The Doctor: Well, by his time, you lot are spread over half the galaxy. Rose: Meaning? The Doctor: So many species, so little time. Rose: What, that's what we do when we get out there? That's our mission? We seek new life and...
I'm so brave I'm so brave I'll be her love slave He's so brave He's so brave
He'll be her love slave forever!
—They Might Be Giants, "For Science"
You're an alien sex fiend You're an alien sex fiend You're an alien sex fiend
You're an alien sex fiend
—Garbage, "Alien Sex Fiend"
Me: May I touch that? Alien: That is not an erogenous zone. It is a separate corporeal being that has been attached to my body for six hundred years. Me: It's cute. I wonder if it would let me have sex with it.
Alien: That's exactly what I said six hundred years ago.
"Babylon 5 is the greatest TV show ever. Plus, you get to have sex with aliens."
—Scott Adams, in a TV Guide interview
You don't understand.
Since mankind first looked up at the skies, he has dreamed of having sex with them. See: the myth of Tithonus.
We have learned, with great sadness, that we cannot fuck the sky. We will not be the peerless hero who deflowers the virgin sun or the lady of the moon. We cannot even make love to the stars.
But we hope that there will be living creatures who dwell in the stars. We hope that we can reach them and find friendship, that our species is not the sole intelligent life, alone in all the heavens, growing ever more maddened by its isolation. No, that we cannot accept. There must be others.
And when we find them, we WILL have sex with them. Their blood may be acid and they may breathe poison, but we WILL have sex with them. They may have clawing razors for genitals and limbs that would crush our human frames as easily as we can crush a baby's skull, but we WILL have sex with them . . .
You are like the early caveman who asked Thog Uklakala HOW when he said he would fight a saber-toothed tiger and win . . .
If we find aliens, we will have sex with them, just as we soar across the sky, just as we traveled to the moon, just as Thog hunted the saber-toothed tiger at the dawn of man.
We WILL have sex with them, no matter what difficulties we may face along the way. We WILL have sex with them, because if it comes down to it WE WILL BUILD A MACHINE TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM.
