"The Reason You Suck" Speech
"I always wondered what kind of person could do such a thing. But now that I see you, I think I understand. There’s just nothing inside you. Nothing at all. You’re pathetic and sad and empty."
—Katara, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Not only has Big Bad tried to kill your girlfriend/boyfriend, slain the Team Pet and finally taken over the world, he must grind your self worth into the asphalt and explain to you why, precisely, you failed. This is where he lists all the reasons you are a poor excuse for a hero and never had a prayer of stopping him; you lack the skills, the weapons and the powers needed; you childishly fight for outdated ideals, your costume is ugly and your mentor always hated you.
Frequently a particular brand of Evil Gloating and/or Breaking Them By Talking; it's a lot like the Hannibal Lecture, except in this case the Villain clearly has done something that would seem to suggest he (the bad guy) really is the superior combatant; e.g. the hero has just been punched through a wall and is pinned under rubble as the Villain stands over him with a gun.
In a well done speech, the Bad Guy will state things that even the hero (and audience) can't argue with. Or maybe they're total BS, but it's delivered with such conviction it almost makes the hero (and audience) agree that he was wrong to have dared challenge the villain in the first place.
Sometimes, "The Reason You Suck" Speech makes the point that the people the hero is trying to defend aren't really worth it to begin with. An especially arrogant Big Bad will use "The Reason You Suck" Speech to let the hero know he's just a lesser version of the Big Bad himself, the only difference being he's not saddled with the morals the hero is. A villain going for a low-blow might bring up some previous encounter between the two when he totally owned the hero, as to state that the same thing will happen again.
Villains can also give this to other villains in an Evil vs. Evil setting. The content of this speech is going to be either along the lines of how they're Eviler Than Thou and pointing out flaws and shortcomings in the other villain, like the Magnificent Bastard chiding a Smug Snake for underestimating them and being foolishly unprepared or a Card-Carrying Villain chiding a Knight Templar villain for employing their same methods but claiming to be morally superior to them, or Even Evil Has Standards if the other villain did something they find awful.
A hero worth his salt might respond with his own speech along the lines of a World of Cardboard Speech or a Picard or Kirk Summation, among others. If it's an action movie, the hero will usually just break out a Shut UP, Hannibal and the shootout/fisticuffs will begin. Sometimes the hero survives only because they're Not Worth Killing, in which case they'll invariably prove that they are later in the story. A Crowning Moment of Awesome if the person of the receiving end of the speech is a Jerkass who had it coming, double Crowning Moment of Awesome if a Jerkass gives this to someone and he or she respond with their own to the asshole, humiliating him.
Heroes can also give defeated villains "The Reason You Suck" Speeches, often pointing out their wasted potential or how their obsession with defeating the hero has ruined them, or in the case of the Well-Intentioned Extremist adversary, how they've become everything they've fought against, or how their extremes in trying to bring a better world have done more to ruin it. Heroic "'Reason You Suck' Speeches" come out when the hero's not going to bother with the Kirk Summation or trying to persuade their foe. Chances are, they tried the diplomatic option, and it didn't sink in.
Alternatively, the speech is given by someone who's just frustrated with the other person. This is not an attempt bring down or break an opponent. This is not an exchange between heroes and villains (heck, they might even be friends). This is someone, tired of everything they have to deal with, giving a frank and brutally honest assessment of the person they're dealing with, often in a What the Hell, Hero? moment. This can be prone to backfire with a suitably shallow, self-obsessed, and/or Genre Savvy target; who typically responds with "You've just listed all of my best features!" Will often provoke an attempted refutation or justification from the target; which, depending on the source, can be played for comedy, drama, or Wangst.
One (really) last note: you'll find that some of these can be subverted to serve as Dare to Be Badass speeches as well.
- Anime and Manga
- Comic Books
- Fan Works
- Live Action TV
- Real Life
- Video Games
- Web Comics
- Western Animation
- The Everest College ads.
"You sittin' on the couch watching TV as your life is passing you by. You keep procrastinating over and over, well maybe I'll go to school next year or maybe next semester. No, do it right now! You spend all day on the phone anyway, why don't you make the call that's going to help you in your future? All you have to do is pick up the phone and make the call. Why are you making it so complicated? It's easy!"
