Family-Unfriendly Aesop/Quotes

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Thomas: Ed, I feel like I need to apologize to you.
Ed: Seriously? Why?
Thomas: I haven't set a good example for you today.
Ed: Oh, like the thing with the kid earlier?
Thomas: Of course not. That comes with the territory. What I should have done was stress the importance of not getting caught.

Ed: There we go, that's what I was waiting for.
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. So the lesson is never try."
Homer Simpson, The Simpsons (actually a Spoof Aesop, of course)

Hobbes: Aren't you supposed to be doing your homework now?
Calvin: I quit doing homework. Homework is bad for my self-esteem.
Hobbes: It is?
Calvin: Sure! It sends the message that I don't know enough! All that emphasis on right answers makes me feel bad when I get them wrong. So instead of trying to learn, I'm just concentrating on liking myself the way I am.
Hobbes: Your self-esteem is enhanced by remaining an ignoramus?

Calvin: Please! Let's call it "informationally impaired."
"So, it's better to speculate about doing good than actually doing it?"
Crow, Mystery Science Theater 3000: Jack Frost
Instead [Cinderella] kept scrubbing floors and believing that, if she continued to wish very hard and take absolutely no action, everything would fall into place. And what do you know, the bitch gets a fucking kingdom out of it. So don't worry, girls. Some kind of "Fairy Godmother" will sweep into your life at any moment, and find you a man to take care of everything. Just keep wishing!
"Now, we're not saying that cheaters win. We're just saying... well actually we are saying that. You just have to be really good at it."

Our fox and hound find their long friendship thoroughly obliterated and end up trying to kill each other. Only after the member of the pursued and persecuted race does a favor for his oppressor (when the hunted saves the hunter's life) does the hound grant the fox permission to continue living.

But not as equals; the hound returns to his home with the humans and the fox returns to the wild.

"I sold my soul for a vagina and a man I don't know!"
"Moral of the story: If your loved one has a problem, kill them."
—Random Youtube comment on Supergreatfriend's Let's Play of Deadly Premonition.
"Never deny your rowdy nature, paladins! And don't take advice from old people!"
Old lady, Adventure Time