Deadpan Snarker/Fan Works

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Sarakshi: Your shirt smells of grass.
Marjani: That is a highly flattering compliment, Sarakshi. I don't know how I've survived so far without it.

Tora: Who do you think Hoseki's representatives would believe? One of the maids from a café that has done a grand event for the first time, or the well-mannered and chivalrous Igarashi heir?
Sarakshi: Well-mannered. Chivalrous. Excuse me while I gag, Igarashi.
Tora: I'm sure something as unattractive as that would be right up your street.

John: "Why're you so bloody calm?"
George: "Because I'm a better person than you.”

The Hunter: “I warn you, children, I have little patience for fools.”
Ringo: “If you were a doctor, would you have little fools for patients?”

Matt: Lin, I told you I got this worked out, didn't I? We're going out my bedroom window.
Linda: Out there? Um...are you sure?
Matt: No, actually there's an underground network of tunnels running through a doorway in the back of my closet.

Link (after Samba advises him to use explosives to beat a beamos): But we're knee-deep in goron territory and have yet to find a bomb. Notice that little cosmic joke yet?

The blonde dropped her jaw. "Well, that was, like, really rude," she commented.
"Yeah, sneaking past all the OTHER guards instead of going and asking the FIRST one's pretty rude," the man scoffed.

Danny Dingo: So you just went and baked cookies? Shifty, you're a dingo for crying out loud!
Shifty Dingo: Well, if it makes you feel better, I wore a pink apron with butterflies on it while I baked them.

Flap: Since when does Greenpatch have a Burger King and how did it get here?
Shifty Dingo: Deforestation.

  • Everyone in The End Is Near but especially Light with his imaginary "advice column."
  • Harry becomes (or at least, becomes more obviously so) in The Wizard In The Shadows getting steadily snarkier as time goes on. The narration owes a lot to the Discworld style of narration as well.

Narrator: Gimli, having reached the Horn, blew on it, causing one massive, and vaguely flatulent sound to echo over the deep.
Harry: *at Helm's Deep* It looks Galadriel has sent crack squad of decorators. She must have heard about the poor aesthetics of the fortress and decided it must be cleaned up as soon as possible.
Harry: *just after Gandalf free's Theoden from Saruman* Look upon your kingdom once more. I hear it’s very nice this time of year.

Sonic: (spotting the doors out of the Clock Tower) Hey, is that the way out?
Tatl: You see any other doors, kid? Let's go already!

  • Sho in How I Became Yours
  • In the Katawa Shoujo fanfic, From Shizune's Perspective, Shizune may be one in canon, but Misha becomes one in here, as the author suggests that she would act that way in sign language-only conversations. At one point, Shizune becomes suspicious because Misha is not snarking at her.

Misha: Need a little help there, Shicchan?
Shizune: Eat me.
Misha: No thanks, I already told you I don't go that way. [1].
Shizune: Your loss. Too late for you anyway; I'm over my big girl phase. (Misha laughs)


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  1. This was written before the full game and The Reveal about how Misha felt about Shizune