The Tourettes Guy/Funny: Difference between revisions
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* Eating at a friends house. |
* Eating at a friends house. |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Friend: How is it? |
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Danny: 's pretty good! |
Danny: 's pretty good! |
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(Danny glances and shrugs to a picture) |
(Danny glances and shrugs to a picture) |
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Danny: Who's that faggot with tuba? |
Danny: Who's that faggot with tuba? |
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Friends: '''''"THATS OUR DAD!" "DANNY!" "WATCH YOUR MOUTH!"''''' |
Friends: '''''"THATS OUR DAD!" "DANNY!" "WATCH YOUR MOUTH!"''''' |
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Danny: '''OH SHIT! SORRY!''' }} |
Danny: '''OH SHIT! SORRY!''' }} |
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* Danny loves Total |
* Danny loves Total |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Danny: There's some cereal right here. |
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Son: Ohh, thats Total... I don't really like that... |
Son: Ohh, thats Total... I don't really like that... |
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Danny: (beat) '''Don't talk shit about Total!''' }} |
Danny: (beat) '''Don't talk shit about Total!''' }} |
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* Danny and phones. |
* Danny and phones. |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Phone rings. |
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Danny: Fashion bug. |
Danny: Fashion bug. |
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Phone rings. |
Phone rings. |
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Danny: Fashion bug. |
Danny: Fashion bug. |
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Phone rings. |
Phone rings. |
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Danny: I'd like to meet the motherfucker who named it Fashion Bug, and shove a broom up his ass! }} |
Danny: I'd like to meet the motherfucker who named it Fashion Bug, and shove a broom up his ass! }} |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Phone rings. Danny picks up the reciever. |
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Danny: '''Piss.''' }} |
Danny: '''Piss.''' }} |
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* The bit where Danny calls Colgate Toothpaste to complain: |
* The bit where Danny calls Colgate Toothpaste to complain: |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Danny: ''Yes''. I bought your Colgate ''Toothpaste''. The one with ''tartar'' control. And ''it made me feel... like a PIECE OF '''SHIT!''''' This is BULL'''SHIT!''' |
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(He gets put on hold, and "[[The Police|Every Breath You Take]]" - which was heavily sampled by Puff Daddy's "I'll Be Missing You" - starts to play)<br /> |
(He gets put on hold, and "[[The Police|Every Breath You Take]]" - which was heavily sampled by Puff Daddy's "I'll Be Missing You" - starts to play)<br /> |
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Danny: [[Tempting Fate|I hope this is the Puff Daddy version of this song!]] NOT that ''[[The Police|Sting]]''... piece of SHIT!!!<br /> |
Danny: [[Tempting Fate|I hope this is the Puff Daddy version of this song!]] NOT that ''[[The Police|Sting]]''... piece of SHIT!!!<br /> |
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Danny: '''''[[Atomic F-Bomb|FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!]]''''' DAMMIT! HOLY ''SHIT!'' }} |
Danny: '''''[[Atomic F-Bomb|FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!]]''''' DAMMIT! HOLY ''SHIT!'' }} |
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* A conversation between Danny and one of his neighbors: |
* A conversation between Danny and one of his neighbors: |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Danny: My son bought home some pickles from the cannery. I was wondering if I could store them at your place. |
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Neighbor: How many pickles are we talking about here? |
Neighbor: How many pickles are we talking about here? |
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Danny: It's about... thirty cases. |
Danny: It's about... thirty cases. |
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Neighbor: Thirty cases of pickles?! I-I don't know, my house is gonna smell like pickles! |
Neighbor: Thirty cases of pickles?! I-I don't know, my house is gonna smell like pickles! |
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Danny: '''''I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!''''' }} |
Danny: '''''I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!''''' }} |
