Scrubs/Funny

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.


Funny moments in Scrubs include:

  • The musical episode.
    • During the musical episode, the line "Dead Guys!" in Welcome to Sacred Heart, complete with Doug waving a dead guy's hand, is This Troper's favourite.
    • [Singing] "Oh my god. I'M CRAZY!"
  • I have a soft spot for this scene in the episode where Dr. Kelso narrates and has to deal with an Iraq war vet:

Dr. Kelso: (thinking) The Iraq War... that's just the kind of political hot potato that could cause divisions amongst the employees. Quick, change the subject to something less controversial! (Out loud) So, I hear Pluto's not a planet any more, what's up with that?

  • Season 2 has some I can think of:
    • Three words: Wild, uncontrollable urination.
    • Two words: Chocolate King.
    • Really, most of J.D.'s Imagine Spots.
  • Doctor Cox, correcting Carla to the tune of Westminster Chimes: "WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!"
  • This exchange from season 4 really got me. Drs. Cox and Kelso are reminiscing about when doctors were respected and treated as heroes, leading to this:

Kelso: Every mother wanted me to marry her daughter because I was a doctor. And I used that to sleep with all the mothers, because that's what house call used to mean.
Cox: Those were the good old incredibly disturbing days Bob.

  • "Turk, we already played Giant Black Doctor. You remember what happened. People ran."
  • The Janitor confessing his crazy to his girlfriend Lady. It's especially awesome because Neil Flynn (Janitor's actor) improvised the whole thing.

Janitor: I think it's time that you knew the real me. Alright, here we go. I'm not like normal people. I don't have superpowers. But I'm working on it, for instance, watch me move this pen. (Eyes a pen on the counter and concentrates as Lady looks on confused and nothing happens) It worked at home, I dunno, maybe my table is slanted. Um, anyway, uh, in my spare time I also enjoy stuffing animals. Usually with other animals. For instance, a, uh, badger will hold five squirrels, a squirrel will hold most of a cat, a mouse will hold a shrew and a vole. You get the idea; Circle of Life. I have broken the sound barrier, but you must never ask me how. I don't believe in the moon. It's just the back of the sun.
Dr. Kelso: (watching) Ha! I love a good trainwreck!

  • Betrayal Five and the whole sequence that proceeds it.
  • "Fork! Me can't eat soup! NYAAAARGH!"
  • "Box of kittens, STAT!"
    • "Side effects of kittens include hairballs, tiny scratches, and erectile disfunction."
  • From the series finale: "Hooch is crazy!"
  • The episode "My Office" involves a patient with a light bulb stuck in his ass.

Dr. Kelso: So what do you think?
Dr. Cox: Well, Bob, either this kid's got a light bulb up his butt, or his colon has a great idea.

Turk: Dude! Relax! And enjoy hot chocolate love...*music starts up as Turk advances*
J.D.: Snap out of it! Abort! Abort! *Comes out of the 'Imgine Spot' flaling around* Stop it, I don't have Gay Jungle Fever!

  • This sequence from My Way or the Highway:

Turk: (to Elliot, seeing a patient's wife coming to ask for an explanation) Alright, first one to chug their slushie, is off the hook. C'mon, here we go! *chugs* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH BRAINFREEZE!!
Mrs. Piel: Why is my husband being discharged?
Elliot: Look, Mrs. Piel we really can't--
Turk: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH SO COOLLD!!!

Dr. Cox: Y'know what I hate most about Kelso? His hair smells like a pet store.
Janitor: Oh, that's my fault. I've been filling his shampoo bottle with dog sweat.
Dr. Cox: Dogs don't sweat.
Janitor: Then what the hell am I putting in there?

JD's inner monologue: He knows your lying face, but silence can be just as incriminating. Quick, what's the difference between silence and talking?
JD: Bllgl. Nnnnnnn...

  • This:

Mr. Taylor: Should I be worried about the old ticker?
JD: Oh, Mr. Taylor, let me worry about that. *thinking* OH MY GOD HE'S GONNA DIE!!!

  • Personal favorite because of Dr. Cox's reaction:

JD: Your ex wife! She's the answer.
Dr. Cox: Uh, things that ruined my life, things that took half my stuff, things with sharp edges!

