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{{quote|In the morning I woke early and experienced that sinking sensation that overcomes you when you first open your eyes and realize that instead of a normal day ahead of you, with its scatterings of simple gratifications, you are going to have a day without even the tiniest of pleasures; you are going to drive across Ohio.|Bill Bryson
{{quote|''Come on down to Cleveland-town everyone''
''Under construction since 1868!''
''See our river that catches on fire!''
''It's so polluted that all our fish have AIDS!''
|'''Mike Polk,''' local comedian|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZzgAjjuqZM&feature=related Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video: 2nd Attempt]}}
{{quote|Look here. To the west of us lie ruins of a considerable settlement marked Cleve-land. I give you my advice as a salvager who has been in such places--keep away. Move to the south, around it.|Greenberg, to Kinkaid
{{quote|Remember the time you lit your cigarette backwards? Smoked it right down. Said it reminded you of Cleveland.|
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