Death Note Abridged (Dogface 701)/Funny

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• Tempting Fate:

Light: ...the only way this day could get any worse is if an evil notebook fell from the sky!

• Death God Ryuk does his part to save the planet:"Oh, great idea, waste a whole sheet of paper on one name. Way to save the environment! Do you know how much paper costs in the Shinigami Realm... A LOT because there are no f_ing trees!"
• Light bonds with his little sister:

Light: ...and that, Sayu, is how I kill people. Sayu: Awesome! Can I have a death note too? Light: No, you ignorant child. And if you ever get kidnapped by a gay blonde man, I will kill you.

• "If anyone attempts to force the drawer open it ignites the C-4 under the desk which sets off the atom bomb under the house killing everyone within a 50 mile radius."
• Stalked by the F.B.I.:

Ryuk: Hey Light, there's this big, ugly, scary lookin' guy following you. Light: Ryuk, for the last time I know you're there! Ryuk: No, not me! Light: Oh. A rapist?

• [+ "DON'T WORRY I HAVE A PLAN!!!"+ ]
• Ryuk's Lampshade Hanging: "But hey, be sure to stand there and gloat while he's dying, because surely there are no surveillance cameras IN A PUBLIC SUBWAY!"
• Somebody Else's Problem:

Raye Penber: I'm dying! Somebody help me! Random Pedestrian 1: Shut up Emo! Random Pedestrian 2: We have problems too, you know.

• Poor Light...

Ryuk: Say, whatever happened to that Yuri chick you were dating?

[Post-traumatic flashback of Domestic Abuse]

Yuri: FLOWERS... AND NO CHOCOLATE?!!! [/end flashback] Ryuk: Did you just piss yourself? Light: Shut up, Ryuk! At least I like women!

• Light and Naomi:

Light: It's important that I not let her find out anything that could link to me being Kira... Hi, I'm Light Yagami, the one your fiancé was investigating. I murdered him in cold blood! Right in front of everybody and no one cared enough to help him... Naomi: * crying* I did my best! I did my best! Light: Ryuk, I don't get it. I didn't even write her name down yet. Ryuk: That was the most f__ed up thing I've ever seen-and I'm a Death God!

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