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Stephen Fry: None of them is the odd one out is the answer. Do you know why? Phill Jupitus: What kind of a hellish quiz is this?!

Al Murray: That's not knowledge; that's a crapshoot! Stephen Fry: Welcome to QI!

John Sergeant: I'm getting the spirit of this show! It's about sex, isn't it? Stephen Fry: It- It kind of is.

Stephen Fry: We only call ourselves "Quite Interesting", we don't call ourselves "Astonishing".

Stephen Fry: And to General Ignorance, where we ask Alan Davies...is this a rhetorical question? (awkward pause) Alan Davies: (hesitantly) No. (another pause) Stephen Fry: Quite right.

Stephen Fry: He (Niels Bohr) also said, of quantum physics: "if you're not shocked by it, then you haven't understood it". Alan Davies: Yeah. It's like this show, isn't it?

Stephen Fry: I fear we have gained some insight into what life would be like in an old people's home.

Stephen Fry: Why do [the Royal Family] open their presents on Christmas Eve? Jo Brand: Because they're all fucking mad! Stephen Fry: No - because they're all fucking German.

Stephen Fry: Name a poisonous snake. Jimmy Carr: Piers Morgan? —*Klaxon*

Rich Hall: Finally this show gets back on firm, heterosexual footing.

Stephen Fry: [with both hands on his hips] Do you know that rhyme? "I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here's my handle... oh bugger, I'm a sugar bowl."

Rich Hall: In space, no-one can hear you apologize.

Stephen Fry: What's the biggest load of rubbish in the world? Woman in the audience: France.

Phill Jupitus: You're watching QI for the Straight Guy.

Sean Lock: We're the only creatures, Johnny, who like to show off. Apart from Peacocks... and quite a few others, come to think of it... All of the ones with the spines, and the horns... yeah.

[During a question where the panelists have to identify examples of the others' handwriting.] Alan Davies: How did you know? Phill Jupitus: I just thought: "that looks like Alan wrote it". Which is the only way you can play this game!

[Having correctly answered a question about what will happen if a shoal of piranhas meet a dolphin by saying that the dolphin will eat the piranhas] Jimmy Carr: I only said that because it was the opposite of what I thought it was!

Stephen Fry: Who are the lords of shouting? Alan Davies & Jo Brand: WE are!!!

Sean Lock: I hear voices, but I just ignore them and carry on killing.

Stephen Fry: [On Japanese War Tubas] Can anyone tell me what these were used for? Sandi Totsvig: Are they over large hearing devices? Stephen: Yes! Sandi: What!