a mortal pure. To her will pass the mortal's youth, to him will pass her age forsooth. |
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|Samantha|''Legend of the Crone of Cawdor''}} |
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== Season 4== |
== Season 4== |
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=== ''My What Big Ears You Have''=== |
=== ''My What Big Ears You Have''=== |
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{{quote|'''Darrin''': A satisfactory explanation?! You're kidding! |
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'''Samantha''': It's not for me. I trust you implicitly, in spite of my doubts. Mother will not take off that spell until you explain. |
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'''Darrin''': Suppose you explain to me what gives your mother the right to bug my telephone calls. |
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'''Samantha''': Darrin, how can I explain my mother? |
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'''Darrin''' ''(realizing Samantha's point)'': That's true.}} |
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== Season 5 == |
== Season 5 == |
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=== ''Darrin, Gone and Forgotten'' === |
=== ''Darrin, Gone and Forgotten'' === |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': Happy sweetheart? |
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'''Darrin''': Let's see. I've got a beautiful wife. Lovely daughter. Comfortable home. Good job. I guess I'm reasonably happy. |
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'''Samantha''': Why only 'reasonably'? |
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'''Darrin''': I would be ecstatically happy if you were an orphan! |
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'''Samantha''': Another remark like that and I'll be a widow.}} |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:'''Samantha''': I thought you and mother were getting along rather well lately. You were almost on speaking terms. |
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:'''Darrin''': Let's hope it stays 'almost'. |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:'''Samantha''': Now, mother. I'm sorry to have to ask you to do this, but repeat after me ... Spiders that crawl, bats that fly, silence my tongue if I'm telling a lie. |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:''[Samantha is trying to figure out who has taken Darrin.]'' |
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:'''Maurice''': Uncle Arthur! That's it! Uncle Arthur is using Darrin for one of his practical jokes. |
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:'''Endora''': Well, why would he do a thing like that? Derwood is already a practical joke. |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': I thought you and mother were getting along rather well lately. You were almost on speaking terms. |
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'''Darrin''': Let's hope it stays 'almost'.}} |
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{{quote|Now, mother. I'm sorry to have to ask you to do this, but repeat after me ... Spiders that crawl, bats that fly, silence my tongue if I'm telling a lie. |
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=== ''It's So Nice to Have a Spouse Around the House'' === |
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|Samantha}} |
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:''[After Darrin yells out loud.]'' |
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:'''Endora''': I've not only lost a daughter, I've gained a bullhorn. |
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{{quote|'''Maurice''': Uncle Arthur! That's it! Uncle Arthur is using Darrin for one of his practical jokes. |
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'''Endora''': Well, why would he do a thing like that? Derwood is already a practical joke. |
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|''Samantha is trying to figure out who has taken Darrin.''}} |
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=== ''It's So Nice to Have a Spouse Around the House'' === |
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{{quote|I've not only lost a daughter, I've gained a bullhorn. |
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|Endora, ''after Darrin yells out loud.''}} |
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=== ''Mirror, Mirror On The Wall'' === |
=== ''Mirror, Mirror On The Wall'' === |
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{{quote|'''Endora''': Fortunately for you, I don't offend easily. |
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:''[After Darrin insults Endora] |
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'''Darrin''': Let me try a little harder. |
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|''After Darrin insults Endora''}} |
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:'''Darrin''': Let me try a little harder. |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:'''Samantha''': Mr Haskem, you really should listen to Darrin. He has his finger on the pulse of today. |
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:'''Larry Tate''': And his foot on the unemployment line of tomorrow. |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': Mr Haskem, you really should listen to Darrin. He has his finger on the pulse of today. |
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'''Larry Tate''': And his foot on the unemployment line of tomorrow.}} |
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=== ''Samantha's French Pastry'' === |
=== ''Samantha's French Pastry'' === |
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{{quote|When you cast your spell, you probably faced west when you should have faced 'yeast'. |
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:''[Joking about Samantha's unrisen Angel Food Cake] |
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|Uncle Arthur, ''joking about Samantha's unrisen Angel Food Cake''}} |
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:'''Uncle Arthur''': When you cast your spell, you probably faced west when you should of faced 'yeast'. |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:'''Darrin''': I don't believe it. In our living room, in person, sits Napoleon Bonaparte. |
