Console RPG Cliches 97 to 120

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  1. Three Females Rule: There will always be either one or three female characters in the hero's party, no matter how many male characters there are.
  2. Experience Not Required: When the main character is forced to do some complex or dangerous task for the first time, even though he has never done it before he will still always be better than the oldest veteran.
  3. Law of Reverse Evolution (Zeboim Principle): Any ancient civilizations are inexplicably much more advanced than the current one.
  4. Science-Magic Equivalence (Citan Rule): Although mages' specialty is magic and scientists' specialty is technology, these skills are completely interchangeable. (related to Magitek, Magic From Technology)
  5. Law of Productive Gullibility (Ruby Rule): Whenever anybody comes up to you with a patently ludicrous claim (such as, "I'm not a cat, I'm really an ancient Red Dragon") there's an at least two-thirds chance they're telling the truth. Therefore, it pays to humor everyone you meet; odds are you'll be glad you did later on.
  6. Perversity Principle: If you're unsure about what to do next, ask all the townspeople nearby. They will either all strongly urge you to do something, in which case you must immediately go out and do that thing, or else they will all strongly warn you against doing something, in which case you must immediately go out and do that thing.
  7. Near-Death Epiphany (Fei Rule): If the party is not dealing damage to a boss character, then there's a better-than-even chance that someone in the party will suddenly become enlightened and instantly acquire the offensive skill that can blow the creature away in a matter of seconds.
  8. Wutai Rule: Most RPGs, no matter what their mythology, include a land based on Ancient Japan. Full of pagodas, shrines, shoguns, kitsune, and sushi, this completely anachronistic place is the source of the entire world's supply of Ninja and Samurai characters.
  9. Law of Mooks: Soldiers and guards working for the Evil Empire are, as a rule, sloppy, cowardly and incompetent. Members of the heroic Resistance Faction are, as a rule, dreadfully weak and undertrained and will be wiped out to the last man the moment they come in contact with the enemy. (see also Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy, The Guards Must Be Crazy)
  10. Law of Traps: No matter how obvious the trap, you can't complete the game unless you fall into it.
  11. Arbor Day Rule: At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says.
  12. You Do Not Talk About Fight Club: Any fighting tournament or contest of skill you hear about, you will eventually be forced to enter and win, usually because the prize is that extremely rare item you need in order to continue.
  13. Invisible Bureaucracy Rule: Other than the royal family, its shifty advisor, and the odd Mad Scientist, the only government employees you will ever encounter in the course of your adventure are either guards or kitchen staff.
  14. The Miracle of Automation: Similarly, any factory, power plant, or other facility that you visit during the course of the game will be devoid of any human life except for the occasional guards. There will not be a single line worker or maintenance person in sight.
  15. Principle of Archaeological Convenience: Every ancient machine you find will work perfectly the first time you try to use it and every time thereafter. Even if its city got blasted into ruins and the machine was then sunk to the bottom of the sea and buried in mud for ten thousand years, it'll still work fine. The unfortunate corollary to this rule is that ancient guardian creatures will also turn out to be working perfectly when you try to filch their stuff.
  16. They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used To (Cid Rule): Modern-day machinery, by contrast, will always break down at the worst possible moment (for example, when you only need one more shot from the giant cannon to defeat the final boss.)
  17. Place Transvestite Joke Here (Miss Cloud Rule): If the male lead is required to dress up like a girl for any reason, he will be regarded by everyone as much more attractive than any "real" girl. If the female lead cross-dresses as a man, she will be immediately recognized as who she is by everyone except the male lead and the main villain.
  18. Make Room! Make Room! There are always more people in a town or village than there are houses for them to live in. Most of the village is made up of shops, temples, bars, secret passages, inns, and the mansion that belongs to the richest man in town.
  19. Law of Scientific Gratification: If the hero needs a new invention to progress, he will find out that somewhere in the world someone has spent his or her entire life perfecting this invention, and usually just needs one more key item located in a monster-infested dungeon before it is completed.
  20. You Always Travel In The Right Circles: Whenever you meet a villager or other such incidental character who promises to give you some great piece of needed knowledge or a required object in exchange for a seemingly simple item, such as a bar of soap or a nice straw mat, be prepared to spend at least an hour chasing around the world exchanging useless innocuous item after item with bizarre strangers until you can get that elusive first item you were asked for.
  21. Talk Is Cheap Rule: Nothing is ever solved by diplomacy or politics in the world of RPGs. Any declarations of peace, summits and treaty negotiations are traps to fool the ever so gullible Good Guys into thinking the war is over, or to brainwash the remaining leaders of the world.
  22. Stop Your Life (Setzer Rule): No matter what kind of exciting, dynamic life a character was leading before joining your party, once there they will be perfectly content to sit and wait on the airship until you choose to use them.
  23. Don't Stand Out: Any townsperson who is dressed oddly or otherwise doesn't fit in with the rest of the townsfolk will either join your party after you complete some task, be in the employ of your enemy, or befriend any female member of the party, and then be immediately captured and held hostage by the villains.
  24. Little Nemo Law: If any sleeping character has a dream, that dream will be either a 100% accurate memory of the past, a 100% accurate psychic sending from the present, a 100% accurate prophetic vision of the future, or a combination of two or all three of these.

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