Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.

  • Grandma taking newly-introduced Cri-Key for a test doing her time period equivalent of jaywalking down a highway. Her appearance causes the traffic to end up in a road accident disaster, while she remains unscratched.

Grandma: Yup, this cricket's a lucky one!
Cricket: *faints*

  • The entire sequence of Mulan first visit to an actual Chinese army camp, with special mentions below.

Unnamed soldier (baring chest): Look! This tattoo will protect me from harm!
Yao: Hmmm...
(Unnamed soldier gets punched in the tattooed spot.)
Ling: AH-HA-HA-HA-HA! I hope you can get your money back!

    • And shortly after...

Mushu (to Mulan): Punch [Yao]. It's how men say hello.
(Mulan punches Yao, overdoing it, sending flying over to Chen Po. Yao is brought to a dizzying swoon.)
Chen Po (lifting Yao, smiling): Oh, Yao... You made a friend!
Mushu: Now, slap him on the behind. They like that!
(Mulan does as told.)
Yao: Whoa-ho-ho! I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy.
(Chen Po carries Yao again.)
Chen Po: Yao, relax and chant with me.
Yao (stiffening up in red-beet rage): Grrrr!
(Chen Po proceeds to swing him softly left and right like as if he were a teddy bear)
Chen Po: Nonuamitofudaaaa...
Yao: Yamoo-amee-tofu-dablublubluh.
Chen Po: Feel better...?
Yao: Nnnn. (to Mulan) Eh, you waste my time, chicken boy.
(Mulan walks off but Mushu is insulted.)
Mushu (carried away): Chicken boy?! Say that to my face, you limp noodle!
(A camp brawl ensues.)

    • And when Chien Po eventually bumps the queue in the aforementioned camp brawl, sending the soldiers collapsing a-la Bookshelf Dominoes.
  • When Grandma sees Captain Shang at the end of the movie.

Grandma: "Woo! Sign me up for the next war!"

  • Yao when his arrows missed Mulan and the Captain.

Yao (weeping): I let them slip through my fingers...
(Yao involuntarily opens his hands just in time for the arrow to return. Cue Yao flying and having most of the army jump on him.)

    • Then Chen Po casually picks up the whole army and hauls Mulan and Shang to safety.
  • Mushu and Cri-Kee deliver a message dressed as a General... mounted on a panda.
  • Also, the bath scene:

Mulan: I never want to see a naked man again. (is almost trampled by an entire army of nude guys)

    • This is accompanied by Mushu's line: "Don't look at me, I ain't biting no more butts."
    • The completely shocked look on Mulan's face makes it even funnier.
    • And Mushu about Mulan bathing and Yao and several other guys showing up: "Oh we're doomed! There's a couple of things I know they're just bound to notice!"
    • And Mushu's ensuing rant, partly for the head ancestor's reactions.
  • Mushu's "dishonor" rant.
    • The best part is how Mushu keeps calling Mulan's horse a "cow" and "heifer". Also, "DOWN, Bessie." after the horse snaps at him. And how he says his eyes can see straight through Mulan's armor and Mulan slaps him.
  • When the trio are first shown in drag with "I'll Make A Man Out of You" playing. Nothing says manly like Wholesome Crossdressing!
    • Not to mention the food boobs! As Ling and Chien Po take out watermelons and apples respectively, Yao takes out an apple and a banana. Cue Ling looking at him, baffled
    • During "I'll Make a Man Out of You", when they're shooting arrows at pomegranates, and Mushu sticks a fruit on Mulan's arrow. When Shang sees this, Mulan's face is PRICELESS.
    • During the initial play of the song, when the troops are supposed to catch fish with their bare hands and Mulan pulls Yao's foot instead making him be dragged into the river, but what really sells it is her gingerly pushing the foot underwater trying to pretend nothing happened.
      • And Right after that Mushu gives Mulan a fish that he caught with snorkeling gear.
  • Mushu's attempt to 'wake the stone dragon', ending with it falling to pieces.
  • "Get off the roof, get off the roof, get off the roof..."
  • "You missed! How could you miss, he was THREE FEET IN FRONT OF YOU!!!" (as Mushu goes sailing by on the rocket that he's currently complaining about being misdirected).
  • This exchange:

Mulan's Mother: I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.
Mulan's Granny: How lucky can they be? They're dead!

  • Mushu's "They popped out of the snow! Like daisies!"
  • The ancestors all arguing about Mulan when she runs off to join the army:

Ancestor 1: My children never caused such trouble. They all became acupuncturists!
Ancestor 2: Well, we can't all be acupuncturists!
Ancestor 3: No! Your great-granddaughter had to be a CROSS-DRESSER!

