Suspiciously Specific Denial/Quotes

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

"I made the zombies! I was never as good as my totally not made up brother Zed, and we're totally different people!
Dr. Zed Ned, Borderlands, says something to this effect every other sentence.

Kro-Bar: Aliens? Us? Is this one of your Earth jokes?
Fleming:: See? See?

Lattis:: You should not have said "Earth jokes." Don't you see how that gave us away?
Disclaimer: TFWiki is well aware that this picture contains no visual references to rape, phallic symbols, giant robots, frightened cartoon females who may or may not be of pre-voting age, or manga-convention background lines. In fact, this picture is completely blank.

Jedi Exile: Are you responsible for this?

HK-50: Defensive Answer: Master, I am a protocol droid, not a well-crafted assassination droid of unrivaled sophistication. To have carried out the actions that took place here would have required an unusual set of skills. It is highly unlikely I possess the knowledge of how to reprogram the memory cores of base-worker class droids into killing machines let alone to terminate the organics at this facility, utilizing only Aratech 500 series laser mining drills and explosives fashioned from proton missile cores!

"Good evening, everybody. We are the Umbilical Brothers, and not superintelligent alien dinosaurs. We do not intend to replace the Umbilical Brothers using their own DNA. We do not intend to replace the front row of the audience using the Umbilical Brothers' DNA."
"Yes, we do."

"No, we don't. Shh!"
The Umbilical Brothers, "Speedmouse"

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Especially you, Jenny Beckman.

—Opening subtitle, Five Hundred Days of Summer

Worker: Tight-looking piece, eh?
[Workers are looking up the girl's ass for two panels while she talks to an old lady. The girl finally notices.]
Miriam: Hey! What's going on?

Worker: Just taking a break, ma'am! These boxes are heavy. I wasn't admiring the view or nothin'! Hahaha!
Fansadox #191: Mad Justice

Sawaki: You got it wrong! Mutou-san, you got it all wrong! It's a misunderstanding! I'm completely normal! [after being sucked by a girl and a transvestite]
Mutou: I didn't see anything! Me, Aoi Mutou, naturally didn't see anything with these eyes!

Sawaki: Don't just lie to me!
Hentai doujin based on Moyashimon

Colonel Sandurz: *opens door* Lord Helmet!
Dark Helmet: *quickly hides dolls* WHAT!?
Colonel Sandurz: You're needed on the bridge, sir!
Colonel Sandurz: Yes, sir!

Dark Helmet: ...Did you see anything!?
Colonel Sandurz: No, sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!

Dark Helmet: GOOD!
—A hilarious scene from Spaceballs
A silly rumor, really. It has to do with viral contamination of lubricants at Bearing Works Twenty-three. Ah, excuse me -- I mean with the noncontamination of lubricants at... Never mind. It is totally without foundation, the Health Center informs us. And there is no cause for alarm. It is absolutely not true that it causes impotency among males-- Correction. There is no contamination -- but if there were, it would not affect the potency of males.
Ida, Sten

Tribe Leader: The blue-haired woman will make a good sacrifice
Marge: What's he saying?
Mr. Burns: Aaaaaaaaah... he's saying... ummmmm... we wouldn't dream of sacrificing the blue-haired woman

Marge: Awwwwww, well isn't that-

Elan: I promise to be the bestest bard ever and never be bad and never accidentally lead you into an ambush and--

Roy: That's an oddly specific promise...
The Order of the Stick: On the Origin of PCs
"They say that the more specific a denial is, the more likely it is that the accusations are true"
—Hisao Nakai, Katawa Shoujo

Ki: It's not caffeine, not sugar... not time for Star Wars Episode II yet... doesn't look like "Mr. Colon" is acting up again... could be job anxiety...
Nick: Nope! No job anxiety here! Didn't get an impossible-to-turn-down dream job, nosiree! Not me!

Ki: Bingo.
"Contact with the colony on Mars will be shortly re-established, and this has nothing to do with the impending arrival of the mysterious aliens."
Quake II intro

The concerned scientists have agreed that Spencer's and Braswell's paper was heretical and inconvenient, and therefore completely wrong and unimportant. But they asked each other: how can we prove to the scientific public (and the broader public) that the paper is wrong and unimportant?
Well, it's easy. The 2,500 best climate scientists in the IPCC, James Hansen, John Holdren, Rajendra Pachauri, and Al Gore gathered at an undisclosed exotic location and they negotiated about the optimum way to show that the paper by Spencer and Braswell was unimportant and not even a mosquito would wake up because of this unimportant paper.
Finally, they found the answer: they decided to publish their own paper, one that rejects the basic assumptions of Spencer and Braswell. And they agreed (and announced in the world's most important news outlet, The Daily Climate) that the paper should be published much more quickly than any other paper – they should circumvent the usual multi-month delays – because it was totally urgent and critical for the survival of life on Earth to show that Spencer's and Braswell's paper was totally unimportant. :-)

— "Andrew Dessler: clouds don't reflect light" on The Reference Frame

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