Blatant Lies

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
Jump to: navigation, search
"The truth."
Patrick Kielty, Mock the Week, "Unlikely Things to Hear in a TV Election Debate".

So one of the characters has a secret, one that they do not want leaking out. Unfortunately, Clark Kenting doesn't always cut it, and some aspect of the secret is going to be glaringly obvious no matter what. So they come up with a unique (and often humorous) excuse.

Similar to A Wizard Did It, but instead of hand-waving some implausible aspect of the series, the character is the one doing the hand-waving to another character.

In the ideal version of the trope, most people accept this because of their built-in Weirdness Censor, or because it's executed as a Seamless Spontaneous Lie. When it fails, you get That Liar Lies followed by Implausible Deniability. May or may not involve Hesitation Equals Dishonesty. Will almost inevitably accompany any Paper-Thin Disguise or Most Definitely Not a Villain. Often delivered by a Bad Liar. Suspiciously Specific Denial is a subtrope. See also From a Certain Point of View.

In Real Life, this is the most offensive form of turd polish.

Not to be confused with Sarcasm Mode.

There are no examples in this list.

Advertising? Wouldn't dream of it![edit | hide | hide all]

  • David Leisure made a career about being a Smug Snake who clearly is lying - he was best known as Joe Isuzu. Here's an example. Subtitles would point out his lies.
  • Advertising in general is lies—or at least the implication of lies. Most countries have consumer protection agencies which try to tone down the most Egregious lies, but companies fight back. The truth is that although advertisers can't directly lie without risking getting caught, they can imply a lie, tell a half-truth, or spin a flaw to make it sound like an asset. If the truth is really uncomfortable they can dress it up with comedy or simply relegate it to an Unreadable Disclaimer.
    • Adding another layer to this is ads in colleges (and other places where they can get to new adults) that advertise the existence of these agencies and why you can trust ads because of them... right next to an ad full of half-truths.
  • Nowadays, most service providers (especially mobile telecomms companies...) offer "unlimited" downloading, texts, or minutes. For quite small values of "unlimited". In a similar fashion they offer incredibly fast speeds...that are in reality half of what is being advertised.
    • Another trick is to have upload speeds of X mbps, except on basically any application you would use to upload with (legit or otherwise). Here's a list of those applications: just kidding, there is no list.
  • Our bank account has no monthly fees. as long as you maintain a minimum balance for (absurdly high amount), make six or fewer withdrawals (including ATM and electronic withdrawals) in a month, and never use an out-of-network ATM...
  • Did you know that Extra Sugarfree Gum can not only slim you, but also tone your ass at the same time? No? Neither did I.
  • The Edsel sales campaign was this with a little Zeerust garnish.
  • An ad for a product called the "Smoke Assassin" avoids blatant lies by pointing them out. This is an actual quote from the ad:

Ad Guy: We can't say it'll make you quit smoking, but thousands quit every day. We can't say it's a healthy smoke, but you do the math!

FBI Agent Burke: (pointing at Fi's gun) Do you have a permit for that weapon?
Fi: (covers it with a napkin) What weapon?
Agent Burke: That's a gun.
Michael: That's a napkin.
Agent Burke: I can literally see it.
Fi: Oh, that's my cellphone.
Agent Burke: (points to the cell phone in her hand) Then what's that?
Fi: That's my other cell phone.
Michael: She's a... big talker?
Fi: (covering the napkin with her purse. a grenade falls out) Maybe we could just put this all... behind... us.
Agent Burke: (deadpan) Is that a grenade?
Fi: What grenade?

  • Computer running slow? Come to our website where you can get a FREE scan to find all the annoying adware and spyware and registry errors. Then for a small monthly fee, we'll remove them all and replace them with our adware and spyware and registry errors.
  • Any and all Penis enlargement - sorry, Male Enhancement drugs.
    • Add to that pumps, potions, powders and pretty much any other technique offered. Except maybe the painful stretching techniques which may cause some stretching at the expense of most of the nerve endings that make having a penis...well, fun.
    • Some of the pumps "work" as well; if you can get enough suction and movement, you start rupturing capillaries, doing permanent damage which very very slightly increases the volume of blood potentially containable by the penis (assuming the internal bleeding doesn't become external). Not that a broken penis can really be said to become erect any more. In fact, there are about half a dozen ways to "enlarge a penis" that technically work, but you don't want to even know how most of them would do so.
      • The Enzyte commercials with "Smilin' Bob" are possibly the worst offenders - the clear implication that "enhancement" means size, while the actual product is meant to increase endurance. This got to the point that someone actually filed a lawsuit claiming false advertising.
  • In a battle between pink salmon and white salmon manufacturers around 100 years ago, the public was well used to pink salmon and white salmon was having a hard time getting customers ... until ... they put the phrase: "guaranteed not to turn pink in the can" on their labels.
  • Networks are starting to call the pilot episode of a series the "preview," while calling the second episode a "premiere." Nickelodeon goes even further by taking a two-parter and calling it a "movie."
  • The Yellow freight company.


Neither Anime nor Manga exist here[edit | hide]

