The Venture Bros./Quotes: Difference between revisions
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{{quote|''"Love never blows up and gets killed."''}} |
{{quote|''"Love never blows up and gets killed."''}} |
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{{tropelist}} |
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== Season One == |
== Season One == |
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{{quote|'''Hank and Dean''': "He started it! |
{{quote|'''Hank and Dean''': "He started it!" |
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'''Dr. Venture''': " No, I started it years ago in a moment of passion! And I'll end it the same way right here in front of Brock, H.E.L.P.eR., and God! |
'''Dr. Venture''': " No, I started it years ago in a moment of passion! And I'll end it the same way right here in front of Brock, H.E.L.P.eR., and God!"}} |
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{{quote|'''Brock''': "Now, I want you to put your hand around your throat, Hank. |
{{quote|'''Brock''': "Now, I want you to put your hand around your throat, Hank." |
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'''Hank''': "Uhh...alright. |
'''Hank''': "Uhh...alright." |
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'''Brock''': "That tube you feel is your trachea. Think of it as a handle. Your thumb is on your carotid artery, that's your button. Now remember, grab the handle, push the button. Repeat that back. |
'''Brock''': "That tube you feel is your trachea. Think of it as a handle. Your thumb is on your carotid artery, that's your button. Now remember, grab the handle, push the button. Repeat that back." |
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'''Hank''': " ''(gasping)'' Grab the handle, push the... |
'''Hank''': " ''(gasping)'' Grab the handle, push the..." |
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'''Brock''': "[[Too Dumb to Live|Let go of your own throat, Hank.]] |
'''Brock''': "[[Too Dumb to Live|Let go of your own throat, Hank.]]"}} |
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{{quote|'''The Monarch''': "Well, Hank, what's it like to be a... liar? Huh? You like being a liar with pants constantly on fire? |
{{quote|'''The Monarch''': "Well, Hank, what's it like to be a... liar? Huh? You like being a liar with pants constantly on fire?" |
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'''Tiny Attorney''': "Objection, your honor, leading. |
'''Tiny Attorney''': "Objection, your honor, leading." |
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'''The Monarch''': "I'll rephrase that: Hank, are you a liar? |
'''The Monarch''': "I'll rephrase that: Hank, are you a liar?" |
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'''Hank''': "No sir, I don't think so. |
'''Hank''': "No sir, I don't think so." |
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'''The Monarch''': "Yes you are! |
'''The Monarch''': "Yes you are!" |
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'''Dean''': "You're the liar! |
'''Dean''': "You're the liar!" |
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'''The Monarch''': "And may I remind you, that I am rubber and you are glue and whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you. |
'''The Monarch''': "And may I remind you, that I am rubber and you are glue and whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you."}} |
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{{quote|'''Brock''': "No, Dean, this is Guild business, your father isn't in any harm. Guild work is clean, professional. It's surgical with them. In a way they're the only organization I still respect. |
{{quote|'''Brock''': "No, Dean, this is Guild business, your father isn't in any harm. Guild work is clean, professional. It's surgical with them. In a way they're the only organization I still respect." |
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'''Hank''': "And they kill clean, don't let dames get in the way. |
'''Hank''': "And they kill clean, don't let dames get in the way." |
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'''Brock''': "Honestly, Hank, where do you pick that stuff up? I never see you read. |
'''Brock''': "Honestly, Hank, where do you pick that stuff up? I never see you read." |
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'''Dean''': "It's weird, right? |
'''Dean''': "It's weird, right?" |
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'''Brock''': "It's like he channels dead crazy people. |
'''Brock''': "It's like he channels dead crazy people." |
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'''Hank''': "[[Genre Savvy|You think it's a cry for help?]] |
'''Hank''': "[[Genre Savvy|You think it's a cry for help?]]"}} |