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* Danny hears a loud grinding noise coming from the kitchen. After walking into the kitchen while saying the word "shit" four times, he asks his son what's up: |
* Danny hears a loud grinding noise coming from the kitchen. After walking into the kitchen while saying the word "shit" four times, he asks his son what's up: |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Danny: What's all the damn noise! |
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Danny's son: It's the garbage disposal. |
Danny's son: It's the garbage disposal. |
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Danny: It sounds like [[Star Wars|Chewbacca]] taking a shit! (does a surprisingly good impression of the Chewbacca growl)<br /> |
Danny: It sounds like [[Star Wars|Chewbacca]] taking a shit! (does a surprisingly good impression of the Chewbacca growl)<br /> |
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Danny's son: No it doesn't.<br /> |
Danny's son: No it doesn't.<br /> |
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Danny: [[Hypocritical Humor|What'd I tell you about saying that?!]] }} |
Danny: [[Hypocritical Humor|What'd I tell you about saying that?!]] }} |
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* While Danny is in the shower, his ex-wife Shirlena comes to visit. After she bangs on the door several times, this happens: |
* While Danny is in the shower, his ex-wife Shirlena comes to visit. After she bangs on the door several times, this happens: |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Danny: ''WAIT A MINUTE YOU DICK!'' |
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Shirlena: I don't ''have'' a dick, you ''prick!'' |
Shirlena: I don't ''have'' a dick, you ''prick!'' |
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Danny: Shirlena?.... '''[[Oh Crap|AWWW SHIT!]]'''<br /> |
Danny: Shirlena?.... '''[[Oh Crap|AWWW SHIT!]]'''<br /> |
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(Later, they have an argument)<br /> |
(Later, they have an argument)<br /> |
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Danny: [[Belligerent Sexual Tension|BITCH!]] (beat) I love you. }} |
Danny: [[Belligerent Sexual Tension|BITCH!]] (beat) I love you. }} |
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* Two moments take place when Danny takes his son to a job interview in a bad neighborhood. The first occurs when Danny's son offers him some Twizzlers: |
* Two moments take place when Danny takes his son to a job interview in a bad neighborhood. The first occurs when Danny's son offers him some Twizzlers: |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Danny's son: Dad, you want some Twizzlers? |
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Danny: No! |
Danny: No! |
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Danny's son: Dad, they're really good! |
Danny's son: Dad, they're really good! |
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Danny: NO! |
Danny: NO! |
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Danny's son: Try some! |
Danny's son: Try some! |
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Danny: '''NO!''' |
Danny: '''NO!''' |
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Danny's son: Dad, they're low-fat! |
Danny's son: Dad, they're low-fat! |
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Danny: *pounds his fists on the desk* '''''BUTT FUCK!''''' |
Danny: *pounds his fists on the desk* '''''BUTT FUCK!''''' |
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(A guy who was sleeping next to Danny the whole time wakes up, takes off his sunglasses, and gives him a [[Death Glare|rather unfriendly look.]] They then just sit and glare at each other.) }} |
(A guy who was sleeping next to Danny the whole time wakes up, takes off his sunglasses, and gives him a [[Death Glare|rather unfriendly look.]] They then just sit and glare at each other.) }} |
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** Later, an absolutely furious janitor storms into the room wanting to fight Danny because Danny made a huge mess in the bathroom and caused the toilet to overflow: |
** Later, an absolutely furious janitor storms into the room wanting to fight Danny because Danny made a huge mess in the bathroom and caused the toilet to overflow: |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Janitor: Did you shit in the fuckin' toilet? Did you shit in the fuckin' toilet and put all the toilet paper in there? |
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Danny: [[Completely Missing the Point|That was a good shit!]]<br /> |
Danny: [[Completely Missing the Point|That was a good shit!]]<br /> |
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Janitor: *throws chair at Danny* Bullshit! }} |
Janitor: *throws chair at Danny* Bullshit! }} |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Danny: Dick head! |
