The Guards Must Be Crazy: Difference between revisions

"And by that time, the orcs have apparently already returned to Mordor. I think we can safely assume that all the characters have gone insane." }}

* The ultimate and truly memorable subversion in ''[[Titan A.E.]]'': Preed, Stith, and Korso are trying to free Akima from a slave prison. They see a large, brutish guard around a corner, and Stith offers to take him out. Preed refuses, saying, "This requires cunning and deception." They then walk up to the guard, and Preed spins a tale that he and Stith are traders, and that Korso is his slave. After delivering his story, the guard says these exact things: "You're ''lying''. ''He's'' [Korso] not a slave and ''you're'' not traders. Look at the way he ''stands''. He doesn't ''carry'' himself like a slave. Probably ''ex-military''." (Korso is a former Earth [[Space Marine]].) "Akrennians [like Preed] always threaten before asking a favor, ''it's tradition''." (Which Preed apparently ''completely'' forgot.) "And ''your'' [Stith] robes are made out of ''bedspreads!''" Preed then asks if they have a Plan B. Stith promptly reverts to her Plan A by kicking the crap out of the guard.

{{quote|'''Preed:''' An intelligent guard! Didn't see that one coming.}}

** Not to mention that the same thief was able to walk up to the palace and meet the King and Queen face to face.

* The guards in ''[[The Incredibles]]'' fall prey to a few of these. They're decent enough at their jobs when they're in action, but it's the boring surveillance part of the day that always slips them up. At one point in the movie, they ''all'' leave their posts to check on a colleague who's just collapsed. Later, they don't notice Helen when she's right behind them. She even talks. Later still, nobody is paying attention to the security cameras and are all partying in the background. Only [[Punch Clock Villain|Mirage]] notices the escapees that don't even bother to avoid the security cameras. Most notably, though, is later in the same scene where it gets absurd enough that Bob [[Lampshade Hanging|lampshades]] it. They enter a large room with no one in it and he absently wonders, "Where are all the guards?"

* Consistent in all the ''[[Austin Powers]]'' movies. One even manages to fall into the lava flow when he's outwitted by Felicity Shagwell's boobs.

* In ''[[Mom and Dad Save The World]]'', a guard, despite being from a planet of idiots, ''doesn't'' assume Dad is a guard just because he's wearing a uniform... however, she unquestioningly accepts the laughable answers he provides in response to her questioning and lets him go on his way.

** Of course, would ''you'' stick around once the dinosaur skeletons and such started moving?

* In ''[[Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country]]'', the Enterprise manages to fly deep into Klingon territory to rescue Kirk and [[McCoy]] despite a listening post picking them up and demanding to know their identity and destination. They manage to fool the completely incompetent guards despite having to resort to using an English-Klingon dictionary to look up their answers and making several grammatical errors during the conversation.

== Literature ==

* The ''[[Discworld]]'' books have a lot of fun with this.

* In one of the ''[[Get Smart]]'' novels, one guard is particularly immune to this. Instead of entering the cell when Max sets fire to the bed as a diversion, the guard merely opens up on him with the fire hose.

** However, just a few pages later the rest of the guards in the prison are fooled by Max writing "out of order" with a piece of chalk on a death ray!

== Tabletop Games ==

* Most classes that would traditionally be used as guards in ''[[Dungeons & Dragons]]'' don't have Spot, Listen or Sense Motive as class skills. This essentially makes them partially blind, hearing impaired, and incredibly gullible.

** Depends on the DM. Most play the trope straight because guards tend not to be treated as more than minor enemies. Those skills are mainly intended to counteract Hide, Move Silently, and Bluff. In addition, those skills are not infallible unless the DM hands NPCs the [[Idiot Ball]]. For example, no matter what your Hide skill is, if you walk in front of a guard without some form of cover, he sees you, no matter what.

** In 3.5 Scouts used as guards can avert this trope hard. The class is much like Rogue in this regard (Spot, Listen and Sense Motive as class skills, 8 base skill points per level; Hide and Move Silently are class skills, so they can stand guard without being readily visible), but better in head-on melee if there is some room to move around as Skirmish ability still works when Sneak Attack doesn't, has better hit die, and more combat and mobility improvements, starting with initiative bonus at 2nd level.

* ''Time Lord'' RPG (based on ''[[Doctor Who]]'') main rules, "Curse of the Cyclops" adventure. If the entire [[PC]] party is captured and there is no one to rescue them, the guards will demonstrate their usual stupidity and allow the prisoners to fool them and escape.

** In the ''Journies'' supplement, a captured [[PC]] could use "The Daft Guard Effect" to distract any guards present so the prisoner(s) can escape.

* Played for laughs in [[William Shakespeare]]'s ''[[Much Ado About Nothing]]''.

{{quote|'''Dogberry:''' You are to bid any man stand, in the Prince's name.

** [[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking|He also got cigarettes upon request.]]

** Even better, they only crime he was charged with was stealing a bottle of cheap wine, because, at the time, trespassing was a civil offense rather than a criminal one. The charge was dropped when he was committed to a mental hospital.

* Gilber Galvan escaped an American prison by waiting in a rec area until the guards left for coffee, then using a pool cue to open the drawer of their desk and fish out the keys. He later went on to be known as Canada's "Phantom Bandit".

* The [[Barack Obama|Obama]] White House was crashed at least [[Rule of Three|three times]] by uninvited guests. The first and third cases took advantage of a [[Bavarian Fire Drill]], while the second gatecrash was a result of some misguided tour organizers sending the tourists to a White House luncheon instead of on the tour.