  • In Inuyasha, Kagome's long absences are explained by her Grandfather as being the result of various illnesses that are increasingly more and more serious, and which Kagome would not likely recover from so easily had she actually contracted them (such as diabetes, scoliosis and rheumatoid arthritis).
    • Worse, the parents of the boy who has a crush on her own an alternative medicines clinic, and he frequently brings her increasingly ridiculous herbal remedies and such. This is often how she learns of her grandfather's latest excuse for her absence.
    • Many of these are also geriatric disorders that the Grandfather likely has, like rheumatism.
  • In Ranma ½, all of the Miniature Senior Citizens claim to have been both normal-sized and very attractive when young (particularly the ultra-lecherous Happôsai and Lukkôsai, who claim to have been dignified, respected Bishonens). This is proven to be false in Happōsai's case (who was, basically, a homely little dwarf with the exact same standards as the present Happōsai) and is likely the same in Lukkōsai's case. Cologne, on the other hand, looks the same in both her and Happosai's flashback, so she's probably being honest. It's confirmed as true in the anime!
  • Mahou Sensei Negima: The Mages Hand Wave things like people flying, shooting fireballs, or giant demon mecha with "It's CGI." And it works. This sort of makes sense during the festival arc where the Muggles were already using magic guns and the like, but there's no reason for it to work the time it showed up in the Kyoto arc.
    • This is the most likely excuse of the climax of the Magical World arc. Cosmo Entelechia's plan is set in motion and Magical World monsters are appearing in Mahora. The Muggles fight back the same way as they did in the Mahorafest.
  • My-HiME: After the results of the Power Trio's first encounter with an Orphan, Reito comes to Mai the next day and tells her that they're reporting the collateral damage to the landscape as the result of "a (freak) lightning strike." Suuuure, Reito. Single lightning strikes that set the landscape ablaze in perfectly straight lines happen all the time.
  • The characters in Bleach use the injury and illness excuse for their long absences far too often. The fact that up to five of them are missing, all from the same high school class, at the same time makes the lies all the more blatant.
    • One of them is Orihime who doesn't even need to lie, since even when she tells the truth everybody assumes it's just her overactive imagination.
    • All of the main cast (Ichigo, Rukia, Orihime, Ishida, Chad) go into school. They explain their injuries with "I fell down some stairs." No one believes them, which is kind of understandable considering that Ichigo in particular tends to acquire lots of really impressive sword wounds.
    • We also have Shinji Hirako referring to each cute girl he meets as "his first love ever". Suuuuure.
  • Minako of Sailor Moon does the same thing during her own manga, Codename: Sailor V. Artemis doesn't buy it for a second.
  • Onsokumaru of Ninin ga Shinobuden is a floating yellow ball with arms, yet for some reason Shinobu believes him when he claims to be a hawk. This is just one of countless lies he manages to sell her on. Kaede is never fooled for a second.
  • Seto no Hanayome: Mafia boss Seto Gozaburo's introduction as the new homeroom teacher:

Gozaburo: Starting today, I'm taking over this "group." I'm the leader of this group. I'll scold whoever makes noise. Nice to meet you all.
Class President: E-erm... What happened to the former teacher, Shibazaki-sensei?
Gozaburo: Mr Shibazaki is .... On maternity leave!
Students: Eh, he can give birth?!

  • Yamazaki of Cardcaptor Sakura gets his kicks improvising outrageous lies, usually about the history of things. Sakura and, strangely enough, Syaoran always believe him. Chiharu seems thoroughly jaded, but let Yamazaki talk long enough and even she will start to wonder...
  • Rozen Maiden's Suiseiseki takes full advantage of the fact that Hina-Ichigo will believe anything she's told. In one memorable case, she convinced Hina that mailboxes were dangerous monsters... purely so she could get her letter sent first.
  • About half of the dialog in Beelzebub are lies on way or another. Especially anytime Oga is describing himself, or well any other time it could get a laugh.
  • In Please Twins, the trio gets a visit from Tsubaki, who's clearly interested in Maiku. Karen notices Miina glowering.

Karen: Miina-san, your face looks scary.
Miina: I was born like this.
Karen: ...Is that right?

Madara: I didn't unleash the Kyuubi on Konoha, it was a Natural Disaster.

  • Galaxy Angels Mint brings the staff of an amusement park to tears with her story of the deaths of Ranfa and Forte. They charged into a hail of bullets while she remained behind because of her powerful family. I almost burst into tears, then I remembered that Ranfa and Forte were back at base enjoying their coffee break.
  • Durarara!! has Orihara Izaya saying "No way! I'm not the bad guy!"
  • Madoka Magica: As much as you would want to believe that Kyubey is lying, he's not. He actually considers himself above lying, so he will always be obligated to tell the truth, although it's usually From a Certain Point of View. Gen Urobuchi, however, lies constantly, and reached legendary Troll status that way. Saying Sayaka was the main character is just one example...
  • From Angel Beats!. After Otonashi has to grab Yurippe innappropriatly to climb up human ladder style and Hinata attempts the same thing:

Hinata: AAAAAHHHHH YYYYYOOOOUUUUUU BIIIIIIIT-
(scene change)
Otonashi: Where's Hinata?
Yurippe: He was a noble sacrifice.

  • Usopp of One Piece has many of these, the most famous probably being "I have 80 million men under my command!" The, ahem, more gullible members of the Strawhats and a few other idiots will actually take him seriously.
  • After the Life Alive concert in Haruhi Suzumiya, we can see Kyon wolf down his lunch in silence and then casually stroll out of the classroom and declares that it's not that he wants to talk to Haruhi about the concert or anything, he just took a walk to settle his stomach. The narrator is blatantly lying to the viewer!
  • In Mayo Chiki, Kanade is a master at this. She tells Kureha, the main character Jiro's sister, that Subaru is in fact a guy in episode 3. Later, in episode 7, Subaru is wearing a bikini and looks like a girl when Kureha once again shows up. Kanade blatantly points out that she's a girl, and is in fact Subaru's "cousin", Punyuru. Kureha once again falls for it.
  • In The World God Only Knows during an obvious breather arc, Keima gets upset about losing a shogi match and tries to pretend he meant to do it as part of his strategy. The girl he's working on, Nanaka, then points out that he has Ocular Gushers going on, at which point he claims he's not crying, he's relaxing in a hotspring! Complete with an image of him filling up a hot spring with his tears.


