Rustlers' Rhapsody

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Rustlers' Rhapsody is a 1985 parody of old B-Westerns, in which the hero Rex O'Herlihan the Singing Cowboy rides his wonder-horse Wildfire into yet another small frontier town to dispense a dose of non-lethal justice to the local Cattle Baron. Only this time, reality finally catches up with Rex, and things do not go entirely as planned...

A fun good-natured little flick, particularly enjoyable for fans of old-time Westerns.

Contains examples of:

• Accidental Aiming Skills: Rex tries to teach Peter how to light his cigarette by shooting the tip. Nervously, Peter cocks the revolver and fires ... only to shoot Rex's hat off his head.
  • In the climactic gunfight, Rex has been wounded in his shooting arm, and his nemesis is about to finish him off. Rex raises his gun, fires, and:

Peter: "Rex, you shot him in the head! How do you feel about that?" Rex: [weakly] "I missed his hand."

• Affably Evil
• Affectionate Parody
• Audible Gleam
• Badass Longcoat: Lampshades by the narrator, who notes how strange it seems to wear "raincoats in the desert."
• Battle-Interrupting Shout: Averted - Rex shouts until the gunfight stops, only to realize that it stopped because everyone had already shot each other.
• Beauty Is Never Tarnished: The cattle baron's daughter is dragged behind a galloping horse for miles. This results in not one bruise, broken bone, or scratch, just a single smudge on her face for the hero to clean off.
• Blasting It Out of Their Hands: This is the only way Rex ever shoots at anyone. Except for the one time he misses his opponent's hand. Good thing it was a lawyer he shot.
• Boring Invincible Hero: Subverted. Like most B-Western heroes, Rex seems, and believes himself to be, invincible, yet in this town the villains have a new trick up their sleeve.
• Cattle Baron
• Celibate Hero: Rex. Until he finds out that the Good Cowboy has to be a Confident Heterosexual, which he has to resolve before the final shootout.
• Cool Horse: "I wish my horse could do that!"
• Contractual Genre Blindness: Rex.
• Dangerously Genre Savvy: The villains figure out that, as villains, they must subvert the standard formula to have any chance of winning. Since the good guys always win, they hire themselves a good guy to stand against the hero.
• Drink Order: Rex tries to order a glass of milk, prompting stares from the bartender and the patrons. After changing his order a few times, he determines that this is one of those "tough bars", and orders, "A glass of warm gin served with a human hair in it." The other patrons go back to what they were doing.
• Evil Lawyer Joke
• Genre Savvy: Rex has been through the standard B-western plot so many times he knows exactly what's going to happen. This time it's different because the villains get Genre Savvy too. .
• Groin Attack: When Rex teaches Peter how to be a sidekick, one of the lessons is "jumping out of a second story window onto your horse".
• Have a Gay Old Time: "Throw Another Faggot On The Fire"
• Hooker With a Heart of Gold: So golden, she doesn't actually have sex with anyone. She just talks dirty to them.
• I Just Shot Marvin in The Face: When the two Mooks and Blackie confront Rex in the saloon at the beginning, the Mooks don't bother checking if Blackie is in their line of fire before they draw and shoot.
• I Like Those Odds: Four Mooks stroll into Rex's camp in the middle of the night. Just to be semi-fair, Rex only uses one gun.
• Improbable Aiming Skills: Not only can Rex consistently shoot the guns out of their hands, he can do so from 100 yards away, shooting casually from the hip while mounted.
• In the Back: Blackie's mooks accidentially shoot him in the back.
• Land in The Saddle: This is part of Peter's sidekick training.
• A Man Is Not a Virgin: Rex's Achilles Heel.
• Parody Sue: Rex, naturally.
• Railroad Baron
• Romance-Inducing Smudge: Spoofed where the cattle baron's daughter has been dragged behind her horse for hours. When Rex rescues her, she has only a tiny smudge on her cheek to show for it, which Rex tenderly wipes away.
• Schoolmarm: Mentioned, but doesn't actually appear in the film.
• Seen It All: How Rex O'Herlahan knows the future. The same thing keeps happening over and over again in every town he visits.

Rex: All these western towns are the same. Pete: Oh no! Oakwood Estates is unique! Rex: Is the Matron a pretty but somehow asexual schoolmarm? Pete: Yeah, but-- Rex: Is the Blacksmith a big jolly guy who only gets mad when his barn burns down? Pete: Yeah... Rex: Is the newspaper run by an idealistic young journalist who's hawked everything to buy his press? Pete: Damn! [beat] Oh, wait! I know one thing this town has that the others don't! None of the other towns have-- Rex: The railroad coming through? Pete: [flabbergasted] All western towns have the railroad coming through?!

• Sex As Rite of Passage
• Technical Pacifist: Rex only shoots villains in the hand.
• Took a Level In Badass: Rex, after he takes care of becoming a Confident Heterosexual
• Unlimited Wardrobe: Rex; he has a good-sized wagon for storing all his outfits.
• What a Drag: Happens to the Cattle Baron's daughter.