What an Idiot!/Oral Tradition

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


American Mythology

  • Pecos Bill. On their wedding day, his bride Sluefoot Sue tried to ride his horse Widow Maker. Widow Maker throws her off, and her bustle starts bouncing her higher and higher; she can't stop herself because her wedding dress was made to be removed by her husband, and she's not carrying her knife to her wedding.
    • You'd Expect: Pecos, being a sharpshooter supreme and a true master of the lasso, would either shoot out the bustle to stop her bouncing or throw a rope around his beloved and brake her down. This is, after all, a man who can shoot a star from the sky or rope and ride a cyclone. Or, hell, just shoot the horse!
    • Instead: Pecos shoots her so she won't have to suffer a horrible death from thirst. Yep.
    • Additionally: It should be noted that the Disney version spares Sue that ignominious fate, instead having her bounce to the moon. You'd think Disney would've given him a happier ending.
    • Also: Depending on the version of the tale, Bill does try roping her...and misses. For example, in the Disney version Pecos tries to lasso her but his horse Widowmaker steps on the rope and keeps from succeeding.

Greek Mythology

  • Every "I fear my son will upstage me" scenario in Greek Mythology. A god/king learns from an oracle "your son with this woman will one day kill you".
    • You'd Expect: That God/king to avoid the woman like the plague and find someone else, or eventually raise the child with the kind of love and affection that would diffuse thoughts of patricide.
    • Instead: That God/king will attempt to kill or disown their son, an act which will only justify their kid committing patricide, not dissuade it.
  • And how 'bout probably the most famous one in mythology? Paris has been chosen as a judge to determine whether Hera, Athena, or Aphrodite is most beautiful. All three try to bribe him — Hera offers World Domination, Athena offers genius smarts and martial skill, and Aphrodite offers the love of the most beautiful woman in the world.
    • You'd Expect: Paris to choose Hera and gain a royal harem as part and parcel of World Domination, or to choose Athena and use his smarts to gain World Domination and aforementioned harem. Just about every person who has read the myth has thought this at some point.
    • Instead: Paris chooses Aphrodite and gains the hand of an already-married queen, with most of the armies of Greece bound to rescue her, as well as the enmity of two of the most powerful goddesses in the pantheon. Cue Trojan War.
    • What's Worse: Out of the three goddesses in that scene, only one of them did not have a reputation for Disproportionate Retribution against people who offended her. Hint: It's the only one Paris didn't offend with his choice. (Really, any rational person would have picked Hera regardless of the prizes offered -- Athena's vengeance is usually survivable, but unless you're Hercules -- literally -- Hera's going to frickin' kill you.)
  • And then there's Jason, former leader of the Argonauts, he who retrieved the golden fleece, and a hero actually under the divine patronage of Hera. He returns from the journey victorious, since he had the love and assistance of the powerful and mildly Cute and Psycho princess Medea, who has gone so far as to murder her own brother as a distraction so Jason and his crew could escape her father's wrath.
    • You'd Expect: Jason would return to his father's kingdom and settle down in peace with his lover.
    • Instead: Jason decides to marry a princess named Glauce so he could have wealth and fame and the like, even though Medea has already had two children by him (and is, as mentioned above Cute and Psycho to the extreme) and the man's patron goddess is HERA, also known as the goddess of marriage and the most vengeful out of the Olympians. So Medea kills Jason's new bride, the bride's father, and their two children in revenge before taking off. Jason dies alone and forgotten many years later, when the Argo's ancient, rotting prow breaks right over his head.
      • It gets worse. Jason had taken a vow to be faithful to Medea, and the traditional divine punishment for breaking oaths, according to Herodotus? Killing off the oathbreaker's entire family, which makes Jason's anger at Medea for doing just that very a much a what an idiot moment.
  • As told in The Odyssey, we have Odysseus and his men who have come across the island of Polyphemus the Cyclops. Odysseus outwits his ravenous foe by getting him drunk and then jabbing him in his eye. In a blind rage, the Cyclops accidentally lets them free and they escape. To make it work, Odysseus introduced himself to Polyphemus as "nobody."
    • You'd Expect: Odysseus to just get to his ship, set sail and never look back.
    • Instead: Odysseus takes time to gloat at his foe and gives him his real name. Unfortunately for him, Polyphemus is the son of Poseidon, the very sea god who's already pissed at Odysseus's lack of humility. Poseidon then ensures that the trip home is a living nightmare.
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