Do Not Open This Folder. If You Open This Folder, You Will Not Find Comics. You Will Break The Internet.[edit | hide]

  • Subverted in a classic Silver Age Flash comic which ends with Iris wondering aloud about the timing of Barry's absences. Without missing a beat, Barry just tells her she's right: "One and one still makes one! I'm the Flash!" Naturally, this flippant claim convinces Iris he's not. (This is the same issue with the immortal cover line "I've got the strangest feeling I'm being turned into a puppet!")
    • Iris does end up being subjected to Blatant Lies. Iris learns Barry's identity because he talks in his sleep but he doesn't end up telling her for another year. This obviously bothers her a bit. Justified in a retcon because Barry isn't sure if he's still human and wants to determine if he and Iris can have children before breaking the news to her.
    • Similarly, this line from Darkhawk: "The best way to keep a good secret is to tell everybody -- then nobody believes you."
  • A common fight example is a character promising their opponent "one free shot", then attacking while they prepare.
    • Oddly enough, one issue of Captain America (comics) has a instance where Cap does give the villain their "one free shot", who then knocks Cap down with the free shot. Though Cap would then kick the villain's ass handily soon after.
  • From the classic Batman #251, Joker's Five Way Revenge: Joker promised to let his hostage go if Batman willingly jumps into a shark tank. Batman complies, but Joker throws the hostage in for dessert. A rare example of Batman holding the Idiot Ball.

Batman: You promised--
Joker: I'm a notorious liar.


Clearly Fan works are in a different folder.[edit | hide]

Goku: So Vegeta, what happened to you? Did you get beat up by this guy? (talking about Recoome)
Recoome: *groaning in pain*
Vegeta: (stammering) Uhhh no...I..umm...uh..
Ghost Nappa: You fell down some stairs.
Vegeta: I fell down some stairs.
Krillin: No you didn't, you-
Vegeta: Shut up before I throw you down a flight!

  • Luminosity turns these into a plot point: Elspeth's powers revolve around the truth. When lying, they dull quite a bit, so when they need a way to dull her powers...
  • Used word for word by Minato in The Girl from Whirlpool about Sakumo's claims of the border's pleasant weather.
  • Boy, does Bhelen ever try to feed the dwarven commonner a slice of bull_hit the size of a mountain in Dragon Age: The Crown of Thorns. Hilariously enough, Faren was actually playing dumb on behalf of the dwarven noble protagonist.
  • This is a common tactic of Harry's in Oh God Not Again, usually when a Sarcastic Confession just won't cut it. His favorite answer to "How do you know that?" is "My psychic scar told me."
    • Subverted in one instance:

Molly: This is much better gossip than last year's 'Albus Dumbledore was madly in love with Gellert Grindelwald.' Honestly, you'd think Rita Skeeter would learn to stop making up such sensational stories. Obviously Dumbledore was struck speechless by the Blatant Lies and thus couldn't be bothered to deny it.

Altair: It's a trap.
Isra: *sarcastic* I hadn't noticed.
Altair: You can't go, [...] they'll be waiting for you.
Isra: Good for them.
Altair: This is serious, and you're being flippant!
Isra: Oh, perish the thought!

  • In Children of the Stars there is this exchange between the two leads that hints at the established UST being mutual.

Keleria: Well would you rather hang onto me or the gryphon?
Beat
Keleria: Well?
Ayuri: The gryphon. What else would I hang on to.

  • In The Dilgar War, warmaster Len'char is sent to Earth space to try and stipulate a non-aggression treaty. The description in his journal of the first meeting with Earth ambassadors and their escort as 'subduing them with his commanding aura' and of the 'million sighs' from relief they produced when he informed them of coming in peace and not in conquest drew a lot of laughs from the ambassadors and the intelligence analysts who spied it.
  • From Calvin and Hobbes: The Series:

Socrates: (upon being questioned by Hobbes as to why he can't go in his mansion) Uh... we're... stinky.

Definitely Not Literature[edit | hide]

  • In Duumvirate, Sarah raids and kills a pervert, then "found" a will on his hard drive that everything he owned was to go to her son. More a Take That than a lie meant to be believed.
  • In the Harry Potter series, the Dursleys claim Harry has gone to "St Brutus' Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys" to their fellow Muggle neighbors to explain his long absences at Hogwarts. Aunt Marge approves, and asks whether they still use the cane.
    • The Dursleys also told Harry that Lily and James Potter died in a car crash. They seem to have told Marge that as well.
    • When asked directly by Harry what he saw when he looked into the Mirror of Erised, a mirror that shows one's greatest desire; Dumbledore claims to see "a pair of thick, woollen socks." It's actually his dead sister, whom he may or may not have accidentally killed, alive again.
  • In the classic novel Gladiator, when his Army superiors ask for an explanation of his superhuman powers, Hugo Danner does NOT speak of his father's medical experiments. Instead, he simply says, "I'm from Montana."
  • Because most of the people in The Dresden Files are deeply in denial, large amounts of crap can be made up without anyone noticing. For example, a magical diagram to redirect a curse onto its originator is "Feng Shui", and Murphy once suggested calling in Homeland Security on the Denarians' demon-possessed asses by saying they're "terrorists with advanced biotechnology suits." However, this also gets Double Subverted in "Turn Coat" when a security guard insists on taking Harry's staff, which he says is "traditional Ozark folk art": not because he knows that the staff covered in mystic runes has, in the past, been used to blast a rampaging hell-werewolf all the way through two buildings, but because he thinks Harry could smack someone with it. Of course, Harry has been known to do just that at times.
  • Discworld:
    • In Making Money, Moist asks why Mrs. Lavish keeps two loaded crossbows on her desk. The answer is "family heirlooms". He notes that a lie so blatant is clearly meant to make a statement rather than be believed.
      • Considering the rest of her family, it's more of a Jedi Truth. If any of her family tries anything funny, the crossbow bolts will be heirlooms, after they've been...forcibly gifted upon the family member in question.
    • In Thud, a fight nearly breaks out between a troll and a dwarf officer. Commander Vimes enters the room to find a table overturned, and the potential combatants being restrained by their fellow officers. He asks who's going to be the first to "tell me a huge whopper". Nobby Nobbs obliges by offering up an utterly preposterous explanation about how the dwarf almost drank some (dangerously chemical) troll coffee, and the others rushed to stop him. Vimes pretends to buy it, and the others pretend to believe that he buys it. Much of what Nobby Nobbs does involves this trope. He has been seen using the excuse that his "granny died" in order to get out of work. When directly asked by Colon, he says that this is about the twentieth one it happened to. Watchmen seem to be expected to have that particular excuse, having been given three afternoons off for grandmother's funerals a year.
      • The "grandmother's funeral" excuse comes up again when two troll constables are given an order to apprehend another troll, Acting-Constable Detritus. This exchange promptly occurs (which showcases genius-level thinking, for a troll):

Sergeant Colon: Lance-Constable Coalface! Lance-Constable Bauxite! Apprehend Acting-Constable Detritus!
Lance-Constable Bauxite: *salutes* Permission for leave to attend grandmother's funeral, sir?
Sergeant Colon: Why?
Lance-Constable Bauxite: It her or me, sarge.