- Could also be a Dare to Be Badass.
- Gorilla Monsoon cuts down Bobby Heenan after Andre the Giant's loss at Wrestlemania 3.
- On the July 19, 2011 episode of WWE Raw, Cena delivers an epic one to Vince McMahon, calling out Vince on the Montreal Screwjob and what it did to Shawn Michaels' career and how he had no intention of being the next one to be Vince's fall guy and get a black mark on his career all just because Vince doesn't like the guy he's going up against.
- Through 2011 and into 2012, John Laurinaitis has been getting under the skin of most of the Raw roster. One person especially who has never liked "Big Johnny" would be CM Punk. Heading into the Royal Rumble pay-per-view, Punk has been having problems with Laurinaitis of the Stop Helping Me! variety, which finally came to a head on the January 16, 2012 Raw with a beautiful TRYSS which made for early candidate to Pipe Bomb of the Year, as Punk called out Laurinaitis for how it must've ate him alive with jealousy that while his brother was one of the legendary Road Warriors, he himself was so utterly terrible and/or bland/nondescript in the ring (which has some basis in reality, as he gets almost no credit for the RKO / Gringo Cutter / Diamond Cutter despite the fact that it was the Ace Crusher first) that he had to trade in his tights for a suit to get anywhere in the business, whereas the anti-authority rebel Punk is the WWE Champion and has accomplished more in the past year than Ace has his entire career. This and some prodding by Mick Foley to at least admit his true intentions led to a Villainous Breakdown which was oddly enough the most interesting Laurinaitis has ever been.
- Edge was quite adept at handing these out to various wrestlers throughout his career. But perhaps the most noticeable and famous was his promo to Matt Hardy after the latter's return after being fired due to the Lita scandal. After hearing Hardy's awful return promo in which he said he hoped Edge would die in a car accident, Edge responded the next week in a six minute destruction of Hardy as a person and a wrestler. Deriding Hardy for his lack of commitment to Lita and how he was only in his position because of riding Edge's coat tails, ended with Edge pleading Hardy to buckle up and be safe so he could have the pleasure of beating him at Summer Slam.
- This promo was not totally appreciated back around the time that it happened for already-stated reasons, but over time it (as well as Edge and Lita themselves) would end up a case of Vindicated by History with each passing headline involving the three parties over the years. See, Edge did beat Hardy at Summer Slam, by KO at that, and then won the feud overall a couple months later. Then he went on to establish himself as a legend over the next few years with world championship titles and top notch main event feuds in the double digits before retiring World Heavyweight Champion and becoming a first-ballot happily retired Hall of Famer, whereas Matt would descend into a bonafide Attention Whore and even lose his status as the "responsible" Hardy brother as his career dwindled to the point of failing even as a midcarder in TNA, making Edge's statements in this promo more and more prophetic by the day.
- Ric Flair verbally destroys Carlito's career in only two minutes.
- On the 5/14/12 edition of Raw, John Cena was at it again, verbally tearing apart John Laurinaitis and his egotistical rule as General Manager of both Raw & SmackDown.
- AJ Lee gave a powerful one to the cast of Total Divas in this epic speech, despite some of the divas demanding her to come to the ring.
- Vickie Guerrero also nailed AJ with one after she was counted out, depraving Naomi a clean victory since that would’ve resulted in her being the Diva’s Champion on the March 24, 2014 episode of RAW. How did she do it? Order AJ Lee into a match at Wrestle mania with The Funkadactyls… but wait there’s more because the match also includes the following:
- The Bella Twins
- Eva Marie
- Alicia Fox
- Summer Rae
- Rosa Mendes
- Tamina Snuka
Recorded and Stand Up Comedy
- According to Bill Bailey, membership renewal requests from the Automobile Association become this on the third letter:
Dear Mr Bailey; it appears you have not renewed your AA membership. Picture the scene: a lonely stretch of the B3174, a car that refuses to start. That car is yours. That terrified driver is YOU. Why would you leave the AA, one of the most glitteringly magnificent organisations the world has ever seen? And now, when you are at your most vulnerable: Your cholesterol levels are worryingly high; your friends talk about you behind your back, they pity you! Your arrogance has placed your family in mortal danger! You have stepped from the light into the abyss! Without us, you're nothing but a pitiful roadside MAGGOT, crawling along the edge of a straight razor! Crawling! Crawling! Crawling... Please let me know if you reconsider.