  • "Drill-fork it's a drill and foooork! Mostly fork!"
  • I was starting to get worried that, while the 9th season looked promising, the new lead just wasn't nearly as funny as J.D, not to mention I dearly missed those wacky Imagine Spots. Then comes this exchange from 9x07:

Drew: How could this be any worse?

  • Cut to an Imagine Spot of Lucy, who's nearby. She's reading a newspaper and sobbing*

Lucy: *sniff* Scientists taught horses to talk, and it turns out because we've ridden them all these years, THEY DON'T LIKE HUMANS!

  • She shows Drew the headline, which read: "Horses Hate People...But Still Love Carrots"*

Lucy: (After the Imagine Spot was over) Ohhh, I don't want to think about it.

  • Multi-Ethnic Siamese Doctor.
  • The out of body experience daydream JD has after Dani wants to move in with him. JD snaps out of saying "I wanted to put them on my fingers and pretend I had witch nails." Cut to Turk, witch laughing with those junk food things on his fingers. Somebody please fill in the name of them.
    • Those would be Bugles.
  • "DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET CARLA?! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE WARRIOR?!?!"
  • This video. Just this video. Especially at 2:03. You WILL wet your pants.
  • This clip featuring Jordan competing with Julie Keaton (played by Heather Locklear) over Dr. Cox. It wouldn't have been quite as funny without "Mother, We Just Can't Get Enough" by New Radicals, or the classic Record Needle Scratch at the end.
  • This troper laughs at this scene every time, it's just JD's expression at the end.
  • After the Janitor points out that "CALL-TURK" is eight numbers, and thus not good applicable to be a phone number:

Janitor: By the way, your number isn't "CALL TURK", it's "CALL TUR". It'd be easier if your name was "Cal Turk".
Turk: There's nobody named "Cal Turk".
[Turk has an Imagine Spot where he's in white-face in an office]
White!Turk: Cal Turk here! We don't sell insurance, we sell peace of mind. But only to white people. [winks to his clients] Would you like some milk?

  • After another of JD's patients dies:

JD: So he's dead?
Dr. Kelso: I hope so, otherwise that autopsy's gonna be a bitch.

  • Ted's reaction to seeing Dr. Kelso in the Chief Of Medicine chair after he retires and is replaced by Dr. Cox: He screams "OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN" and leaps back into a plant. Kelso just smiles and says "Still got it."
  • The episode where Dr. Cox and Jordan find out they are technically still married. Especially these lines:

Jordan: (smiling sweetly as she leaves) Hurry home so you can ignore your son and not do your share!
Dr. Cox: (smiles and waves) You make me wanna kill myself and everyone around me!

    • And then towards the end of the episode:

Ted: By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you ex-husband and wife. You may now do whatever the hell you want!
Jordan: I've never been so happy. (She kisses Dr. Cox)
Carla: (holding their son Jack) You have no chance of being normal.
JD: Not at all.

  • "OH YEAH! SUCK IT BITCH. I WILL MURDER YOU." Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome, when you look at who's talking.
  • Turk thinking that Carla can read his mind.

Turk's Narration: Oh my god she's in my head! It's alright... use it to your advantage. Make me a grilled cheese sandwich, woman.
Carla: Make it yourself.

Dr. Kelso: (talking to a patient's relatives) We did everything we could do for your mom, but sometimes life just... (hears boobie horn) Gotta go, boobie horn.

  • The episode "My Fruit Cups" is chock full of hilarious moments:
    • Jordan's very pregnant arrival to Dr. Cox's apartment inspired this comment to Julie, his current girlfriend:

Jordan: Oh...he called you his 'girlfriend'. I think it's time to gather up your tiny panties because...you're done here.

    • "Oh, Perry's gonna get some loooovin'! Oh, Perry's gonna get some loooovin!"
    • JD's crying daydream after Dr. Cox congratulates him on good work. "I'm just so HAPPY!"
    • How JD gets Turk out of his moonlighting job:

JD: Maybe it's because I told them you smoke the gonja!
Turk: WHAT?! That's not even true! You're a jackass! (he starts walking away)
JD: Where you going? Munchies?

    • Elliot's reaction to the Gynecology girls' offer:

Elliot: We must have looked at a dozen girl's bajingos today. Bajingo, bajingo, bajingo...I can't even look at my own bajingo.
Carla: Is that because it looks so much like a vagina?
Elliot: (spittakes) Carla, there's people!

