Chuck Norris Facts
"They wanted to put Chuck Norris's face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard."
—Chuck Norris's admitted favorite; another favorite was, "When the boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."
The first well-known Memetic Badass site, which makes up tall tales about the actor Chuck Norris, especially based on clips from the series Walker, Texas Ranger. The site is a spin-off of the Vin Diesel Facts site, which focused as much on bizarre and improbable facts about its target actor as badassery. Both trace their lineage to the "Bill Brasky" sketches on Saturday Night Live in which four men would take turns relating facts and anectodes about their cartoonishly larger-than-life friend Bill Brasky.
The site has been noted elsewhere, such as on The Daily Show and That Guy With The Glasses. It's influenced the long-running "Most Interesting Man in the World" ad campaign for Dos Equis beer. Chuck Norris himself has taken the site with good humor and seems to enjoy the extra media attention.
- Awesomeness Is Volatile
- Battle Royale With Cheese: Subverted. One time Chuck Norris invited all of TV's badasses to an all-out brawl-for-all to determine who was the supreme badass. Unfortunately, only two of them dared showed up: MacGyver and Jack Bauer. And when they saw who the competition was, they scampered.
- Beyond the Impossible: One example of this is that he expected The Spanish Inquisition, which says something about his abilities. For other examples see the other tropes. The nutshell is, "It's only impossible until Chuck Norris tries."
- Cure for Cancer: Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
- Deal with the Devil: Chuck Norris once made a deal with the devil to receive some of his best attributes in exchange for his soul. He then roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil admitted that he should have seen it coming, accepted his defeat gracefully, and now plays poker with Chuck once a week.
- Divide by Zero: Chuck Norris doesn't divide by Zero, Zero divides by Chuck Norris. He has also counted to infinity twice and holds all records in the Guinness Book (with those mentioned in the articles being the runners up) - meaning, amongst other things, that he is simultaneously the world's tallest and shortest man.
- He's also found the square root of the color yellow.
- He also knows the last numeral of pi.
- Apparently, he doesnt move a muscle to go places. The universe moves for him.
- Hollywood Evolution: There is no evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live - which he himself used to explain his creationist views.
- Morton's Fork: If you can see Chuck Norris, then he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, then you may be only seconds away from death.
- Once Killed a Man with A Noodle Implement: "There are 1,214 objects in an average room that Chuck Norris can kill you with, including the room itself."
- One-Man Army
- Painting the Medium: One Chuck Norris fact is written in upside down letters, saying that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked this fact.
- Portmanteau: Someone once made a videotape of Chuck Norris getting pissed off. The title? Walker: Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
- Pre-Ass-Kicking One-Liner: Ask Chuck Norris what time it is and he'll always say, "Two seconds till." When you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Product Placement: Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lay's Potato Chip!
- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
- Chuck Norris CAN see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
- The new campaign for Era detergent uses Chuck Norris Facts, labeling the detergent as "Chuck Norris approved." No, Really: Mimes, movies, Steak Sauce, TEA.
- The memetic Chuck Norris appears in a World of Warcraft commercial as a Hunter (except he doesn't hunt for that implies the possibility of failure). He spends the entire commercial hanging out with a tiger and roundhouse-kicking everything in sight. It is glorious.
- The only reason there are 10 million Warcraft players is because he allows them to live.
- Chuck Norris CAN hear you now.
- Pure Awesomeness: How Norris pulls off a few things.
- More like how he pulls off everything.
- Rated "M" for Manly
- Reality Warper: Chucktanium, a substance found in Chuck's legs, allows him to warp reality whenever he kicks someone.
- Refuge in Audacity
- Refuge in Cool: Basically every joke is either Rule of Cool or Rule of Funny
- Roundhouse Kick: Many jokes make it one of Norris's most almighty moves.
- Spin Attack: The power of his roundhouse kick, which is powerful enough to break the time-space barrier, knock out Amelia Earhart, and crash her plane.
- Probably because the amount of energy released in one of his kicks is equivalent to the amount released in the Big Bang.
- Swiss Army Tears: Can cure cancer, if he would ever cry.
- Take That: Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King--and actually got it! And they got it right!!
- Chuck Norris walked up to a Burger King at midnight and placed an order. When they told him (at the time) that they closed at ten, he roundhouse-kicked it so hard, it became a Wendy's.
- Testosterone Poisoning: Many of the jokes are about how impossibly manly he is, like never crying, ever.
- There Are Two Kinds of People in the World: People who suck, and Chuck Norris.
- Women who want to have sex with Chuck Norris, and Women who want to have sex with Chuck Norris again.
- Top Ten List: Supposedly chosen by Chuck himself (at least a few were).
- Read by the man himself here.