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There was a skit on ''[[Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In]]'' that showcased the leeway that churches have. A county tax assessor visits a small grocery store to examine the place and estimate its value for property tax purposes. The owner complains about how much his property taxes keep going up, and the assessor notes the big problem is all of the churches in the area that don't pay property taxes. The owner gets an idea, and as the assessor is leaning over the front counter next to the cash register to write up some notes, the owner says to him, "Stop leaning on my altar!"
 
In the United States, [[Useful Notes/Christianity|Christian]] churches tend to fall into the following groups:
* The '''Roman Catholic Church''' is the largest single denomination in not only the United States, but the world (although Sunni Islam is catching up with the second one). Historically, Catholicism was the religion of [[The City]] in general, and of [[Melting Pot|immigrant ethnic groups]] ([[The Irish Diaspora|Irish]], Italians, Poles and, more recently, Latinos) in particular. The association with immigrants and the supposed decadence of big cities, combined with America's longstanding Protestant tradition, led to widespread anti-Catholic prejudice in the 19th and early 20th centuries, with many claiming that the Catholics were agents of [[The Pope]] who were trying to subvert American society. However, outside of a few diehard fundamentalists (such as [[Jack Chick]]), this attitude has mostly disappeared, the pivotal moment being the election of [[John F Kennedy]] as America's first Catholic President in 1960.<ref>And even then, this was a ''huge'' deal at the time; many Protestants were still concerned that Kennedy would be a puppet of Rome. He had to give [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Speeches/Remarks-of-Senator-John-F-Kennedy-at-American-Society-of-Newspaper-Editors-Washington-DC-April-21-19.aspx a speech] specifically affirming that his first loyalty was to the US Constitution, and that his actions as President would not, and should not, be bound by the dictates of the Church. This speech wound up becoming a major landmark in the aforementioned separation of church and state.</ref> Historically, Catholics have generally been concentrated in the Northeast, Midwest, and in Louisiana<ref>due to large scale European immigration in the later part of the 19th century in the former, and the historic French influence in the latter</ref>. More recently, a mix of Latino immigration and internal migration has made the Church more popular in California, the Southwest, and Florida.<br /><br />American Catholics are often perceived as being more liberal than the American mainstream, dissenting from the Church in Rome on many social/cultural issues (such as gay rights, allowing priests to marry, birth control, and the ordination of women and gays) while supporting activism for social justice projects. However, the culturally conservative direction taken by the Church in the last few decades under Popes John Paul II and Benedict XVI means that many recent converts tend to have more conservative views on social issues than the stereotype suggests. The growing Latino contingent within American Catholicism also tends to hold more traditional values.
* '''Mainline Protestant churches''' include the Methodists, the Lutherans, the Presbyterians, the Episcopalians (the American branch of the Anglicans), the United Church of Christ and other well-established, or "heritage", churches. These churches are the more liberal of the two Protestant groups, and will often take moderate or liberal positions on social issues. They are generally concentrated in the Northeast and the Midwest. Lately, these churches have been seeing steep declines in membership as people gravitate to either the more conservative evangelical churches or toward more secular outlooks. At the same time, some of the churches have been battling conservative defections due to their liberal social positions, especially with regards to homosexuality. The Episcopal Church's election of an openly gay bishop, for example, caused some parishes to break away and align themselves with more conservative Anglican denominations in Africa.
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*:Despite the fact that Hollywood screenwriters often lump Pentecostals and evangelicals together (most likely due to their shared social conservatism), the two groups differ on a great number of theological issues, which has led to some friction between them. Pentecostals and Charismatics believe in faith healing, speaking in tongues, and a continuing tradition/gift of prophecy (think mystics). Evangelicals believe in personal revelation and experience. Both believe in biblical inerrancy/literalism and baptism/rebirth in Christ. Pat Robertson (Charismatic) makes doomsday predictions and believes he speaks with the voice of God. Evangelicals confine themselves to agreeing with him when, ex post facto, he says a certain city was punished for not punishing homosexuality. To confuse things further, there are [http://www.ancient-future.net/charismatic.html charismatic Catholics], too.