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:'''Samantha''': Yeah. You're the only living human being who can say he's had Napoleon Bonaparte as a guest in his house. It's ironic. |
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:'''Darrin''': Ironic? |
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:'''Samantha''': Yes. Who can you say it to? |
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{{quote|'''Darrin''': I don't believe it. In our living room, in person, sits Napoleon Bonaparte. |
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'''Samantha''': Yeah. You're the only living human being who can say he's had Napoleon Bonaparte as a guest in his house. It's ironic. |
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'''Darrin''': [[Irony|Ironic?]] |
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'''Samantha''': Yes. Who can you say it to?}} |
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=== ''Is It Magic Or Imagination?'' === |
=== ''Is It Magic Or Imagination?'' === |
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{{quote|The point is, your slogan was rejected, it was lousy. Which proves it was your imagination! |
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:''[Darrin is trying to apologize to Samantha, for accusing her of using witchcraft to win a slogan competition]. |
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|Darrin ''is trying to apologize to Samantha, for accusing her of using witchcraft to win a slogan competition''}} |
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:'''Darrin''': The point is, your slogan was rejected, it was lousy. Which proves it was your imagination! |
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=== ''Samantha Fights City Hall'' === |
=== ''Samantha Fights City Hall'' === |
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{{quote|'''Larry Tate''': [Laughs] Darrin, you old son of a gun, we've done it again. This Ezyway rent-a-car presentation is a masterpiece. |
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'''Darrin''': Just don't hog all the credit this time, huh, Larry. Let's make it 50-50 right down the line. |
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'''Larry Tate''': Done. I'll even go you one better, Darrin. If HB doesn't like it, it's all yours.}} |
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=== ''Samantha Loses Her Voice'' === |
=== ''Samantha Loses Her Voice'' === |
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{{quote|Have you ever seen Louise play volleyball? Her best shot is ducking. |
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:''[Larry explaining why he didn't pick his wife for his volleyball team]. |
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|Larry Tate, ''explaining why he didn't pick his wife for his volleyball team''}} |
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=== ''I Don't Want to Be a Toad, I Want to Be a Butterfly'' === |
=== ''I Don't Want to Be a Toad, I Want to Be a Butterfly'' === |
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{{quote|'''Tabitha''': Is this one of those things that's called a problem? |
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:''[After Tabitha has changed her classmate into a butterfly]. |
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'''Samantha''': Not exactly, sweetheart. This is one of those things that's called a catastrophe. |
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|''After Tabitha has changed her classmate into a butterfly.''}} |
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:'''Samantha''': Not exactly, sweetheart. This is one of those things that's called a catastrophe. |
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=== ''Weep No More My Willow'' === |
=== ''Weep No More My Willow'' === |
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{{quote|'''Mrs Kravitz''': Abner! Darrin Stephens is talking to a strange woman. |
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'''Mr Kravitz''': So what? I'm listening to one.}} |
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== Season 8 == |
== Season 8 == |
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=== ''A Plague on Maurice and Samantha'' === |
=== ''A Plague on Maurice and Samantha'' === |
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{{quote|Endora, you have all the charm of a tse-tse fly. |
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|Maurice}} |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:''[Maurice dismisses his driver (named Yorick), who coughs before disappearing.]'' |
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{{quote|Alas, poor Yorick. He isn't well. |
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|Maurice ''dismisses his driver (named Yorick), who coughs before disappearing.''}} |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:'''Darrin's client''': And Mrs Stephens. You should be very proud of your father. I think he's dynamite. |
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{{quote|'''Darrin's client''': And Mrs Stephens. You should be very proud of your father. I think he's dynamite. |
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:'''Samantha''': Ooh, I do too. And, uh, I never know when he might explode. |
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'''Samantha''': Ooh, I do too. And, uh, I never know when he might explode.}} |
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=== ''Hansel And Gretel In Samanthaland'' === |
=== ''Hansel And Gretel In Samanthaland'' === |
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=== ''The Warlock In The Grey Flannel Suit'' === |
=== ''The Warlock In The Grey Flannel Suit'' === |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': One thing you can say about my mother. She's a mother-in-law. |
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:''[After finding out that Endora has cast yet another spell on Darrin.]'' |
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'''Darrin''': The one thing ''I'' can say about your mother is censorable. |
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|''After finding out that Endora has cast yet another spell on Darrin.''}} |
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:'''Darrin''': The one thing ''I'' can say about your mother is censorable. |
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=== ''The Eight-Year Witch'' === |
