Darths & Droids/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Qui-Gon: Hey Obi-Wan, when we land, you stay put and I'll find you.
Obi-Wan: Okay.
GM: You're in different ships; he can't hear you.
Qui-Gon: HEY OBI-WAN! WHEN WE--
GM: No.

  • Often caused by Qui-Gon's ridiculous incorrect explanations and insane out-of-nowhere ideas.

Yoda: Injected the boy with midi-chlorians, have you?
Qui-Gon: Oh, that! It's okay. We'd gambled all our money on a race so we could buy back the ship we used to bribe a gangster to throw it; so we had to doublecross him and fix the race instead. We got the kid to drive, and he needed some extra skill points or he probably would have killed himself.
Obi-Wan: You forgot to mention that the ship was never ours to give away in the first place. Or that you had no idea if Anakin would even survive the blood transfusion.
Qui-Gon: But it all worked out fine in the end. After I threatened Watto with my laser sword and we ran away from the authorities.
(beat)
Yoda: Hmmm. Remedial course on Jedi ethics, you need.

  • The alternate take for Episode 37, in which the GM actually lets Qui-Gon summon the bigger fish. The blurb below even links to a recipe for said fish.
  • Padmé meets her family.
  • The Separatist meeting in Episode II, especially the goofy French accent of Count Dookû and the similarly ridiculous speech patterns of the other leaders. Summed up best with the following quote.

Ben: You know those improv classes Annie and I went to?
GM: Yes?
Ben: I just wish they could've seen this.

  • The beginning of Episode II, when Padmé and Palpatine are talking about Naboo's moon.
  • This CMOF makes friends with Paranoia Fuel. The deadpan delivery by Shmi just makes it better.
  • Throughout Episode II, there have been hints at the fantasy campaign gone wrong that pissed off Pete so much. When Ep II is over, we find out that the game was The Princess Bride. Pete is so angry because he was playing as Vizzini... who fits exactly into Min-Maxing we've seen Pete do throughout D&D.
  • "Who's the Jedi Master here?" "Er, you are." "Don't you forget it!"
  • "I don't follow." "So, you don't follow, or Qui-Gon doesn't follow?" "..."
  • Strip 415, where R2 decides to fire his laser cannons, rolls a 1, and misses everything in the whole battle..

Obi-Wan: What are the odds of that, R2?
R2: ... Ramming speed.

Jim/Padmé: There have been good people married to evil people before. If they love each other enough they can work it out.
Ben/Obi-Wan: Um...
Jim/Padmé: Like Hitler and Eva Gabor.

Pete/R2-D2: What?

Jim/Padmé: Well she was a bit evil, but compared to Hitler...

Obi-Wan: I'm giving you a failing grade in Jedi ethics!
Anakin: That's it, Obi-Wan! You Have Failed Me... for the last time!

  • Don't forget Pete's "special die", which apparently involves using goggles and rubber gloves. One has to wonder what it actually looks like.
  • This exchange:

Obi-Wan: I sneak on board Padme's ship.
Padme: I roll a Spot check!
GM: What are you looking for, Padme?
Padme: Just... searching for hidden compartments. On the boarding ramp.
Obi-Wan: And I check my back for knives periodically.

  • Jim finally gets how Annie is playing Anakin.
  • This one requires a little knowledge of the Star Wars universe, but:

Captain Antilles: We cut a pit trap in front of the entry point.
Rebel Soldier: With what, Captain Antilles, sir?
Captain Antilles: My laser sword.
R2-D2: That was when you were playing Kyle Katarn. Remember why this character doesn't have one?
Captain Antilles: Oh. Right.

  • Corey, the new player of "Adam Lars" (Luke Skywalker) is pretty new to tabletop games.

Adam: That's a funny-looking dice.
R2-D2: Die.
Adam: Whoa, relax.

Adam: Wait. I literally get to own Pete? I could get used to this game.

R2-D2: Congratulations. Your life expectancy just went from "senile pensioner with a space-bus card" to "missing your next birthday". Which, by the way, is actually tomorrow.
C-3PO: Happy Birthday!


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