Alan Wake/Funny

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Alan: I lifted the page in front of my eyes and read it. In it, I lifted the page in front of my eyes and read it. In it...

  • Finding Barry Wheeler wrapped in Christmas lights.

"For protection. Like garlic against vampires!"

    • And the headlamp, don't forget the headlamp:

Alan: Hey. I want a headlamp!
Barry: Sorry Al, last one.
Alan: Bastard.

    • Barry referring to his hard hat as his "flaming eye of Mordor". It's funnier in the strategy guide, where Alan and Sheriff Breaker cringe after he says it.
  • Alan and Barry getting drunk off the Andersons' moonshine and drunkenly spouting nonsense about being able to write ten books a year and becoming booze millionaires, respectively. Overlaps with Crowning Moment of Heartwarming when Alan breaks down about Alice and Barry pats his head.

Alan: If I wanted to, I could write ten books a year. And they'd be the best books that year!
Barry: No you couldn't.
Alan: That's right, I couldn't. But I could. 'Cause I'm a writer!

  • Barry's Night Springs joke:

"When someone throws a damn school bus at your head, and you're about to take a ride with someone who may or may not have a pilot's license, you're cleared for departure... to Night Springs!"

  • When Alan exits a building at the Anderson farm, a Taken farmer springs out yelling "Stay away from my daughter!"
  • Barry imitating Alan with the cardboard cutout.
  • This exchange from The Signal:

Barry: Hey Al, I guess the pen's mightier than-
Alan: Finish that sentence and you're fired.
Barry:...mightier than the sword.
Alan: You're fired.
Barry: Aww...

    • Another one from The Signal:

Alan: If this is my mind then why is this so complicated?
Barry: 'Cause you're a complicated man and no one understands you-

Alan: Barry!

Barry: I'm just talking about-

Alan: Stop.

  • A funny Taken line:

"CHAINSAWS ARE NOISY!!!"

    • "OMEGA 3 FATTY ACIDS ARE GOOD FOR YOUR HEART!"
    • "IT'S RABBIT SEASON!"
    • "FISHING CAN BE A HOBBY AND A JOB!"
  • Watch what happens to the parade float after it goes past you. The Dark Presence can parallel-park like a boss.
  • The achievement description after you beat the first elite Taken.

Nordic Walking: Unlike Stucky, you enjoy incontestable health benefits. Namely, you're not dead.

  • Most of Barry, really. He was written as the comic relief, and he comes through like a king.
    • Even Imaginary Barry, who turns into an antagonist:

It's great that you first make yourself an imaginary friend, and then you can't even get along with that guy! People skills, Al! You're a master.

    • The fluctuating Taken voice only enhances the delivery.
  • Pretty much everything said by the Anderson brothers, ever. It's like a nonstop parade of hilarity - especially once they go nuts on the lodge and trap the staff in the staffroom.
  • One of the patients in Cauldron Lake Lodge is a slightly crazy video game developer. One of his rants starts about nightmares, but somehow turns into something about mullets.

"...but it wasn't supposed to be about mullets, and now it's about mullets, and when it's in slow motion, they call it 'Mullet Time' because..."

  • Emma Sloan offering Alan a "herbal detox suppository."
  • From American Nightmare:

Emma: So... you might have brain damage, you're about to go to great things with a magic piece of paper, and you came here from another dimension?
Alan: No, I'm from New York. I was just visiting another dimension.
Emma:Oh, yeah, okay. My bad.