  • JD trying to exonerate himself from the recent thefts in the hospital:

Janitor: Yeah, we got him. And he's gonna pay.
JD: They're actually arresting a guy for stealing pudding and toilet paper?
Janitor: Nah, they found 20 bottles of Vicodin in his backpack. (Beat) Did you steal pudding and toilet paper?
JD: (flustered) No, I hate pudding and I don't use (realising where he's accidentally steered this sentence) ...toilet paper.
Janitor: (taken aback look)
JD: I, er, have one of those French things that shoots water up your butt...
Janitor: A bidet?
JD: A bi-day to you, sir. (leaves)

  • Dr. Molly Clock (played by Heather Graham, no less) in general, but this troper especially loves her little food song: "Oh, chicken salad! You are so tasty! You're food! To be eaten, it's good!"
    • Dr. Cox's reaction to her is hysterical:

Dr. Cox: Lady, people aren't chocolates. You know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling, but I don't find them half as annoying as I do bubble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine.
Molly: (rubs Dr. Cox's stomach) I'm touching your creamy center! (walks away)
Dr. Cox: Oh...I am...so very angry that I am going to find someone to kill just to prove her wrong.
JD: (behind him, slowly backs away with a petrified look on his face)

    • After Molly and Elliot have a fight over an ethics committee decision:

Molly: Okay, don't push me because one of the reasons I became a doctor was because I can zero in on a person's greatest insecurity.
Elliot: Ooh, scary, Molly! Whatcha gonna do--
Molly: Eyebrows. (walks away)
JD: (watching) Eyebrows? Like that's gonna make you--
Elliot: (sobbing, mascara running)
JD: Elliot, c'mon, you can't be that insecure!
Elliot: Giant Adam's apple!
JD: (lip quiver, voice cracks) I have to go. (flees)

Carla: Like, what if we have a daughter and she wants to get her ears pierced?
Turk: Irrelevant. We're not having a daughter.
Carla: Okay, what if we have a son and he wants to take dance classes while all his friends are playing football?
Turk: He can dance if he wants to. He can leave his friends behind... BECAUSE HIS FRIENDS DON'T DANCE AND IF THEY DON'T DANCE THEN THEY'RE NO FRIENDS OF MINE! S-S-S-S-A-A-A-A-F-F-F-F-E-E-E-E...

  • Another great Turk moment:

Kelso: (walks by to see Turk sitting on the counter, clutching Carla's purse) What the HELL are you doing?
Turk: I GET TO HAVE SEX!
Kelso: I hate this place. (leaves)
Turk: (to random passerby) I get to have seeeex toniiiiiiiiiight!

  • This whole scene had my university house in tears, and we still quote it to this day

Turk: No! Leave it on the floor! You leave it on the floor!

  • The whole opening sequence of Ep 100, "My Way Home":
    • After seeing all the girly things in Elliott's bathroom, we pan over to see JD with a pink towel wrapped around his head: "It--was--AWESOME."
    • JD riding through puddles after a rain - the part when he disappears and then pops up in the next puddle always has this troper in hysterics. Not to mention the stoner riffing with the Janitor immediately after:

JD: You're not aware of any sort of odd underground canal system beneath the hospital, are you? I think I saw a manatee.
Janitor: Was his name Julian?
JD: We didn't exchange pleasantries.
Janitor: That's Julian.

    • Another part from that episode:

Elliott: Did you eat my mango body butter?
JD: No! *Thinks* I shmeared it on a bagel.

  • His Story was made of these, but This Troper's favorite moment was this gem:

Dr. Gross: And Perry, if there is someone in your life in that hellhole of a hospital that you actually listen to, you should do everything in you power to keep them around, because that person is nothing short of a genius.

    • Cut to J.D. singing "Kung-Fu Fighting" in the elevator.
  • The Todd: most of the things he says - these are a couple highlights
    • Elliot: "I wonder what it's like to have an erection for six straight hours..." The Todd: "Ask me in 20 minutes."
    • "Sometimes when I am humping THIS mattress, I'm thinking about humping THAT mattress"
    • Janitor (when they are not sure if Todd is gay or not): "What the hell are you?" Todd: "I'm The Todd"
    • For this troper, it is his many and creative Double Entendres.
      • "I'd like to double her entendre."
      • "In-your-end-o!"
      • "I'd like to play some Madden Football on her Xbox!" (beat) "Who, Todd? There are no women here." "...It's still funny."
    • His best moment in medicine; The Miracle Five. Lampshaded by the incredulous doctors Cox and Kelso.