- Magic of Faerun has one given by Khelben Blackstaff to an intruder he's about to kill as its intro.
- Hamlet is the master of these. He gives one to Ophelia ("Get thee to a nunnery"), two to his mother ("You are the queen, your husband's brother's wife and would it were not so, you are my mother", "Shame, where is thy blush"), one to Laertes ("You'll mouth, I'll rant as well") and one to Claudius at the end while giving him a Rasputinian Death.
Hamlet: Here thou incestuous, murderous, damned Dane, drink of this potion, is thy union here? Follow my mother. (King dies.)
- One of the female leads in Neil LaBute's Reasons to Be Pretty. Earlier, though the comment is never stated outright, it's implied that her boyfriend has said she was just "regular" in comparison to a female coworker who was "hot," and things quickly soured between them. She breaks up with her boyfriend and delivers one of these speeches to him in front of a crowded mall, commenting on how he stinks after work, his nostrils are unattractive, his penis is small, and they have unimaginative sex.
- In John Adams' opera The Death of Klinghoffer, the wheelchair-bound Leon Klinghoffer delivers one of these to the terrorists, about how he and his wife generally try to be good people while the terrorists are, well, terrorists.
- The Boys in the Band. Harold gives the Mother of All Reads to Michael.
Harold: Now it's my turn, and ready or not, Michael, here goes: you're a sad and pathetic man. You're a homosexual and you don't want to be, but there's nothing you can do to change it. Not all the prayers to your God, not all the analysis you can buy, in all the years you've go left to live. You may one day be able to know a heterosexual life - if you want it desperately enough, if you pursue it with the fervor with which you annihilate. But you'll always be homosexual as well. Always Michael. Always. Until the day you die.
- Done in Man of La Mancha by the Knight of the Mirrors (actually Carrasco in disguise), with attendants pushing mirrors into Don Quixote's face every way he turns:
"Look! Don Quixote! Look in the mirror of reality and behold things as they truly are. Look! What seest thou, Don Quixote? A gallant knight? Naught but an aging fool! Look! Dost thou see him? A madman dressed for a masquerade! Look, Don Quixote! See him as he truly is! See the clown! Drown, Don Quixote. Drown--drown in the mirror. Go deep--the masquerade is ended! Confess! Thy lady is a trollop, and thy dream the nightmare of a disordered mind!"
- The Taming of the Shrew by William Shakespeare ends with the titular "shrew," Katharina, giving a very biting - and long - "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Bianca and the Widow:
Katharina: Such duty as the subject owes the prince
- This speech is the reason this play is called Shakespeare's Ode to Wifebeating
- Which is a gross oversimplification of the play and its themes.
- This speech is the reason this play is called Shakespeare's Ode to Wifebeating
- Roma gave one to Williamson in Glengarry Glen Ross. "Who told you you can work with men!?"
- Subverted with Shelly Levene who, having spent the entire movie as Williamson's Butt Monkey, eagerly takes the opportunity to take up where Roma left off and get a little payback. Unfortunately for him, he gets carried away, makes a stupid slip, and gives Williamson an opportunity to destroy him utterly.
- Mr. Cladwell to Bobby in the Urinetown song Act 1 Finale
- Evita has Waltz for Evita and Che which is the two of them doing this to each other
- A good chunk of "Goodbye Love" from Rent is this between Roger and Mark.
- Stanley to Blanche in A Screetcar Named Desire. Also happens in the film adaption.