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{{quote|'''Phantom Limb (to Brock)''': "[[Made of Iron|I have removed the bullet. And three others, a blowgun dart, two shark's teeth, a tip of a bayonet, a twisted paperclip, and a meager handful of buckshot.]] You may want to learn how to duck."}} |
{{quote|'''Phantom Limb (to Brock)''': "[[Made of Iron|I have removed the bullet. And three others, a blowgun dart, two shark's teeth, a tip of a bayonet, a twisted paperclip, and a meager handful of buckshot.]] You may want to learn how to duck."}} |
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{{quote|'''Hunter Gathers (to Brock)''': "Lesson number one: trust no one. [[Conspiracy Theorist|The minute God crapped out the third caveman, a conspiracy was hatched against one of them.]] Get up, damn you! ''(throws Brock a jetpack)'' Strap 'er on kid, your training starts now. When I'm through with you, you'll be a member of the elite agency that's been thanklessly defending this big-ass country since the second American Revolution.... the invisible one. Welcome to the Office of Secret Intelligence, Samson! |
{{quote|'''Hunter Gathers (to Brock)''': "Lesson number one: trust no one. [[Conspiracy Theorist|The minute God crapped out the third caveman, a conspiracy was hatched against one of them.]] Get up, damn you! ''(throws Brock a jetpack)'' Strap 'er on kid, your training starts now. When I'm through with you, you'll be a member of the elite agency that's been thanklessly defending this big-ass country since the second American Revolution.... the invisible one. Welcome to the Office of Secret Intelligence, Samson!"}} |
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{{quote|'''Brock''': "''(sigh)'' So. [[Wouldn't Hit a Girl|No women]], [[Wouldn't Hurt a Child|no children]] — |
{{quote|'''Brock''': "''(sigh)'' So. [[Wouldn't Hit a Girl|No women]], [[Wouldn't Hurt a Child|no children]] —" |
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'''Hunter''': "No women, no children. Them's rules. Seperates us from the baddies. |
'''Hunter''': "No women, no children. Them's rules. Seperates us from the baddies." |
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'''Brock''': "But what if she's an enemy agent? |
'''Brock''': "But what if she's an enemy agent?" |
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'''Hunter''': "Uh-uh. |
'''Hunter''': "Uh-uh." |
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'''Brock''': "An assassin? |
'''Brock''': "An assassin?" |
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'''Hunter''': "No. |
'''Hunter''': "No." |
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'''Brock''': "A double-agent assassin who just killed the President. |
'''Brock''': "A double-agent assassin who just killed the President." |
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'''Hunter''': "No sir. Non-lethal takedown only. President killed the president anyway, you know that. |
'''Hunter''': "No sir. Non-lethal takedown only. President killed the president anyway, you know that." |
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'''Brock''': "Oh. Hey, how about, you know, uh... a lady Dracula? |
'''Brock''': "Oh. Hey, how about, you know, uh... a lady Dracula?" |
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'''Hunter''': "You mean, le vampyr? Nosferatu? |
'''Hunter''': "You mean, le vampyr? Nosferatu?" |
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'''Brock''': "I guess. |
'''Brock''': "I guess." |
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'''Hunter''': "Undead. Not technically a woman in that regard, so you got no beef there. Also, fictitious. ''(Brock lifts a baguette to his mouth)'' Do not eat that, it's C4! |
'''Hunter''': "Undead. Not technically a woman in that regard, so you got no beef there. Also, fictitious." ''(Brock lifts a baguette to his mouth)'' "Do not eat that, it's C4!"}} |
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{{quote|'''Osiris Priest''': "Give me the Hand of Osiris! |
{{quote|'''Osiris Priest''': "Give me the Hand of Osiris!" |
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'''Dr. Venture''': "Give me head. |
'''Dr. Venture''': "Give me head." |
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'''Osiris Priest''': "You didn't just say that! |
'''Osiris Priest''': "You didn't just say that!" |
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'''Dr. Venture''': "I absolutely did. What are you gonna do about it? |
'''Dr. Venture''': "I absolutely did. What are you gonna do about it?" |
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'''Osiris Priest''': "I'm... about to kill your sons. |
'''Osiris Priest''': "I'm... about to kill your sons." |
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'''Dr. Venture''': "Join the club! |