    • Feet of Clay also be Terry Pratchett has Vimes and Detritus discussing who possibly could have threatened Coalface's drug smuggler while a new applicant looks on in disbelief as Detritus's assurances that none of HIS trolls would ever do such a thing (and yet he knew who was threatened and why) are accepted.
      • This is also a case of Jedi Truth since none of Detritus' trolls actually did the deed. It was Detritus himself.
    • Monstrous Regiment. Roughly every other spoken line.
  • Johnny and The Bomb shows that it's possible to appear out of thin air, claim you're looking for the pottery club, and let everyone's Weirdness Censor do the rest.
    • Earlier, Johnny notes that the phrase "We're doing a school paper" seems to grant you all sorts of access, and that Hitler could probably have conquered all of Europe by claiming it was school research.
  • Twice in the X Wing Series novel Wraith Squadron:
    • The Wraiths, pretending to be the crew of a warship, are on that warship's mission, touring planets aligned with Warlord Zsinj. The captain dies while they are capturing his ship, and at some point a planetary governor hails them and wants to talk to that captain. Improvising, the squadron's actor coats a pair of goggles with fluorescent paint, sticks one end of a tube in his nostril, the other in his ear (to disguise his distinctive features), and pretends to be a lieutenant and says that the captain is in the bath, dictating his memoirs. When the governor states his confusion, the actor roars that Captain Darillian has to budget his time; he's not some planetary governor who can skim taxes with one hand and pick his nose with the other!
    • Later, the Wraiths' actor, "Face" Loran impersonates that captain with the help of his full-holo Captain's Log. Most of the people who they met either hadn't known the man or had barely met him and knew little of him other than his melodrama and ego. But then the actor talks in depth to Darillian's immediate superior, making him suspicious when they turn out not to know something the captain should. He gets out of this by furiously improvising, again, and telling the admiral, as the captain, that it's been a very long time since he was home. The admiral knows that, and that the captain's family died thanks to Isard. The actor, as the captain, continues to improvise and tells the admiral that he was in love with Isard, and was wildly conflicted and distracted by this. Going off on a tangent about her, the actor fascinated the admiral long enough that he forgot about his suspicions and almost fell into the Wraiths' trap. This was helped by the fact that Loran had met Isard in person, and his particular talents allowed him to notice and remember very subtle details about her.

Face: Thank you, thank you. Performances every hour, on the hour. Imperial madmen a specialty.

    • In Solo Command, during Wedge and Han's "mutiny of anonymity", the various crew off-duty refused to refer to one another by their proper name and rank, or allow people who did into their section. The preferred address was "person who looks like [so and so]". Wedge explains:

"not-Wedge": Who do you think I am?
Face: Um... Commander Wedge Antilles, New Republic Starfighter Command?
"not-Wedge": No no no no... if I were Antilles, I'd be wearing proper rank insignia, wouldn't I?

    • Another from Wraith Squadron, when Wedge breaks up a fight:

Phanan: We were discussing the finer points of a specific hand-to-hand combat maneuver...
Wedge: Flight Officer Phanan, how many times do you think I've heard that "we were talking about a boxing move" excuse?

    • And of course, there's Starfighters of Adumar.

Wedge: We'll need a wheeled transport, one of the flatcam units our pursuers are carrying, and four sets of women's clothing.
Hobbie: Boss, please tell me you're not putting us in women's clothing.
Wedge: Very well. I'm not putting us in women's clothing.
(in the next chapter, the four pilots are in women's clothing)
Hobbie: You lied to me.
Wedge: I did. With my brilliant achievements in the diplomatic profession has come the realization that lies can be powerful motivators.
Hobbie: My faith is shattered.
Wedge: You knew, when I said we needed four sets of women's clothing, that we were going to end up in them. You knew. So any hopes you had to the contrary were just self-delusion.
Hobbie: I understand that. But I'd rather blame you than me.

  • In one Robert A. Heinlein novel (Starman Jones?), the main character questions one of his friends about the contents of some boxes the friend has smuggled aboard. The friend claims they're tea cosies, which he's importing as "skullcaps for pinheads". Not so much.
  • In Callahan's Secret, by Spider Robinson, Mike Callahan recounts how, after a dimly-remembered alcoholic event, he woke up naked in New York and wound up riding a police horse, using the horse blanket as a toga. He averted attention by galloping boldly through the streets and periodically shouting, "Attack of the Horseclans! Coming soon from United Artists!"
  • In Drugs & the Dominoes, when Luck Gandor pulls himself together after near-decapitation in front of a witness, there's no possible plausible lie, so he goes for a blatant one:

Luck: [grabs magazine with a red cover off shelf] Oh my, that was dangerous. If not for the timely rescue of this book, I would have died.
Shopkeeper: Uh... that... no... blood.
Luck: [rips magazine] It was the cover of this book scattering everywhere. You saw wrongly. It was too sudden.
Shopkeeper: But--
Luck: Oh right, I have to repay you for this book...

