Goddamned Bats/Real Life

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Examples of Goddamned Bats in Real Life include:

  • White-tailed Deer are a perfect real life example of Goddamned Bats. At night, they usually run right into your car when you drive and they're hard to see, depending on how little light there is at night. To make their status known, they have severely injured or killed drivers because of how unintelligent they are.
    • The deadliest animal in the USA is the deer, simply due to causing so many automotive collisions. A supposedly harmless creature that causes a disproportionate amount of trouble is pretty much the definition of this Trope.
  • What else can we call mosquitoes?
    • Or flies, or, for pet owners or those who live near animals in most areas, fleas and ticks.
    • On the topic of insects, one mustn't forget ants.
      • Anyone who can call ants relatively harmless has clearly never lived in an area where fire ants live.
    • And cockroaches for every one you kill three more crawl out of nowhere.
    • Mosquitos are Demonic Spiders in some parts of the world since they also carry malaria.
      • Note that there are no cockroaches, ants, or mosquitos in Iceland. Fuck yeah.
  • Rabbits for those with gardens, because they keep eating all your damned plants.
    • Rabbits are both cute, and more importantly, delicious.
    • Ditto deer. Eat plants. Delicious. Very delicious. Unfortunately they breed like... rabbits.
    • Rabbits are an invasive species in Australia with a population that spun horribly out of control after being introduced. They're still so numerous that there are essentially no restrictions on hunting/killing them, and the government is struggling to eliminate the infestation.
  • Canadian Geese. They are everywhere. One of the most common birds, especially in places such as Ohio.
    • Actually, Canadian geese are only found in Canada. You're talking about Canada Geese here.
  • For those in cities: pigeons. For those near a shore/on an island: seagulls. For those in Minnesota, both.
  • For Australians that live on the Queensland coast, bush turkeys. They're everywhere. To make matters worse, they incubate eggs by making a compost heap and laying in the warm, rotting vegetation. If you have anything remotely resembling a garden, they will earthmove all your mulch and plants to their nest. They can destroy an entire garden overnight, moving all the mulch and seedlings across a road and into the nature strip.
  • On the subject of horrible things that live in Queensland, Cane Toads, an invasive species introduced from South America to control bugs which proved to be far more of a pest problem than the bugs ever were. They're ridiculously hard to kill and very, very poisonous, which has done incredible amounts of damage at all levels of the ecosystem. Generally speaking, Australians do not like them. At all. Finding ways to kill them horribly is practically a national sport.
  • Physalia physalis, also known as the Portugese Man 'o War or the blue bottle. Unless one has an allergic reaction the worst this thing's poison can do is cause severe itching for a while, but when carpets of them drift onto a beach the reaction is best described as "Goddamn Blue Bottles!".
    • Made worse by the fact that its tentacles can still sting even if they aren't attached to anything, so you can randomly be stung by what looks to be nothing more than a piece of blue string. That's right. They can turn into invisible Goddamn Bats.
      • And those stings? They're fucking agonising. Worse is that the tentacles cling, so you have to peel them off- and get stung more times.
  • Horse archers, especially of the steppe variety, initially seemed like goddamned bats. They would gallop in and out, harass an opponent and generally made themselves as annoying as possible. Once an army broke formation they would surround it and suddenly turn into Demonic Spiders.
  • Asian carp are becoming these in the Great Lakes region. It gets worse.... the damn things jump like fleas when panicked, and a forty-or-more-pound fish to the kisser will ruin anyone's fishing trip.
  • TICKS. Small, seemingly harmless things... that feed on blood, bury into your skin, and to top it all off, they're Nigh Invulnerable to damn near everything.
  • Head lice, not as bad as ticks but they can latch on anything, are so damn hard to remove. They can latch on your clothes, and hold on to them in a washing machine and survive. The most practical way of removing them is to pick them of one at a time.
  • Squirrels. Like deer, they have a tendency to run head-first into the streets. Given that they are much smaller and faster, you may not be able to see them in time when you jam on your brakes.

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