Queen of All Oni/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


  • The Dream Sequence from the third Interlude chapter is a Non Sequitur Scene, but it's still the most hilarious part of the story to date. To sum up: Jade bursts into Shendu's palace in order to challenge for the position of Arch Enemy, only to realize she's not wearing pants. She and Shendu (who's now a short-order cook) then argue over whether this violates the palace (which is now a diner)'s "No shirts, no shoes, no service policy", and drag Daolon Wong (now a waiter) and Valmont (now a busboy) into it. When Valmont merely states that he hates them all, Shendu says that that's not an answer and sets him on fire. They then decide to ask management, which turns out to be Tarakudo—the real Tarakudo, who's trying to communicate with Jade in her sleep, and is confused as to what's going on, so he just sides with Jade. She then proceeds to eat a popcorn bowl-sized bowl of ramen, during which she thoroughly ignores Tarakudo's attempts to talk to her, before running off, saying she's got to get some paperwork to Captain Black. Shendu then chases after her, squashing the confused Tarakudo in the process; he decides he's had enough and leaves, as Jade wakes up and the dream dissolves... except, for some reason, Valmont, who's still on fire.
  • The story has some other moments, most notably when Jade tries to steal the first tablet from the sages, and Brother Light repeatedly throws her and Hak Foo out through the walls. At one point she says that she's had enough of it and that it won't happen again—so he promptly throws her through the roof (Brother Dark matter-of-factly says he won't be the one to fix it).
    • At one point during this sequence, Jade finds Hak Foo calmly waiting for Brother Light to make the first move, in order to try and get the upper hand. We then get this exchange:

"Cougar watches grass grow," Hak Foo stated. Jade's left eye started twitching as something snapped in her head.
"No it doesn't! If cougar won't be helping, it will go back down and beat up my uncle!" Jade roared, pointing towards the door.

    • After this, Jade outright demands Light give her the tablet, and when he does, saying she should have just asked, we get this amusing rant:

"I know what you're doing! It's a trap, isn't it?! Once I take it some huge boulder will chase me. Or wait! This whole mountain is really a volcano and it will start to erupt after I take it! We'll all end up fighting as we ride rubble down the eruption, fighting over the tablet and it will get lost in the lava just when I think I've won! Well you know what? Screw you and your volcano, I'm taking it anyway!"

      • And then none of that happens, and an embarrassed Jade runs off with the tablet. She then stops to issue one last threat... only for the tablet to throw her off balance and send her falling down the hill again.
  • Ratso's attempts to activate his mask.
  • When Ikazkui's mask is fished out of the ocean, Jade offers to pay the fisherman plenty to take it off his hands. The fisherman freaks out and runs away. Jade's response?

"Spaz much? I said take it off his hands, not take off his hands."

    • Later, when Ikazuki takes full control of his host, he states that everyone should kneel to his "mighty form"—and then realizes that his host is Chow, the shortest of the Enforcers.

Ikazuki: This won't do at all.

    • And between those two moments, we have the fight at the airport. Among other things, Tohru accidentally hitting Uncle with a suitcase.

Uncle: Whose side are you on, Tohru?!

  • In an early chapter, when Jade denies plans to Take Over the World, she jokingly says she'll settle for Australia. When the Enforcers take her seriously, she snaps:

"THAT WAS A JOKE, YOU DOORKNOBS! I mean really, take over a country? Why not just put up a giant sign with big glowing letters, 'Here I am, please magic me into a mayonnaise jar for a thousand years'?"

    • Left's attempts at breaking the Dog talisman, though mostly because we here about most of them second hand from Finn.
      • Valmont and the Enforcers' reactions to Jade ordering the talisman's destruction.
    • The Enforcers' brief conversation with the imprisoned Shendu while they're stealing the Talismans.
    • Jade saying that Daolon Wong's "in the closet" and Ratso assuming it means something else.
  • The name debate over Operation Steel Lightning. The Shadow Hand point out that the name makes no sense, and start suggesting random other names (all of which do make sense in hindsight), until Jade can't take it anymore, at which point she assigns Chow (who interrupts her) the codename "Bonkers" in order to make a point, then leaves the room in a huff. And the Enforcers comment that she's still a better boss than Shendu.
    • Jade's attempts to get Ozeki's mask off the totem pole, including arguing with it. Mostly because the Enforcers are watching, and can only hear her side of the conversation.
    • Black's reaction to the Sumo Khan Human Ladder. Likewise, Jade's reaction to Ozeki's fanatical Undying Loyalty.
    • Jackie contemplating whether to tell Viper that she's starting to smell like the onions she's always carrying around, then deciding that it doesn't matter, since Uncle will likely blurt it out at some point.

(thought) "Wait, why am I giving Uncle the opportunity to be rude?"

    • Ozeki's reaction to meeting Jackie:

"Jackie Chan – your name floats through the sleeping darkness of the world. Both a curse and praises for laying low so many. I thought you'd be taller."

    • Viper performing a Groin Attack on the Ozeki-possessed Captain Black for ripping out some of her hair.
    • Hak Foo attempts to shift Jade's body back into its proper shape after she traps herself in naga form, by wringing her like a towel. When Blankman walks back into the room a few minutes later, Left and Right are holding Hak Foo still while Jade whips him with her "tail".
  • Half of chapter 10 is Hero's comedic-dramatic attempts at retaking control of Jade's mind, which include such gems as his repeated failed attempts at a Rousing Speech, Love being stuffed in a barrel and thrown overboard because no one wants her complicating things, and Hero and the Queen taking the time—while the ship is on the verge of being sucked down a maelstrom, mind you—to knock other Aspects away from the sword that represents control of Jade's mind.
    • The other half of the chapter has its moments. For example, Tarakudo's reaction to seeing that Jade's family is not only not helping her, but completely unaware:

"Oh, what the Hell! Isn't this supposed to be your thing, heroes?!"

    • Or Left confessing why he keeps using dynamite:
  • Jackie and Tohru's accidental Dynamic Entries into the hidden chamber in Shendu's palace containing Kaito's mask are this with a dose of Awesome—Jackie falls through a hole in the chamber's ceiling, landing on the lid of a chest, which see-saws up and nails Jade on the chin. Hak Foo then attempts to attack Jackie, only for Tohru to fall through the hole as well and squash him. Then Uncle jumps in and smacks Tohru on the head, admonishing him and Jackie for falling during serious business.
  • Any time the Enforcers try to make small talk with the Shadowkhan.
  • There's something deeply hilarious about Shendu and Drago's interaction—they just hate each other so much. Of special note is the part where Shendu says he left Drago sealed away because he hoped it would "build some character" and gives the Drago the impression he'd be casually shrugging if he could.
    • Speaking of Drago, his reaction when he's sent back to the future, chained up, and left at the mercy of a group of Shadowkhan wielding metal baseball bats. And Future Jade states that that's her being merciful.
    • The elevator scene.
    • The heroes' reaction to Karasu's escape:

Viper: Well, now I can believe he works for Jade.

Wisker: We really should make knocking them out standard procedure.