Hopeless Auditionees

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
"I actually wish you had forgotten the lyrics, because it was such a pointless performance."
—Simon Cowell, American Idol

Hopeless Auditionees are found on many a Talent Show. The first couple of shows will show the auditions process- and these will always turn up.

They have no talent, a false belief that they do and may be subjected to some abuse from the judging panel before being sent home. Some have criticized these sorts of appearances as "cruelty to the mentally-ill".

Actually examining the audition process, however, reveals that these people believe they are good enough because the people running the show have led them to believe they are. The auditions usually run on a three tier system, with the celebrity judges being the final tier. The first two tiers will approve people who are very good, people who are maybe good enough, and people who are awful for entertainment value - letting the awful ones believe that they're there because they're good.

In short, it's a sadistic ritual wherein real people are humiliated in front of an audience of millions for the sake of a few giggles. Naturally, this is a subtrope of Expectation Lowerer; the audience feels better by watching people worse than them.

Every once in a while, a Hopeless Auditionee will actually pass the auditions. If they get far enough, they may even become an Elimination Houdini. If a Hopeless Auditionee can't wrap their head around the idea that they might not be the most talented thing on two feet, they're Giftedly Bad.

Compare Terrible Interviewees Montage. Contrast Failed Audition Plot, where a character who fails an audition early in the story decides to pursue their dreams regardless.

Examples of Hopeless Auditionees include:


Comic Books

  • Always a highlight of any Legion of Super-Heroes audition are the people with lame powers trying their best to impress the Legion.
  • One Judge Dredd strip in the Metro newspaper (and reprinted in the Megazine) showed a talent show where one of the failed contestants (an Elvis Impersonator no less) comes back and holds the panel hostage. Dredd beats him up and arrests him, only to be criticised for the lack of style in his violence. Dredd arrests them too.


Film

  • Mystery Men had the scene where the team was auditioning potential new members.

"I'm the Waffler!"


Live-Action TV

Simon Cowell: Last year I described someone as being the worst singer in America. I think you're possibly the worst singer in the world. Based on that performance. And I'm absolutely serious. I've never ever heard anything like that in my life. Ever.