=== ''The Eight-Year Witch'' === |
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{{quote|'''Endora''': Have you ever heard of the syndrome peculiar to mortal men? The seven year itch? Seven years marriage and it's off with the old and on with the new. |
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:''[After Endora finds photographs of beautiful models in swimsuits in Darrin's briefcase.]'' |
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'''Samantha''': In case you hadn't noticed, Darrin and I have been married for ''eight'' years. |
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:'''Endora''': Have you ever heard of the syndrome peculiar to mortal men? The seven year itch? Seven years marriage and it's off with the old and on with the new. |
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'''Endora''': You see, Derwood can't do anything right. |
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:'''Samantha''': In case you hadn't noticed, Darrin and I have been married for ''eight'' years. |
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|''After Endora finds photographs of beautiful models in swimsuits in Darrin's briefcase.''}} |
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:'''Endora''': You see, Derwood can't do anything right. |
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=== ''Three Men And A Witch On a Horse'' === |
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{{quote|Look at what this fellow says about Count of Valor. "Couldn't beat a fat man up a hill". |
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|Samantha, ''reading a newspaper betting column. She is trying to dissuade Darrin from betting on the horse.''}} |
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{{quote|'''Darrin''': Hello. I'd like to place a bet. My account number is A231. My codename is 'Dog'. |
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=== ''Three Men And A Witch On a Horse'' === |
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'''Samantha''': And so's your horse. |
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:''[Samantha is reading a newspaper betting column. She is trying to dissuade Darrin from betting on the horse.]'' |
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|''Darrin is phoning the betting company to place a bet on a horse.''}} |
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:'''Samantha''': Look at what this fellow says about Count of Valor. "Couldn't beat a fat man up a hill". |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:''[Darrin is phoning the betting company to place a bet on a horse.]'' |
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:'''Darrin''': Hello. I'd like to place a bet. My account number is A231. My codename is 'Dog'. |
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:'''Samantha''': And so's your horse. |
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<hr width="50%"/> |
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:''[When Count of Valor is at the back of the field in the race.]'' |
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:'''Samantha''': He'll catch up. |
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:'''Larry Tate''': Only if they race to Albany. |
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{{quote|'''Samantha''': He'll catch up. |
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'''Larry Tate''': Only if they race to Albany. |
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|''When Count of Valor is at the back of the field in the race.''}} |
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=== ''Adam, Warlock or Washout?'' === |
=== ''Adam, Warlock or Washout?'' === |
Latest revision as of 20:44, 19 June 2024
Season 3
Super Car
Samantha: Mother, Darrin's off today. —Endora 'pops' in while Darrin has a day off from work.
|
The Corn is as High as a Guernsey's Eye
Just because you chose to be a cow doesn't mean you have to be a stupid one. —Samantha is trying to convince a cow (who she believes to be Aunt Clara) to go to the kitchen. It won't budge.
|
Samantha: You see, everything turns out for the best. |
The Trial and Error of Aunt Clara
Darrin: I know why you don't want to let me in there. —Samantha is trying to hide a witches court meeting (attended by Endora, Clara, Enchantra and Hagatha) from Darrin in the other room.
|
Three Wishes
That was no lady, that was my mother-in-law! —Darrin
|
Samantha: Darrin, I'm leaving you. |
Cousin Serena Strikes Again
Samantha: Personally, I think she should see a plastic surgeon. —Referring to Darrin's beautiful, but snobby, client.
|
Charlie Harper, Winner
Darrin: Believe me honey, I don't feel bad. As a matter of fact, I feel great. I finally beat Charlie at something. —After losing to Charlie all day.
|
The Crone of Cawdor
When the earth turns once around the sun, let the crone go forth til the day is done. Another's form she'll take and her form leave, from 6 in the morn til 6 in the eve. And in this guise if she can secure, a willing kiss from a mortal pure. To her will pass the mortal's youth, to him will pass her age forsooth. —Samantha, Legend of the Crone of Cawdor
|
Season 4
My What Big Ears You Have
Darrin: A satisfactory explanation?! You're kidding! |
Season 5
Darrin, Gone and Forgotten
Samantha: Happy sweetheart? |
Samantha: I thought you and mother were getting along rather well lately. You were almost on speaking terms. |
Now, mother. I'm sorry to have to ask you to do this, but repeat after me ... Spiders that crawl, bats that fly, silence my tongue if I'm telling a lie. —Samantha
|
Maurice: Uncle Arthur! That's it! Uncle Arthur is using Darrin for one of his practical jokes. —Samantha is trying to figure out who has taken Darrin.
|
It's So Nice to Have a Spouse Around the House
I've not only lost a daughter, I've gained a bullhorn. —Endora, after Darrin yells out loud.
|
Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
Endora: Fortunately for you, I don't offend easily. —After Darrin insults Endora
|
Samantha: Mr Haskem, you really should listen to Darrin. He has his finger on the pulse of today. |
Samantha's French Pastry
When you cast your spell, you probably faced west when you should have faced 'yeast'. —Uncle Arthur, joking about Samantha's unrisen Angel Food Cake
|
Darrin: I don't believe it. In our living room, in person, sits Napoleon Bonaparte. |
Is It Magic Or Imagination?
