The Onion/Tear Jerker

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• "Daddy Put In Bye-Bye Box". Don't click that. Really.
  • I was expecting something mild. Mother of God.
• "God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule", in particular the closing paragraph:

"Upon completing His outburst, God fell silent, standing quietly at the podium for several moments. Then, witnesses reported, God's shoulders began to shake, and He wept."

• • This one was written in response to the September 11 attacks, making it even more poignant.
• Combined with You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: "New Mommy A Lot Prettier"
• For animal lovers: Last of 2008 Christmas Puppies Euthanized, Marking Start of Spring
  • And if you've ever encountered Released to Elsewhere...
• US Commemorates 9/11 By Toasting Stable Afghan Government. If only that was real...
  • Kelly's cartoon that day was surprisingly poignant too. He usually employs some measure of You Can Panic Now, but this one was just his Author Avatar with a Single Tear asking "When is it okay to laugh again"?
• "Not Knowing What Else To Do, Woman Bakes American-Flag Cake," also written in response to 9/11.

"I baked a cake," said Pearson, shrugging her shoulders and forcing a smile as she unveiled the dessert in the Overstreet household later that evening. "I made it into a flag." Pearson and the Overstreets stared at the cake in silence for nearly a minute, until Cassie hugged Pearson. "It's beautiful," Cassie said. "The cake is beautiful."

• "Study Finds Hearing Loved One's Voice Induces Excruciating Pain In Coma Patients."
• "Son, It's Time We Have A Talk About Where Babies Go."
• "Best Part Of Gay 12-Year-Old’s Day Half Hour Spent Eating Lunch Alone On Staircase."
• "NRA Sets 1,000 Killed In School Shooting As Amount It Would Take For Them To Reconsider Much Of Anything."