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Janitor: Oh, you wanna see a dick? You wanna see a '''big black dick?!''' }} |
Janitor: Oh, you wanna see a dick? You wanna see a '''big black dick?!''' }} |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Janitor: He got a big 'ol horses ass on 'im. |
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Danny: FUCK HORSES! }} |
Danny: FUCK HORSES! }} |
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** During the fight, Danny shouts, "You're a bitch!" and throws a newspaper page at the janitor's face. It's a hilariously poor choice of weapon, seeing as how the janitor is throwing ''chairs''. |
** During the fight, Danny shouts, "You're a bitch!" and throws a newspaper page at the janitor's face. It's a hilariously poor choice of weapon, seeing as how the janitor is throwing ''chairs''. |
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* Danny owes money: |
* Danny owes money: |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Danny (while swaying around with a beer in his hand): We're gonna be out of the '''''butt'''''... and into the '''''fuck'''''... if we don't come up with that 36 dollars. *passes out on the floor*}} |
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* Danny's surprise birthday party: |
* Danny's surprise birthday party: |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Danny (looking at his presents): Where'd you get all this shit? |
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Danny's son: We got it from Amazon! |
Danny's son: We got it from Amazon! |
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Danny: Is that that big black woman you work with? |
Danny: Is that that big black woman you work with? |
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Danny's son: No, dad! Amazon.com! |
Danny's son: No, dad! Amazon.com! |
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Danny: Never heard of her. }} |
Danny: Never heard of her. }} |
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* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20ZwrZ1Dm6c Danny cussing] out people on the phone is played over a clip from The Lion King so it sounds like the characters in the Lion King are saying what Danny's saying. "Big black woman with big tits, you can't miss her!" "I'm gonna take a piss and when I come back I'm gonna talk about the Mighty Duck movies." |
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20ZwrZ1Dm6c Danny cussing] out people on the phone is played over a clip from The Lion King so it sounds like the characters in the Lion King are saying what Danny's saying. "Big black woman with big tits, you can't miss her!" "I'm gonna take a piss and when I come back I'm gonna talk about the Mighty Duck movies." |
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* Also, apparently ''[[Noodle Incident|something]]'' happens when [[Jeopardy |
* Also, apparently ''[[Noodle Incident|something]]'' happens when [[Jeopardy!|Alex Trebek]] has a picture of a giraffe [[Ass Shove|shoved in his ass]] during an earthquake. |
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* Danny watching ''[[ |
* Danny watching ''[[ALF]]'' on DVD talking to his Grandma Jenelle on the phone. "I'm watching the first season of ''[[ALF]]'' on DVD. Alf. ALF! You're 93 years old and you don't know what ''[[ALF]]'' is?!" *hangs up phone* "Piece of crap!" |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Danny: I love my grandma Jenelle. Sweetest woman in the whole world. '''''BUT SHE'S OLD AS FUCK!'''''}} |
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* Danny's reaction to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjTF0-H0aJg waking up to a giant M&M statue by his bed.] |
* Danny's reaction to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjTF0-H0aJg waking up to a giant M&M statue by his bed.] |
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* Danny carrying a hot casserole dish ''without oven mitts.'' When he gets back up after putting it down on the table, he hits his head on a chandelier. Leave room and cue [[Atomic F-Bomb]]! |
* Danny carrying a hot casserole dish ''without oven mitts.'' When he gets back up after putting it down on the table, he hits his head on a chandelier. Leave room and cue [[Atomic F-Bomb]]! |
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* Danny's son accidentally throws a paper towel at Danny's crotch. Luckily, it wasn't hard. ... The paper towel, not his dick. |
* Danny's son accidentally throws a paper towel at Danny's crotch. Luckily, it wasn't hard. ... The paper towel, not his dick. |
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* That time there was a bird in the house. |
* That time there was a bird in the house. |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|What do you mean "a bird"?!}} |