'''Dr. Venture''': "Join the club!"}} |
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{{quote|'''Osiris Cultist''': "Ooh yeah, of course, OIL. Yeah, it makes sense now. Thought you told me to fill it with hot voile. |
{{quote|'''Osiris Cultist''': "Ooh yeah, of course, OIL. Yeah, it makes sense now. Thought you told me to fill it with hot voile." |
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'''Osiris High Priest''': "Wh-What the hell is voile? |
'''Osiris High Priest''': "Wh-What the hell is voile?" |
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'''Osiris Cultist''': "It's a soft, sheer fabric. I warmed some up in the dryer. |
'''Osiris Cultist''': "It's a soft, sheer fabric. I warmed some up in the dryer." |
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'''Osiris High Priest''': "What the.. are you insane? What kind of torture is that? Get out of here! I'm serious, I don't even want to LOOK at you any more! |
'''Osiris High Priest''': "What the.. are you insane? What kind of torture is that? Get out of here! I'm serious, I don't even want to LOOK at you any more!"}} |
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{{quote|'''Brock''': "Hank, you and [[The Caligula|Caligula]] keep up the rear. ''(Caligula moans happily and hugs Hank)'' On second thought, you and [[Sigmund Freud|Freud]] should do it. Caligula, you take the second wave alone. Ready Dean? |
{{quote|'''Brock''': "Hank, you and [[The Caligula|Caligula]] keep up the rear." ''(Caligula moans happily and hugs Hank)'' "On second thought, you and [[Sigmund Freud|Freud]] should do it. Caligula, you take the second wave alone. Ready Dean?" |
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'''Dean''': "Woah, steady, Perfect Man. Ready Brock! |
'''Dean''': "Woah, steady, Perfect Man. Ready Brock!" |
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'''Brock''': "When the gates open me, [[Edgar Allan Poe|Poe]], and [[My Future Self and Me|me]], ''(pointing to himself from the past)'' rush in. You got that? |
'''Brock''': "When the gates open me, [[Edgar Allan Poe|Poe]], and [[My Future Self and Me|me]]," ''(pointing to himself from the past)'' "rush in. You got that?"}} |
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{{quote|'''Prof. Richard Impossible''': "You see, Dr. Venture, I found the piece your father hid in the foundation years ago. Then I thought about you in physics class. You were a daydreamer, a sass-mouth, and, not infrequently, a bit of a gigglepuss. Somehow I doubt twenty years of amphetamines and failure have done anything to improve that. |
{{quote|'''Prof. Richard Impossible''': "You see, Dr. Venture, I found the piece your father hid in the foundation years ago. Then I thought about you in physics class. You were a daydreamer, a sass-mouth, and, not infrequently, a bit of a gigglepuss. Somehow I doubt twenty years of amphetamines and failure have done anything to improve that."}} |
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{{quote|'''Prof. Impossible''': "Please! This is important! |
{{quote|'''Prof. Impossible''': "Please! This is important!" |
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'''Sally Impossible''': "What could be more important than your family, Richard? |
'''Sally Impossible''': "What could be more important than your family, Richard?" |
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'''Prof. Impossible''': "[[For Science!|Ssssssscience?]] |
'''Prof. Impossible''': "[[For Science!|Ssssssscience?]]"}} |
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{{quote|'''The Monarch''': |
{{quote|'''The Monarch''': ''(sighing)'' "Jollyrancher82, never get henchmen." |
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'''Jollyrancher82''': "You know, that's not my real name. |
'''Jollyrancher82''': "You know, that's not my real name." |
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'''The Monarch''': "Well, how was I supposed to know? I used my real name. |
'''The Monarch''': "Well, how was I supposed to know? I used my real name." |
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'''Jollyrancher82''': "I just thought, you know... |
'''Jollyrancher82''': "I just thought, you know... 'The Monarch,' I thought you were into cosplay..." |
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'''The Monarch''': "Real name! And I am into [[Serious Business|costumed business]], not costumed ''play''." }} |
'''The Monarch''': "Real name! And I am into [[Serious Business|costumed business]], not costumed ''play''." }} |
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'''Dr. Killinger''': "That's not fair. I never chose my figure." }} |
'''Dr. Killinger''': "That's not fair. I never chose my figure." }} |
