Must Have Caffeine/Quotes

Luigi: Someone's gonna hang if I don't get my COFFEE!
Assistant: Decaf sir?
Luigi: I WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE!!!

—Repo! The Genetic Opera

More coffee for me, boss
‍'‍Cause I'm not as messed up as I want to be

—They Might Be Giants, "Hearing Aid"

Pour bien commencer
ma petite journée
et me réveiller
moi, j'ai pris un café

[For a good start
To my little day
And to get me up
I had a coffee]

—"Le Café by Oldelaf" (linked to video with subs)

Lorelai: I already had the longest day of my life and oh look, it's only 10! How nice!
Luke: There's no coffee.
Lorelai: That's not funny.
Luke: I can get you herbal tea.
Lorelai: This is not a herbal tea morning, this is a coffee morning.
Luke: Every morning for you is a coffee morning.
Lorelai: This is a jumbo coffee morning. I need coffee in an I.V.
Luke: I can give you tea and a balance bar.
Lorelai: Please, please, please, tell me you're kidding!
Luke: I'm kidding. [goes to get the coffee]
Lorelai: You're sick!
Luke: Yup
Lorelai: You're a sadist, you're a fiend! [Luke comes out with the pot of coffee] You're pretty!

—Gilmore Girls, episode two

Lane: [referring to coffee given to Lorelai at the diner] I made it extra strong. It should blacken your teeth and rot your stomach.
Lorelai: Bless you.

—Gilmore Girls, season 5 episode 2

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion,
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
The hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

—Popular Usenet Sig

"Here's a triple-shot in the dark. If that doesn't wake you up, you've been dead for a week."

—Dora Bianchi (owner of Coffee of Doom) Questionable Content

If I can't take
my coffee break
my coffee break
my coffee break
If I can't take
my coffee break
Something within me dies.

—"Coffee Break", How to Succeed In Business Without Really Trying

I'm trying to cut down on my caffeine consumption
So when I get up I just have one cup of coffee
And I'd like to have another cup of coffee with my breakfast
And on the way to work I like to get a cup of coffee
I like the kind of cup of coffee you get with your donuts
But I never get the donut I just have the cup of coffee
And when I get to work I have a cup of coffee
‍'‍Cause I like a cup of coffee when I'm talking on the phone
But it usually gets cold and I need to get another cup of coffee
And it's lunch and I have an espresso~

—Jim's Big Ego, "Stress"

"One day I realised that sadness is just another word for not enough coffee."

—Wally, Dilbert

Eastwood: "Why do I drink coffee?"
Lothar: "Hm? What d'ya mean?"
Eastwood: "It's bad for me, it smells horrible, and tastes worse..."
Lothar: "Well, if you feel that way about it, just lemme take this cup and-"
Eastwood: "AND IF YOU TRY TO TAKE IT FROM ME I WILL BREAK YOUR ARM."
Lothar: "kay..."

—Exterminatus Now

Lieschen: Ei! wie schmeckt der Coffee süße,,
Lieblicher als tausend Küsse,
Milder als Muskatenwein.
Coffee, Coffee muß ich haben,
Und wenn jemand mich will laben,
Ach, so schenkt mir Coffee ein!

[Mm! how sweet the coffee tastes,
More delicious than a thousand kisses,
Mellower than muscatel wine.
Coffee, coffee I must have,
And if someone wishes to give me a treat,
Ah, then pour me out some coffee!]

—Johann Sebastian Bach, Schweigt stille, plaudert nicht (a.k.a. "The Coffee Cantata")

"Blacker than moonless night
Hotter and more bitter than Hell...
That is coffee."

—Godot (quoting some French philosopher), Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations

"The Navy could probably win a war without coffee but it wouldn't like to try."

—Samuel Eliot Morrison, Naval historian

"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems."

—Paul Erdős, attributed.

Amy: Coffee is rocket fuel for your mind, Shauna. It's very good for you.
Shauna: Don't most rockets explode?

—Bad Machinery, July 29, 2011

"How do you take your coffee?"
"Often."

—Andrew Hussie

Luke: Want some coffee?
Lorelai: I'm beyond coffee.
Luke: Beyond coffee. This is big.

—Gilmore Girls, season 6 episode 6

These days it comes in pills, it comes in little cans,
Next it'll be suppositories, sounds like a plan.
But I like to make my coffee, like to brew it up and chug,
And kid myself it's still a drink and not just a drug.

—Mitch Benn, "Caffeine"

Admiral Chu: Unnghh... the steward who makes the good coffee is still asleep.
Admiral Devereaux: I'll... jump straight to the summary?
Admiral Chu: This cup from my adjutant is full of something that tastes like caffeine lost a knife-fight to the color brown.

—Schlock Mercenary, November 17, 2016

Admiral Devereaux: I take my briefings like I take my coffee: no cream, no sugar, no water.
Kevin-2: That sounds joyless.
Admiral Devereaux: I don't need joy. Just a big bag of something bitter to chew on.

—Schlock Mercenary, August 26, 2018

"Son, your life is in danger, because you are between me and the coffee pot."

—U.S. Army officer to a young soldier, early morning in the early 1980s