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* As his ex-wife tells him about her grandfather ended up lost and naked in a K-Mart due to Alzheimer's, Danny does his best to hold in his laughter. She finally notices him giggling: |
* As his ex-wife tells him about her grandfather ended up lost and naked in a K-Mart due to Alzheimer's, Danny does his best to hold in his laughter. She finally notices him giggling: |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Shirlena: DANNY! ARE YOU LAUGHING?! |
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Danny (laughing): AHAHAHA YOUR GRANDPA'S AN ASS! }} |
Danny (laughing): AHAHAHA YOUR GRANDPA'S AN ASS! }} |
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* "When I die and go to heaven and see God, I'm gonna say, 'Shit!'" |
* "When I die and go to heaven and see God, I'm gonna say, 'Shit!'" |
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* After working in the attic, ''without'' his Tony the Tiger shirt. |
* After working in the attic, ''without'' his Tony the Tiger shirt. |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Son: Dad, is that a Mickey Mouse T-shirt? |
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Danny: What the fuck you talkin' about? |
Danny: What the fuck you talkin' about? |
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Son: Look, there's his face, and his ears there, look! |
Son: Look, there's his face, and his ears there, look! |
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Danny: That's not Mickey Mouse, that's just '''''TIT DIRT!''''' }} |
Danny: That's not Mickey Mouse, that's just '''''TIT DIRT!''''' }} |
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* Danny and son go shopping at a supermarket: |
* Danny and son go shopping at a supermarket: |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Son: Dad, can we get some of this movie theater butter popcorn? |
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Danny: How much is it? |
Danny: How much is it? |
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Son: Just two for five dollars. |
Son: Just two for five dollars. |
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Danny: Oh, what the hell. I guess so. |
Danny: Oh, what the hell. I guess so. |
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Son: You mean it? OH YES! (starts jumping up and down) |
Son: You mean it? OH YES! (starts jumping up and down) |
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Danny: Calm down! Calm down! Don't get a big '''DICK!''' }} |
Danny: Calm down! Calm down! Don't get a big '''DICK!''' }} |
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* [[Badass Grandpa|Danny's]] [[Badass Beard|dad]] has only appeared twice, but each appearance is absolutely hilarious. |
* [[Badass Grandpa|Danny's]] [[Badass Beard|dad]] has only appeared twice, but each appearance is absolutely hilarious. |
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** On Thanksgiving Day, everybody was supposed to bring food... but almost everybody brought mashed potatoes. Danny's dad is not amused. |
** On Thanksgiving Day, everybody was supposed to bring food... but almost everybody brought mashed potatoes. Danny's dad is not amused. |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Danny's dad: '''''WHAT IS THIS?!?!''''' *slams pot on table* 'Shitload of Mashed Potatoes Day'?! *leans in closer and screams in Danny's face* '''''HUH?!'''''}} |
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** We then see Danny's dad rummaging around in a kitchen drawer. |
** We then see Danny's dad rummaging around in a kitchen drawer. |
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{{quote| |
{{quote|Danny's dad: There's gotta be something else to eat in this damn house... aw hell, he's got some corn, some green beans, some oats, some saltines... *pulls out [http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4104/5006802166_cba5c8c95d_z.jpg a box of Count Chocula cereal] and pauses to look at it* ''What the hell's'' '''''THIS''''' ''shit?''}} |
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'''FUCK SALT!''' |
'''FUCK SALT!''' |
Latest revision as of 23:04, 7 August 2014
Oh, Bob Saget!
- Eating at a friends house.
Friend: How is it? |
- Danny loves Total
Danny: There's some cereal right here. |
- Danny and phones.
Phone rings. |
Phone rings. Danny picks up the reciever. |
- The bit where Danny calls Colgate Toothpaste to complain:
Danny: Yes. I bought your Colgate Toothpaste. The one with tartar control. And it made me feel... like a PIECE OF SHIT! This is BULLSHIT! |
- A conversation between Danny and one of his neighbors:
Danny: My son bought home some pickles from the cannery. I was wondering if I could store them at your place. |
- In one scene Danny takes a shower with Head and Shoulders and curses at the bottle here because it burns him.
