After realizing that they just sang a song about hating Jesus, in church, Reverend Putty tells the congragation that Clay should be more responsible for his son's behaviour:
Clay: What - are you saying I should be responsible for what Orel does? I'm not even responsible for my own actions ninety percent of the time! Principal Fakey: What if you stop drinking...? Clay: (mockingly) Yeah, what if?
Putty: What's not to like? "I hate you Jesus, you rotten little fink. Your sermons never pleases and your parables all-"uh-oh.
Non-Threatening Negro Comedy Volume 6. That is all.
Clay's simultaneous insulting of Florence, her ex-husband Officer Papermouth and her lover, Reverend Putty.
Clay: Imagine the loser she's getting sloppy with. Papermouth: Hey, you better stop that! Putty: That's no way to talk about a guy you don't even know! Papermouth: Well, no, I don't care about the guy... Putty: No, I mean, it's insulting to you. Papermouth: And Florence. Putty: But mostly you. You're a handsome man. I'm sure the fellow who sleeps with Florence is at least as handsome, if not more. Pepermouth: ...Um...Yeah... Clay: Well, I think Jesus would say you're both nuts.
When the Puppingtons and the Postabules say grace before a dinner together, they say a slightly different version of the Lord's Prayer (the Postabule's say "debtors", and the Puppingtons say "trespassers"). Hilarity ensues.
Clay and Mark: What are you, nuts?! Clay: Get out!! Mark: Let's go!! Bloberta and Poppet: Well, just when you think you know someone... Mark: Get up, kids. I can't believe you'd expose my children to this kind of filth without my consent! Clay: Your kids? What about my kid? He's only nine! Orel: Twelve. Bloberta: Please, just leave. Poppet: Gladly. Clay: You don't even understand what the Lord's Prayer even means! Mark: How dare you! Forgive us your debtors! Clay: Forgive us your trespassers! Mark: You owe me a bottle of wine!!
Clay's drunken rant in "Sacrifice", after he figures out that Bloberta is in love/lust with Doctor Potterswheel (from finding his handkerchief in his house). Doubles as his Crowning Moment of Awesome, for some. Clay and Potterswheel are discussing the doctor's deceased ex-wife:
Clay: Tell me, doc, did some of those painkillers protect her against you? Doctor Potterswheel: What do you mean? Clay: You know, the pain of you, day in, day out, being there, with that face... Not knowing what to say... Not caring anymore... Not even knowing that you'll probably only care about her when it's finally too late. Forgetting about all those desperate, desperate years you spent alone, your barren years when no woman would even consider resting her tired head on your shaky little shoulder. Stinking of belly semen... Why even bother to wipe? And then, when you finally get one of these (points to the female bartender) - dun dun dun dun dun dun! - coveted pieces of tail that have been built up as the grand trophy in your nothing life, you try desperately to keep it. Not to protect it, but to hoard it, to keep it away from the other wolves and jackals circling your territory, and you realize, all too soon, that you're not good enough! And maybe there was a jerkoff named Darwin after all and that you never acknowledged his existence because you knew, deep inside, that you were really what you feared you were: weak, and passive, and ultimately broken by the ones who were made the fittest! And that through your weaknesses, you built up a poison that poisoned others around you... That you love... And that the only true justice was to let those other jackals feed off you... SURVIVE OFF OF YOU!
(Clay stares at a sweating Doctor Potterswheel, who pulls out a handkerchief to wipe his forehead) Clay: If that one gets too sweaty, I got an extra one for you. Doctor Potterswheel: Uh... Clay: C'mon, doc. (Holds up the handkerchief, with Potterswheel's initials on it). It's a nice one.
Part of Orel's frank talk with Daniel during the series finale, made much funnier by all the story details before this moment. Orel sees Daniel's picture of Clay, and comments:
Orel: Coach Stopframe, you like my dad the way my mom likes my dad, don't you? Daniel: ... Your mom likes your dad? Orel: Never mind.
When Orel confessed to his dad that he had been having some....interesting dreams about God punishing him, and Clay is reduced to Angrish at the thought.
Clay: You've been having whats? About who!? Doing WHAT!?
(Clay holds up his belt threateningly, and Orel gives an aroused grin.) Clay: (Puts the belt back down, squicked out) Just go to my study.
Orel smoking crack.
Orel: Look Samson crack! Hooray!
An otherwise depressing and disturbing episode, "Alone" does have one chuckle-worthy moment in a Freeze-Frame Bonus: One of the headlines in Ms. Sculptham's clippings reads: "Serial Rapist is on the Loose! This Time it's Not Orel".