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{{quote|'''#21''': "You can silence me but there will be others. [[Gratuitous Latin|Semper Fidelis Tyrannosaurus!]] |
{{quote|'''#21''': "You can silence me but there will be others. [[Gratuitous Latin|Semper Fidelis Tyrannosaurus!]]" |
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'''Dr. Killinger''': "It's Sic Semper Tyrannis. You said, |
'''Dr. Killinger''': "It's Sic Semper Tyrannis. You said, 'Ever faithful terrible lizard.'" |
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'''#21''': "I did? Cool. |
'''#21''': "I did? Cool."}} |
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{{quote|'''Brock''': "Yeah, he was just this guy... guy in a butterfly suit who got in over his head. And I could see it in his eyes that if I let him get away this one time he'd never come back...but then, I also thought...y'know...Kill 'im. |
{{quote|'''Brock''': "Yeah, he was just this guy... guy in a butterfly suit who got in over his head. And I could see it in his eyes that if I let him get away this one time he'd never come back...but then, I also thought...y'know...Kill 'im."}} |
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{{quote|'''Shaman''': "Quanto! ''(Begins to Mumble)''" |
{{quote|'''Shaman''': "Quanto! ''(Begins to Mumble)''" |
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'''Shaman's Interpreter''': "Wuh - one time, I am in the Amazon, on my canoe, and I see, swim, the dolphin, the, uh, the beautiful dolphin, so I slip out of my canoe, and I grab her, this...fish...and, uh, then [[Crosses the Line Twice|I fucked it... the fish!]]" |
'''Shaman's Interpreter''': "Wuh - one time, I am in the Amazon, on my canoe, and I see, swim, the dolphin, the, uh, the beautiful dolphin, so I slip out of my canoe, and I grab her, this...fish...and, uh, then [[Crosses the Line Twice|I fucked it... the fish!]]" |
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'''Brock''': "The hell's that got to with anything?" |
'''Brock''': "The hell's that got to with anything?" |
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'''Shaman''': "Kayho Hadaile!" |
'''Shaman''': "Kayho Hadaile!" |
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'''Shaman's Interpreter''': "Hot dolphin!" |
'''Shaman's Interpreter''': "Hot dolphin!"}} |
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{{quote|'''Dream Hunter''': "What is all this namby-pamby feel bad about good wet work bullshit?! You're beyond good and evil, Superman! You work for the government." |
{{quote|'''Dream Hunter''': "What is all this namby-pamby feel bad about good wet work bullshit?! You're beyond good and evil, Superman! You work for the government." |
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'''Brock''': "Really?" |
'''Brock''': "Really?" |
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'''Dream Hunter''': "Really! And it's god damned great! The G-Man Valhalla! There's trim and guns everywhere. And we eat steak flavored clouds and poop secrets!" }} |
'''Dream Hunter''': "Really! And it's god damned great! The G-Man Valhalla! There's trim and guns everywhere. And we eat steak flavored clouds and poop secrets!" }} |
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== Season Three == |
== Season Three == |
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{{quote|'''Recorded Voice''': [[Overly Long Gag|"Please do not be alarmed. We are about to engage... ''the Nozzle''. Please do not move while... ''the Nozzle'' is engaging. Moving will disrupt calibration of... ''the Nozzle''. Please wait while we calibrate... ''the Nozzle''. Please do not look away from... ''the Nozzle''. ''The Nozzle'' is now calibrating. (long pause) ''The Nozzle'' is still calibrating. ''The Nozzle'' has completed calibration. Thank you." ''(withdraws into wall)'']] |
{{quote|'''Recorded Voice''': [[Overly Long Gag|"Please do not be alarmed. We are about to engage... ''the Nozzle''. Please do not move while... ''the Nozzle'' is engaging. Moving will disrupt calibration of... ''the Nozzle''. Please wait while we calibrate... ''the Nozzle''. Please do not look away from... ''the Nozzle''. ''The Nozzle'' is now calibrating. (long pause) ''The Nozzle'' is still calibrating. ''The Nozzle'' has completed calibration. Thank you." ''(withdraws into wall)'']] |
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'''Billy Quizboy''': "What the Hell was that?" |
'''Billy Quizboy''': "What the Hell was that?" |
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'''Col. Hunter Gathers''': "I have no idea..." }} |
'''Col. Hunter Gathers''': "I have no idea..." }} |
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'''Henchman 24''': "Then, by God, let's go take a dump in his pool!" }} |
'''Henchman 24''': "Then, by God, let's go take a dump in his pool!" }} |
