Not That There's Anything Wrong with That/Quotes

If you were gay
That'd be okay
I mean, 'cause, hey!
I'd like you anyway
Because you see
If it were me
I would feel free to say

That I was gay (but I'm not gay)

—"If You Were Gay", Avenue Q

Short-Haired Girl: I can't believe he stood up to that fire monster!
Ponytail Girl: I can't believe he kicked it all the way into the river!
Long-Haired Girl: I can't believe he's gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm just upset that I can't ask him out.
Short-Haired Girl: Don't you already have a boyfriend?
Long-Haired Girl: Of course I do. He's right here.

The Boyfriend: I am less than happy right now.

—El Goonish Shive

"Are you a gay Christian? No, it's alright. I don't mind, I don't mind at all. If 'homosexuality' is your thing. If that is the bag that you're into. Then, that's great. Fantastic. I mean, don't be ashamed. Whatever you do, I mean, stand up. Come out of the toilet, as the phrase has it. Stand up and say I am 'tempted' to be a homosexual. And fine and you may even decide, after much prayer, to enter into a committed and 'tempted' relationship with a member of the same genital group. And if you do, and you feel you can do nothing about it. You've been to a psychiatrist. You've had conversion therapy. You tried tying metal weights to your private part. And you still feel these tendencies. Then I'm afraid it means that God just want you to have a rotten life. God's like that. He hates poofs."

—Rowan Atkinson, "The Gay Christian"

"I'm in a weird position, because I like rainbows, but I'm not gay. So whenever I go out wearing a rainbow shirt, I have to put 'Not gay'. But I'm not against gays, so under that I'll have to put '... but supportive.'"

—Demetri Martin