Sophisticated As Hell/Quotes

"Yes well, legibility and correct punctuation might not be 'street' ... but that's how I roll, motherfucker."

Australia recommends the use of the term "fuckwit" in place of the neologism "fucktard" -- "fuckwit" has a longer heritage and is more conceptually coherent, while retaining the phonetic vigour of "fucktard".

—This very wiki, over at G'day, Mate.

"Hitler was a mass-murdering fuckhead, as many important historians have said..."

—Eddie Izzard.

"Every time I post in this thread I spend literally 15 minutes surfing Thesaurus.com just looking for big words to set off contrast for 'fuck'."

(the tent door unzips and James appears headfirst in the gap; he begins reciting to the camera)
Dreaming when dawn's left hand was in the sky
I heard a voice within the tavern cry,
"Awake, my little ones, and fill the cup
Before life's liquor in its cup be dry."

(beat) Now, fuck off.

—James May, Oz and James's Big Wine Adventure

"While Hitler's plan was not in itself a bad one, Russia is what advanced military strategists term as 'very very big'."

—An Utterly Impartial History of Britain, or Two Thousand Years of Upper-class Idiots in Charge on the subject of Hitler's invasion of Russia

"Well, Mr McBumfurtey, I've given you every possible examination, I've thumbed through every one of these copious volumes, and given you an electrocardiograph test. I've come to the conclusion that, in the words of the great Hippocrates himself, your heart's fucked."

—Billy Connolly, Was It Something I Said?

Woman: The Cabernet is piquant as shit this year.

—Xkcd

'Fucking ineffable' sounds like someone remembering how to do self-censorship halfway through a phrase.

—Xkcd again (Alt Text of the same comic)

In my day, we would say that revenge is sweet. But times have changed. How do you say? Payback is a bitch.

—Liver Spots, The Dresden Files, Dead Beat

He had the worst feeling that his body was going to betray him again. Hey, you're preggers with an assbaby. I think your body just pulled a Brutus on you and is busily stabbing you in the back during the Ides of March.

—Malganis, sporking The Hidden Child

"In technical terminology... he's a loon."

—Dr Silberman, The Terminator

Who-wha? But that's dumb! Nobody wants you to be me! I'm already me! And you're you! An' it's like totally mete that you should remain you! I pinky-swear that everybody here'd treat the integrity of your self-identity as superdy-duper, profoundly inviolable and stuff and junk! Word!! Do you savvy?

—Molly, The Inexplicable Adventures of Bob (actually, most of her dialogue is like this)

Stranger: I’m sorry, I speak English, I know not of this shorthand you use. I no longer wish to contribute to this conversation. Have a lovely evening.

Stranger: Cunt.

—Omegle Conversations, here

Thou dost find a fuckton of spears!

—Spoony, on how Ultima VI should have been coded, instead of "You find a spear, a spear, a spear, a spear, a spear..."

"You just used 'obviate' and 'ain't' in the same sentence."

—Harry Dresden

Overwhelmed as one would be
Placed in my position
Such a heavy burden now to be the one
Born to bear and bring to all
The details of our ending
To write it down for all the world to see.
But I forgot my pen,
Shit the bed again

Typical.

—Tool, "Rosetta Stoned"

"I don't give a fuck if calling the pope a motherfucker means you unthinkingly brand me an unthinking apostate. And this has naught to do with other fucking godly motherfuckers - I'm not interested right now in fucking scriptural debate. There are other fucking songs and there are other fucking ways. I'll be a religious apologist on other fucking days. The fact remains that if you protect a single kiddie fucker, then pope or prince or plumber, you're a fucking motherfucker."

—Tim Minchin, "Pope Song"

"I believe the proper phase here is, you fail."

—Miles Edgeworth, Ace Attorney Investigations

"Nigga, you don't got the floor. Chair don't recognise your ass."

—Stringer Bell, The Wire

"Stephen Colbert, President of [Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow], has asked that I quote him as saying, 'Yeah! How you like me now, F.E.C? I'm rolling seven digits deep! I got 99 problems but a non-connected independent-expenditure only committee ain't one!' I would like it noted for the record that I advised Mr. Colbert against including that quote."

—Shauna Pol on Stephen Colbert's Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow Super PAC

"You need to diversify your bonds, nigga!"