Take a look at yourself here in a worn-out Mardi Gras outfit, rented for 50 cents from some rag-picker. And with a crazy crown on. Now what kind of a queen do you think you are? Do you know that I've been on to you from the start, and not once did you pull the wool over this boy's eyes? You come in here and you sprinkle the place with powder and you spray perfume and you stick a paper lantern over the light bulb - and, lo and behold, the place has turned to Egypt and you are the Queen of the Nile, sitting on your throne, swilling down my liquor. And do you know what I say? Ha ha! Do you hear me? Ha ha ha!
- Slowbeef gives one of these to Quadraxis14 in the SNES9X Retsupurae. Here is the speech without the Verbal Tic:
Shut up! There are no viewers. No one watched this to the end except me. It is a seriously horrible video, Quadraxis14. There is no skill in replaying the same thing over and reloading save states over and over again. A monkey could do this. A kid can do this. It doesn't matter. I don't know what the point of the video is. I don't know why you're doing it. It will not make you popular in school. It will not get you girls or anything. It's a waste of time. I'm sorry. I'm taking away from "On Liberty".
- Atop the Fourth Wall example: Mechakara masquerading as the genuine article delivers a particularly chilling one to his entire fanbase:
Well, I think it's obvious whose fault Ultimates 3 is. You. Yes, you. The audience of this show. You sycophantic worms will buy anything dished out to you. They told you this garbage was gold and you believed it. Just like if I had said something was good or bad, you'll believe me instantly. So go on. Continue being the mindless, dreary-eyed, ugly bags of fat that I can call my fans.
- Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog has Captain Hammer deliver one disguised as a Rousing Speech with the song "Everyone's A Hero". Pretty much everyone in the audience is fooled save for Penny, who openly looks shocked at the context of the song.
I’m poverty’s new sheriff
- Dr. Horrible delivers a subsequent one with "Slipping", calling Captain Hammer's audience out on their Dying Like Animals devotion to their hero.
- The Spoony One did one for both Final Fantasy VIII and its fans.
- He recently did another for the people who didn't like Mass Effect 3's ending
- Inverted in an Over the Gun Let's Play of Braid where he gives one to himself after losing a (rewind-immune) key to a Mook.
It's only me that could manage to do that! Oh, he's such a cock! I- I want me key off you, mate, but... but I dunno how I'm gonna do it, though! It's okay me saying I want it back off ya, but you've got my number, haven't you? That's not good news. That's a goomba with a look on his face, as if to say "I am protected by these weird mechanics. I am gonna jump off your head. Not only that - I have got your key." He looks quite, quite serious... he doesn't look phased by the fact I'm stood underneath him; he's gonna stomp my face through. This is the first time in twenty one years of gaming that I have been bested by a goomba.
- 4chan has this to say to the furry community.
- A furry artist named Metal-Kitty made one for Furry Haters. 
- A video by a user named Armake21 made one of these for the Irate Gamer, who got him kicked off youtube for it.
- In I'm a Marvel... And I'm a DC, The Joker delivers one of these to Darkseid after his explanation of Stan's Place is rejected due to Darkseid having "no interest in the world of fiction."
The Joker: You don't know... (Begins to laugh hysterically)
- In the first season of "After Hours," Lex Luthor gave one to Superman in an attempt to recruit him in joining him in his plan to Ret-Gone the Marvel Universe:
Lex Luthor: The Marvel Universe has corrupted everything you stand for all in the name of high drama. Think about it Kal-El. Your job is to be an inspiration for people, someone they can look up to, someone they can aspire to be like; in steadfastness, in character, in ideals. And what did Marvel offer? They said don’t worry; you don’t have to aspire to anyone in our books. You just have to relate to them. And now we have an entire culture that thinks that who they are is just fine and how dare anyone suggest they can improve themselves? Why aspire to be Superman when it’s so much easier to relate to Spider-Man? No one wants to look up to you anymore, Superman. They don’t want to strain their necks. Instead they look straight ahead at the compromised heroes in front of them and say "That’ll do just fine".
- Dr. Loomis gives one to Michael in the Halloween fan film, The Last Halloween. Michael doesn't take it well.
