Sonic Adventure Abridged/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • Episode 1:
    • Eggman Singing "Rain Drops Keep Fallin' on My Head"
    • Big: Froggy I love you even if you do give me genital warts.
    • "You are clearly made of water but we will destroy you somehow.
    • Chaos singing the Spider-Man theme in Blah-Blah's
    • The Ending:

Eggman: Muhaahahhahaha! Sonic dosen't even realize I'm behind this genius evil plan and I'm watching him at this very moment! muahahahhahahhahahhahahahahhahahahahahha...
Sonic(offscreen): I can hear you Eggman!
Eggman: Son of a bitch!

  • Episode 2:
    • Big: Froggy don't run away your just dragging out the plot and making us seem like relevant characters! Aw he went down the sewer, come back here Jesus! Hello officer I'm not doing anything wrong just trying to find my slippery friend and committing grand theft auto for two seconds.
    • Froggy: Stop following me dumbass... I mean ribbit.
    • this:

Tails:I'VE SOILED MYSELF!!!!!!!!
Sonic: Worst. Sidekick. Ever. You can fly,dipshit! Bail out!
Tails: What?(Plane explodes)

    • Sonic insulting Michael Jackson, and then getting chased by a whale and developing severe whaleaphobia.

"Dolphins! I knew you were in league with the whales!"

    • On Chaos Emeralds:

Tails: I've been testing a new power source.
Sonic: Is it a chaos emerald?
Tails: How did you know?
Sonic: BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS A FUCKING CHAOS EMERALD! SHOW ME ONE SONIC GAME WITHOUT A CHAOS EMRALD AND I'LL SHOW YOU A GAY VAMPIRE!
Tails: Sonic and The Secret Rings?
Sonic: Don't. Ever. Mention. That. Name. Again.
Tails: Sonic and The Black Knight?
Sonic: Okay heres your prize.
(Shows picture of Edward Cullen)Edward: Sparkle sparkle!

    • When Sonic asks Tails to take a closer look at his emerald after calling it gay:It shows the same Edward picture on it complete with Big Gay Al's Song from South Park:Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.
    • Big singing Safety Dance.

Sonic: Oh,please,you're probably going to get some Egg machine or another.
Eggman: Now,Sonic. What would give you that idea? *laughs*
Sonic: Because you call all your things "Egg something". This is probably like the "Egg Wasp".
Eggman: Oh,I'm insulted you would come up with such a lame name like that. You got any better ones?
Tails: The "Egg Bee"?
Sonic: What about the "Egg Hornet"?
Eggman: Well...um...possibly? Maybe? You can't prove anything!

Eggman:Oh,I love this show! I love this show. Here. This is my favorite part. This is where Chris dives in to save Sonic. But what I like to do is I like to stop it here, and rewind it. And then it seems like he dives in, realizes its Sonic down there, and then decides not to save him. Thus sparing us all a very painful series that would forever tarnish the Sonic franchise. Hang your head in shame, Sonic.

    • After Knuckles finds a Master Emerald shard in a canister:

Knuckles: Why is there an Emerald in there? Some asshole got here first and he hid this shit all over the place, and now I have to go on this wild goose chase because some asshole's fucking with me. If I find out Rouge was here,I'm gonna kill her. I mean I know she's my love intrest and everything but,there's so much crap you can take from a woman,you know?

    • After Chaos appears:

Eggman:This is Chaos. He's working for me. And by the way,if I feed him all the Chaos Emeralds,you're all gonna fucking die. Here you go,Chaos! Its morphing time!

Chaos: *While transforming,in blah's,sings to the theme tune of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers*

Eggman: With Chaos by my side,I will be invincible! And there is no flaw in this plan! Epecially not that Chaos is going to betray me halfway through. Nope,I have complete control over him. Without using any gadgets or anything like that. He's just damn scared of my mustache is all. As well he should be. And together we can kick your ass all the way back to Sonic CD! Because everybody hated Sonic CD! You can call up all the friends you want,you can have call up all the friends they want. By the way,I like the metal arm. Do you like the metal arm? I thought it was going overboard,but,I can never tell.

Tails: I got the Emerald! Now I'm the fastest thing alive! Hahahaha!
Sonic: TAAAIIILLLS!
Tails: Uh-oh.

(Sorry we can't show you what's next. We're rated:G)

Sonic: I'm gonna kick your ass!

Tails: You can't catch me,Sonic! I'm the fastest thing al-

(crack)

Tails: Ow,you broke my tailbone!

(punches landing)

Sonic: Wait. We're rated G? But we're incredibly violent.

(crack)

(Rated:PG)

Tails: Ow,you broke my other tailbone!

(more punches landing)

Sonic: PG? I curse! A lot!

(crack)

(Rated:PG-13)

Tails: Ow,you fixed one of my tailbones and then you broke it again!

Eggman: I JUST FOUND MY PENIS! AND NOW I"M GOING TO SHARE IT WITH EVERYBODY!

(Rated:XXX)

Knuckles: Ok,recap. In just one day,I got my ass kicked by a jello monster,my island fell out of the sky,I got chased around by a bunch of cops,somehow landed on the set for My Sims 3,Vegas ran out of strippers,and I got kidnapped by Tinker Bell. And I'm STILL not the main character!

    • I FART PURPLE GAS!
    • Knuckles making an unconcious Sonic give him a blowjob.