The point is, your slogan was rejected, it was lousy. Which proves it was your imagination! —Darrin is trying to apologize to Samantha, for accusing her of using witchcraft to win a slogan competition
|
Samantha Fights City Hall
Larry Tate: [Laughs] Darrin, you old son of a gun, we've done it again. This Ezyway rent-a-car presentation is a masterpiece. |
Samantha Loses Her Voice
Have you ever seen Louise play volleyball? Her best shot is ducking. —Larry Tate, explaining why he didn't pick his wife for his volleyball team
|
I Don't Want to Be a Toad, I Want to Be a Butterfly
Tabitha: Is this one of those things that's called a problem? —After Tabitha has changed her classmate into a butterfly.
|
Weep No More My Willow
Mrs Kravitz: Abner! Darrin Stephens is talking to a strange woman. |
Season 8
A Plague on Maurice and Samantha
Endora, you have all the charm of a tse-tse fly. —Maurice
|
Alas, poor Yorick. He isn't well. —Maurice dismisses his driver (named Yorick), who coughs before disappearing.
|
Darrin's client: And Mrs Stephens. You should be very proud of your father. I think he's dynamite. |
Hansel And Gretel In Samanthaland
Larry Tate: Darren, why are you carrying that leg of lamb? |
The Warlock In The Grey Flannel Suit
Samantha: One thing you can say about my mother. She's a mother-in-law. —After finding out that Endora has cast yet another spell on Darrin.
|
The Eight-Year Witch
Endora: Have you ever heard of the syndrome peculiar to mortal men? The seven year itch? Seven years marriage and it's off with the old and on with the new. —After Endora finds photographs of beautiful models in swimsuits in Darrin's briefcase.
|
Three Men And A Witch On a Horse
Look at what this fellow says about Count of Valor. "Couldn't beat a fat man up a hill". —Samantha, reading a newspaper betting column. She is trying to dissuade Darrin from betting on the horse.
|
Darrin: Hello. I'd like to place a bet. My account number is A231. My codename is 'Dog'. —Darrin is phoning the betting company to place a bet on a horse.
|
Samantha: He'll catch up. —When Count of Valor is at the back of the field in the race.
|
Adam, Warlock or Washout?
Maurice: She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies. And all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes. |
Endora: Maurice, this exhibition is absurd. Childishly flamboyant and pathetically egomaniacical. —Maurice is greeting Samantha.
|
Tabitha: Hello, Grandpapa. —Maurice is greeting Tabitha.
|
Maurice: Let me tell you what I think the problem is. This child has been brought up in an atmosphere that has inhibited the growth of his witchcraft. —Explaining why Adam has not shown any signs of being a warlock.
|
Samantha is Earthbound
Mr. Prescott: That's a pretty squirrely couple —After witnessing Samantha and Darrin walking along while hugging each other closely (to prevent Samantha from being lifted into the air!)
|
Samantha on Thin Ice
Darrin: Can you learn to skate normally? From scratch, without witchcraft? |
Serena's Youth Pill
In gay Paree it's s'il vous plaît, in Germany it's bitte. Please, Serena, come this way, I need a baby sitter.
—Samantha
|
Do me a favour, call Berlitz and get me a translator —Larry Tate doesn't understand what Louise is getting at!
|
Tabitha's First Day at School
Darrin: Is Tabitha ready for school? |
Charlton, the bully: What kind of dumb name is Tabitha? |
Charlton's mom: Why does he keep saying that? —After Charlton keeps insisting that Tabitha turned him into a bullfrog.
|
Samantha: Young lady! You have nothing to laugh about, you started this whole mess. Now, how are we gonna deal with you? —After Samantha has convinced the bully's mother that he only imagined himself as a bullfrog
|
George Washington Zapped Here
George Washington: And who is this bearded fellow? —After George Washington sees Abraham Lincoln's face on the $5 bill and his on the $1 bill
|
Samantha: Sometimes, it's easier to be led than to lead. And a great many of our citizens prefer to stand on the sidelines and ignore their rights instead of defend them. They're called "The Silent Majority". |
How come you witches can do anything, but you can't come up with a witch psychiatrist for her! —Darrin, referring to Esmerelda
|
School Days, School Daze
Samantha: How would you like a drink? |
A Good Turn Never Goes Unpunished
Just because blondes have more fun doesn't make them brainless, you know?
—Samantha
|
Samantha: Did Larry like it? |
Samantha's Witchcraft Blows a Fuse
There goes one of the great quackpots of all time. —Samantha, referring to Dr. Bombay
|
The Truth, Nothing But the Truth, So Help Me Sam
Samantha: Darrin, don't make mother angry. She's very difficult when she gets angry. |
Darrin: Honey. You're beautiful, sweet, clever, adorable and I love you madly. [referring to the spell] It works. —The last lines spoken in the series. Darrin is testing the truth spell Endora has cast
|
Catch Phrases
Oh my stars!
—Samantha
|
Weeell?
—Samantha
|
SAMANTHA!
—Darrin
|
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