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{{quote|'''Dr. Venture:''' This is gonna be [[Buffy-Speak|one of those things]], isn't it? |
{{quote|'''Dr. Venture:''' This is gonna be [[Buffy-Speak|one of those things]], isn't it? |
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'''Brock:''' Uh-huh. |
'''Brock:''' Uh-huh. |
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'''Dr. Venture:''' I mean, you get a bunch of [[Hair-Trigger Temper|short-fused]], [[Superhero|costumed]] [[Super Villain|idiots]] together in one room like this, [[Painting the Fourth Wall|and what do you think's gonna happen?]] Any minute now, [[Stuff Blowing Up|stuff's gonna start blowing up]], [[Grievous Harm with a Body|guys'll be throwing each other at other guys.]]" |
'''Dr. Venture:''' I mean, you get a bunch of [[Hair-Trigger Temper|short-fused]], [[Superhero|costumed]] [[Super Villain|idiots]] together in one room like this, [[Painting the Fourth Wall|and what do you think's gonna happen?]] Any minute now, [[Stuff Blowing Up|stuff's gonna start blowing up]], [[Grievous Harm with a Body|guys'll be throwing each other at other guys.]]" |
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'''Brock:''' Yeah, probably. |
'''Brock:''' Yeah, probably. |
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'''Dr. Venture:''' You know, when you're not the one in the middle of it all for once, it's actually totally, completely obvious. |
'''Dr. Venture:''' You know, when you're not the one in the middle of it all for once, it's actually totally, completely obvious. |
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'''Brock:''' Welcome to my life. |
'''Brock:''' Welcome to my life.}} |
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{{quote|'''Brock''': "Aww no fuckin' way! Late 60's ultra death ray! She's amazing! Saddle operated with Doom Co. gearing. Freakin' gorgeous." |
{{quote|'''Brock''': "Aww no fuckin' way! Late 60's ultra death ray! She's amazing! Saddle operated with Doom Co. gearing. Freakin' gorgeous." |
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'''Mr. Cardholder''': "If this were a woman, I'd marry it." |
'''Mr. Cardholder''': "If this were a woman, I'd marry it." |
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'''Mr. Doe''': "And I'd jeopardize our friendship by nailing your hot wife." |
'''Mr. Doe''': "And I'd jeopardize our friendship by nailing your hot wife."}} |
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{{quote|'''Mr Doe''': "Jonas Venture Jr?" |
{{quote|'''Mr Doe''': "Jonas Venture Jr?" |
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'''Mr Cardholder''': "I'd watch it." |
'''Mr Cardholder''': "I'd watch it." |
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'''Mr Doe''': "I'd watch it twice." |
'''Mr Doe''': "I'd watch it twice." |
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'''Mr Cardholder''': "Even if [[Flava Flav]] was in it." |
'''Mr Cardholder''': "Even if [[Flava Flav]] was in it."}} |
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{{quote|'''Henchman 21''': "You still don't get it. 24 and I have been on, like, a thousand missions. We've been shot at, dipped in acid... |
{{quote|'''Henchman 21''': "You still don't get it. 24 and I have been on, like, a thousand missions. We've been shot at, dipped in acid... |
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'''Henchman 24''': "Brock Samson hit me with a car. Drove right into my kidney. Here I am!" |
'''Henchman 24''': "Brock Samson hit me with a car. Drove right into my kidney. Here I am!" |
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'''Henchman 21''': "[[Genre Savvy|Yeah, we can walk across this floor and nothing would hit us. But then like this huge log would swing down and take your head off.]]" |
'''Henchman 21''': "[[Genre Savvy|Yeah, we can walk across this floor and nothing would hit us. But then like this huge log would swing down and take your head off.]]" |
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'''Henchman 24''': "Hey, here; what's your name?" |
'''Henchman 24''': "Hey, here; what's your name?" |
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'''Henchman 1''': "Henchman number 1." |
'''Henchman 1''': "Henchman number 1." |
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'''Henchman 24''': "See, you are nameless." |
'''Henchman 24''': "See, you are nameless." |
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'''Henchman 1''': "I'm Scott Hall, my name is Scott Hall. Okay?" |
'''Henchman 1''': "I'm Scott Hall, my name is Scott Hall. Okay?" |
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'''Henchman 24''': "No, won't help." |
'''Henchman 24''': "No, won't help." |
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'''Henchman 21''': "Yeah, now it's just pathos. So you're dying in my lap and I'm all 'Scott! Scott don't you quit on us! Don't you dare!!' |
