Castlevania/Narm

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Dracula:

What is Narm? A miserable little pile of would-be drama! But enough talk! Have at these Castlevania examples!

  • Any time there is dialogue in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. Alucard's voice actor is surprisingly good, but the script makes one want to cry. The most infamous examples are Richter's "Die Monster! You don't belong in this world!" and Dracula's "What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk, have at you!"

What is a man? wineglass kills you Game Over, PRESS 'R' TO TRY AGAIN.

"What is a man? A miserable little pile of BULL SHIT! THAT'S WHAT IT IS! YA FUCKIN' ASS."

"Dracula, die now and leave this world! You'll never belong here!"
"Ha! Mankind. A cesspit of hatred and lies. Fight for them, then, and die for their sins!"

        • This dialogue is used at both the end of Dracula X Chronicles and the beginning of Symphony of the Night, which makes sense since the end of the former is the beginning of the latter.
    • The "What is a man?" line is a quotation from the French Philosopher Andre Malraux.
    • Even with the re-recording, there's quite a bit of Narm, particularly Richter's "What have I DONE!?"
    • Castlevania: Symphony of the Night also includes the scenes where a defeated Succubus is promised a Fate Worse Than Death by Alucard and lets out a final scream of terror/orgasmic moan that may even trump "What is a man?" for sheer Narmfullness.
    • Though, above all else, how could anyone, whether actors or the people recording, avoid laughing hysterically at this... inspired performance?
    • In the game, there is a "Librarian" from who you can buy items. For years, my mother has, I shit you not, kept quoting his... overly enthusiatsic thank you message for buying something: "Heh-heh-heh- THANK YOU!" While my mother isn't quite a square when it comes to video games, her quoting of it demonstrates the transcendental Narm of the game.
  • In Castlevania 64, a nearly-functional jump shock is spoiled because the vampire in question must have jumped straight out of a solid oak table in the middle of the room to attack the player from the angle he does. To conceal this, in the next shot, the table vanishes.
  • Who could forget the dramatic line "I'll kill you, AND THE NIGHT!" from Castlevania: Lament of Innocence?

"He's going to kill an entire time of day."

      • By "the night", he means the forces of darkness. But even with that context, it's still pretty ridiculous.
    • Almost ALL the "Lament of Innocence" dialogue is Narmtastic; but much like "Symphony of the Night," it's usually So Bad It's Good. The exception to the Narmfest is Mathias, but he becomes Dracula, and so his Narm-free days are short.
  • Some of the Mistranslations and Engrish are funny enough on their own to be level-breakers despite having no Story-line importance.
    • The infamous Cthulhu/Malachi name switch. Even in subsequent games, Malachi (who is supposed to be Cthulhu) kept the wrong name.
      • Though the Lovecraft estate can be rather litigious ... this was probably for the best.
    • In Aria, Lubicant should have been Rubicante, and Curly should have been Kali. Lubicant tends to suffer major confusion with the word Lubricant.
    • During Symphony of the Night's ending, Alucard loses about 10,000 points when he says the word "love." It's all the way at the end, so he gets away with it:

Dracula: H... how... how, how is it I've been so defeated?
Alucard: You have been doomed ever since you lost the ability to love.

  • Dawn Of Sorrow has a player-induced one. One of the bad guys, Dmitri, has the ability to copy any attack used on him and will keep using that attack. The Apprentice Witch bullet soul shoots out a purple cat that will give a high-pitched meow. During the battle, dramatic rock like music plays. Thus, it is possible for the entire battle to consist of two people throwing small purple cats at each other to epic battle music, while the player is jumping and firing... cats.
    • Or the Cave Troll soul during that fight. Seriously, you and Dmitri can have a licking fight.
    • Bonus points for the Cave Troll since he dramatically extends his arm to a length of about double the attack's range.
  • The PSP tactical RPG Jeanne D'Arc features "Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!" verbatim when Jeanne and her cohorts storm Gilvaroth's throne room. It ruined the dramatic entrance with unstoppable laughter.
  • Hector's 'oh shit' moment just after the second brawl with Isaac skirts the border of Narm... until he thuds onto his knees and clutches at his head like Cloud Strife experiencing a migraine. Then it leaps gleefully headfirst into Narmsville. That doesn't destroy the moment, though - this is Castlevania we're talking about.
    • Any dialogue between those two is a Foe Yay fueled Large Ham competition anyhow.
      • Isaac usually wins these. Probably because Hector's distracted by those frigging pants.
        • Heck, the dialogue in general for Curse of Darkness can get like this, as it tries to sound Shakespearean.
  • Order of Ecclesia: The SHOOOAR war/deathcries of Brachyura and Gravedorcus. It sounds specifically like a person trying to sound like a monster and failing hilariously.
    • Those SHOOOAR remind him of Bowser...
      • This bit of hilarity is absent if you switch to the Japanese voices, where the thing at least actually sounds monstrous. Really makes you wonder why they bothered changing it.
    • Barlowe telling Shanoa, "Now die, and YIELD [DOMINUS] TO ME!" lost some of its drama with the CAPSLOCK shouting, and more when Dominus is bracketed.
    • DIE SHANOA!
    • Speaking of Barlowe, when he uses his electric attack, as he flies around he giggles, sounding like a little kid going down a slide.
    • Shanoa saying "I am the morning sun, come to vanquish this horrible night!" -- a callback to a poorly written line in Castlevania: Simon's Quest, while preparing to storm Dracula's castle.
  • Dracula is twice as big as his own coffin when Camilla wakes him up at the beginning of Circle of the Moon. That is all.
  • Brauner's death cry in Portrait of Ruin: "(SCREAMS)"
  • Shaft. There is an evil priest named Shaft. More specifically, a dark-skinned evil priest named Shaft. It is physically impossible to see or think of him without thinking of blaxploitation.
    • SHAFT! CAN YOU DIG IT?
  • This music is just... way, way, way too chipper and upbeat for a Castlevania game. It sounds like the sort of thing you might hear in a half-assed Halloween level from a Care Bears or My Little Pony game. No, really.
    • YMMV greatly on that one. While that music might sound silly, it weirdly fits fine the mood of the level it's used in. Besides, Dawn Of Sorrow is by far one of the less dark Castlevania games. This troper in particular loved it, and didn't think it was unappropriated at all.
      • More on that track, it's actually a redone tune from the arcade game Haunted Castle, Clock Tower's Beat.
    • I'd go with this track. It sounds like something that should be played at a rec center.
    • The first 10 seconds or so of Lament to the Master sound like something out of Super Mario Kart. Thus it can be difficult to take seriously.
  • Dracula's One-Winged Angel form in the original Castlevania, a.k.a. the Cookie Monster. Fortunately, updates to this form in Castlevania Chronicles and Rondo of Blood look a lot more menacing.
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