* The '''Orthodox churches''' include the Eastern Orthodox (Russian Orthodox, Greek Orthodox, etc.) and Oriental Orthodox (Coptic Orthodox, Armenian Apostolic, Ethiopian Orthodox, etc). <ref>The two are separate because the Eastern Orthodox Church accepts all seven ecumenical councils while the Oriental Orthodox only accept the first three; they're known as the Non-Chalcedonian churches because they rejected the Council of Chalcedon.</ref> They are both descended from the Orthodox Church of the Byzantine Empire, which split with the Roman Catholic Church in the 11th century following disputes over the respective authority of the Pope versus the Eastern Roman Emperor and Patriarch of Constantinople, doctrinal disputes over liturgy and the use of icons, and just plain West vs. East bigotry. The two, Pope and Patriarch, mutually excommunicated each others' followers around 1055.<br /><br />Orthodox Christians make up less than 1% of the American population, and are associated with particular ethnic groups even more than the Catholics. Basically, if someone is from Eastern Europe or the Balkans, they're more likely than not Eastern Orthodox, and vice versa. Copts aren't as common in America as they are in Canada (America's little brother). They're mostly from Egypt, Turkey, and Syria. There are purportedly 700,000 to 1 million Copts in America, but in very clustered communities. <ref>Mostly in New York, New Jersey, California, and Michigan. If the last one sounds weird, Michigan has a large population of Arabic-speakers -- for the Egyptian Copts -- and Armenians.</ref> The most common denominations of Oriental Orthodox in America are the Armenian Apostolic (mostly in California) and Ethiopian Orthodox (mostly in the Midwest) churches.
* The '''[[Useful Notes/Mormonism|Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints]]''' (or the LDS Church, or simply the Mormons) is a Nontrinitarian orientation (which basically means they don't believe in the Holy Trinity), and is based mostly in the state of Utah, although there are also significant populations in California, Idaho, Nevada and Arizona. They are stereotyped as having deeply conservative social views -- a view that is usually [[Truth in Television]]. Owing to their history of persecution and hard life on [[The Wild West|the frontier]], they also believe in self-sufficiency -- the Church recommends that all Mormons keep a few months of supplies on hand, and the Church itself has a massive stockpile of food and supplies in the event of a disaster. They also put more emphasis on helping people find jobs and become self-sufficient than on handing out charity or operating soup kitchens.<br /><br />Their religious beliefs often conflict with those mainstream Christianity, particularly with regard to their belief in [[The Book of Mormon (novel)|The Book of Mormon]], which they believe to be a holy text on par with the Gospels. This, combined with their past practice of polygamy (which is not helped by the existence of breakaway sects that still practice it, in violation of both the law and current LDS Church doctrine), means that they are still an [[Acceptable Targets|acceptable target]] in many parts of the country, from both conservatives who view them as a [[Cult]] and secularists who associate them with the rest of the Christian Right. This became evident in the 2008 and 2012 Republican primaries, when Mitt Romney's Mormon faith caused issue with some Christian conservatives<ref>Most notably, in the '08 primary Mike Huckabee, a competing candidate who was running as a social conservative, caused controversy after making some derisive comments about Romney's Mormonism.</ref>, and in the California Proposition 8 debate in 2008, going by some of the reactions by the anti-Prop 8 side to their influence over the gay-rights debate in California.
* '''Jehovah's Witnesses''', like the LDS Church, are Nontrinitarian, evangelical, and conservative, and are known to come off as strange to the majority of Americans. They are infamous for their [[Knocking on Heathens' Door|door-to-door preaching and proselytizing]] (so much that it even got them [[Hollywood Jehovah's Witness|their own trope]]), and they keep track of how much time they spend in those activities, trying to be the most passionate and zealous missionaries they can possibly be. They don't observe Christmas, Easter, or birthdays, which are pagan in origin, or national holidays like Thanksgiving or Independence Day. However, they do celebrate the Lord's Evening Meal, held on Passover, which is similar to Eucharist, but they don't believe in transubstantiation or consubstantiation. They do not participate in the military or warfare in general and refuse to salute national flags, which has gotten them in lots of trouble (especially in public schools, what with the Pledge of Allegiance). They're also famous for refusing to use certain blood products, even if they're dying. This means no blood transfusions or emergency surgery that requires transfusions of blood or blood products from another person. Finally, they feel that [[The End of the World as We Know It]] is imminent, and have, in the past, tried to pin down the exact date of the Apocalypse. They stopped doing this when they realize that it was earning them more mockery than converts, but eschatology is still a major part of their belief system.
