I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

Stock Phrases used when someone is about to, is doing, or has done something important, dangerous, dramatic or all of the above.

Phrases include:

  • "I Have No Idea What I'm Doing."
  • "I know almost exactly what I'm doing."
  • "I'm making this up as I go."
  • "I trusted my instincts"
  • "It was a lucky guess."
  • "I bluffed."
  • "I didn't [know]."

Sometimes this is used for the echo in an Ironic Echo Cut.

May be related to Indy Ploy. See also How Did You Know? I Didn't.

Examples of I Have No Idea What I'm Doing include:

Film

  • Gone with the Wind: "I don't know nothing 'bout birthin' no babies!"
  • In Good Company: it's Carter Duryea's first day on the job as head of the Ad Sales department. He's only 26 years old.

Carter Duryea: I have no idea what I'm doing. Don't tell anyone, okay?

Mancuso: How did you know that his next turn would be to starboard?
Ryan: I didn't. I had a 50/50 chance. I needed a break. Sorry.
Mancuso: That's all right, Mr Ryan. My Morse is so rusty, I could be sending him dimensions on Playmate of the Month.

Princess Leia: (to Solo) I hope you know what you're doing.
Han Solo: Yeah, me too.

  • In Panic Room, Meg has a brainwave that they might be able to jury-rig her mobile phone (which has no signal) into the house's main phone line. When her daughter asks what she's doing, Meg says she has no idea. She manages to make it work (temporarily) because the different phone wires follow the same colour code.

Literature

  • Corwin in the 1st Book of Amber novel finally admits to his brother Random (probably his only sibling he could trust in this way) that he doesn't know what's going on and has been bluffing his way through most of the novel.

Live Action TV

Michael Westen: I have a loaded machine pistol in my hand and I have no idea what I'm doing!

Tom Servo: I have no idea what I'm doing, but I've seen this all on the James Bond movies, so...

    • Also in Junior Rodeo Daredevils:

Joel: I don't really know what I'm doing!

  • The Doctor says this several times, in both new and classic Doctor Who.
  • On an episode of The Drew Carey Show, a bag of what appears to be cocaine is found in a Winfred-Lauder restroom. An security employee tastes it and says, "Interesting...I have no idea what cocaine tastes like."
  • In Merlin, when Arthur tells Merlin that they can smear themselves with Gaia berries to avoid getting eaten by huge monsters. Afterwards:

Arthur: "Gaia berries worked. Huh."
Merlin: "You didn't know if they worked?"
Arthur: "Not for sure."

  • An episode of Spin City had Paul (who's usually portrayed as an idiot) going on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? and winning big. When Regis Philben asks how he keeps getting the right answers to questions, Paul gets a jubilant, I-can't-believe-it-either look on his face and replies, "I'm guessing!"

Music

  • The first track on A Liturgy, a Legacy, and a Ragamuffin Band by the late Rich Mullins opens with a member of the Ragamuffin Band admitting he's completely unprepared to perform.

Video Games

  • In Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, Farah asks The Prince "do you have any idea what you're doing?" as the player navigates The Prince through a series of gymnastic hurdles; and he responds "I'm just working it out as I go!"
  • Persona 3: the main character, after defeating a boss on a runaway bullet train, successfully stops the train by pressing the right button. Upon questioned how he dd it, the player can pick between to answers: "I trusted my instincts" or "It was a lucky guess." The right answer is instincts. It all ties in with the Tarot Motifs.
  • In the original Mass Effect, if you use paragon to persuade Jeong to save the colonists, you can later admit to Ashley that you had no clue what you were doing. If you're a male Shepard, you get this exchange:

Shepard: "I just pretend I have my head up my ass and don't care about anything except money."
Ashley: "That would be a waste of a perfectly fine ass... sir."

Heavy: Doctor, You are sure this will vork?
Medic: Ha-ha. I HAVE NO IDEA!

Web Comics

  • In Gnoph, when Will's heart stops, Lyss quickly performs first aid. When she succeeds in resuscitating him, she seems astonished.

Lyss: That WORKED?!? That's one to add to the database!

Thief: Red Mage, do you have any idea what you're doing?
Red Mage: Why should THAT stop me?

Western Animation

  • Looney Tunes, "The Unmentionables": as Bugs operates the controls of a cereal factory, he quips, "The way I work this thing, you think I'd know something about it."
    • In another Looney Tunes short, "Daffy Duck and the Caveman", Daffy paints a perfect replica of himself on a wall, after which he says, "Not bad for a guy who never took an art lesson in his life."
  • In a Justice League Unlimited episode, Flash (who can't normally fly) tells Fire, who is carrying him through the air, to drop him and help Hawkgirl. It does make an impression on Fire (whom he is trying to woo) but when she leaves, he quips: "I hope I come up with something before I hit the ground..." He does.
  • Teen Titans: Mumbo says this when he uses Starfire for the Saw a Woman In Half trope.

Mumbo: It's only fair to warn you... I have no idea what I'm doing.

  • The Penguins of Madagascar: one of Kowalski's Catch Phrases.
  • In one episode of The Simpsons, the Sea Captain promises Homer that a raft is the "yarrest river-goin' boat thar be". It promptly sinks, forcing him admit "Yarr, I don't know what I'm doin'."
  • In one episode of Archer, most of the ISIS employees go on strike. So Lana and Archer are in one of the labs, discussing their plans, when Lana asks Archer to bring up the map of the place they're infiltrating. After a few failed attempts, Lana sarcastically asks Archer if he's just hitting random buttons, to which Archer replies, "Obviously!"
  • Happens twice in Xiaolin Showdown, both times with Omi. The first time is when the Shen Gong Wu hunt begins; Omi yells, "Follow me, to victory!" And runs off. "...I have idea where I'm going." The second is after Omi goes back in time to retrieve a MacGuffin from Grand Master Dashi; "Now, I must return to the future!" Pause. "Which I have no idea how to do."
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