Deadpool/Self Demonstrating: Difference between revisions

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OK, I know what you're asking yourself: "How could a single -- albeit snappily-suited -- mercenary become so ''incredibly awesome'' in so many ways?" Oh, gather 'round, kiddies, this is gonna be good. See, my first big splash was hunting down and killing ''every single one'' of the Interweb feebs that thought it would be hilarious to star me in a "Ninja [[Spider-Man (Comic Book)|Spider-Man]]" meme. Caption ''this'', suckers! On the other hand, my own [[Memetic Mutation|memetic monologues]] led to me becoming '''''THE BEST SUPERHERO EVER'''''. That and the fact that [[Breaking the Fourth Wall|I always talk to my loyal (but still weaker) fans]]. [[Self-Demonstrating Article|Like now, for instance]]. You lucky, lucky nerds!

Yes, yes, I'm getting to that: "How could a dweebish square like Wade Wilson ever become ''the sexiest mercenary alive''?" Tricky question. Best I remember is some nice ice-cream salesmen told me they could fix my terminal cancer by injecting me with [[X-Men|Wolverine's]] man-juice (and by that I mean his DNA. [[Accidental Innuendo|Perv]]). Suddenly... ''-insert Dramatic Fanfare here-'' No, wait, let's go with that old [[Six Million Dollar Man]] thing instead. Yeah, I like that better. ''Bip-bip-bip-bip-BIP''... I became better, faster, strongerer and even got [[Healing Factor|the ability to heal quickly]], so that whenever the cancer shows up it ''instantly'' gets fixed... which is good, because it keeps showing up. As in instantly ''after'' it gets fixed. Yeah, you ladies knew it, right? I am [[~~This~~ Is ~~Sparta~~|just. That. Charming]].

Yes, yes, I'm getting to that: "How could a dweebish square like Wade Wilson ever become ''the sexiest mercenary alive''?" Tricky question. Best I remember is some nice ice-cream salesmen told me they could fix my terminal cancer by injecting me with [[X-Men|Wolverine's]] man-juice (and by that I mean his DNA. [[Accidental Innuendo|Perv]]). Suddenly... ''-insert Dramatic Fanfare here-'' No, wait, let's go with that old [[Six Million Dollar Man]] thing instead. Yeah, I like that better. ''Bip-bip-bip-bip-BIP''... I became better, faster, strongerer and even got [[Healing Factor|the ability to heal quickly]], so that whenever the cancer shows up it ''instantly'' gets fixed... which is good, because it keeps showing up. As in instantly ''after'' it gets fixed. Yeah, you ladies knew it, right? I am [[Punctuated! For! Emphasis!|just. That. Charming]].

Anyhoo, after a few zillion rounds of this, I became [[Body Horror|so goddamn handsome]] that '''[[Go Mad from the Revelation|my brain exploded]]'''. Eventually, my magical insanity powers allowed me to figure out that [[Medium Awareness|I'm a comic book character]]. From then on, I became BFFs with my thought bubbles, exposition panels, and [[Stan Lee]]. My fellow Weapon X classmates had run a '''pool''' to figure out which one of us would be '''dead''' first, so I naturally named myself [[Awesome McCoolname|Dr. Professor Carlos Winston Lazarus McBatman]]. Then I realized that I couldn't spell it, so I went with [[Meaningful Name|Deadpool]] instead.

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{{quote|'''Me''': No, G.I.Joe, don't do that to Barbie... It's so very, '''very''', wrong... -- Uhm... I wasn't dreaming anything '''too''' embarrassing, wasn't I?

'''Irene''' (''staring''): No... Not by your standards, no. }}

* [[Even Evil Has Standards]]: I might be a merc and an assassin for hire, but I tend to only accept contracts on really bad people (and the occasional superhero) and as the above example with the psychiatrist proves, [[~~This~~ Is ~~Sparta~~|"Kids. Are. Off. Limits!"]]. In fact, once, when a bunch of mercs broke me out of a jail and murdered several cops in the process, I turned on them and killed the whole lot of them.

* [[Even Evil Has Standards]]: I might be a merc and an assassin for hire, but I tend to only accept contracts on really bad people (and the occasional superhero) and as the above example with the psychiatrist proves, [[Punctuated! For! Emphasis!|"Kids. Are. Off. Limits!"]]. In fact, once, when a bunch of mercs broke me out of a jail and murdered several cops in the process, I turned on them and killed the whole lot of them.

* [[Faux Affably Evil]]: I am "sadistic, evil, but charming as hell."

* [[Embarrassing Nickname]]: Nate does not like it when I call him Priscilla. It's not my fault I can't keep track of all his damn names!