Drives Like Crazy/Quotes

"I can't believe they locked me up for driving on the sidewalk! It was just a couple of miles..."

—Benny the Cab, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

"And if you are still driving out there, please, be careful, there are some NUTS on the road!"

—Herman Cain

"They don't call that guy 'Dangerous' for nothing."

—DJ Atomika (describing Dangerous Dave's piloting skills), SSX 3

Chiyo: Um... since Yukari-sensei's car looks a bit more spacious, why not put three people over there?

Nyamo: Isn't it better for fewer people to die?

—Azumanga Daioh

"B-but... we ain't afraid of no rollercoasters no more."

—Osaka (after her very first ride with Yukari), Azumanga Daioh

Cassie: Aaaaaaaah!
Jake: Lookoutlookoutlookoutlookout!
Marco: Would you shut up? I'm trying to drive here!
Jake: Car! Car! Car!
(driver flips off Marco)
Marco: That's rude. And totally uncalled for.
BAM!
Cassie: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!
Marco: Oh, it's just a trash can. Chill out.
BAM! BAM! BAM!
Marco: Okay, so it's four trash cans.
Jake: Get off the sidewalk, you lunatic!
Marco: (yanks wheel right, bumps the sidewalk, grazes a parked car)
BAM! BAM! BAM!
Jake: Do you hate trash cans? Is that your problem? Do you just HATE TRASH CANS?!!
Marco: I can't drive with you screaming in my ear.

Jake: You can't drive at all!

—Animorphs, "The Andalite's Gift"

"There are no safety precautions that could prepare somebody for a car trip with Rosette."

—Greg Ayres, referring to the character from Chrono Crusade

Aziraphale: Watch out for that pedestrian!

Crowley: (driving) It's on the street, it knows the risks it's taking!

—Good Omens

Hang on. That light four blocks away just turned yellow.

—Peter Fox, FoxTrot

Ziva: I'm driving.
Tony: I'm dead.
(later in the episode, Tony and Ziva arrive at the crime scene)
Tony: This is going to suck.
Ziva: Stop complaining.
Tony: Sorry. No sleep tends to do that to me.
Ziva: I drove Tony. You could have slept all night if you wanted.
Tony: I tried, but the orchestra of blaring car horns kept me awake.
Ziva: We made good time.
Tony: Going ninety-five miles an hour on a dirt road I couldn't even see.

Ziva: Then it's a good thing I was driving.

—NCIS, "Lost and Found"

Tony: Hey, not so fast!
Ziva: I always drive fast! It’s the best way to avoid possible IEDs and ambushes.
Tony: You’re in America now. I wouldn’t worry about it. How about this? Slow down or I’ll puke on you.
Ziva: Tony, why don’t you like the American Civil War?
Tony: I don’t want to talk about it.
McGee: It’s because of his father.
Tony: Was she talking to you, Probie?
Ziva: Oh. You didn’t get along with your father. Hm… explains a lot.
Tony: My father and I got along fine.
Ziva: If you say so. I think it’s best to talk about things instead of burying them inside.
McGee: What about you? Your father? Deputy Director David, what’s he like?
(Ziva slams down more on the gas pedal)

Tony: Slow down, we’re taking the next left.

(The sound of car horns and screeching tires can be heard)

McGee: Ziva, car! Car! Car!

(Tony shouts)

Ziva: Sorry. First time behind the wheel after a six-month mission in the UK.

(Tony pukes)

(Cut to Tony driving, and Ziva with a put-upon expression on her face.)

Ziva: I said I was sorry.

(later in the episode)

Gibbs: [Ziva] almost killed my entire team yesterday.

Jenny: How?

Gibbs: Driving home from a crime scene.

Jenny: I should have warned you. I think she was an Eastern European cab driver in a past life.

—NCIS, "Silver War"

Eli: With traffic, I wasn't expecting you for another hour.
Ziva: I drove.

Eli: Enough said.

—NCIS, "Aliyah"

Vance: Most fathers teach their daughters to drive. I have you to blame for this?

Eli David: This she learned from her mother.

—NCIS, "Enemies Foreign"

Ziva: Slow drivers.
Tony: Bad drivers.

Ziva: What is so hard? You go as fast as possible, when something gets in your way, you turn.

—NCIS, and yes, she was completely serious.

Parker: Who knew a sedan could hit 140?

Sophie: Parker, you are never to get behind the wheel of a car again, okay?

—Leverage

Eliot: Damn it, Parker! Where'd you learn to drive?!
Parker:[nonchalantly] Before I stole cars I was a getaway driver.

Hardison: Before? You started stealing cars when you were twelve!

—Leverage

Liara: "Truck!"
Shepard: "I know."

Liara: "Truck!"

Shepard: "I know!"

Liara: "Yaaah!"

Shepard: "Heh. There we go!"

Liara: "You're enjoying this!"

—Mass Effect 2, Lair of the Shadow Broker

"I drive really slow in the ultrafast lane / while people behind me are going insane"

"This guy's already driving like I intend to in this game!"

—Unskippable

"...His driving is like unto the driving of Jehu, for he driveth furiously."

—Israelite Lookout, The Bible

"A taxidriverman is what I want to be"
"But there are no customers who want to ride with me"
"I don't know why it could be that I'm almost blind"
"But every street in Calcutta I can find"

"Calcutta, I am a taxidriver in"
"Calcutta, I drive my little taxi in"
"Calcutta, taxi taxi taxi in"
"Calcutta, I am a taxidriverman"

"I love to drive the taxi I like it very much"
"Even though I have no license I always find the clutch"
"I can drive without my hands I can drive without my feet"

"And I have no problem keeping taxi on the street"

—Dr Bombay, Calcutta