Land Down Under/Quotes

The second confusing thing about Australia are the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep.

—"Douglas Adams' View of Australia"

Australia is not without its dangers and every animal in the country can be classified as belonging to one or more of the three categories: Dangerous, Poisonous, and Sheep.

—from Make A Wish, chapter 33, by Rorschach's Blot (clearly influenced by the above)^[1]

A sick feeling of repugnance and apprehension grows in me as I near Australia.

—Diary of Sir Robert Menzies, Prime Minister of Australia, May 23, 1941

We've got Redbacks; Funnelwebs; Blue-ringed octopus; Taipan; Tigersnake; adder; box jelly fish; Stonefish and that poison thing that lives in a shell that spikes you when you pick it up... Come to Australia you might accidentally get killed.

—Scared Weird Little Guys - Come to Australia

Like America, Australia has two or three important cities on the opposite coasts and a whole lot of nothing in between. What we call "Flyover Country", they call "The Outback".

—America: The Book

If I had to take Hell, I would use the Australians to take it and the New Zealanders to hold it.

—Erwin Rommel

I was, in days gone by, a believer. But, alas, I came to this beleaguered land and the God in me just... evaporated. Let us change our toast, then, to the God that has forgotten us [...] Mr. Murphy, Russia, China, the Congo. Oh, I have traveled among unknown people in lands beyond the sea. But nothing, nothing could've prepared me for this godforsaken hole.

—Jellon Lamb, The Proposition

Being an Australian, one reaction I often get from non-Australians is amazement that anyone can live in a country so full of deadly wildlife. But really, as long as you knock your shoes out every morning, and don't go poking in holes in the ground, and wear long pants with thick socks and heavy boots, and don't swim north of the Tropic of Capricorn in the wet season, and don't swim at all in the Northern Territory, and keep a forked stick handy, and an antivenine kit, and stay within a 10 minute helicopter flight of a hospital, you're perfectly safe. Most of the time.

—David Morgan-Mar, Irregular Webcomic #855, The Rant.

Do you come from a land down under
Where women glow and men plunder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder
You better run, you better take cover

—Men at Work, "Down Under"

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

—Charles Schulz

Australia's a lovely land
It's full of bonza blokes,
Sheilas, beer and no-one's queer
Except in Pommie jokes.

Australians are lovely chaps
They're God's own chosen race.
If they ever see a fairy Pom
They'll smash him in the face.

Australians like dressing up
In skirts and having fun
And that's all we were doing
When the Vice Squad came along.

—Monty Python's Flying Circus

Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.

—Keppel Enderbery

Lightning cracked in the sky of this desolate wasteland, yet despite the thunderclouds, which painted the sky the colour of a bruise, there was no relief for this parched land. The ruins of a dead city, smothered in dust the colour of blood, were revealed in each flash of light. And in those brief moments of light, things could be seen moving, things that moved in a way which was anathema to the human eye, all squirming and crawling and too many legs.
Some would have called this place Hell.
Fools. The depths of the horrors imagined by Dante could not match the abominations that dwelt in this place.
This was Australia.

—from NGE: Nobody Dies, The Kei Files, Chapter 7, by EarthScorpion

↑ One dreads to imagine the beast that qualifies for all three.

[1] One dreads to imagine the beast that qualifies for all three.

[1]