  • Everything Shin-tsu of The Longing of Shiina Ryo says is taken as this, even though he's telling the truth. It's not his fault the Universe made him its plaything.
  • The Antichrist in Left Behind, despite supposedly being the agent (and later, living avatar) of the Prince Of Lies, uses a lot of these. It only works since he has some ill-defined Mind Control powers to back him up, and more importantly because the authors portray the entire population of the planet after the Rapture as morons.
  • In the first Star Trek: Millennium novel, when Dr. Bashir asks Garak to aid him in identifying two recently-discovered bodies (referencing Garak's expertise), Garak responds: “Oh, Doctor, I'm afraid that in matters of mysterious deaths, I am entirely bereft of experience”. No-one is amused. Bashir then clarifies he wanted Garak to examine their clothing..."I meant your expertise as a tailor".
  • In A Song of Ice and Fire the Frey's excuse for the Red Wedding is that Robb's forces attacked first, transformed into wolves and they were forced to kill them in self defense. Unsurprisingly no one really buys this, but they're relying on people accepting it for political reasons. It's not proving very effective.
  • An Elegy for the Still-living Francis Church convinces a prisoner to play a game where they take turns asking and answering questions. Either player can accuse the other of lying. If the accuser is correct, he wins the game. The prisoner spots a loophole in the rules and decides never to make an accusation. Almost everything Francis says from that point on is a lie. Some of what he says is actually pretty subtle, but "I am not afraid of anything," is obviously untrue.

No Music Here[edit | hide]

  • The Rasputina song "Our Lies" exemplifies this trope, with the singer variously claiming that she was never conceived, the bones in her face weren't there all along and that she loves your coffee cake.
  • Shaggy's song "It Wasn't Me", about a man caught in flagrante delicto by his girlfriend, has a Blatant Lie as its title. And the advice given is, basically, lie blatantly; just issue a flat denial ignoring any evidence to the contrary:

"But she caught me on the counter." "It wasn't me."
"Saw me bangin' on the sofa." "It wasn't me."
"I even had her in the shower." "It wasn't me."
"She even caught me on camera." "It wasn't me."
"She saw the marks on my shoulder." "It wasn't me."
"Heard the words that I told her." "It wasn't me."
"Heard the scream get louder." "It wasn't me."
"She stayed until it was over."

"Darling dear, what have you done?
Your hands and face are smeared with blood."
"The chaplain came and called me out
To bleed and to butcher his mother's sow."
"But darling dear, they found him dead
This morning on the riverbed."

Look Elsewhere for Newspaper Comics[edit | hide]

Dilbert: Why have you ignored my request, Ted?
Co-worker: I was killed by a squadron of giant military squirrels.
Wally: He doesn't respect you enough to tell a plausible lie.
Dilbert: I demand a plausible lie!
Co-worker: Okay, maybe I wasn't killed by giant military squirrels. But I was imprisoned in their secret lair at the center of the earth.
Wally: You can't prove that one either way.
Dilbert: He did say it was a "secret" lair.

    • One of Dogbert's favorite hobbies and/or lucrative careers is to tell ridiculously obvious lies to idiots, usually so he can take their money.
  • In Calvin and Hobbes, Calvin frequently makes up outlandish excuses when caught in the act, such as blaming a mess he made on "a Venusian that materialized in the kitchen".
  • Prickly City: How best to handle Doublebunnygate.
    • And what Carmen has to tell when Kevin disappears - such dirty business.

Here There Be Dragons, Not Tabletop Games[edit | hide]

  • Warhammer 40,000. The Imperial Truth: "There are no supernatural things or gods." Yeah, sure... On that note, the Imperium is practically BUILT on blatant lies. Take the time to read The Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer, and it'll all be made clear.
    • In an odd twist, the fact that said gods and supernatural things exist because people believe in them means that spreading the Imperial Truth can actually make it the truth.
    • Technically, it's a true statement. This can be seen mostly in the Horus Heresy series, which pre-dates the superstitions commonly associated with the Imperium. The Space Marines are familiar with daemons and, to a lesser extent, the Chaos Gods. They, however, regard both as alien creatures that happen to inhabit the warp. Thousands of years of superstition changed a true statement into this trope.
  • In the RPG Spycraft, a 10th level Faceman has the ability to tell one bald-faced lie that can't immediately be proven false and must be believed. "The sky is purple" is legitimate as long as they aren't outside or near a window.
  • In In Nomine, Balseraphs (fallen Seraphim) have the power to make people believe any lie they speak. They suffer for it if they themselves actively disprove the lie (such as saying "I won't shave your head" and then doing just that) but other than that, they're consummate liesmiths. Their angelic counterparts, on the other hand, can recognize any lie spoken, so they don't get along too well...
  • In Nobilis, the same concept goes even further. An Excrucian Deceiver (a type of Cosmic Horror Mole) can tell one person a Blind Lie. While they don't have to believe it, they become totally incapable of perceiving any contradictory evidence. No. Matter. What. If the lie is "I won't hurt you." and then he starts smashing the victim in the face with a war mace? The victim will neither see nor feel it.
    • Players can pull this off too with the correct Estate.
  • In Unknown Armies many different magic styles have ways of getting people to believe anything. An avatar of the Demagogue can convince anyone by talking to them for a while, a cliomancer (history mage) can make a person think they "heard it somewhere before", etc.
  • Epic level characters in Dungeons & Dragons can gain enough ranks in certain skills that it's possible to mimic the effects of magical compulsion just by talking to someone. A rogue can theoretically make up anything and be believed.
    • Never seen it in person, but supposedly with enough bonuses, a rogue can tell the reigning monarch that they are fakes and that the rogue is the true ruler, misplaced at birth, and they are totally reliable because they are also the moon. "I am the Moon" has become local idiom for the brokenness of bluff and similar skills.
    • Even without epic levels, in D&D 3.5 a specialist can do things which seem impossible. A nineteenth-level Half-Elven diplomat using skill synergy, feats, and equipment can talk a person from fighting mad to best friend in the middle of a fight. And that's without using some of the prestige classes which are available.
    • Old Half-elf Binder 1/Marshal 1. Bind Naberius, take the Motivate Charisma aura, have a Charisma of 20 thanks to age effects, full ranks in Diplomacy, a Synergy skill, take Negotiator at 1st level and find a magic item that boosts your Diplomacy check by 1 or more. You can talk someone from "actively trying to kill you" to "would put in a good word for you" as a standard action with no chance of failure. You need to be a bit higher to persuade someone to switch sides mid-battle, but you can end fights automatically from a very early point.
    • Incarnate (for the Silvertongue Mask soulmeld) and Warlock (for the Beguiling Influence invocation) are also good one-level dips for a diplomat. And as long as the character is a half-elf, the first Bard substitution level is useful as well.
  • In Scion, characters with divine Manipulation abilities can function as both consummate liars and lie-detectors.
    • If you tell a mortal a lie using a particular ability, the only way for them to be convinced otherwise is to be presented with direct contradictory evidence. If you use it to tell the truth, no force on Earth can make them doubt you.
  • Possible in Exalted, since players can potentially do anything superhumanly well, from jumping and fighting to superhuman calligraphy. In a bit of a twist, Sidereals have a charm that causes the target to take a possibly truthful statement as being a blatant lie.
  • Paranoia. "The computer is your friend! Any claim that this is merely the tip of the iceberg is treason."
  • In the board game Dungeon Petz, if a baby monster isn't sold before it matures, it is discarded from play. The rulebook states that it is released to live happily on a farm...and tells you to add an extra meat resource to the market whenever this happens. For some strange reason.
    • An optional rule takes this even further, so that discarding the carnivorous plant provides a bonus vegetable, discarding the golem provides a bonus gold, and discarding the ghost provides nothing. And then restates that there is no thematic reason for this rule. Nope. Definitely not.