Dr. Kelso: You take this one Perry.
Dr. Cox: Great moment there, dumbass. Starts out with a profound misunderstanding with how the human body works and winds up with you shattering a few bones in some old man's hand.
The Todd: Oh yeah.

  • "Hey, what Has Two Thumbs And doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso, how you doing?"
    • "What has two thumbs, a funny voice, and still doesn't give a crap? (in a high-pitched voice) Bob Kelso! I added the funny voice to keep it fresh."
  • JD finding Cox bound and gagged with duct tape in a morgue drawer.

J.D.: I can only assume you're saying "Let me out or I'm gonna kill ya"...not gonna happen. Listen, I'm in a rare position of power here, okay? So I'm only gonna let you out if you admit that you're my mentor. *Cox growls behind the duct tape gag* I know! I know that makes you angry, but-- *Cox breaks the duct tape binding his hands and reaches up to throttle JD* Uh-oh! Okay! Okay! You know, I'm fine the other way! However you wanna do--

J.D & Turk: ELLIOT!
Elliot: (stops making out with him) He said my eyes look like the Irish countryside after a soft rain. (she runs off)
J.D. What was that?!
Turk: That's just Elliot. She's desperate.
J.D.: Dude. (points to behind him where Carla is about to kiss Billy)
Turk: BABY!
Carla: (jumps) What? I wasn't gonna do anything. He said my hair is curly.
Billy: Your hair is curly. (Carla goes to kiss him)
J.D & Turk: BABY!
Carla: (leaves)

    • In that same episode, Billy and the guy he knocked out play a prank on Turk and JD. Billy pretends to have knocked the guy out again and when JD goes over to check on him, he pops upright, scaring JD so badly that he screams and falls over. The following happens when JD gets back up:

JD: Oh, you think that's funny, do you? Well, good, because YOU'RE DYING!
Guy: (panicked look)
Turk: (points at JD disapprovingly) John Dorian, you are a doctor!
JD: Well, he started it!

    • "Top o' the mizzle to ya, me lizzles!"
    • After calling the police on Billy, wondering if it'll have any consequences, J.D. and Turk turn to see every woman in the hospital (and Todd) glaring at them.

Laverne: You have one day to find us another gorgeous Irishman.
Todd: One. Day.

  • Doctor Cox's entire rant to Lester Hendrick from "My Five Stages":

Cox: You couldn't push my buttons if you tried. In fact, I have no buttons. Think of me as buttonless, all smooth, like G.I. Joe's nether regions. By the by, this image is brought to you by my son Jack who has been yanking the pants off of his toy soldiers and leaving them in provocative positions on my nightstand. It is just disturbing enough, so that leaving the house, I'm cranky, and less able to suffer fools, which brings me back to you, the fool. I'm done suffering you. So go now, go, go before you can write a book entitled Help! A Large Doctor is Beating My Ass, Colon, the Lester Hendrick Story.

  • From "My Fallen Idol":

Keith: [In Doctor Cox's home; Walking out of the bathroom] ...Did Elliot leave without telling me?
Jordan: [Walking out of the bathroom behind Keith] Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday.
Keith: [Zips his jacket up to his neck] She made me watch!

  • "RING O' FIIIIREEEEEE!!" (Motorcyle lights on fire) "SASHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
  • "My Friend With Money": Jordan's Jurassic Park entrance, culminating in

Jordan:"WHAT?!"
Cox:"You look pretty dear."
Turk:"So pretty."

  • From that same episode:

Jordan:"If you talk again, I'm going to eat you!"

  • Prostate Cancer patient played by Barry Bostwick in "My Dirty Secret"

Mr. Randolph: [upon seeing Turk] What is he doing here? You know I don't like these people.
(Turk and JD look shocked)
Mr. Randolph: Surgeons, not African Americans.
Turk: Actually, sir, we're going with "black" now.
Mr. Randolph: (calling to his wife, who is in the hallway) I WAS RIGHT, CATHERINE!

