Serenity/Funny

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• At the beginning:

Wash: If Kaylee doesn't give us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn-through, this landing is gonna get pretty interesting. Mal: Define "interesting". Wash: "Oh God oh God we're all gonna die"? Mal: [over intercom] This is the Captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we might experience some slight turbulence, and then… explode. [to Wash] Can you shave the vector? Wash: I'm doing it, it's not enough. Mal: Well, just get us on the ground. Wash: That part'll happen pretty definitely!

• "We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode!"

• As River fights in the bar:

Fanty: Do you know that girl? Mal: I really don't.

• Kaylee after Simon confesses his feelings for her:

Simon: In all that time on the ship... I've always regretted... not being with you. Kaylee: With me? You mean to say... as in sex? Simon (flustered): I... mean to say. Kaylee: To Hell with this. I'm gonna live!

• When they enter the bar:

Kaylee: It's been going on a year now I ain't had nothin' betwixt my nethers that weren't run on batteries! Mal: Oh god! I can't know that! Jayne: I could stand to hear a little more.

• After the Reaver chase at the beginning:

Simon: River! Are you alright? River: I swallowed a bug...

• This exchange:

Mal: Do you want to run this ship?! Jayne: Yes! Mal: Well...[beat] you can't!

• Those grenades Mal didn't want Jayne to take along... one Reaver ship later:

Jayne: "Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?"

• A guard at the company the crew is robbing asks for a password. Jayne fires his machine gun.

"Okay!"

• • The guard then discussing where he wants to be shot (so he can avoid punishment for allowing the robbery to take place), with him and Mal debating the merits of a bullet through various areas of human anatomy.

Mal: The leg is good, it'll bleed plenty, and we avoid any necessary organs. Guard: I was thinking more of a graze... Mal: Well, you don't want it to look like you just gave up.

• Jayne calling for Mal when the Reavers arrive:

Every heist he's gotta start yellin' my name!

• Ahem... Ceiling River. That is all.
• ‎"I've staked my crew's life on the theory you're a person, actual and whole. And if I'm wrong, you'd best shoot me now." *click* "… or… we could talk more."
• "Zoe, ship is yours. Remember, if anything happens to me, or you don't hear from me within the hour, you take this ship and you come and you rescue me!
• "Yes, I've read a poem. Try not to faint."
• When the Operative and Mal first meet, and Mal tries to goad him:

The Operative: Captain Reynolds, I should tell you so that you don't waste your time; you cannot make me angry. Inara: Please, spend an hour with him.

• At the heist at the beginning, they open the safe door... only to find almost nothing in it.

Zoe: At last, we can retire and give up this life of crime.

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