SpongeBob SquarePants/Quotes

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Season one

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Season Five (2007)

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Season 6

The Splinter [6.1a]

Squidward: [same tone] The spatula...TIED TO YOUR NOSE!! SpongeBob: Ohhh, this! [explains quickly]Well, you see, this got stuck up there so I stacked stuff and I climbed up to reach it. I reached it and grabbed it. I got it but then I fell and I screamed! I was sure I was dead but then I wasn't but then I tripped and I got this splinter and Squidward? Squidward, were you listening at all? I got this really bad splinter, you see? And I couldn't hold the spatula with my hand so I used my nose. Makes sense now, huh? Squidward: [sarcastic] Oh, yeah, that makes perfect sense. You're a half-wit who injured himself at work being a nitwit. SpongeBob: [laughs] Good one, Squiddy. Squidward: [grumbles] Injury. Your brain is injured! [gets an idea] Wait a minute. Did you say that you got that splinter injury at work?

Sun Bleached [6.4a]

Patrick: [sprays dirt with a water hose then dips SpongeBob who is sun bleached and horribly dry, into a puddle of mud, wipes the mud away from his eyes, puts two slabs of jerky for SpongeBob's buck teeth, then rips out his own armpit hair] AAHHHH!! AAH-AHH-AAAHH!! [instantly turns calm, then places the armpit hair onto SpongeBob's head, then gives SpongeBob a mirror] See?

SpongeBob: [screams, horrified] I...look... [adoring voice] amaaaziiing.

Giant Squidward [6.7a]

Patrick: [about Squidward's kelp flowers, with a soft tone] They're preeeeeeettyyy! [Squidward shrieks]

Squidward: Patrick!

SpongeBob: And SpongeBob!

Squidward: What are you two doing here?

SpongeBob: Patrick is helping me to do good deeds today, like trimming your kelp garden! [points to Patrick, who takes a large bite out of the kelp, then burps]

Squidward: [Yells] STOP EATING MY KELP!!! [shoves Patrick and SpongeBob]

Patrick: Okay, okay, geez! I try to help a fellow out. I'll just have to eat this ice cream cone instead!

Squidward: Oh! Do you like to eat ice cream, Patrick?

Patrick: Hmmmmmm...yeah.

Squidward: Then have some more! [sprays the ice cream]

Patrick: [falls over when the ice cream gets bigger] Whoa! Oof!

Squidward: Ha, ha, ha! Still want that ice cream?

Patrick: Boy I do! Thanks, Squidward! Want some, SpongeBob? Last one to the cone is a rotten clam!

---

Squidward: [to SpongeBob and Patrick] HEY! Look at what you did to me! You better fix my nose, or you'll hear from my lawyer!

SpongeBob: Are you sure?

Patrick: Yeah! You'll be ugly again!

---

SpongeBob: Good deed accomplished! I ask for no reward.

Patrick: You're a saint, SpongeBob! A SAINT!

SpongeBob: I know, and it is a burden I must carry.

Repeated Quotes

• SpongeBob: "I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!"
• Patrick: "Oh, barnacles!"
• SpongeBob and Patrick: "Aw, tartar sauce!"
• Patrick: "Good morning Krusty Crew."
• Mr. Krabs: "Ar Ar Ar Ar Ar!"
• Mermaid Man: "EEEEVILLL!!!"
• Patrick: "Aw, fish paste!"
• Squidward: "How did I ever get surrounded by such loser neighbors?"
• Fred: "My leg!"
• Sandy: "Yee-haw!"

Season 8

The Way of the Sponge

Fuzzy Acorns: Congratulations, Sandy. You've managed to put your opponent to sleep in under 1 minute. [Lifts his finger, touches the wood, causing it to collapse, and waking Spongebob up] Too bad your opponent didn't put up a fight. I was prepared to give you the lowest of belts: a clear belt. But now I realized, you're unfit to wear a belt of any kind INCLUDING THE ONE THAT HOLDS UP YOUR PANTS! [snatches off spongebob's belt, causing his pants to fall off]

Sandy: Don't be disappointed, Spongebob. A belt isn't the most important thing in karate.

Spongebob: (Depressed) Easy for you to say, Sandy. Your pants aren't down around your ankles.

Fuzzy Acorns: And I'm revoking your black belt. [snatches Sandy's black belt right off]

Sandy: Hey. You can't do that.

Fuzzy Acorns: Oh yes, I can, for wasting my time, bringing me this SORRY EXCUSE FOR A STUDENT! Stick to something you're good at, son.

Spongebob: Yes, sensei. [walks out of Sandy's house, while also having trouble staying up]

Sandy: That was pretty lowdown, Fuzzy. The way you humiliated my friend.

Fuzzy Acorns: The sponge one will never earn his belt.

Sandy: I know Spongebob will impress you if you give him one more chance.

Fuzzy Acorns: Silence. No more chances. Sensei never gives two chances. If you really want to impress me, show me where I can get a decent meal around here. Lunchtime approaches.

Sandy: That's it! (excited) I'll take him to the Krusty Krab and then, he might just find himself impressed by a certain sandwich maker.

Fuzzy Acorns: Who are you talking to?

Unsorted Quotes

SpongeBob SquarePants

• "Actually, I just have a question about these parking tickets. I don't have a car."
• "Let go of what kills you, and hold on to what keeps you breathing."
• "There's nothing good on TV anyway. Nothing."

Patrick Star

• "Birthday Happy."
• "Like my mom always said: 'If you can't think of anything to say something nice about someone, don't blow your nose into your hand.'"
• "We are young , We got wheels, The whole world is our oyster!"
• "Your potty has a shocky thing in it."

Sandy Cheeks

• "There's something rotten in the Alamo."
• "I'm gonna be all over you like ugly on an ape!"
• "Don't lose your barnacles, boys."
• "Something smells like rancid rodeo around here."
• Sandy: "Hey SpongeBob! How're y'all doin'?"
  

SpongeBob: "Not too close, Sandy. I tend to get smelly when I'm pumping iron. Check it out!" [flexes]
Sandy: "Well, you're smelly."

Eugene Krabs

• "SpongeBob! You're scaring away me money!"
• "That's me money walking out the door!"
• "Hello... may I take your money?"
• (singing) "Counting me money. Money sweeter than honey. Money money this, money money that. Profit will make me wallet fat!"
• "After all, money is the ultimate source of joy!"
• Spongebob: [sadly] "I used to have a dream."
  Mr. Krabs: "Yeah? I used to have a kidney stone. Everything passes eventually."
• "What doesn't kill you usually gets you on the second attempt."

"You can borrow anything you like, at anytime, as long as you give it back before it's missed."

Fishes

• SpongeBob: "Squidward, the robots are running the Navy!"
  Squidward: "Not the Navy! [over loudspeaker] Attention, everyone, run for your lives! Robots have taken over the world!" [everyone is silent] "Our world!" [all the customers run out screaming]
• SpongeBob: "Has the world gone mad?!"
  Fish: "Well, that depends on your definition-"