Chi Fu: I've a girl back home who's unlike any other.
Yao to Mulan, under his breath: Yeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother.

  • Mushu with the kite strapped to his back. He looks absolutely terrifying to the guards. Also doubles as a Moment of Awesome.

Mushu: (flies onto tower) Citizens, I need firepower.
Guard: (gasps and turns around) Who are you?
Mushu: (spreads out fake wings and says in a deeper voice) Your worst nightmare! (cue the guards jumping out of the tower to get away from him)

  • When Shang tells Mulan that "[she] fight[s] good." Even the Emperor is pretty much saying a more eloquent version of 'You're stupid.' Also, the fact that Mulan a few minutes previous kind of nailed Shang in the head while falling from the roof. Ouch.
  • Another incident:

Mulan: (to Shang) Would you like to stay for dinner?
Mulan's Grandma: (shouting across the yard) WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?

  • Mushu Shield Surfing on the mountain and searching for Mulan. The scene itself was pretty funny.

Mushu: Mulaaaaaaan! Mulan? *pulls a head out of the snow*
Mushu: *casually puts head back in* Nope.

  • Mulan preparing to enter the army camp.

Mulan: Excuse me. Where do I sign in? Ah, I see you have a sword. I have one too! They're very manly, and tough. *attempts to unsheathe the sword and proceeds to drop it*

  • Mushu: "And all cos Miss Man decided to take her little drag show on the road!"
  • The portrait of Chi Fu with the Emperor in his tent - Chi Fu is shaking the Emperor's hand with an absolutely gleeful smile, while the Emperor is being his usual stern, dignified self. Knowing Chi Fu, this is how he got his brown nosing.
  • The reprise of "A Girl Worth Fighting For" in the sequel, complete with a slower beginning and this line:

"I'd even kiss you!"
All singers: "For a girl worth fighting for!"

  • Mushu keeps calling Khan, Mulan's horse, a cow. When Mulan's secret is blown wide open, and Cri-Kee finally admits to Mushu that he's not lucky:

Mushu: What do you mean you're not lucky!? You lied to me? *turns to Khan* And what are you, a sheep?!

  • At the bathing scene:

Ling: SOME King of the Rock. *Yao punches him off* AGH!!!

  • Near the end:

Emperor: The flower that blooms in adversity, is the most rare and beautiful of all.
Shang: ...Sir?
Emperor: You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty! *puts on his hat*

Mushu: I've heard of black-eyed peas, but this is ridiculous!

  • Grandmother Fa in one scene says about the matchmaker: "Who spit in her bean curd?"
  • After Mulan is getting ready for visiting the matchmaker her father prays at the family temple.

Fa Zhao: "Please help Mulan impress the matchmaker today." (Cue the dog running in around him, chasing a bone tied to his head, chicken fed tied to his back and chickens fluttering into the temple... caused by Mulan.) "Please help her."

  • "Lemme here ya say aaaahhh!" "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" "That's close enough!"
  • Mushu: (about seeing Mulan's war face) "Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover."
    • Mushu throwing Cri-key out of Mulan's porridge. "Hey get out of there! You gonna make people sick!"
    • And Mulan with her mouth full of porridge, Mushu saying "then you gotta kick the other kid's butt" and Mulan saying with her mouth full "But I don't want to kick the other kid's butt."
      • Mushu telling her that she's late. When she rushes out:

Mushu: Wait, you forgot your sword! *sniffs* My little baby, off to destroy people...

  • The exasperated look on the Chief Ancestor's face as he says that Mushu can be a guardian again.
  • "Now, I'll just pull them to safe-" *rope runs out before Yao can grab it* "-ty..."
    • And then "I let them just slip through my fingers!" *arrow with rope attached to it lands in his hands*
      • Followed every man jumping to add their strength and pull Mulan and Shang on Khan back up, with Chien Po casually walking to them and picking them up effortlessly.
  • Shang gets a Shirtless Scene in one scene and fires a arrow at the top of a pole for his warriors in training to get. Yao's turn comes up and Yao states "I'll get that arrow, pretty boy, and I'll do it with my shirt on."
  • And then there's:

Matchmaker: Fa Mulan.
Mulan: (standing up) Present!
Matchmaker: (writing) Speaking without permission.
Mulan: (Face Palm) Oops.

    • The entire sequence when Mulan is meeting with the matchmaker really.
    • And when everyone outside can hear the chaos Mulan is causing with the matchmaker Grandmother Fa says obliviously to Mulan's mother: "I think it's going well. Don't you?"
  • Mushu's "Well, let's go kick some hunny-buns!"
  • When Mulan returns home with a man, her grandmother wishes to be signed up for the next war.