* Much less common than the above, but still prevalent in America, are '''Anabaptists'''. They are the descendants of the Radical Reformation, alongside the Protestant Reformation, who believe that being baptized and joining a church should be a choice, offered only to adults who had the knowledge to make such a decision. This sounds sensible now, but was pretty revolutionary in the 16th century.<br /><br />Surprisingly, this is not some liberal hippie denomination, but actually the "plain people": Amish, Hutterites, and Mennonites. Each group is distinct from the others, but they all share core beliefs. They're famous for being [[Actual Pacifist|actual pacifists]] (believing that [[Turn the Other Cheek]] isn't just a suggestion), and also refusing to swear oaths, participate in politics, or drink any alcohol. The more conservative groups dress in plain clothes, keep technology use to a minimum, live in their own separate communities, and refuse to pay Social Security or even for insurance. More moderate branches, particularly the Mennonites, blend in more with society, though they still stick to their theology. Unusually for a Christian group, Anabaptists have their own language: Low German, also known as [http://www.mennolink.org/doc/lg/index.html Plautdietsch].
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Other religions are also well-represented in the country, although all of them are clear minorities of the United States population.
* '''[[Useful Notes/Judaism|Jews]]''' are primarily concentrated on the East Coast (particularly the New York and Washington areas, where they make up a double-digit percentage of the population in some counties), South Florida (where many of them go to retire), and California, with small enclaves elsewhere in the country. Their disproportionate presence in New York and Los Angeles explains why Jews are [[You Have to Have Jews|so well-represented in the entertainment and financial industries]]. They tend to pull for the Democrats in large numbers -- the only Democrat since [[Franklin D Roosevelt|FDR]] who earned less than 70% of the Jewish vote was Adlai Stevenson in 1952 and 1956 -- and usually have social views more liberal than the American mainstream. <ref>They were heavily involved in the [[Civil Rights Movement]], and it was a Jewish woman who wrote ''The Feminine Mystique'', the book often credited with kick-starting the second wave of feminism.</ref> In America, as in most other places, Jews are [[Once-Acceptable Targets]] -- anti-Semitism was prevalent in America as late as [[The Great Depression]] (during which time populist radio host Father Coughlin blamed the Jews for the stock market crash), but slowly began to fade after the atrocities of [[World War II]] were brought to the surface.
* There is significant debate of the number of '''[[Useful Notes/Islam|Muslims]]''' in the United States, with most estimates ranging from as low as one million to as high as seven million. Two-thirds of the Muslim community is foreign-born, while most of the rest consists of African-American converts (where we get the stereotypical "[[Malcolm Xerox|black Muslims]]"). Almost one-fifth of [[Useful Notes/American Prisons|American convicts]] are Muslims, most of whom converted to Islam while in prison (again, the "black Muslim" stereotype). They tend to be concentrated on the East Coast, in Detroit, in Houston, and in California.<br /><br />Thanks to the 9/11 attacks, Muslims have become [[Acceptable Target|acceptable targets]] in many parts of the United States, [[Defector From Decadence|which has caused many of them to support the Democratic Party]]. <ref>Interestingly, before the attacks, most Muslims voted Republican due to their affluence and social conservatism.</ref> Even so, they tend to be rather well-integrated compared to their European counterparts, having a higher average income and educational attainment than the national average. The first Muslim member of [[American Political System|Congress]] is Keith Ellison, an African-American Democrat from Minnesota elected in 2006; he was followed by another African American, Andre Carson (Democrat of Indiana), after a special election in 2008. And no, despite [[Conspiracy Theorist|what you may have heard]], the [[Barack Obama|current President]] is not a Muslim ([[Not That There's Anything Wrong with That|Not That There Would Be Anything Wrong With That]]...).