  • Elliot has magic breasts.
  • One of JD's longest Imagine Spots, prompted after Carla accuses Turk of being forgetful and wondering what he's going to be like as a father. The Imagine Spot starts with Turk on his way back from picking up a pumpkin, and realising that he has forgotten the baby and instead brought home a pumpkin. Then Carla finds the pumpkin cute, and agrees to raise it instead. Then we see a sequence of scenes showing the pumpkin "growing up", such as his first bath and playing at a little league game. Finally we see the pumpkin's graduation, when Turk and Carla accidentally drop the pumpkin and it smashes. They start to mourn it, but are interrupted when suddenly they see their real son. They exclaim happiness and begin to run towards each other, when suddenly the son is hit by a bus.

Turk: Dude, are you OK? You were gone for a really long time then.
JD: YOU'RE GOING TO BE A TERRIBLE FATHER! (Leaves)

    • Not to mention the alternate adlib of JD yelling "YOU KILLED PUMPKIN BOY!"
  • Turk and JD's "Operation Brown Cub" for when Carla goes into labour in "My Best Friend's Baby's Baby and My Baby's Baby": "I want the whole world to know my baby's having a baby!"
  • JD in "My Identity Crisis" imagining Dr. Cox attempting to recreate the Risky Business dance scene, only to be interrupted by JD, Turk, and The (uninvited) Todd.
    • Todd, in speedo: "Why is everybody wearing such giant underwear?"
  • Ted updating the staff on what his band is up to at the most inappropriate times:

Ted: My band has decided we're only doing songs from classic movies now.
JD: (briefly stopping his work on a patient whose stitches from heart surgery have completely come out and raising his blood-soaked hands) Ted! I'm a little busy, okay? Toodles!

JD: (From inside a bodybag) Could you press "Lobby", please?
Doug: (Screams and hits JD over the head with a fire extinguisher)
JD: Ow! Ow! Ow! (Emerging from the body bag) Doug! Why are you hitting me?
Doug: Because I thought you were a dead guy coming back to life!
(Beat)
JD: Then why were you hitting me?!
Doug: (in terrified voice) Dead people should be dead!

  • In "My Mirror Image", when JD finds out Kim is pregnant, he frantically tries to call Turk but is unable to get through because all the hospital staff are busy dancing to Turk's ringtone. Made even funnier by the fact that it's the sort of thing that could easily be one of JD's daydreams... only it isn't.
  • Another wonderful Turk moment when he finds out he's been chosen to go to a doctor's conference over his obnoxious co-worker Bonnie and the following moment happens:

Bonnie: SHOVE IT, TURK!
Turk: Oh, I'm gonna shove it... and love it, and dance around above it, HEY! (Cue a five minutes dance number right in front of her with the chorus, "Shove it, and love it, and dance around above it!")

JD: And then we'd have my real funeral.
Dr. Kelso: Are you an idiot?
JD: No, sir, I'm a dreamer.

  • JD sassing Laverne at the beginning of "My Jiggly Ball". The finger snap he does at the end is just hilarious.
    • Later, after JD's had tennis balls thrown at him by most of the hospital staff, there's a shot of him holding up his hand and wriggling his fingers:

JD: (sotto voce) I think there may be something wrong with my spine, because I'm not doing that.

  • In one episode, a patient in one of the luxury hospital rooms leave and Dr. Cox is told to inform Dr. Kelso. He and the Janitor decide to let him think the patient is still there so that they can use the room. Later they fall out and the Janitor seals the room off, and can be seen dancing around in there to "The Girl From Ipanema".
  • JD's reaction to Elliot dismissing their almost-kiss in "My Princess".
  • The first mention of the Worthless Peons:

Ted: [screaming into phone receiver] Fine! You want to quit, quit! But you are a worthless peon, and you will always be a worthless peon! [hangs up and turns to Kelso] Sir, you know my band, the Worthless Peons?

  • From the episode My Fifteen Minutes

JD as Robin Holy Inferiority Complex, Batman! How low is my self esteem that I'm the sidekick in own fantasy?
Turk as Batman It could be worse, Robin. You could be Alfred the butler.
JD as Alfred Damn you...Sir.

  • Doug, who eventually worked the morgue, and his cavalier attitude towards death:

You know, whenever I lose something in the morgue, I just retrace my steps. Like, right now, I'm looking for something... and I know I came to the vending machine, and then I dropped a quarter, which rolled over here... and yep! There you are! [Picks up body bag] As soon as you take your eyes of 'em, you lose 'em. They're like children- [slaps head of dead body]- big, dead children!

