Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

Ned: [on the phone] Hey... I need you to get me some clothes.
Moze: What?
Ned: I'm naked, and I need you to get me some clothes.
Moze: [annoyed] Why don't you get your girlfriend to do it?
Ned: Because I'm naked.
Moze: I'm next in line to see the Wild Boy!
Ned: I repeat -- I'm! NAKED!
Ned: [from inside the room he's hiding in, with Moze now outside the door] Are you NUTS?!
Moze: Well, that's all they had at the gift shop.
Ned: I'm supposed to meet Suzie for lunch! What am I gonna tell her? "I saw the Wild Boy skort, and I just had to have it?!" [[[Gilligan Cut]]] Then I saw the Wild Boy skort, and I said, "I just have to have it."

Principal: I'm trying to write next year's handbook, and I can't have any interruptions. [Gordy tries to tell him the weasel is right behind him on his desk] It can't be that hard to catch a rodent. You four are taking this personally, and it's driving you all mad.
All: [just as the weasel escapes with some papers in its mouth] WEASEL!
Principal: He took my handbook, and it's the only copy I've got! Find! That! WEASEL!

  • When Cookie sees that Lisa, the nerdy, bespectacled, allgery-prone girl with braces comes back to school looking stunning, he pulls Gordy into the janitor's closet...

Cookie: So, do you think the new Lisa's hot?
Gordy: Um...I can't answer that, due to the fact that I'm forty.

  • Ned is trying to get a jealous Missy to stop chasing off every girl who talks to him-

Moze: Why don't you just tell her the truth? You're not interested in her.
Ned: Because the truth doesn't WORK on crazy people!!!

    • The Latvian "Bring Back Moze" Dance (especially Coconut Head's falsetto)
    • In the first part of of "Boys and Girls", Cookie tries to cheer Ned up after Suzy moves away by having him hang out with boys and do "boy stuff", like smash fruit with a bat. Trouble is, the first fruit Ned smashes is a grapefruit, causing the juice to spray in all the boys' eyes and make them scream in pain. That's funny enough, but the clincher is the nest scene of Moze teaching her class on boys, stating that boys like to hang out with other boys and do "boy things." Then, in the background, we see the boys running down the halls, still screaming.
  • Cookie is dressed in drag-

Ned: What are you doing?!
Cookie: Going undercover to find out what Lisa really likes in a guy.
Ned: I don't think it's THIS!

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