** The '''Nation of Islam''', whose more prominent members have included [[Malcolm X]] and Louis Farrakhan, and Muhammad Ali, is an American offshoot of the religion of Islam. As with mainstream Islam, the NOI preaches adherence to the five pillars of Islam, personal modesty, eschewing pork, and many other similarities. They differ from mainstream Islam in that they also preach black supremacy and that their founder, Wallace Fard Muhammad, was the Christian Messiah and the Muslim Mahdi (much the same thing). With its own religious text, doctrinal differences with traditionalists, and American origin, the Nation of Islam can be seen as analogous to Mormonism, and its reception has often been similar (frosty at best, hostile at worst).
* '''[[Useful Notes/Atheism|Atheists]] and other non-religious people''' (not a church, but here for completeness) make up about 15% of the American population, with their numbers being highest in the Western states and the Northeast.<ref>The title of "least religious state" often varies between Vermont, Colorado, Oregon and Washington depending on the year and the survey.</ref> The vast majority of non-religious people tend to be either liberals (they voted about 71% for [[Barack Obama]]) or libertarians, although there are a few prominent conservative atheists. They have long been an acceptable target in American culture, often being stereotyped as [[Hollywood Atheist|bitter, elitist, amoral, un-patriotic]], and [[Dirty Communists|possibly Communist]].<ref>An example of the type of treatment that atheists get in America -- former President [[George HW Bush]] once stated in an interview on the campaign trail that atheists couldn't be considered citizens, as America is "one nation under God."</ref> However, lately there have been some more positive portrayals of non-religious people in the media, such as [[Bones|Temperance Brennan]] and many of [[Joss Whedon]]'s (himself an atheist) characters.
* '''Agnostics''' are people who are open to the idea of an afterlife and/or a higher power, but who don't ascribe to any one religion. Tend to get lumped in with atheists by some religious communities, despite the difference. Most common in the Northeast and the Pacific Northwest.
* '''[[Useful Notes/Buddhism|Buddhists]]''' make up 1-2% of the American population. About 75-80% of American Buddhists are Asian, while most of the rest are white converts (although, as noted below, not entirely white). This latter group is typically stereotyped as consisting largely of [[New Age Retro Hippie|New Age Retro Hippies]] and [[Granola Girl|Granola Girls]], while the former group is usually stereotyped as... well, Asian. There have been precisely three Buddhists in Congress, all Democrats: Mazie Hirono, a non-practicing ''Issei'' Japanese-American from Hawaii, and Hank Johnson, a Black convert from Georgia (yeah, it's kind of weird) were elected in 2006; Colleen Hanabusa, a practicing ''Yonsei'' Japanese-American from Hawaii was elected in 2010.<ref>For the record, the reason there aren't more Buddhist congresspeople despite the relatively large number of Asian representatives is that most Asian American politicians are Christians.</ref>
* There are about 1-1.5 million '''Hindus''' in the United States. Most of them are South Asian immigrants who, like their East Asian Buddhist counterparts, have their own stereotypes (such as the [[Asian Store Owner]] and the [[Bollywood Nerd]]). Hindu gurus had a large influence in the American New Age movement in [[The Sixties]] and [[The Seventies]], when it attracted a number of high-profile Western converts. Most American perceptions of the religion stem from this, and from what is gleaned of the Indian community.
* There are between 1 and 1.2 million '''[[Useful Notes/Neo-Paganism|neo-pagans]]''' in the United States. The largest neo-pagan denomination is [[Useful Notes/Wicca|Wicca]], which is estimated as having between 150,000 and 300,000 followers. They are typically seen as acceptable targets, due to the fact that they practice a faith claiming lineage from the pagan, pre-Christian religions of Europe. As such, they have often been falsely accused of [[Satan|Satanism]] and criminal activity (including child abuse and sacrifice) by conservative Christians (then again, conservative Christians consider ''ALL'' other religions to be (unwitting at the very least) Satanism, except for Judaism which they consider pre-Christianity), although this has declined in recent years.