- Danny hears a loud grinding noise coming from the kitchen. After walking into the kitchen while saying the word "shit" four times, he asks his son what's up:
Danny: What's all the damn noise! |
- While Danny is in the shower, his ex-wife Shirlena comes to visit. After she bangs on the door several times, this happens:
Danny: WAIT A MINUTE YOU DICK! |
- Two moments take place when Danny takes his son to a job interview in a bad neighborhood. The first occurs when Danny's son offers him some Twizzlers:
Danny's son: Dad, you want some Twizzlers? |
- Later, an absolutely furious janitor storms into the room wanting to fight Danny because Danny made a huge mess in the bathroom and caused the toilet to overflow:
Janitor: Did you shit in the fuckin' toilet? Did you shit in the fuckin' toilet and put all the toilet paper in there? |
Danny: Dick head! |
Janitor: He got a big 'ol horses ass on 'im. |
- During the fight, Danny shouts, "You're a bitch!" and throws a newspaper page at the janitor's face. It's a hilariously poor choice of weapon, seeing as how the janitor is throwing chairs.
- Danny owes money:
Danny (while swaying around with a beer in his hand): We're gonna be out of the butt... and into the fuck... if we don't come up with that 36 dollars. *passes out on the floor* |
- Danny's surprise birthday party:
Danny (looking at his presents): Where'd you get all this shit? |
- Danny cussing out people on the phone is played over a clip from The Lion King so it sounds like the characters in the Lion King are saying what Danny's saying. "Big black woman with big tits, you can't miss her!" "I'm gonna take a piss and when I come back I'm gonna talk about the Mighty Duck movies."
- Also, apparently something happens when Alex Trebek has a picture of a giraffe shoved in his ass during an earthquake.
- Danny watching ALF on DVD talking to his Grandma Jenelle on the phone. "I'm watching the first season of ALF on DVD. Alf. ALF! You're 93 years old and you don't know what ALF is?!" *hangs up phone* "Piece of crap!"
Danny: I love my grandma Jenelle. Sweetest woman in the whole world. BUT SHE'S OLD AS FUCK! |
- Danny's reaction to waking up to a giant M&M statue by his bed.
- Danny carrying a hot casserole dish without oven mitts. When he gets back up after putting it down on the table, he hits his head on a chandelier. Leave room and cue Atomic F-Bomb!
- Danny's son accidentally throws a paper towel at Danny's crotch. Luckily, it wasn't hard. ... The paper towel, not his dick.
- That time there was a bird in the house.
What do you mean "a bird"?! |
- As his ex-wife tells him about her grandfather ended up lost and naked in a K-Mart due to Alzheimer's, Danny does his best to hold in his laughter. She finally notices him giggling:
Shirlena: DANNY! ARE YOU LAUGHING?! |
- "When I die and go to heaven and see God, I'm gonna say, 'Shit!'"
- After working in the attic, without his Tony the Tiger shirt.
Son: Dad, is that a Mickey Mouse T-shirt? |
- Danny and son go shopping at a supermarket:
Son: Dad, can we get some of this movie theater butter popcorn? |
- Danny's dad has only appeared twice, but each appearance is absolutely hilarious.
- On Thanksgiving Day, everybody was supposed to bring food... but almost everybody brought mashed potatoes. Danny's dad is not amused.
Danny's dad: WHAT IS THIS?!?! *slams pot on table* 'Shitload of Mashed Potatoes Day'?! *leans in closer and screams in Danny's face* HUH?! |
- We then see Danny's dad rummaging around in a kitchen drawer.
Danny's dad: There's gotta be something else to eat in this damn house... aw hell, he's got some corn, some green beans, some oats, some saltines... *pulls out a box of Count Chocula cereal and pauses to look at it* What the hell's THIS shit? |
FUCK SALT!