Portal (series)/Quotes

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Spectacular. You appear to understand how a portal affects forward momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not. Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms, speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.

Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa



The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake.

Do not touch the operational end of the device.
Do not look at the operational end of the device.
Do not submerge the device in liquid, even partially.
Most importantly, under no circumstances should you- *power drain*.

GLaDOS: I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. 'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too.

Didn't we have some fun, though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said "Good-bye!" and you were like (deeper voice) "No way!" (normal voice) and then I was all, "We pretended we were going to murder you!" That was great.

Portal 2

Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did?
We're a lot alike, you and I.
You tested me. I tested you.
You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I haven't killed you yet.
Well, food for thought.

Announcer: Great work. Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.

Recorded Message from Cave Johnson: To those of you who signed up to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that this test has been postponed indefinitely. The good news is that we have a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis-men! Just grab a rifle and follow the yellow line; you'll know when the test starts.

Cave Johnson: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take back the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! WITH THE LEMONS! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN!
GLaDOS: Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!

Here is a rough translation of the french dub:
Cave Johnson: Well, I've given it much thinking... When life makes you stumble, picking yourself up isn't quite enough...
GLaDOS: Yeah!
Cave Johnson: you gotta bust her kneecaps, that whore!
Cave Johnson: An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth! Try to pick yourself up now, bitch!

GLaDOS: Go on! Break her kneecaps!

Cave Johnson: I swear life will dearly regret that day she dared make Cave Johnson stumble! You know who I am? I'm the big bad wolf who'll make your house collapse! I will order my engineers...

GLaDOS: I like that guy...

Cave Johnson: ...to set kneecaps on your house so I can bust'em! *cough*

GLaDOS: He dares to say out loud what everyone think deep inside.

GLaDOS: That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks "stupid". Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably -— Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!

Wheatley: Holmes versus Moriarty... Aristotle versus.. MASHY-SPIKE-PLATE!

Adventure Core (Rick): (responses to the Fact Core) Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain will explode.
Hey, you know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in anyway whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Do you ever notice nobody stops what they're doin' to listen? We don't care.
Say one useful thing. One! I dare ya! I would give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely impactful to anything at all!


Adventure Core (Rick): (responses to the Space Core) Oh shut up. There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Oh, really? Space? Really? Shoulda said something. We had no idea.

Y'know what I hope is in space? Fire. I hope you go to space, and you catch on fire.

Damnit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! IN IT! WE GET IT!!!

Space Core: Dad, I'm in space.
Deeper Voice: I'm proud of you son.
Normal Voice: Dad, are you space?
Deeper Voice: Yes, now we are family again.

As you and GLaDOS fall down a pit after an insane, omnipotent Wheatley punches you in:
GLaDOS: Oh hi. How are you holding up? Because I'm a potato.

GLaDOS: No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.

GLaDOS: You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson: I thought you were my greatest enemy, when all along you were my best friend. The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: Where Caroline lives in my brain.
GLaDOS: Goodbye, Caroline. You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson: The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest. Killing you? Is hard. You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life. And then you showed up. You dangerous. mute. lunatic. So you know what? You win. Just go. (Soft laughter) It's been fun. Don't come back.

Cave Johnson. We're done here. Chariots, chariots.