From The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Maxim 1: Pillage, then burn.
Maxim 2: A Sergeant in motion outranks a Lieutenant who doesn't know what's going on.[1]
Maxim 3: An Ordnance Technician at a dead run outranks everybody.
Maxim 4: Close air support covereth a multitude of sins.
Maxim 5: Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart.
Maxim 6: If violence wasn't your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.
Maxim 7: If the food is good enough the grunts will stop complaining about the incoming fire.
Maxim 8: Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock.
Maxim 9: Never turn your back on an enemy.
Maxim 10: Sometimes the only way out is through. ...through the hull.
Maxim 11: Everything is air-droppable at least once.
Maxim 12: A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.
Maxim 13: Do unto others.
Maxim 14: "Mad Science" means never stopping to ask "what's the worst thing that could happen?"
Maxim 15: Only you can prevent friendly fire.
Maxim 16: Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth.
Maxim 17: The longer everything goes according to plan, the bigger the impending disaster.
Maxim 18: If the officers are leading from in front, watch out for an attack from the rear.
Maxim 20: If you're not willing to shell your own position, you're not willing to win.
Maxim 21: Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Take his fish away and tell him he's lucky just to be alive, and he'll figure out how to catch another one for you to take tomorrow.
Maxim 24: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a big gun.
Maxim 27: Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.
Maxim 28: If the price of collateral damage is high enough, you might be able to get paid for bringing ammunition home with you.
Maxim 29: The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less.
Maxim 30: A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.
Maxim 31: Only cheaters prosper.
Maxim 34: If you're leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.
Maxim 35: That which does not kill you has made a tactical error.
Maxim 36: When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.
Maxim 37: There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'time to reload.'
Maxim 38: Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it can't be hard on your clients.
Ships of the PD collective/Fleetmind
Predictably Damaged'
Priority Delivery
Painstakingly Defenestrated
Potato Dumplings
Polysyllabic Designation
Pretty Dangerous
Parrot’s Dead
Pop Diva
Poupance Duungsmeer
Parliamentary Diet
Piece Docent
Pretty Dinky
Prime Directive
Plaited Daisies
Pretentious Drivel
Pterodactyl
Perjurious Discourse
Pre-eminent Domain
Ob'enn Ships
Sword of Inevitable Justice (later Post-Dated Check Loan, AKA "Petey")
Scimitar of Irreparable Damage
Staff of Unyielding Order
Cloak of Untrammeled Dignity
Spear of Incalculable Agony
Sword of Indomitable Righteousness
Spear of Intoxicating Agony
Sceptre of Unrelenting Pain (later destroyed; the fabber is sold to Tagon's Toughs and named Scrapyard of Insufferable Arrogance)
Kevyn: Short chick, just hired on, whines a lot. We issued her some body armor. Last name of "Ventura," I think.
Admiral Emm: Commodore Bhotsu plays an amusing game with me. At least, I suppose it to be amusing for him. I would now like to play it with you. It is called "Good News Bad News."
Narrator: This is the universe calling to tell Tagon that his reality check has bounced.
LOTA: Now please stop pretending that you are the voice of the people. You just happen to be loud, and wearing a microphone.
Kevyn: Lieutenant Ventura, I need every scrap of your notes and schematics for "King" Lota.
Para Ventura: Sure. But why?
Kevyn: It's one of the oldest rules of good strategy. . . "Know thy enemy."
Para Ventura: Yeah, yeah. I've heard that one. But isn't Lota signing the checks for your mission?
Kevyn:Fact one: My enemy has money.
Ennesby: Maybe we're just jaded, but your villainy is not particularly impressive.
Breya: Schlock, I know those union thugs were threatening us all with physical violence, but you went too far there at the end. Sure, the plasgun was all you had handy for our defense, I understand that. I can even understand you putting them down permanently when they begged you to make the pain stop.
Schlock: Eating their ashes was uncalled for. I'm sorry.
Breya: Don't let it happen again.
Kevyn: At least this way there's no evidence to worry about.
Kevyn: That's the name. "LOTA". It's your name. You live in those control systems. You are the Discontiguous Particle Acceleration System.
LOTA: Yes, that is a little megalomaniacal.
Kevyn: Only now "LOTA" stands for "Long-Gunner Of the Apocalypse."
LOTA: ...and Lota likes it.
Kevyn: I can't help but wonder whether you're able to function in society.
Pi: I don't function in society, sir. I'm a mercenary. I blow society up.
Captain Tagon: TAG, let's force their hand. Make a run for it, between the Tokyo and the Terra Firmator, full power to drive and shields.
Tag: Full power, roger. It worked, sir.
Captain Tagon: We're getting away?
Tag: No, we have been tractored by the Popigai and the Plaited Daisies.
Captain Tagon: Oh, we forced their hand.
Ennesby: They're holding flushes of face cards, and I think we're the pot.
Shodan: Sir,.. you're right. I'm being narrow-minded.
Captain Tagon: No, no. Please continue. I bet martial arts training is a really, really useful hammer.
Kevyn: Captain, about your security: Have you ever heard of a modem?
Megiddo: No. Why?
Kevyn: Let's just say that those who don't study history are doomed to get their butts kicked by the geeks who do.
Schlock: That's not how I remember it, Commander.
Kevyn: Who's telling this story, Sergeant?
Schlock: Oooh! I know this one! "A mind-control test-subject who hasn't yet had his head re-examined!"[2]
Schlock: You get stuff like this in your dreams?
Doctor Bunnigus: Yup, four times, and that's just tonight.
Schlock: Doc, that's a swarm of nanites and a naked, headless zombie.
Doctor Bunnigus: My brain is a dangerous place.
Schlock: Well, if you are dreaming, please stop, okay?
Elf If I smash the little hover-projector does the Koala-God feel pain?
Mob Thug: They're letting up. Cover me, I'm going to unleash some hell...
Chisulo: Hell already slipped its leash, Mr. Crunchy.
Bhotsu: I told the captain you probably wouldn't appreciate the cheek.
Emm: Commodore, in our zeal to not make the news, we have been timid and allowed our quarry to escape. We are fast approaching the end of our short list of non-newsworthy tactics. If you and the Captains under your command can find the Touch-And-Go without creating an incident, I will accept cheek, smack-talk, ribald humor and all manner of political incorrectness. If you cannot, however, I may be forced to charge this command into the Fleetmind's meat-grinder. If it should come to that, we shall all want your reservoirs of wit full to overflowing, that our last words may be clever and entertaining.
Tagon: It's not extortion if they pay you before you have a chance to properly threaten them.
Tagon: The opportunity to get paid by the enemy for extracting your own troops doesn't just knock on your door every day.
Kevyn: I say we invite opportunity inside for a nice cup of tea, then hit her on the head and steal her purse.
Thurl: Here's hoping she's got expensive tastes and a great credit rating.
Captain Gasca: Dehaans would have gift-wrapped Oisri for us by now. Colonel Krum is too cautious.
Colonel Krum: (from behind him) Maybe if Colonel Dehaans had been more cautious, he would be less dead.
Tagon: Also, let me know whether duct-taping a zombie counts as "desecrating a corpse" in your jurisdiction.