Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick/Quotes
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One 18.25 lbs package chocolate cake mix, 1 can prepared coconut pecan frosting, 3/4 cup vegetable oil, 4 large eggs, 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips, 3/4 cup butter or margarine, 1 2/3 cup granulated sugar, 2 cups all-purpose flour. Don't forget garnishes such as: fish-shaped crackers, fish-shaped candies, fish-shaped solid waste, fish-shaped dirt, fish-shaped ethyl benzene, pull-and-peel licorice, fish-shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment-shaped sediment, candy-coated peanut butter pieces shaped like fish. 1 cup lemon juice. Alpha resins. Unsaturated polyester resin. Fiberglass surface resins and volatile milk impoundments. 9 large egg yolks. 12 medium geosynthetic membranes. 1 cup granulated sugar. An entry called How To Kill Someone With Your Bare Hands. 2 cups rhubarb, sliced. 2/3 cups granulated rhubarb. 1 tbsp all-purpose rhubarb. 3 tbsp rhubarb, on fire. 1 large rhubarb. 1 cross-borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb. 2 tbsp rhubarb juice. Adjustable aluminum head positioner. Slaughter electric needle injector. Cordless electric needle injector. Injector needle driver. Injector needle gun. Cranial caps. And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals that will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue.
—GlaDOS' cake recipe, Portal
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I've heard of post-California cuisine. In fact I've even eaten it. No baby vegetables? Scallops in burritos? Wasabi crackers? Am I on the right track? And by the way, did anyone ever tell you that you look exactly like Garfield but run over and skinned and then someone threw an ugly Ferragamo sweater over you before they rushed you to the vet? Fusilli? Olive oil on Brie?
—Patrick Bateman, American Psycho
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To be a chicken farmer, —Al Duvall, Slick Hamtree
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I don't wanna be dead! I'm only sixteen! I never got into college! I never took my driving test! Daniel Radcliffe never replied to the email proposal I sent him!
—Suzianna Goldenfur, The Official Fanfiction University of Redwall
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She was a remarkable woman and an amazing scientist. ...Until she died of radiation poisoning.
—Robert to his six-year-old daughter, Enchanted
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Hi, my name is 2D, an' I'm the singer, an' I play the piano, an' I need the toilet ...
—2D, Gorillaz
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Prince Humperdinck: Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped.
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Eridan: A moirail is like a partner. They balance out your bad points w-while you do the same for them. Like, I stop Sollux from being mad all a the time and he keeps me from being a genocide.
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Morticia (reading tags as Lurch pulls out tote hangers): Uncle Knick-Knack's winter wardrobe. Uncle Knick-Knack's summer wardrobe. Uncle Knick-Knack.
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"'Who writes the most letters? A fisherman; he always drops a line!' *feigned laughter* 'Cause, you know, dropping a line can also mean sending a letter and, uh... God, I wish the world was on fire."
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Something old, something new, something borrowed, something something restraining order
—Fark.com headline
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Drugstores. They're a great catch-all place for those random things that make errands lists. Things like toothpaste, shampoo or artificial vaginas.
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Richard's father: First we toast the man of the hour; then we drink; we bring out the food; we drink, then the ceremonial eating of the first husband's brains, and charades. —Angel, "The Bachelor Party"
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I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to my lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shopping, and have buttered scones for tea. —Monty Python, "The Lumberjack song"
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All great religions are based upon shame. You don't have that if you're protestant; you go to the church, you sing a few hymns, have a cup of tea, everybody goes home and has a wank.
—Dylan Moran
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