Nothing Related To Theater[edit | hide]

  • Jake's song from the musical for the Evil Dead movies. He claims to be a pro basketball player, to have won an Oscar for directing Platoon, to have written Jackie Chan's autobiography, and to have created the phrase "fo' shizzle, my nizzle!"
  • Louisiana Purchase has an entire song explaining how the show is not a thinly veiled satire of a certain politician, but a work of utter fiction, set in New Orleans, "a city we've invented so that there would be no fuss./If there is such a place/It's certainly news to us."
  • Serves as the basis of Ray Cooney's farce, Tom, Dick and Harry
  • In Little Shop of Horrors, Seymour claims that Mushnik is visiting his sister in Czechoslovakia, when in reality Seymour killed Mushnik.
  • Utopia Limited: Nearly anything that the Flowers of Progress, and to a lesser degree Lady Sophy, say about England.

Video Games? It's A Lie, Just Like The Cake[edit | hide]

  • Neverwinter Nights 2; in one evil questline, the PC has the option to burn down a building using a torch. They will almost certainly be stopped by a guard for questioning. While still holding the torch and possibly having come right from lighting the building in full view of the guard, they can attempt to bluff "I don't even have a torch".
  • In all GTA games: "Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental."
  • In Psychonauts, the G-Men use this to hilarious effect.
  • Nearly all of GLaDOS's dialog in Portal, which makes sense, as she's a lying liar who lies about lying.
    • One of the promotional videos (about 4 seconds in) for Portal 2 shows that the phrase "Asbestos is harmless!" is a trademark of Aperture Science.
  • If you believe the Talking Pet when it says it says its race is peaceful, or anything else it says for that matter, you're prob- I WANT TO TALK ABOUT FLOWERS AND HOW MUCH THE DNYARRI LIKE TO FROLIC THROUGH THEM WHILE HUGGING PUPPIES. OR AT LEAST RIDING ON THEM AS THE CASE MIGHT BE.
  • Mass Effect gives us the following exchange: "Hey, Commander, I heard there were some interesting noises coming from the Synthetic Insights office. Would you happen to know anything about it?" "Who, me? I'm entirely innocent."
    • The Council's adamant refusal to acknowledge the existence of the Reapers.

"Ah yes, "Reapers". We have already dismissed that claim."
"Can it wait? I'm in the middle of some calibrations."

  • Marisa is the most honest person in all of Gensokyo!

Shiki: Yes, you are a little too comfortable with lying.
Marisa: That isn't true. I haven't told a single lie since I was born.

    • She steals nearly everything that might interest her, but claims that she is only "borrowing" because she will return everything when she dies, as being a normal human most of them will outlive her. She is also working on an elixer of immortality. Yeah...
    • Kazami Yuuka spends the entirety of Phantasmagoria of Flower View telling absolutely pointless lies, even incriminating herself in crimes she had nothing to do with.
  • Kreia in Knights of the Old Republic 2. Lampshaded by Kreia herself who warns you frequently not to trust her.
  • RuneScape has a quest called "One Small Favor." How bad could it be? *Snerk*
  • Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World and Emil's Mystic Arte. "This... is the final strike !" (slash !). And then he strikes the enemy again...
    • Not counting Ain Soph Aur. What a liar...
    • In the first game, Regal is asked what his relationship is to Presea. He says simply "There is none", but his tone makes it more than obvious that he's lying. The party members don't push him on it, though, apparently assuming his reasons are his own business.
    • Also in the first game, subverted with Lloyd's calling Noishe a dog. This is very clearly untrue: although Noishe is basically canine in shape, he's several times too large, not to mention possessed of green fur and giant rodent ears. It's not a case of Call a Smeerp a Rabbit, either, because there are perfectly ordinary dogs in the game, not to mention a pair of villagers lampshading it early on in the game. One might expect it to be this trope as a way of pretending that nothing is unusual about Lloyd and his family, but no, Lloyd genuinely seems to believe that his pet is a dog...
  • The NPCs in Castlevania II: Simon's Quest. Often Misblamed on the English translation, but the characters were blatant liars in the Japanese original as well.
  • Just about everyone at Ted E. Bear's mafia-free playland and casino, in Sam and Max Freelance Police ; Season 1, Episode 3. There is no confusing the place for anything but a mafia hideout with a lot of bear-head masks on the thugs, and yet, its workers will deny this every chance they get; often without even being asked, with dialogue such as "You'd never make it in the mafia... not that there's any mafia around here."
  • The already-legendary (despite only being in beta) "The Day Deathwing Came" questline in World of Warcraft: Cataclysm. Three NPCs tell their stories of how Deathwing flew over the Badlands and got curb stomped by the NPC in question. Face-punching, world-shrinking, and a Casanova orc with a flying motorbike ensue.
    • Not to mention the presence of 'Safe' and 'Ultrasafe' engineering devices. The safest thing they can do is explode.
  • Hazama from BlazBlue says he isn't that good at fighting. It's not like he's lying or something... However, this is also subverted that if the situation demands (as in, not to reveal his grand plan), he'd lie anyway, as seen at trying to kill Makoto because she knows too much, but stated it as a 'disciplinary action' for not obeying orders.
  • The ending of Trio the Punch informs you that "YOU FIGURED IT OUT". In fact, you'll be just as confused, if not moreso, as when you started the game.
  • Jade Curtiss is a master of this.
  • Then there's this interrogation from Splinter Cell: Double Agent:

Sam: What can you tell me about the meeting on the roof?
Guard: Nothing!
Sam: That has to be the worst lie I've ever heard.

    • Pandora Tomorrow also contains this gem in the first mission:

Sam Fisher: Tell me what you know about your friends on the inside.
Indonesian terrorist: I... I don't speak English.
Sam Fisher: I'd bet your neck you do.
Indonesian terrorist: Well... maybe I speak a little English.
[snip]
Indonesian terrorist: They're escorting a... Um, nothing.
Sam Fisher: What? Escorting who?
Indonesian terrorist: Nothing, I... I made a mistake!

  • In Yo-Jin-Bo, this is a prominent feature of Yo and Sayori's confrontations with Nobumasa, who believes every word even when they're claiming that Sayori is Yo's mother or that they're escaping from a witch who lives in a Gingerbread House. Other couples lie as well, but their lies are at least believable.
  • Lesteena claims that her father was a man of peace and that she will continue his ideals in Eien no Aselia. What did the man just do? Enslaved a couple children and used them to conquer the four neighboring empires overnight. For no apparent reason.
  • Don't look, now! Wess isn't going to stick his butt out or anything, though.
  • In the 1st Degree has some moments of this occurring. A notable one is when you get Ruby to admit that she saw a gun in pre-trial interview, and then at the trial, she turns around and says that it wasn't a gun, but a pair of pliers. Don't panic. Just get her to read a love letter Zack wrote to her, and she will tearfully admit to lying and tell the truth about the gun.
  • The Quake III incarnation of the series' iconic Quad Damage powerup. It's called Quad Damage in the manual, the Arena Announcer calls it Quad Damage, the HUD displays the words 'Quad Damage', yet the item itself only allows the bearer to do triple damage (as even described in the manual)! I guess 'Tri-Damage' just isn't as catchy.
  • In Dark Souls, Patches the Hyena feeds you a lot of blatant lies over his hilariously transparent attempt to kill you and take your stuff.

Web Unoriginal[edit | hide]

Horrible: "We're meeting now for the first time!"
Hammer: You look...horribly familiar.
Horrible: Just have that kind of face! Must be going now...!

    • In the final song:

Horrible: And I am fine...

  • Awkward has Alex, who will say pretty much anything if it gets him a little closer to target-of-his-affections Lester.

Alex: (while following a half-naked Lester around the kitchen with a video camera) Makin' a video. For school. Yeah, it's a documentary about, um... kitchen life.

  • Stories on Pseudopod are usually introduced with "I have a story for you, and I promise you, it's true."
  • The blogger Chromagic does this all the time.
    • For example, "And, you know, [Sandslash has] huge long talons. Also like me."
  • Ranger in Comic Fury Werewolf during Game 11 had an exchange seen as either hilarious or quite frustrating in Game 11, where he claimed, "I'm not a wolf!" After he was dead. And confirmed by the host.
  • Count how many times Zoë says she will cut something out of episodes of The Webcomics Company podcast.
  • Half of what's written in My Opinions On Every Pokémon Ever.
  • Even on TV Tropes, on most pages warning of unmarked spoilers, the majority of the spoilers are marked anyway.
  • This Lolcat.
    • Also several variations involving a cat sitting in the middle of a gigantic mess with a caption declaring something along the lines of "What? I had nothing to do with it!" Cat (and dog) owners know full well how much this is Truth in Television.
  • 4chan totally did not do anything with this trope: [1]
  • In the first season of Brazilian webseries "Só Levando", posted at [2], a man named Bezerra was making pirate CDs until the police caught him. He claimed it was for personal use.

Officer: CDs da Vainessa Camargo?/Vainessa Camargo CDs?
Bezerra: Eu gosto./I like.
Officer: 120 cópias?/120 copies?
Bezerra: Gosto muito./I like it so much.

Would You Believe There Are No Examples for Web Comics?[edit | hide]

Susan: What's to explain? My hair changed color. It happens!
Nanase: Hair doesn't just spontaneously change color!
Susan: I stand by my ridiculous claim.

  • In Misfile, Rumisiel's presence is explained as being Ash's Canadian exchange student live-in boyfriend. Since the story takes place in Massachusetts, this is regarded as being a little implausible to say the least.
  • In Sluggy Freelance, after a 50-foot-tall Aylee runs through the suburbs causing mass destruction, she retreats into her shell and tries to pass herself off as a volcano. When the mob chasing her wonder how a volcano wound up in New Jersey, Aylee tells them global warming did it. Everyone finds this perfectly plausible and never question the fact that a volcano just answered their question.
    • Because it's a global warming volcano and therefore not subject to the normal rules of a volcano.
    • The Guacans of the Punyverse arc will insist that they do not eat people, even while sharpening cleavers and warming up the cooking pots. "Come to Chau-5, we won't eat you!"
  • Red Mage and Thief use this in Eight Bit Theater when Ranger asks why they betrayed his group:

Thief: Ghosts.
Red Mage: Aliens.
Thief: Ghost aliens.
Red Mage: Who possessed us.
Thief: From space!

