The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
"I'm Don "The Goods" Ready. I have hair on my balls, and I sell cars. The end."
—Ready, introductory speech to the employees

Neal Brennan's directorial debut.

Jeremy Piven stars as Don Ready, who leads a sort of "freelance" team of car salesmen (Ving Rhames, David Koechner, and Kathryn Hahn) who rent their services out to dealerships. For the upcoming Fourth of July weekend, they've been hired by Temecula, CA, dealer Ben Selleck (James Brolin!) whose family dealership is on the verge of bankruptcy. His employees (Tony Hale, Ken Jeong, Charles Napier, and Jonathan Sudowski) are all apprehensive about the so-called "mercenaries" taking away their commissions, but Ready's team helps motivate them to be better sellers. Don, however, is distracted by Selleck's daughter Ivy (Jordana Spiro) and starts to consider finally settling down. Unfortunately for him, she's engaged to Paxton Harding (Ed Helms) the son of Ben's main rival dealer -- and an aspiring pop star.

Tropes used in The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard include:
  • Adult Child: The Sellecks have a ten-year old son named Peter, who (thanks to a premature aging syndrome) is played by Rob Riggle.
  • Anything That Moves: Both Babs and Jibby.
  • A Man Is Not a Virgin: Parodied. Jibby (Ving Rhames) confesses to Babs (Kathryn Hahn) that he's never made love to a woman. She is at first shocked to hear that he's a 44 year old virgin, but he quickly clarified by saying he's been with hundreds (if not thousands) of women across the country, and recites a Long List of various bizarred sex acts he's into. But he's never "made love".
  • The Cameo: Will Ferrell as Craig McDermott, a former member of the team, who died performing a stunt for a President's Day sale (jumping out of a plane dressed as Abraham Lincoln).

"Just like John Wilkes Booth, our prices will sneak up behind you and blow your brains out!"

Paxton: We once opened for O-Town. You can Google it.
Babs: We did, it said you sucked.
Paxton: Was that O-Town's website?

  • Expy: Dick Lewiston (Charles Napier) is basically a more vulgar version of Creed Bratton.
  • Hollywood Tone Deaf: Ready attempts to pacify an angry crowd after scheduled performer Bo Bice[1] no shows by singing karaoke. It doesn't work.

Brent: I probably should've said something... Don is a terrible singer.

  • Insistent Terminology: Paxton is in a Man Band, not a Boy Band.
  • The Long List: "I've been with hundreds of women, maybe even thousands! I've done three-ways, four-ways, menage-a-trois, menage-a-six, sixty-nined, eighty-nined, one-twenty-nined, golden-, diamond-, and platinum-showered... but I've never made love."
  • Nobody Over 50 Is Gay: Subverted by Ben Selleck. Even though he is married with children, he not so subtly makes several advances towards Brent (David Koechner) who is quite disturbed and uncomfortable.
  • Non-Indicative Name: DJ Request (Craig T. Robinson) does not take requests. Do not test him.
  • Powder Keg Crowd: After Bice no-shows and Ready butchers Bob Seger on karaoke, the audience quickly becomes violent, smashing cars and windows, and knocking down stilt walkers. Someone actually releases an alligator!
  • Product Placement: To an almost ridiculous extent. Ready and Co. regularly stay at the Hacienda Courts motel chain. Later, when having dinner with the Selleck family, Ready instead pulls out a bag of Arby's take out to enjoy.
  • Rape Is Okay When Its Female On Male: Surprisingly averted. Babs confesses having Perverse Sexual Lust for Peter, but both Don and Jibby are appalled and call her out on the fact that he's still a ten-year-old boy.
  • Screw Politeness, I'm a Senior!: Dick openly bashes "Jews, queers, and Eskimos". He also has a distrust of Teddy (Ken Jeong) from being a World War II veteran.
  • Stupid Statement Dance Mix: One in the credits over this exchange:

Don: "You don't wanna know what happened in 'Querqe"
Ivy: "Actually, I do."

  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Ready attempts to give one to Paxton (who had just finished giving a "reason I'm awesome" speech about his clothes, hairstyle, and girlfriend) but gets interrupted.

"First off, you look like you just snapped into a Slim Jim. Second..."

"Yeah, like he would actually have your number."

  1. ↑ 's brother Eric
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