** While Wicca is the predominant neopagan faith, there are plenty of others, though they have even smaller representations:
*** Alchemy is a reconstruction of alchemical ideals reimaged as spiritual descriptions rather than practical chemistry.
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* '''[[Church of Happyology|Scientology]]''' is a... [[Internet Backdraft|highly controversial religious movement]] founded in the United States. They claim to have over three million members in America, but most estimates put their numbers at below 100,000. They have lots of missionaries giving "Free Stress Tests" or the like, and many are attracted from the "Free" offer. However, most "converts" leave soon after they find out about the exorbitant prices one must pay to continue on the Bridge, as well as the practice of shunning non-members or "SPs". They are extremely well-represented in Hollywood, due to their practice of proselytizing toward celebrities (who are usually rich enough to afford the thousands of dollars that their programs cost) in order to use them as spokespeople to gain further converts. They also have a strong presence in Clearwater, Florida, often called "Scientology's Town", where they have their headquarters.
* '''[[wikipedia:Bahai Faith|Baha'i]]''' is a monotheistic religion with millions of followers around the world. Baha'i in America are divided among Persians, many of whom fled the Islamic Revolution in 1979 (which, to say the least, did not like them) and the sort of [[New Age Retro Hippie]]-types who might have become Buddhist but preferred something more Abrahamic. The most notable Baha'i in America is none other than Rainn Wilson, AKA [[The Office|Dwight Schute]], whose parents were of the second category and raised him in the faith while living in a houseboat off the coast of Washington State.
* '''The Church of [[Satan]]''' was founded in [[The Sixties]] by Anton LaVey in [[San Francisco]]. Sources state that there are about 10-20,000 official members of the Church of Satan in the United States, and there are possibly tens of thousands more who adhere to the philosophy or one of its offshoots. Despite their name and reputation, they [[Non-Indicative Name|do not actually worship Satan]], being an atheistic organization rooted in a mix of pseudo-[[Friedrich Nietzsche|Nietzschean]] philosophy<ref>LaVey claimed inspiration from [[Useful Notes/Objectivism|Objectivism]], but his philosophy is significantly different.</ref> and the theatrics of [[Aleister Crowley]] and other occultists. They chose the name because they feel that Satan, the original rebel in Christian theology, is a role model for people to look up to, and that the Christian message of tolerance, humility, and egalitarianism is self-destructive for both individuals and society. (That, and [[No Such Thing as Bad Publicity|nothing draws attention]] like calling yourself the Church of Satan.) Note that the Church of Satan is not to be confused with...
** '''The Worldwide Satanic Church of Evil''', which is ''not'' a real church -- although that hasn't stopped thousands of [[Urban Legends]]. Since time immemorial, many religious groups have claimed that there is an evil [[Cult]] that performs occult rituals, [[Human Sacrifice]], and other evil acts. <ref>The Church of Satan actually did perform Black Masses during their heyday, but they were purely for show and to spark controversy.</ref> Fear of Satanism turned into [[The New Rock and Roll|a moral panic]] back in [[The Eighties]] following the publication of ''Michelle Remembers'', a book [[Based on a Great Big Lie|purporting to be]] an expose of an underground, worldwide Satanic organization with millions of members performing horrific acts on children. The ensuing panic over "[[Useful Notes/Conspiracy Theories|Satanic ritual abuse]]" did lasting damage to the day care industry (which was hit hard by dozens of allegations of Satanic abuse) and social services (which jumped onto the Satanism bandwagon early, and saw a huge backlash once Satanic abuse became discredited), and even saw Proctor & Gamble forced to change its logo following accusations that its original logo was Satanic (they would be awarded $19 million in damages from the people who spread the rumors, which had caused their stock to plummet).
 
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