Myths Retold

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Blog by "The Great Ovid" in which he recounts myths and legends from various cultures in his own irreverent vernacular. Also features some multi-part video retellings.

The mythologies covered on the blog include Classical Mythology, Norse Mythology, The Bible, Arthurian Mythology, Fairy Tales, Celtic Mythology, Arabian Nights, Native American Mythology, Egyptian Mythology, Hindu Mythology, Japanese Mythology, The Cthulhu Mythos, the works of William Shakespeare, and more.

A dead-tree edition is in the works.

Found here.

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This blog contains examples of:

• All Lowercase Letters
• Boring Invincible Hero: Ovid sees Sir Galahad as this.
• Cargo Ship: Dwarves take their love of gold a touch too far.
• Cluster F-Bomb
• Edutainment: Sort of.
• Evil Laugh: In "WHOOPS":

and then he's like goodnight girls sleep well try not to die brutally during the night HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

• Exactly What It Says on the Tin: These are myths. They are being retold.
• Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: The multi-part video myths tend to go this way. For instance, part one of the Genesis series was called "Did somebody say GENESIS?", and subsequent entries continued to speculate on whether or not anybody had indeed said Genesis.
• Metaphorgotten: Used from time to time, such as in "Medea Kind of Sucks Also".

so medea has effectively killed 2 birds with one stone or 2 birds with one robe i guess one poisoned robe and instead of birds it is nobles but the metaphor holds

• No Punctuation Period: The earlier stories had very little punctuation; with time Ovid shed even what little there was, so that most of his myths are completely unpunctuated (emphasis and pacing is provided instead by line/paragraph breaks and frequent use of ALL CAPS).
• A Rare Sentence: In "Robin Hood is for Pussies":

so the next morning the thief shows up at the count's place and he's like yo you should check your closet full of doves there are religious personages in there and the count is like boy how did I get to a point in my life where that sentence makes sense

• Record Needle Scratch: Inserted into a myth in "It is hard for Set to not be a douchebag".
• Running Gag: Dwarves sure do love themselves some gold. Like, carnally.
  • Also, consulting the Oracle at Delphi is a terrible, stupid idea.
  • Ovid sniggering at anything that sounds a little dirty.

but the place where daphne finally gets tired is right on the banks of this river Peneus haha peneus

• Sophisticated As Hell: A key element of Ovid's writing style.

one of my favorite things about having this blog is I get to routinely use words like fucking and seminary IN THE SAME GODDAMN SENTENCE

• Space Whale Aesop: A natural result of trying to synthesize a moral out of most mythology.

so the moral of the story is if you are going to have a goddess for a mom try to have a less shitty one than aurora one that can save your life in battle instead of turning your smoking corpse into some angry birds

• Spoof Aesop: Each story ends with this kind of moral, generally a Space Whale Aesop (see above), or a Warped Aesop (see below).
• Suspiciously Specific Denial: In "ENOUGH with the cows":

and the gods go and bring it to fenrir and are like i bet you cant get out of this ribbon and fenrir is like come ON guys there is no fame to be gained from breaking a fucking little girl’s pretty bow and i dont think youd even be asking me to break this if you had not magicked up some ridiculous bullshit that means i will like lose my balls or my face will come off when you tie me up and the gods are like no no no why would we do that what do you think we are desperately afraid of you or something

• Warped Aesop: The other natural result of trying to synthesize morals out of mythology.

moral of the story if a charismatic religious figure offers you a pill eat it even if it has been clearly demonstrated numerous times to be deadly poison in fact especially in that case take two if you can take a dozen take all of them come on don't you want to be immortal

• Your Mom: Apparently The Iliad did the nasty with her. Your dad too.