Punny Headlines

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Can you do any better?

Newspapers love puns in their headlines, especially if they are of the tabloid variety.

Ubiquitous, really—any edition will include at least one Incredibly Lame Pun. Bonus points if it's about sex.

Examples of Punny Headlines include:

Daily Mirror

• Newcastle getting relegated on 24 May 2009, led to the following day: "Toon and out" (front page) and "Sob on the Tyne" (back page)

New York Post

• A man goes into a strip club and chops off the head of the owner. The headline? "Headless Body in Topless Bar". It's one of the most famous headlines in the recent history of American journalism.
• In December 2007, noted musician and ex-husband Ike Turner was found dead, leading to the headline "Ike 'Beats' Tina To Death". Some readers were amused. Many weren't.
• One of the Post's best (and perhaps most erudite) punny headlines was for New York state bailing out NYC's cash-strapped transit system: "Sick Transit's Glorious Monday".
• President Obama calls on Rep. Anthony Weiner (of New York City) to resign. The headline? "Obama beats Weiner."
  • There was also "Weiner: I'm sticking it out" (when he first said he wasn't going to run for re-election, but wouldn't resign immediately).
  • Too many to count from Weiner's multiple scandal's involving sending pictures of his penis.

The Sun

• February 2000- Semi-professional team Inverness Caledonian Thistle beat pillars of Scottish football Celtic 3-1 in a major upset which leads to John Barnes leaving as manager. The headline: "Super Caley Go Ballistic, Celtic Are Atrocious"
  • A headline of such merit that it was reported as far away as San Francisco, just on the strength of the pun.
• July 2009- Katie Price states that her estranged husband Peter Andre is small in a certain area on a certain social networking site: "The Twitter batter of tiny Pete".

The Washington Post

• May 2007: Tightrope walkers race across river near Seoul: Skywalkers in Korea Cross Han Solo.

Other Newspapers

• The local Northern Territory^[where?] news is locally famous for this. Most memorable one was "Trouser Snake on Plane" (about a man, who was jacking off on a plane)
• Appearing on The Tonight Show when Jay was the host: "Mooning case reveals crack in law."
• At Wired.com: North Dakota Fanning Hydrogen Flame.
• Alleged headline cited in a bash.org quote: "Bush and Kerry Hit Road, Trade Blows on Jobs"
• An example from the Sixties in The Los Angeles Times: When a very catchable pop fly fell for a base hit because of the confusion of Philadelphia Phillies shortstop Bobby Wine and second baseman Cookie Rojas, the headline read: "The Daze of Wine and Rojas."
• Slate.com had an Explainer article discussing whether kids were harmed more by viewing sex or violence. The headline: Bush v. Gore
• A few British examples (some apocryphal) can be found here.

Other references

• Johnny Vaughan's breakfast show on Capital Radio in London Town features "Coulda Pun Better", a weekday contest where listeners suggest better punny headlines for an offbeat news story.
• The Daily Show and The Colbert Report commonly use this trope to introduce their segments.
• When murderer James French was set to be executed by electric chair, he supposedly said "How's this for a headline? 'French Fries'".
• After Dan Savage attempted to re-define Rick Santorum's surname (Google it if you dare), some editors started Getting Crap Past the Radar with headlines like "Santorum Surges From Behind in Iowa"
• The contributors to Fark.com's front page headlines sometime indulge in this, when they aren't being Deadpan Snarkers.
• In chemistry there is a class of compounds called arsoles, which lend themselves to interesting titles on research papers. Mostly they're concerned with whether arsole rings are aromatic, but Chemistry World also came up with "Scientists explore arsoles' off-colour behaviour".
• Unless the lead story is something deathly serious (as in 9/11 levels of serious), the current-affairs radio show As It Happens will air at least one punny headline in the show's opening, and often more than one.

In fiction

Literature

• In their book of their series That Mitchell and Webb Look, David Mitchell and Robert Webb imagined editors of newspapers coming up with a stock of punning headlines in case of certain unlikely events happening. For example 'The Hens Justify The Means' in case chickens were every used to teach the law of averages.
• A few of these show up in The Truth, and a few later Discworld books that mention the Ankh-Morpork Times.

Newspaper Comics

• "Misleading headlines" are a recurring theme on Frank and Ernest; one example.

Web Comics

• A shining example from Three Panel Soul, on the star of the new Tron movie being intelligent: New Tron Star Not Dense.

Other Media

• An old joke/urban legend: An inmate breaks out of an insane asylum and has sex with a passing woman. The next day, the news headline read: NUT BOLTS AND SCREWS.
  • In an alternate version, a criminal breaks into a wash house and rapes the women before fleeing: NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS.
• And then there's the one about the escaped dwarf psychic: SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE.
• And then there's the one about a man named Arty killing 3 guys over a $1 debt: ARTY CHOKES 3 FOR $1.
• One about a psychic that complements his heroic actions: IT'S RARE TO SEE A MEDIUM SO WELL DONE.