'''Henchman 21''': "Yeah, now it's just pathos. So you're dying in my lap and I'm all 'Scott! Scott don't you quit on us! Don't you dare!!'" |
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'''Henchman 24''': "You just made your unavoidable death more pathetic." |
'''Henchman 24''': "You just made your unavoidable death more pathetic."}} |
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== Season Four == |
== Season Four == |
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{{quote|'''Col. Gathers''': "We have no secrets here. When men live and work together, it's imperative that there are no secrets. I miss my breasts! Inside of me, there's a woman screaming to be heard." |
{{quote|'''Col. Gathers''': "We have no secrets here. When men live and work together, it's imperative that there are no secrets. I miss my breasts! Inside of me, there's a woman screaming to be heard." |
||
'''Mile High''': "[[Dead Baby Comedy|I hit a dog with my car last week, but told the owner I found him like that.]]" |
'''Mile High''': "[[Dead Baby Comedy|I hit a dog with my car last week, but told the owner I found him like that.]]" |
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'''Brock''': "[[A Date with Rosie Palms|I once jerked off twelve times in one day just to see if I could.]]" |
'''Brock''': "[[A Date with Rosie Palms|I once jerked off twelve times in one day just to see if I could.]]" |
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'''SPHINX Agent''': "I had an erotic dream about [[Henry Rollins]] last night, and I'm straight as an arrow." |
'''SPHINX Agent''': "I had an erotic dream about [[Henry Rollins]] last night, and I'm straight as an arrow." |
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'''Shore Leave''': "Remember that smell I told you was the garbage? That was my ass. I had chicken tandoori for lunch." }} |
'''Shore Leave''': "Remember that smell I told you was the garbage? That was my ass. I had chicken tandoori for lunch." }} |
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Latest revision as of 14:28, 11 July 2024
"Love never blows up and gets killed." |
Season One
Hank and Dean: "He started it!" |
Brock: "Now, I want you to put your hand around your throat, Hank." |
Brock: "No, Dean, this is Guild business, your father isn't in any harm. Guild work is clean, professional. It's surgical with them. In a way they're the only organization I still respect." |
The Monarch, in a Scared Straight Program: "You're probably wondering why you're here, YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE YOU DONE FUCKED UP TOO MANY TIMES! You think you're hot shit in a champagne glass, but you're really cold diarrhea in a dixie cup! And if you keep like you've been doin', this is where heading." |
Season Two
Phantom Limb (to Brock): "I have removed the bullet. And three others, a blowgun dart, two shark's teeth, a tip of a bayonet, a twisted paperclip, and a meager handful of buckshot. You may want to learn how to duck." |
Hunter Gathers (to Brock): "Lesson number one: trust no one. The minute God crapped out the third caveman, a conspiracy was hatched against one of them. Get up, damn you! (throws Brock a jetpack) Strap 'er on kid, your training starts now. When I'm through with you, you'll be a member of the elite agency that's been thanklessly defending this big-ass country since the second American Revolution.... the invisible one. Welcome to the Office of Secret Intelligence, Samson!" |
Brock: "(sigh) So. No women, no children —" |
Brock: "Hank, you and Caligula keep up the rear." (Caligula moans happily and hugs Hank) "On second thought, you and Freud should do it. Caligula, you take the second wave alone. Ready Dean?" |
Prof. Impossible: "Please! This is important!" |
The Monarch: (sighing) "Jollyrancher82, never get henchmen." |
#21: "You can silence me but there will be others. Semper Fidelis Tyrannosaurus!" |
Shaman: "Quanto! (Begins to Mumble)" |
Season Three
Dr. Venture: This is gonna be one of those things, isn't it? |
Mr Doe: "Jonas Venture Jr?" |
Henchman 21: "You still don't get it. 24 and I have been on, like, a thousand missions. We've been shot at, dipped in acid... |
Season Four
The Monarch: "Honey, they're henchmen. You don't explain to them, they do your bidding. When you say "jump", they say, "what shark?"" |
General Treister: "I want notes, lists and answers by the time I finish this here Juicy Box! Warning: I am thirst-ay! And it is fruit punch! And it is delicious!" |
Col. Gathers: "We have no secrets here. When men live and work together, it's imperative that there are no secrets. I miss my breasts! Inside of me, there's a woman screaming to be heard." |
- Back to The Venture Bros.