"The Reason You Suck" Speech/Theatre

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Examples of "The Reason You Suck" Speeches in Theatre include:

  • Hamlet is the master of these. He gives one to Ophelia ("Get thee to a nunnery"), two to his mother ("You are the queen, your husband's brother's wife and would it were not so, you are my mother", "Shame, where is thy blush"), one to Laertes ("You'll mouth, I'll rant as well") and one to Claudius at the end while giving him a Rasputinian Death.

Hamlet: Here thou incestuous, murderous, damned Dane, drink of this potion, is thy union here? Follow my mother. (King dies.)

  • One of the female leads in Neil LaBute's Reasons to Be Pretty. Earlier, though the comment is never stated outright, it's implied that her boyfriend has said she was just "regular" in comparison to a female coworker who was "hot," and things quickly soured between them. She breaks up with her boyfriend and delivers one of these speeches to him in front of a crowded mall, commenting on how he stinks after work, his nostrils are unattractive, his penis is small, and they have unimaginative sex.
  • In John Adams' opera The Death of Klinghoffer, the wheelchair-bound Leon Klinghoffer delivers one of these to the terrorists, about how he and his wife generally try to be good people while the terrorists are, well, terrorists.
  • The Boys in the Band. Harold gives the Mother of All Reads to Michael.

Harold: Now it's my turn, and ready or not, Michael, here goes: you're a sad and pathetic man. You're a homosexual and you don't want to be, but there's nothing you can do to change it. Not all the prayers to your God, not all the analysis you can buy, in all the years you've go left to live. You may one day be able to know a heterosexual life - if you want it desperately enough, if you pursue it with the fervor with which you annihilate. But you'll always be homosexual as well. Always Michael. Always. Until the day you die.

  • Done in Man of La Mancha by the Knight of the Mirrors (actually Carrasco in disguise), with attendants pushing mirrors into Don Quixote's face every way he turns:

"Look! Don Quixote! Look in the mirror of reality and behold things as they truly are. Look! What seest thou, Don Quixote? A gallant knight? Naught but an aging fool! Look! Dost thou see him? A madman dressed for a masquerade! Look, Don Quixote! See him as he truly is! See the clown! Drown, Don Quixote. Drown--drown in the mirror. Go deep--the masquerade is ended! Confess! Thy lady is a trollop, and thy dream the nightmare of a disordered mind!"

Katharina: Such duty as the subject owes the prince
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace;
Or seek for rule, supremacy and sway...

    • This speech is the reason this play is called Shakespeare's Ode to Wifebeating
      • Which is a gross oversimplification of the play and its themes.
  • Roma gave one to Williamson in Glengarry Glen Ross. "Who told you you can work with men!?"
    • Subverted with Shelly Levene who, having spent the entire movie as Williamson's Butt Monkey, eagerly takes the opportunity to take up where Roma left off and get a little payback. Unfortunately for him, he gets carried away, makes a stupid slip, and gives Williamson an opportunity to destroy him utterly.
  • Mr. Cladwell to Bobby in the Urinetown song Act 1 Finale
  • Evita has Waltz for Evita and Che which is the two of them doing this to each other
  • A good chunk of "Goodbye Love" from Rent is this between Roger and Mark.
  • Stanley to Blanche in A Streetcar Named Desire. Also happens in the film adaption.

Take a look at yourself here in a worn-out Mardi Gras outfit, rented for 50 cents from some rag-picker. And with a crazy crown on. Now what kind of a queen do you think you are? Do you know that I've been on to you from the start, and not once did you pull the wool over this boy's eyes? You come in here and you sprinkle the place with powder and you spray perfume and you stick a paper lantern over the light bulb - and, lo and behold, the place has turned to Egypt and you are the Queen of the Nile, sitting on your throne, swilling down my liquor. And do you know what I say? Ha ha! Do you hear me? Ha ha ha!