    • Probably the most infamous example of a single auditionee was William Hung, an Asian-American man who became known throughout the world for his atrocious singing. His spectacular bomb has actually made him famous, ironically enough. Also subverted with Hung. While he's far from a good singer, he took the critique positively and the judges didn't really kill him at all. Plus he is very aware that he can't sing. It was that he took the criticism well and admitted to simply doing his best that was the crux to his charm and subsequent fame; he was sincere. Other Hung-wannabes that have followed did not realize that.
      • Since then he has made a guest appearance on Arrested Development as a cast member of the Show Within a Show Mock Trial With Judge Reinhold where he was the lead singer for the show's live band William Hung and his Hung Jury. This is a lot more professional work than most American Idol contestants have ever gotten.
    • The judges have since made a few unofficial rules for potential contestants, the biggest being "Don't sing Whitney and don't sing Mariah." It's almost a guarantee that anyone who tries will become one of these because 1) both singer's songs have been painfully overdone, and 2) most people don't come anywhere near their abilities, and always end up screeching and wailing way out of their depth.
  • America's Next Top Model never shows the entire auditions process, but there's always around 35 or so girls that make it to the semi-finals and several of them are clearly picked to fill this trope anyway, often if nothing else to cause drama with Tyra Banks.
  • Subverted cruelly by the talent show parody Superstar USA, which ran parallel to American Idol's third season. Basically, the bad auditioners were treated like stars while the truly talented were told "You will thank me for saying this: NEXT!" One can imagine why the show wasn't picked up for another season; the potential damage to a person's psyche—whether it's a girl who can really sing running offstage in tears after being told she's terrible, or someone truly horrible told they're a star only to be later humiliated in front of a live audience and on national TV—was disturbing. According to That Other Wiki, the person chosen over the others ("winner" just doesn't sound right), Jamie Floss, didn't seem to mind that the show was a joke and actually had small roles on TV dramas. Thankfully her album was never released. The really fucked-up thing: The cheering crowds for the live performances? Apparently, they had all been told that those performing were doing so as part of a "Make a Wish" type program, of the fantasy they wanted to do before they died. Fucked. Up.
  • Britain's Got Talent
    • Famously subverted by Susan Boyle in the 2009 season. Both the "introduction piece" and the reactions of the jury showed that everybody expected this trope to come down in full force. Then she started to sing, proving you should never judge a book by its cover. To their credit, the jury admitted how wrong they were in their assessment.
    • Inverted in the case of Emma Amelia Pearl Czikai from the same show. She came on stage full of confidence, bragging about how much people loved her singing, then she started to sing...and was absolutely terrible. She was every inch the Hopeless Auditionee. But during the semi-finals, Stephen Mulhern brought her on for the Spin-Off Britain's Got More Talent to perform an operatic aria...and she was wonderful. Seriously, she was like the Jekyll and Hyde of singing.
  • America's Got Talent pretty much gives away who the hopeless auditionees are by playing upbeat or otherwise mocking music during the pre-performance interviews with them. Some also get a Record Needle Scratch when the interview music stops and they're shown walking on stage. The hopeful ones almost always have horror stories and overly dramatic music playing for their segments.
    • Invoked with Leonid the Magnificent; a very tall, flamboyantly gay Russian guy with a thick Russian accent, who has been a participant of the first two seasons. His second time around, he comes on stage in huge platform shoes, no shirt, spray-painted silver, with a giant headdress, and two women on leashes who dance while he does virtually nothing but pose and make faces -- far less than what he'd done in the first season. He still gets put through to the next round, much to David Hasselhoff's anger (and he walks out afterward). He gets eliminated the next round, though.
    • Completely subverted by Prince Poppycock, a stage persona who performed in a full 18th century French gentleman's court formal outfit, complete with white face paint, a huge white wig, and high-heeled shoes. With a magnificent tenor voice and incredible stage presence.
  • So You Think You Can Dance
    • Fans have, from the second season through to the fifth, had to put up with a geeky-looking fellow who insisted he be called "Sex". His talent was marginal at best. Compounding the fact is he took his mother with him who was insistent that he was an amazing talent getting a raw deal.
    • The show also gave us Ian "How you been?" Benardo, a New Yorker with an inflated sense of self-importance who, after being rejected from the show, went and tried his luck on American Idol. The way he acts almost goes into parody. He may not actually be serious at all.
  • Averted by the gameshow Wipeout. The contestants who make it past the initial rounds make it because they're actually capable of passing the courses in reasonable time, and are given proper recognition for their accomplishments. However, at the end of every episode, there is a montage of the most spectacular failures and hilariously bad falls (not in a mocking manner, but because it's genuinely funny). In the first round, everyone is made to look like Hopeless Auditionees since it is almost impossible to complete without wiping out multiple times. The best of those are then put through the second round where skill, balance and stamina are actually tested.
  • The first episode of any Ninja Warrior tournament consists largely of those who are running the course for TV exposure. Expect most of them to fall at the first obstacle, while the serious competitors will get to the Jump Hang or Warped Wall before they lose.
  • American Inventor was the best. Some of the inventions would leave you in pain from laughter. The Therapy Buddy was the best: Everything. Is. Going. To Be. All. Right.
  • Hell's Kitchen will generally have some contestants who either come from backgrounds with no cooking experience at all, or they're private chefs, diner workers, or otherwise completely unused to working on a line in a fine-dining restaurant and can't make appropriate attitude adjustments. They don't last long, typically.
    • The first season really emphasized that almost all the contestants did not have much formal kitchen experience. Unsurprisingly those with real experience as chefs made it the farthest. Future seasons featured much more experienced contestants and the Hopeless Auditionees stand out more.
  • Power Rangers RPM parodies this Trope by showing various people auditioning for the role of Ranger Operator Series Green.
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