    • Warmech is especially prone to this.

Warmech: I HAVE NO LASERS AND WILL LASER TO DEATH ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE.
Later...
Warmech: BEHOLD MY HUMAN LASER!
And later still...
Black Mage: Oh, Lord, why does the robot have a mustache?
Warmech: I grew it with my human lip.

  • Penny Arcade:
    • The first part of this. (Gabe's not exactly well-versed in the difference between dragons and dragaerans.)

Gabe: You told me this book a) wasn't fantasy, and b) contained no dragons.

Gabe: You said this would be easy, a half an hour tops! My world is pain!
Tycho: Gabe, sometimes in order to hurt someone very badly, you have to tell that person terrible lies.

  • Buck Godot Zap Gun for Hire engages in a bit of this toward the end of the Psmith storyline (warning: spoilers!) toward the end, when he alternates between telling Psmith one thing and Der Rock the precise opposite, in front of them both.
  • DM of the Rings: Walking sticks.
  • In Questionable Content, comic #499, Jeph writes in his little blurb at the bottom of the page "Comic number 500 is Monday. I don't have anything particularly special planned, but who knows." for the entire run of QC previous to this, Faye and Marten's possible relationship had driven most of the plot. In comic number 500, the two of them resolve the situation and the plot progresses. Faye likes Marten just fine, but she has lingering trust issues and can't maintain a relationship. Everything works out just fine, and they're still roommates.
  • In Order of the Stick, Haley has a Bluff Skill that is ridiculously high, letting her get away with almost anything.
    • Turned Up to Eleven in this strip thanks to a potion of glibness. Note that this is consistent with D&D 3.5 rules - If your Bluff check beats your opponent's Sense Motive by 20 or more, you can get them to believe things that are actually impossible. Glibness adds 30 to your Bluff check.
  • On MS Paint Masterpieces, Dr. Wily manages to get Dr. Light to build all the robots he uses for his first attempt at world domination by saying they're for mining.
  • In Stick Figure Hamlet, Laertes poisons his sword by dipping it in a barrel labeled "Not Poison, Honest".
  • In Bob and George, Kalinka goes for No one up here but us air duct mice.
  • In this Skin Horse strip, Unity, who is a zombie, tries unsuccessfully to uphold the Masquerade.

Unity: Civilian, you is smoking crack. I am a totally normal alive human federal agent.
(Her arm falls off.)
Unity: ...who has a cold.

Dillon: You know...it's none of my business...but someday you will have to tell your wife you're gay.
Dillon's Agent: Ho-ho-ho! Don't be silly! I'm not gay! That's why I have you wear the wig!
Dillon: I think it might be a little bit gay.
Dillon's Agent: Dilly...straight married men have secret gay sex all the time!
Dillon: That sounds made up.
Dillon's Agent: It's true! It's called "being on the down low". Saw it on Oprah.

    • And the best part? Not only does the agent seem to believe it himself, but Dillon thinks it's credible because Oprah presumably said it.
  • Footloose the objection to a Wounded Gazelle Gambit.
  • Bug insists that skipping isn't gay.
  • Each update of "No Black Plume" comes with the authors' totally real credentials.
  • Sandra of Zebra Girl initially trying to cover up her demonic appearance starts out very badly at this. Her story about the origins of her "scars" involves low flying birds, a ladder and a room full of knives.

Mike: So...
Sandra: I'M NOT A DEMON!

"Listen, like I told your captain, that orphanage attacked me. It was self defense."

Everything In This Folder Is Definitely Fiction, Not Real Life.[edit | hide]

  • In Las Vegas, successful independent stage producer David Saxe's latest effort, Vegas! The Show, is using these, with the website calling it "...the biggest stage production on the Strip in almost 20 years." Apparently a show with a cast of 40 and 11 musicians, in a theater that seats less than 500 people, is performing on an Alternate Universe Strip where Cirque Du Soleil's seven shows don't exist (the first, Mystere, opened Christmas 1993)...much less Blue Man Group, the Recut of The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, Celine Dion, and Cher. And all of them perform in enormous theaters that can seat at least 1,000. And then there was a message to journalists that the first week's worth of shows were already sold out when the week in question was before the show opened.
  • In the Disney Theme Parks, their Vacation Club is said to be "Disney's Best Kept Secret". That actually is part of their advertising. With 10 to 15 kiosks for it in every park, they definitely hide it well from everyone.
  • Brass knuckles do make effective paperweights.
  • Recently, a Chinese amusement park built this. When asked about it, their answer was "This is an original design and most definitely not an orange Gundam. There might be some similarities, but that's about it". And now they brought it down and proclaim "THERE NEVER WAS A 50-FEET TALL BRIGHT ORANGE STATUE HERE, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" A shame, really. It was a strong contender for the title of "The World's Largest Bootleg".
  • The lead hijacker of Flight 93 on 9/11, Ziad Jarrah, continuously said "This is your captain speaking" over the plane's PA system.
  • Iranian-Canadian reporter Zahra Kazemi was arrested in Iran for photographing a protest. She was later taken to a hospital (where she soon died) with bruises, broken bones, and other obvious traumatic injuries. The officers who brought her in told the doctors that she was suffering from "a digestive problem."
  • EA doesn't have random celebrities make guest appearances
  • Anyone who goes off on a tangent about how back in their days, they did this, that, so and so, that, and they liked it. Obviously if you're not having to go through those obstacles, they didn't like it, did they?
  • "WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING ME TO STOP SCREAMING? I'M NOT SCREAMING!!!"
  • Also: "Calm down!" "I AM CALM!!!"
  • "I'm not mad!"
  • The fish was this big!
  • A number of false statements around This Wiki are potholed to this page.
  • "This hurts me more than it does you." In spirit at least, fits this more than Lies to Children.

There are definitely more examples after this, but we're out of indices.[edit | hide]

Other Examples[edit | hide]