- A big one comes from Erika's Old Big Sister, the sequel to Erikas New Perfume, in which Marie gets the Fountain of Youth effects on her undone and proceeds to become the ultimate Big Sister Bully while trying (and failing) to rebuild her teenage social status. The speech comes in the climax, when Marie tries to undo Sarah's Plot-Relevant Age-Up, causing Erika to snap and lay into Marie that all her problems stem from her own jealousy and self-loathing, that her bratty nature better suits the lifestyle of a three-year-old than a 16-year-old, and that she is now strong enough to handle whatever Marie can dish out. Marie is hit hard by this and, realizing that Erika is right, requests to return to toddlerhood.
- In Kickassia, The Nostalgia Critic recieves one from dream!Ma-Ti. He gets told such pearls of wisdom as:
"Stop being a douchebag! It's totally going to backfire!"
- In Arby 'n' the Chief, Arbiter dishes one out to Master Chief in Season 6 for just how much he has de-volved in emotional growth, only for Chief to return the favor by pointing out all of Arbiter's flaws as well.
Arbiter: "...You've always been an utter moron, but there was a time when it was at least somewhat charming. You didn't know any better. It was innocent. But now it's like you're self-aware to some degree. Instead of shouting outrageous things in sheer ignoreance it's like you're genuinely out to antagonize and hurt people. It's not funny anymore...
- The Webshow TV Trash features a series of episodes where Chris "Rowdy C" Moore watches three of the most controversial Family Guy episodes ever. After sitting through "Not All Dogs Go to Heaven" (arguably the most despised episode among Tropers), Rowdy concludes "Family Guy Month" by "talking" to Seth MacFarlane.
And so, after a full month of pointing out some of the worst "Family Guy" has churned out, what else is there to say? (shows a picture of Seth MacFarlane; cuts back to Rowdy) Fine, I'll tell you. You have become one of the worst examples of comedy out there. You've not only made all your characters as unlikable as possible, but you do nothing but pile on insult after insult of anyone out there that's more famous than you, and rail against nearly every TV show that paved the way for yours, giving hardly any evidence other than "Trust me, it sucks." Yeah, I insult TV shows, but I try to back it up with logic. I also give examples of good stuff that hopefully show I'm not just some bitter jealous comedian who goes around hating everything that comes out of Hollywood like you. I don't go around claiming that dead children's entertainers hate all Jews with no proof. What if I were to suggest that you're just bitter at Disney because they took your best director? God, you're a hypocrite! You know, I can respect you for going after Fox News, but saying it's okay for the Left to be a bunch of liars and frauds because they're your people doesn't work. Oh, and you had to go off on big businesses taking away jobs, but you go and snatch up almost every piece of Fox's Sunday night lineup once another show gets dropped. And then there's the little fact that your animation is made in KOREA. You want to help American jobs? HAVE YOUR DAMN SHOW DRAWN IN THIS COUNTRY!! And by the way, insulting Southerners doesn't make you better than them. What happened to you claiming they were good at heart in "To Love and Die in Dixie"? Oh, right, that was during the time when network executives could put you in your place! But I could forgive all of that if you just weren't so unfunny. That's what you are—a bitter, preachy, unfunny ASSHOLE!!"
- For those who do not know, this speech is a parody of Quagmire telling off Brian in "Jerome is the New Black"
- On the American Idol forum idolforums a poster laid into an overzealous fan who attacked one of the other contestants
I agree people have the right to express their opinions, but I have the exact same right. The irony is I actually like both Jessica and Hollie, I may have defended Hollie more lately because of my perception she's being kicked while she's down. I'm sure this is something you can now relate to after Thursday. Quite honestly I should see this as flattering because you and others must have much more faith in her making a come back than I do. I hope IDF represents only a really small percentage of the Idolverse's perceptions, because you're not doing yourself any favors, when Hollie finally does leave her votes are gonna go somewhere and perhaps not where you'd like. But somethings never change and you guys can do what you like and I'll respond when I feel the need
- Near the end of Red vs. Blue: Revelation, Tex delivers a short one to Church after she shoots him to betray their location to Washington and the Meta:
Tex: I didn't ask to be paired with you. I didn't want to come back. But I'm here now, so I'm gonna put an end to this.
- And said shock may or may not have been based off of one line: "Yeah, we totally had sex."