Knuckles: Aw yeah, Sonic, take it, take it like a chilli dog.

    • "And now I'll escape on my invisible tredmill. Walking in place, walking in place, walking in place."
  • Episode 6:
    • Ater Knuckles gets up the mountain:

Knuckles: Wh-what the hell? Monkey bars? Who's bringing their kids up here? What family actually made it up here? You probably all died in fucking lava while you were on the Merry-Go-Round! You deserve it!

  • Episode 7:
    • The whole montage of Tails crashing his planes.
  • Episode 8:
    • "Aaaaaaaannnnnddddd Ninja Vanish!"
    • "Attention Station Square. Pingas. That is all."

Gamma (to Amy who has the blue bird with her): Okay. Give me the bird.
(Amy flips off Gamma)
Gamma: Fucking hilarious. I'll say it again. Give me the bird.
(Amy flips him off with both hands)
Gamma: Never gets old. One last time. Give me the bird, and if you show me any of your digits, I will blast them off.
(Amy releases the bird which flies in front of Gamma... and flips him off)
Gamma: Wasn't expecting that.

    • Why did the Egg Carrier fly from the Mystic Ruins only to return there? Eggman was getting McDonald's.

Eggman: And I'm gonna have ten more Big Macs and then I'm gonna need another bucket of McNuggets and then I want one of your Oreo McFlurrys and I want you to put that on a McRib. Okay? Now let see--Oh my God, they've got holiday pies.

    • Later

Eggman: Sorry Amy, you can't escape that easily. You're going to have to beat my high score on Whack-A-Mole. Wuhahahaha! What? Yes I'm still ordering!

    • At the end of the episode.

Eggman: And I think I'm gonna need something to wash it all down with.
Cashier: A hose, sir?

Tikal: Is it alright for me to be here?
Big: Um, I guess so.
Tikal: So do you... trust me?
Big: Um... Not really, I only just met you, I don't even know your name.
Tikal: I'm not talking to you ya fat fuck!
Big: Wait, where are you going? And who are you talking to?
Tikal: They call themselves (Demonic voice)the Directors.
Big: Holy shit! That was scary!
Tikal: The servers are the 7 chaos, chaos is power, power enriched by the heart, the controller is the one who unifies the chaos. (Normal voice)I don't know what that fucking means.
Big: Please let me go home!

Tails: Whoa! It transformed, thats so cool!
Sonic: Really Tails? Are you that easily amused?
Knuckles(Whose on a different part of the ship): OH MY GOD ITS A TRANSFORMER THATS AWESOME!

    • Also, on the Sky Deck:

Knuckles: Hey a switch. I wonder what would happen if I pressed it?
(Cut to the Egg Carrier crashing and exploding while Knuckles screams)
Knuckles: Yeeeaaahhh better not touch it.

    • Another from the Sky Deck.

Sonic: Stupid Sky Deck, stupid Eggman, Fucking Tails, won't even fly me over a stupid... Are you even listening to me?!
Tails: Yeah, well not you you, but you.
(Tails plays his ring tone: Sonic saying "I need Tails" while Sonic groans in frustration)
Tails: Say can I get you to record another one? This time say "Tails, hold me."

Sonic: Okay. Come here.

Tails: Really?

Sonic: Yeah.

Tails: Alright.

Sonic: Is it recording.

Tails: Yeah.

Sonic: Good.

Tails: Um, Sonic? Why are you standing on my tails?

(Sonic beats the crap out of Tails)

Sonic(While Tails cries out in pain): I need Tails! I need fucking Tails! Hows this for a new ringtone Tails? Can you hear me now Tails? How about now?

(Beating ends)

(Beat)

Tails: I still love you--*PUNCH* Ow!

  • Episode 13:
    • Chaos is a freaky fish guy!
    • After Big leaves with Froggy:

Eggman: Whahaha! What now Sonic? Your friend has left you,Chaos is immensely powerful,I'm throwing little things to freeze you,you ain't got nothing,bitch! You ain't go- (stammers)

Sonic: What's that Eggman?

Eggman: ....but...

Sonic: You were saying something?

Eggman: ....but I....

Sonic: Oh,you're finished. Suck it!

Eggman: NO! GODDAMNIT! I HATE YOU,I HATE ME,I HATE PUPPIES! OH GOD DO I HATE PUPPIES,AAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Knuckles: Looks like Sonic's gotten everything taken care of so I know for a fact that when I turn around, there's not gonna be anything thats gonna stop me from going back to Angel Island (Turns around and sees Chaos 6) HOLY BALLS! HOW DID I MISS THAT?!

Gamma: Hello, Barney [Zeta]. I'm here to save you.

Barney: Now when you say you're gonna save me, you mean you're gonna murder the shit outta me, right?

Gamma: Why yes, I do.

Barney: Awesome! Here! I'll stand still and rotate you in a circle so you can kill me from all directions!

Gamma: Why, thank you.

Barney: There you go. Lower...lower...ah yes, that's the spot. Remember kids, assisting suicide is A-okay!

Chaos: Good to see you....Cloud.

Sonic: What the fuck? Cloud? Oh,hey! Do you need help with him?

Cloud: Oh,fuck you guys. Where are my goddamn Cheetos?

Sonic: WORST! CAMEO! EVER!

Retrieved from "https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Sonic_Adventure_Abridged/Funny?oldid=1113587"