  • In one episode, Dr. Kelso asks for a muffin and once he gets the muffin, he tosses it in the trash can. He then says, "Because I can." This troper died laughing.
  • Also, when JD chases off all of the old gay guys that hang out on his half-acre and then tells Turk he turned the hose on them "but they liked it".
  • Elliot and Carla try to "fix" the Todd, i.e. have a serious talk with him to get him out of the closet so he'll stop hitting on Anything That Moves. They think it works until Todd just repeats the same behavior as before, but with men.

Todd: Hey, Mickhead!
Dr. Mickhead turns to look at him
Todd: Is that package for me? YOU KNOW IT IS!
Mickhead: (hurries away with a confused, frightened expression)

  • Kelso proves to J.D. that Cox disagrees with everything he says just because he said it:

Kelso: Perry, it's hotter than hell in here!
Cox: Freezing.
Kelso: Great coffee, though!
Cox: Rat piss.
Kelso: Dr. Murphy is an incompetent suck-up!
Cox: No, Bob, in fact, he is one of the finest young doctors I've ever had the good fortune of working with.
Kelso: (turns to JD) Your witness.
JD: (sees Doug pick up a phone) Doug, what are you doing?
Doug: (ecstatic) I'm calling my Dad!

  • In Season 1, JD becomes jealous when Turk won't take time out to hang with him so he gets a little snippy with Carla and this happens:

Carla: Bambi...are you giving me attitude?
JD: So what if I am?
Carla: No, honey, you have to be a stereotype from a bad movie to pull that off. (to Laverne) Am I right?
Laverne: (in an exaggerated voice) Child, please! You speak the truth!
Carla: See, first you do the finger--(she puts a hand on her hip and points at JD)--then you talk through the nose.

(JD backs away, confused and slightly afraid)

Carla: (imitating Rosie Perez) Hey! Where you goin'?!

  • Dr. Cox learns the hard way that you shouldn't mock someone(Elliot) and then ask how to say something to a patient in German.

Dr. Cox: Ihre Frau hat schöne Dosen.(Your wife has nice cans.)
(Woman looks offended, man looks pissed)
Dr. Cox: schöne Dosen.(Nice cans.)
(Gets tossed out of the room, and glares at Elliot)
Dr. Cox: (Angrily) schöne Dosen.

  • Any time you get Dr. Cox and his brother-in-law Ben together, but the one that makes me laugh hardest is the "Gay chicken" Almost Kiss.

Ben: Yes! I am the king of gay chicken!

  • This exchange between Kelso and J.D.

Kelso: How old do you think I am, Dorian?
J.D.'s Narration: OK, there's no way to answer that and not get in trouble. Change the subject.
J.D.: Sir, I would be honored if you and Enid would join me at my place on Sunday for some homemade jambalaya.
Kelso: Well, it would be good for Enid to get out of the house.
J.D.'s Narration: Oh my god, he's actually thinking about it! Change the subject back!
J.D.: You're seventy-eight, sir.
Kelso: You think I'm that old?
J.D.: Jambalaya...

  • In a similar vein, the episode where JD finds himself trying to change the subject under pressure and just constantly blurting out "BANANAHAMMOCK!"
  • When J.D. and the Janitor try to help Ted to date Gooch:

Janitor: Look, Ted, you're obviously upset about the ukulele girl. So, we've called a truce to help you out.
Ted: I'm not upset.
J.D. Ted, we found you in the park throwing rocks at old couples.
Ted: WHY SHOULD THEY BE HAPPY?!

  • From "My Malpractice Decision":

After being spanked very harshly by Carla
J.D.: (Thinking) After spreading half a tube of what I thought was burn ointment on my butt, it was off to work.
Elliot: *sniff* What smells like Vagisil?
J.D.: Nothing!

  • From "My Own Personal Hell":

Cox: ...and Ganderoo, I need you to talk to a young pregnant black girl who will not let me call her mom.
Turk: Why would she listen to me?
Cox: I may have told her that you were Kanye West.
Turk: I'm actually alright with that.

  • The Imagine Spots in My ABC's featuring the cast of SesameStreet. These include Oscar the Grouch being named new Chief of Medicine ("I'm watching you John Dorian. Remember, my eyes never close!), and the Todd giving a "Grover five", but the funniest has to be when J.D. is imagining his new intern being charmed by Elmo. He then says that's enough and Elmo turns and says "what, is she your woman?".
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